Love Thyself

It was a combination of things that led to this post. Nicole recently had a post called Tell Me Something Beautiful About You that was focused on our physical appearance. We all think our friends our beautiful, but when we look in the mirror, many of us are critical to our own selves in a way that would be considered downright cruel if we voiced it about someone else, so the focus is on self-love in what I see as a radical way through self-acceptance and appreciation.

I teach a Careers class - a one-credit class that is mostly taken by people who need one credit to graduate, but also has some underclasspeople in it. I focus on personality exploration (Stephany would appreciate that part), career exploration based on personality and interest, resume and cover letter writing, networking, and interviewing. Most students like it, although I had a guy last semester who complained nonstop throughout the semester and said it was busywork. *shrug*  This semester I did something new and had them sign up for mock interviews with me via our Zoom equivalent. Historically I haven't done this because the interview module aligns with advising season, but this semester I just said, oh well, and have had wall to wall student meetings in April.

In this mock interview, I ask them a couple of softball questions, but then I throw in some tough ones to see what they do and how they react when they don't have an answered prepared. One of the questions is "what is your greatest professional achievement?" and the other is "what makes you unique?" and I realized in my last interview that I had no idea how I would answer those questions if presented to me. 

In the spirit of self-exploration, love, and radical self-acceptance, here are my answers to some hard questions. I'll give three answers for each of them.

This has nothing to do with this post, but I took this photo when Dr. BB and I were at the Natural History Museum. I suspect that adorable creature has no self-esteem issues.

What is beautiful about you?

1) The answer I gave on Nicole's post is: I love my ginormous nose. It comes from both sides of the family and it ties to me to all my beloved aunts, uncles, and cousins. In profile, I look just like my Uncle Kevin who is a great man among great men and it makes me giggle when I see a profile shot of myself and think “I am a miniature of a 60something man.”

2) My boobs. They're large and sometimes get in the way when I'm doing yoga, but they're shapely and my husband digs them.

3) My butt. It turns out that I basically do all my lower body through my glutes and that means I have tight ass. I like it. 

What are the best decisions you've made in your life?

1) Marrying Dr. BB. Honestly, I can't imagine another man who would be as perfect for me as he is.

2) Leaving my hometown. I was at an introductory doctor's appointment a year or so back and my doctor was going over my family health history. She started talking to me and she asked, "so how come you don't smoke or do drugs, exercise, eat healthy, and don't have these conditions?" "I left." 

3) Keeping my friendships even through the hard times. I have good friends from high school and college who I am still in regular contact and I never regret the time I've invested in those friendships. 

What is your greatest professional achievement?

1) Leaving my volunteer position with a transition plan in place and without burning any bridges. I learned a lot of skills at that job and did a lot of things I would never have done otherwise, but I'm glad that part of my life is behind me.

2) I have recently started seeing results to some of my outreach at work. Last week I had two (TWO!) students call me because I had reached out to them in the past and ask for help right now. I know that seems trivial, but it's not. It shows that our model of forming relationships and reaching out to students who seem to be struggling is working and that I'm earning students' trust. Likewise, I had a faculty member call me yesterday and she didn't even say her name, she just started the phone call with "help" and I was able to get her what she needed within five minutes. It's working.

3) Friends, this is silly, but I was valedictorian of my high school class and a National Merit Finalist. I have feelings about some of this, but I also worked really hard for both of those things. 

What makes you unique?

1) My obsession with hats.

2) My commitment to snail mail.

3) My knowledge of the complete oeuvres of Garth Brooks, Skid Row, and Bon Jovi. 

What do you like about yourself?

1) If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. 

2) I always dance as if no one is watching.

3) I try to think of others first. 

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What do you like about yourself? Do you find these questions hard to answer?

9.14 Control - Seven Existential Questions

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the fourteenth day of the month is "Control."

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Before we get to the meat of this post, this is a reminder to my fellow ATGIB book club members! If you have not already sent me an email with a photo of your book, please do so! The deadline is Sunday 7/16 at 4:00pm (CST CDT - I stand corrected) to see your photo in the collage. If you send me a photo of this deadline, I can add it to later weeks. dominique100 at hotmail dot com

(Note: I just spent three minutes of my life trying to figure out if it was CDT or CST to tell you the deadline and I'm still not sure I got it right. I mean Central (US) time zone, but you figured that out, right? Even if I got it wrong?)

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A Grace Full Life recently wrote a post in which she answered seven existential questions (that are based on something, something, something - there are details, but I couldn't be bothered to understand the flow chart after Minnie Driver and Proust came up in the same sentence).  I also couldn't be bothered to come up with an original post idea today, so here we are. 4

Ally Bean answered these questions, too!

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1. When and where were you happiest?

My junior year of college. I had my shit together, graduation still seemed far off, I had friends, and I still had the self-confidence of someone who had not yet been to graduate school.

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What quality do you like the least about yourself?

My internal monologue is exhausting. I'm mean and snarky and as much as I try and work on increasing my positive and happy thoughts, I struggle. 

My SIL told me once that she realized in high school when she was at some awards ceremony for upperclassmen that she could potentially win all the superlative awards (you know - most popular, most friendly, most athletic, most likely to succeed, most likely to end up in jail, etc.) except for most kind and she vowed to work on that. And she succeeded. She's very positive and she has told me that every once in a while she slips back into snarky mode, but just a few days of focusing on the positive and she can turn things around.

Well, I've been working on this for years and as much as I try to control the direction of my thoughts, the snark is still my default, unfortunately. I want to be a nice, kind person, but I fear I am not. 

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What relationship - real or fictional - defines love for you?

Part of the reason that the previous answer is so detailed is because have you seen the way Hannah looks at me? She honestly thinks I'm a good person and I want to be as good a person as she thinks I am. Hannah's love for me is the epitome of true love. How did I get through most of my adult life without a dog?

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What would be your last meal?

Oh, who cares? I'd eat lasagna and ice cream and drink Diet Coke like it was going out of style. 

But, Hannah! Hannah, who can only eat gross dog food, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, chicken, eggs, and marshmallows (and she doesn't even like the marshmallows!).  For Hannah, I'd give her all the things for her last meal because it won't matter anymore. A steak, chocolate ice cream, and a fucking bone.  Poor Hannah.

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What person, place, or experience has most altered your life?

I have so many answers for this.

1. College was absolutely life-altering. I learned how to be independent, make my own choices, and deal with the consequences of those choices. Going away to college was the right choice for me.

2. Moving to Minneapolis changed the trajectory of my entire life. I met my husband there and met so many awesome people who are still my friends. 

3. Being with my mother-in-law when she was dying and being in the room with her when she died changed everything about how I see end of life care and mortality.

So, it's hard to say what the one and only one answer is here. My husband is the person who has most altered my life. Minneapolis is probably the place that altered it the most. My MIL's death is the experience that most altered it. But I don't know which one is the most of the most.

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What question would you most like answered?

What does it take to truly be happy?

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What in your life has grown out of personal disaster?

More than a decade ago, I broke my leg pretty badly. We'd been married a few years at this point, but it felt like we were still in the newlywed stage. We'd just moved to a small town and I hated it, but was trying to bloom where I was planted. I'd found some dribs and drabs of work, was volunteering, and oh, yeah, we had that tiny baby kitten!  

But me breaking my leg was an absolute disaster. I couldn't work. Dr. BB was struggling to stay afloat in his first teaching job. We had absolutely no friends or support system in that town. It was a mess.

Let me just tell you, though, that this experience really brought me and Dr. BB together as a solid couple. Before that time, we'd sort of still been living like people who were sort of roommates. We had his and her cupboards and frequently made different meals. We did our own laundry. Dr. BB did not know my preferred order of doing things in the shower. By the end of the first six months of my recovery, our relationship had shifted so that we were a UNIT. Us against whatever the world was going to throw at us. Pretty good outcome if you ask me. 

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Have you answered these seven questions?  Do you understand what Minnie Driver has to do with it?

7.8 Art - Garfunkel

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined themed chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the eighth day of the month is "Art."

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"Some Other Time II" by Atta Kwami, 2011, Acrylic on linen

Sometimes I feel like the Garfunkel in the Simon & Garfunkel duo. Simon was the songwriter, he was the guy who went on to win Grammy after Grammy when they broke up, and he is who you think of when you think of "The Boxer" or "The Sound of Silence."  Garfunkel was there, but he was an accessory, and frequently an afterthought.

But here's the thing. Accessories make the outfit. Maybe Garfunkel is an afterthought for you and I in the career of Paul Simon, but I bet he made Simon's life immeasurably easier when Simon was creating perfect works of art.

Sometimes I feel like a Garfunkel, but I'm not mad about it. Every genius needs a muse.

Are you a Simon or a Garfunkel? 

6.16 Instruction - Teaching Philosophy

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the sixteenth day of the month is "Instruction."

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If you've spent any time in front of a classroom, you eventually develop a teaching philosophy just through learning and doing. I have taught a variety of students over the years, from high school students to college students to adult learners returning to school after some time off. My main goal in whatever I'm teaching is to create good citizens. That's it. That's the whole thing. 

It doesn't matter to me what I'm teaching. If I'm teaching a math class or a class on the ever-evolving nature of race and ethnicity in the United States, my students will eventually leave the classroom and become members of some community - their neighborhood, city or town, and country. They will be global citizens. And, as such, my job is to make sure they are prepared to be the best citizens they can be.

My strategies for this are relatively simple. First, I ask students to confront difficult questions with no easy solutions and viewpoints that intelligent people can have legitimate disagreements about. In a math class, that question may be as simple as "why do we even need to study Algebra?" How often does the average person who has left school have to solve a quadratic equation? Why is it important to learn? In a class on racial politics, it might be as simple as "what is the place of affirmative action in hiring in 2023?" These are questions that have complicated histories and complicated responses and by having my students engage with the history of how we got to where we are today and think about the outcomes their responses will have on the future, I'm having students really think about consequences of their beliefs. Because this is hard work, it also teaches them about grit and perseverance in the face of adversity, critical thinking skills, and understanding multiple perspectives.

Second, I have a focus on groupwork. Everyone will live in a community and have to cooperate with other people - people with different backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. Yes, I've had students work on posters together to demonstrate the vertex form of an equation. I regularly have students do jigsaw assignments in which every member of the team is an "expert" on a topic, event, or person. This groupwork is crucial for developing the interpersonal skills necessary to survive in today's world.

Lastly, my biggest dream for my students is for them be able to take the information they've gathered in my classes and apply it to their lives outside of the classroom. I love when students email me links to news stories that are related to topics we've covered - that makes it see like I have had an impact on how students are thinking and relating to current events. I love when students run for student government and they use the lessons from my classes in developing strategies for their campaigns. I foster this application by asking students to lead discussions. In my classes, I frequently have students vote on what topics we will be covering in a semester so that they can have a voice in what they think is worthy of their study time and that makes them more invested in the content. 

And all of this works together to create good citizens - citizens who know how to work hard, think critically, cooperate with people from different backgrounds, and know how to apply information from a book to their real lives. Isn't that what we should all want? 

You'll note that my teaching philosophy says nothing about training people for careers. My job is not to do that. There are people who leave the classroom who go on to paid work, people who go on to volunteer work, people who go on to be caretakers of the young and old, people who go on to a wide variety of paths, only some of which have to do with paid work. ALL of them will go on to be citizens and that's what they need to learn to be.  

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, mostly because of the disastrous results of the most recent local elections in my jurisdiction. I think we have instrumentalized education too much with a focus on what will make good workers and productive members of an economic system that excludes many. And because of that, everyone is in it for themselves and seem to be unable to be concerned with taking care of our less fortunate community members or members of the community who are different from us in some way - our political views, our neighborhoods, our tax brackets. 

What do you think is the point of education? 

5.15. Volume - All the Controversies

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the fifteenth day of the month is "Volume."

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I have been slowly spending my time working my way through the biggest Internet controversies. Here's what I have to say.

I. Shampoo

I do not shampoo every day. I am too cheap and too lazy for that. Shampoo is expensive and drying my hair is exhausting. Deal with it. I do not care how often you wash your hair.

I use Verb Ghost shampoo and conditioner because it's supposed to help give us thin-haired girls more volume. I think it works just fine, but I'm willing to try other brands if you have a fave.

II. Toilet paper

I am agnostic about if it is over or under. I think under looks better and Zelda the Cat thinks over means she should play with it, but I also think it's easier to use over. There is not consistency in our house on this point. I honestly do not care what other people do.

III. Top sheets

Yes, we have a top sheet. Yes, I think you're crazy if you don't.

IV. Washing sheets

I read that you are supposed to wash your sheets and pillowcases multiple times a week. Well, if this is the case, so be it, but we wash our sheets once every three or four weeks.  I think you probably know best about how often you should be washing your own sheets.

V. Is it tacky to have a "no soliciting" sign by your front door or a "pick up your dog poop/no dogs allowed" sign in your yard.

Probably.

VI. Separating laundry

I literally don't know how you savages live if you don't separate your laundry. How do you prevent your white t-shirts from looking grimy?

What other internet controversies am I missing here? Which of my takes do you vehemently disagree with?

4.28 Meaning - Me & My Girls

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twenty-eighth day of the month is "Meaning."

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The Cloud, Acrylic on canvas by Nancy Raufman

I woke up yesterday to the sound of rain on the roof and thunder. It was quite a downpour. I also heard the dog whimpering and the cat meowing and had to make a decision about whether or not to go comfort them or just let figure it out on their own. On one hand, I want them to know that I'll always be there for them, but on the other hand, I'm not always there for them because sometimes I leave the house without them.

I listened to an episode of Death, Sex & Money called "How to Say Goodbye to Your Pets" and all I could think about was that I don't want to think about it or deal with it, but I'm going to have to. And then I smooched all over our girls, even though neither of them wanted me to.  There was a guy who lost his childhood dog decades ago and hasn't had another pet since because he knows that he'd end up having to say goodbye. 

I know a married couple who got divorced and she got the cat and he got the dog and when she moved out of their shared house, she never saw her dog again. I just can't imagine. It must be so hard for all involved.

So basically, I have a codependent relationship with my pets.  

What worries you when you wake up early in the morning because the rain is pouring on the roof?

4.14 Control - Only You

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the fourteenth day of the month is "Control."

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Happy Valentine's Day, my friends! As per usual, Dr. BB and I will make homemade cards tonight and some See's lollypops were purchased, but otherwise, there is no celebration. I was in a grocery store yesterday and noticed that the Easter candy spread was giant and the Valentine's Day candy selection was quite limited. I wonder if there's been a move to just skip right over February into egg season.  

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This weekend was really warm here in Wisconsin. On Sunday, I took Hannah to the dog park and when I turned on the car, it said it was 50 degrees! Woot woot! The dog park was muddy, so I tried to herd Hannah into less traveled areas, but you can't control an unleashed dog when there are other unleashed dogs about, so eventually I gave in and just knew that I was going to have to take her for a bath after our adventure. Also, note Hannah's behavior whenever she sees another dog:

That's right. She just lays down (IN THE MUD) in wait to attack them. What a weirdo.  

(ALSO! Hannah has historically been a bit shy about men in general. I haven't done much about this besides trying not to tense up or yank on her leash when we walk by a dude. But at the dog park, she just ran up to a random guy and nosed his hand for a pet! She doesn't even nose MY HAND. I was so proud of her.)

(ALSO! I think the skinny old guy dog in our neighborhood has died. His owners now have a giant brown mastiff. He is SO BIG. He has to weigh 150 pounds if he weighs anything. We've seen him across the street and I wave to his people and he's really calm and walks like a true champion loose leash expert, but we've never come face to face with him. On our walk yesterday, we turned a corner and came face to face with him and his girl human and all four of us jumped back in a hurry! Hannah tucked tail and growled a tiny bit, but stood her ground. She didn't lunge at him or bark. He, of course, is such a good boy that he just sauntered right on by her. I was pretty proud of Hannah's reaction - she was scared, but she was also going to protect me.)

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Yesterday we got a group text from our friend who had surgery for his cancer last week. He was being released from the hospital and his report from the pathologist was best case scenario with no sign of cancer in any of the lymph nodes that were removed.  I was so happy, but then other people who were on the text stream started talking about having a party to celebrate. I was so confused. I mean, a party? The man has to be on bedrest for six weeks? And then a lady sent an invite to a party on Friday.

Okay. 

Some background.

1) I do not care for this woman in the best of times for a variety of reasons, but mostly because she doesn't like my dog and I think she's thoughtless and self-absorbed. HOWEVER. She's also very generous with her time, is married to a great guy (who I assume sees something in her I don't), and has a gorgeous Maine coon cat, so at least we can chat about cats when we're together. I also found her behavior re: the COVID pandemic irresponsible, but I'm trying hard not to hold grudges. (It is HARD for me.)

2) One of my quarterly goals is to say yes to invitations to things. 

But I think this invite is in terrible taste? And I don't want to go to her house? But I CAN go because I have no conflicts, but maybe I should invent a conflict? But, no. I said I would say yes to invitations, so I guess I have to go over there.

I can't control how other people act in this world. I can only control my own actions. 

I don't know. Hey, friends. Should I go to this party?

4.3 Direction - Hair Decisions

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the third day of the month is "Direction."

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For many years, I kept my hair chin length with a pop of color in it to cover up my boring blah brown with grey hair color. This is from November 2019.

But the pandemic hit and I didn't get my hair done for years and then it grew out and now it's shoulder length and *egads* my natural color. That color is salt and pepper, my friends. 

I went to get a cut yesterday and my stylist was laughing that she has a client who wants my exact shade of blah and she can't quite get her there. I laughed and told her that I'm at a crossroads in my hair life. I actually like that I don't get it colored every eight weeks and the low-maintenance aspect of longer hair sort of pleases me. I can just throw it into a ponytail if it's greasy or if the blowout doesn't go well. But I really think the color ages me and gives me the sads. So what direction do I go?

For now, I'm just getting it cut regularly - I go every eight weeks. But since I don't have a job and money is tight, I can't justify coloring regularly. But should I go back to shorter hair? Bangs? (No. Bangs are never the answer.)

Eh. Here's to aging gracefully, however you manage to do that.

3.16 Instruction - Where's My Adulting Manual?

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the fifteenth day of the month is "Volume."

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I make a lot of jokes about how there's instruction manual for being a grown up. How do you make the decision about when to junk the car, buy the new washer and dryer set, replace the sponge on the dishwand, get a dog, leave that terrible job, get married? Some people seem so confident, some people are confident, and some people are just flailing around. 

Right now, I just want someone to hand me a list of instructions and tell me that if I do these ten things even if they're really hard, in six months, everything that is causing me stress right now will have worked itself out. But no one is going to hand me that list or write that adulting manual, so I muddle on.  

We went to visit some friends on Saturday night and they have a blanket for Hannah that she immediately just made herself at home on. 

What is the thing you wish someone would just explain/make decisions for you? 

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To see what Bestest Friend has to say about instruction, go visit her at Too Legit to Quit.

The Ink Black Heart (Cormoran Strike #6) by Robert Galbraith

The Cuckoo's Calling
The Silkworm
Career of Evil
Lethal White
Troubled Blood

The Ink Black Heart is the sixth book in the Cormoran Strike series of detective novels by Robert Galbraith, JK Rowling's pseudonym. I have wailed and gnashed my teeth about Rowling as a person, but as a creator, I like her and her writing and this series has been solid. (I am so troubled by whether or not I am being a big giant hypocrite by reading these books, but here we are.)

Look. This book. 

It's so good. 

I mean, it's definitely parallel to Rowling's own life. I mean, a female content creator is harassed online and accused of being racist, ablest, and transphobic and it culminates in her death.  I mean, there was a point when I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get through this (SO ON THE NOSE!), but then it was just so mesmerizing. The book has many chapters that are just conversations that people are having through online chat and chapters about Strike and Robin and their sleuthing and I just really enjoyed reading it and trying to solve the mystery.

But. I'm over the Strike/Robin will they or won't they. They're aren't teenagers and I find their inability to communicate about their relationship to be downright tired and boring. Also, this book is 1012 pages and it's quite a doorstop.  Ha! If you're not into long books, maybe this one won't be for you.

Okay, and this is so nitpicky. The font used in this book has quotation marks with only one apostrophe, as in:

'OK," said Robin coolly moving off. 'That stuff on the dashboard's for you to look at.' (page 283) This is fine in many circumstances, but can be confusing when the person is talking in dialect. Consider:

'No, I was bein' insigh'ful an' profound,' said Josh...'No, it's 'er, really, it's all 'er fault this 'appened. We were talkin' abou' the, you know, the people wha' are buried there --' (page 124). 

I did not like the font, but I did like the book.  

4.5/5 stars

Lines of note:

Reflecting ruefully that he'd now reached the age where almost everyone he met reminded him of someone else he'd known, Strike continued to scroll through Cardew's list of videos. (page 110)

I so rarely meet someone these days and don't rack my brain trying to figure out who they remind me of. It's incredibly distracting and I wish I could turn that part of my brain off.

"What we're seeing here are sophisticated campaigns of misinformation and harassments which aim in part to turn progressives against their own," said The Times' source. "While we've previously seen "trolling" of liberals originating in spaces like 4chan, the terror group is using social media in a more organised and sophisticated way to incite harassment and campaigns of intimidation."

Singer Gigi Cazenove was subjected to sustained abuse on social media after emails in which she had allegedly used racist language to describe a former backing singer were leaked online. The emails were subsequently found to have been faked. Maya Satterthwaited was revealed to have "misgendered" a prominent trans woman in private messages which were also leaked online, while Edie Ledwell was subject to a prolonged hate campaign for multiple alleged transgressions, particularly against the disabled..." (page 140)

This is the part where I nearly shut the book. I mean, could this be any more transparent?

Things I looked up:

internecine (page 123): destructive to both sides in a conflict (I think I should probably know this word...)

Brown-Sequard syndrome (page 198) - a rare neurological condition characterized by a lesion in the spinal cord that results in weakness or paralysis on one side of the body and a loss of sensation on the other

Cyril Scott (page 228) - An English composer, poet, writer, and occultist alive from 1879 - 1970.

solecism (page 292) - a grammatical mistake in speech or writing (another word I think I should probably already know...)

vegvisir (page 439) - (Icelandic for sign post or wayfarer) an Icelandic magical stave intended to help the bearer through rough weather

Thursday Randomicity

1. I feel a tiny bit badly about not caring more about the death of Queen Elizabeth. Everyone else is talking about Meghan Markle's bare arms, the corgis waiting for her to come home, and whether or not this is the official death of the Commonwealth and I'm all over here wondering when we can resume normal news programming. I don't know. It honestly feels unimportant to anyone outside of her family. Eh. I feel bad.

2. Some of you may recall my yoga studio situation from last year. The long and short of it is that I had a yoga studio I really loved and early on in the pandemic I loved it when the owner switched her classes to Zoom. But then she posted an anti-vax meme and I broke up with the studio. The studio has, as you might have anticipated, finally closed its doors. I have very mixed feelings about this. The loss of my business certainly wasn't the only reason, but I'm sure it contributed to the closure. I miss the studio I remember from pre-pandemic and I miss the absolute relief I got from some of those classes. But I'm also happy to see people with crackpot ideas facing consequences for them. I'm full of complicated feelings.

3. Dr. BB and I are each responsible for a bad habit one of our pets has developed. We know we're responsible and can exactly place when the bad habits developed, but here we are. When I was gone for a few days visiting my mother in the summer, Dr. BB fed Zelda the Cat tiny bits of chicken that we feed Hannah the Dog. Zelda had never had chicken before and she is an absolute addict. She has started pestering Hannah for some, jumping on the counters to get some (we had absolutely trained her NOT to be on counters!), and is just an utter brat about chicken. Dr. BB has admitted that this was a mistake on his part.

Meanwhile, over the last Christmas holiday, I noticed that Hannah the Dog LOVED to play with the brown kraft paper that came in the endless boxes we got from deliveries. Hannah rarely interacts with toys. I don't think she played with them much as a puppy (poor Hannah!) and while she'll occasionally chase a ball for two or three minutes, she's generally timid and unsure about toys. ANYWAY. She would utterly demolish the paper, tearing it and chewing it and having a grand old time, so I let her do this because it seemed harmless.

Cut to me leaving a file folder of papers on the floor next to my desk a couple of weeks ago. I left them there as a reminder for me to write up some of my notes to send to other people, but I went upstairs for half an hour to exercise and when I returned, the file folder and all my notes were absolutely destroyed and Hannah the Dog was sitting there, wagging her tail, blissfully unaware of how challenging she had just made my life. I thought it was ADORABLE and NOT HER FAULT, anymore than Zelda's obsession with chicken is her fault. We humans have made mistakes. 

She's really the cutest dog. Ignore the mess!  

4. My job will officially be over at the end of November. This is great news. The job search marches on and since this week I have sent all of two emails, there's plenty of time in the day for me to craft lovely cover letters and tweak my resume for each position. There's one on campus that I have my fingers crossed for, but I am no longer ever going to get my hopes up after the last heartbreak*. In the meantime, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I really feel better about life than I have in years. I'm going to take a First Aid/CPR class that has been on my to-do list for a long time. I'm slowly emptying my email inboxes. I'm taking extra long walks with the dog. I'm making sure that all the chores are done before Dr. BB gets home. I think that sometimes this week I'll clean all the stuff off my desk from this job and throw it all away. It feels like a vacation that I'm getting paid for. Sure, job searching is stressful, but it's way less stressful than that job.

*The woman who got that job I really wanted is actually really great and wonderful and she'll be a good fit for the position. I am still disappointed that I didn't get it, but I do understand why they made the decision that they made.

5. Yesterday I went to Costco with eight things on the list. I didn't find three of those things, but ended up purchasing way more than the additional five things on the list. My impulse buys included additional COVID tests, an advent calendar of jelly, a giant bag of chocolate chips, and a s'mores-based snack mix. It was the first time I've ever been at Costco without my husband hurrying me along and I enjoyed it a million times more without him. Obviously. 

Tell me a bit of randomicity in your life. What's new in your life? Have you taught your children or pets any new bad habits? What's your favorite Costco purchase?

Ten Things Tuesday

1) Birthday - Today is my birthday. That is all. There is nothing else to say except that I will be getting myself a cupcake or two from the local bakery and quite possibly even a tasty coffee drink in celebration.

2) Friend with cancer update - We went to see our friend with cancer two Saturdays ago for the first time since we learned of his diagnosis. We brought a housewarming present and our dog and stayed there for a couple of hours chatting with him and his father. Then we went again on Saturday. This time we brought a kringle and our dog. We stayed and chatted for a bit, then left Hannah and ran errands, came back and chatted. I'd like to keep going once or twice a week to check in with him and I'd like to be the person that they can rely on to run errands if they need it. He also loves Hannah and has been so happy to see her.  Basically, he seems to be doing really well, is in good spirits, and it felt really good to see him.

3) Staycation - I took this whole week off and the thought of not checking my email is amazing.

4) Visitor - One of the reasons I took the week off is because one of my best friends is coming to visit me! I literally have not made a single plan for us, but I imagine there will be lots of talking about doing things, but actually just sitting on the couch.

5) Agnes update - I went and got our older car an oil change. And that's done. (I also replaced a headlight and a license plate light.)

6) Manuals gone - Pre-pandemic, I used to teach test preparation for one of the larger test prep companies. They closed the office in Madison in 2019 and my hours kept declining precipitously, but I loved that job and was good at it, so I kept on keeping on until it went down to nothing. So for the last two years, I've had two entire bookshelves full of manuals and paperwork for that job. I went through them on Sunday and recycled all of them. If I ever work for that company again, I'll have to be retrained and they'll have to give me new, updated materials, so there was no use in me keeping it all. It felt amazing to clean it all out.

7) ROTE - One of the reasons that I wanted to clean out those bookshelves was that I used an old gift card from dogsitting several summers ago to buy the entire Realm of the Elderlings saga in paperback and needed somewhere to put all those books. I think a reread will be happening relatively soon.

8) Television - Dr. BB and I have been doing a Buffy/Angel rewatch and we're on the last season of Angel now and I honestly have no idea what we're going to watch next. This is the largest cause of marital tension in our house!  Do you have any suggestions for television shows available on either Netflix or Prime?  

9) References - I did the interview for a job I'd really like to get on the 3rd. One of my references told me that someone had reached out to him for a reference last week. That's a good sign, right?  Please tell me it's a good sign!

10) Bird picture - Dr. BB was in Iowa a couple of weeks ago visiting his dad, who has recently sold his house and is looking to move at the end of the summer. All of this to say, his dad is trying to get rid of things and we ended up with a picture of a burning ship and a picture of two cardinals in a winter pine. I banished the ship picture to the office and the cardinals sit in our dining room and looks amazing. 

Five Things Friday

In the spirit of dumping my thoughts out via writing, here goes my five things.

1) I wrote earlier this week about a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer. We're going to take Hannah over to his house this weekend, but I am a person whose love language is gift giving and I was unsure about what else to bring/do when we went over there. But then I realized that this is the first time we're going to see his house because he just bought it earlier this year and I could reframe this as a housewarming visit.

So I went to the local flower shop and bought some kitchen towels, a cheese and crackers tray, and a plant. It's not a "wow! I'm so sorry you have cancer, please pet my dog and feel better" visit. It's a "welcome to your new home" visit.  I am the queen of avoidance.

2) Hannah has been feeling pretty frisky these days and we're very excited that it seems like she's feeling better. But she was getting pretty snippy about how much she didn't want to walk and even for a lazy dog, things were getting dire. So we trimmed her nails and guess who was up for a whole mile walk last night?!  Boy, we really should do a better job about trimming those nails on a regular basis. (She hates it. She fights. She squirms. One time she went to nip at Dr. BB. So both of us dread it and we tend to put it off more than we should. If we just did it once a week, things would be better for all of us.)

3) For the last two years, I've had Jaybird Tarah Bluetooth headphones. They are way better than wired headphones for my purposes, but they never fit in my left ear correctly. They just never did. We changed tips, got different types of tips, and I probably listened to the headphones without my left side in about 50% of the time. And last week the left side developed a short and then it stopped working altogether. Dr. BB did some research and ordered me a pair of Samsung Galaxy Buds Pro, which work seamlessly with my Galaxy S10e.  The problem? I still can't figure out how to make it fit in my left ear. It's popped out three times now. I've changed the size of the tips and just can't figure it out. If I don't figure something out by the end of the weekend, I'm going to have to return them and get some Apple AirPods because I've used my husband's and know they fit (I went for a run in them and did a cardio workout that involved jumping jacks), but I'm not psyched about that because you lose a lot of functionality with AirPods if you don't have an iPhone. Why is this so hard?

4) I had a second interview on Tuesday for a job I'd really like to get. Fingers crossed for me.

5) Regardless of the outcome of the job interview on Tuesday, I'm going to probably put my notice in at work on 8/22. I honestly can't take it anymore. I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping, and I can never stop thinking about how terrible it is.  

And that's that. Happy weekend everybody. Give your loved ones an extra hug!

Tuesday Randomicity: Someone Tell What To Do

Suzanne does these Randomicity posts every so often and I always admire that people can be thinking about so many things all at once. Generally, my thoughts are "I hate my job," "why does the dog need so many pills?" and "how can I fit in a workout today?" and then my internal thoughts have been completely exhausted. But today is the day! I have random thoughts. 

1) What to do about Agnes?

Agnes is our old 2010 Hyundai Elantra. She was our first big purchase together as a couple. She is, however, now a 12-year old car with more than 240,000 miles on it. Things are slowly starting to fail. The fan on the driver's side no longer works, so the AC/heat doesn't work particularly effectively. The remote locks only sometimes work. A couple of years ago, some mice died in the air filter thing and poor Agnes has had a vague smell of gross ever since. We have started to consult one another about how much gas we're putting in Agnes* ($20? $5?) and now we have to face some real dilemmas. The car is due for an oil change. Technically speaking, it was due for an oil change about five hundred miles ago. Do I take it the dealer? Just to some Valvoline place?  What do I do?  The car could use some new tires. But. Do I spend that much money on a car we rarely drive out of town?  Do I bother fixing the fan?  WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR OLD CARS? **

*We have different levels of comfort about how much gas is in the car. I really don't like the tank to get below a quarter tank. Dr. BB will let the warning light come on if left to his own devices. This leads to a bit of friction at times, although I think now Dr. BB will fill up more often than he normally will if he knows I'll be driving. I just vividly remember going to a book club  on a cold, rainy night and realizing that there was only an eighth of a tank in the car and stopping to fill up the tank on the way there and Dr. BB was utterly confused because there was plenty of gas to get to book club and back, but that's now how I do things.  Anyway.  

**We had one car for the vast majority of our marriage. It's only since 2020 that we've had a second car. And it's useful to have a second car. So I don't want the answer to be "get rid of it" because only having one car payment is nice, you know?  

2) "Ghost in This House" meaning?

Dr. BB was out of town last weekend, so I listened to a lot of Spotify as I did things like clean out my closet and make chocolate chip cookie dough*. The song "Ghost in This House" by Alison Krauss came up and I spent a good deal of  time pondering this song. Is the dude dead? Is he still there, but the relationship is in a terrible place? Is she actually in a new relationship with a new dude and she's pining for her ex? Why is it so ambiguous?  

There's a version by Shenandoah and it is clearly just a break up song. I'm not worried someone is dead when Marty Raybon was singing it, but Krauss makes me wonder. 

*Just the dough. I didn't actually make cookies. I just made a batch and froze it for future use. Also, we were dangerously low on butter, so I when I bought the chocolate chips, I also bought butter and I paid $6.49 for a pound of butter at the store and I realized that if you never hear from me again, it's because I can never leave the house ever again because I bankrupted us in order to make cookie dough.

3) Why are so many songs about sex?

At some point it has become clear to me that I have never reconsidered the real meaning of any songs from my youth. I thought "Into the Groove" was just about dancing until very, very recently.  So I was rather astounded when I realized that "Will You Still Love me Tomorrow?" by the Shirelles is about the day after they have sex. I mean, it's SO OBVIOUS if you pay any attention to the lyrics, but I've been assuming it's just a sweet little love song about teenagers. Why am I this way?  

4) Why are feelings always more complicated than you think they will be?

My father-in-law and his new wife have sold the house where my husband grew up, where I met all of my in-laws, and where my mother-in-law died. They are moving into a new house late summer/early fall. I have very complicated feelings about this. I get very attached to places and the idea of never going back to this place is painful. But it's also painful to go there now with his new wife, who is a lovely woman, but who is definitely not my mother-in-law, who was also a lovely woman and that house is so identifiable with her that it hurts to see the new wife acting as hostess there.

My mother moved out of my childhood home several years ago and it hurt to pull out of the driveway for the last time. And this feels just as heart-wrenching, but I don't feel as if I'm justified in these complicated feelings, so I'm just not saying anything to my husband because it feels weird that I'm mourning something that was never really mine. 

5) When an acquaintance is ill? 

Dr. BB's current and my former co-worker sent out an email that he has recently been diagnosed with cancer. I know very few details, only that he is currently feeling no effects of the illness, but that he is supposed to have treatments through next spring and, as we all know, those treatments are probably going to be bad. He sounded optimistic in his email, but sometimes I sound optimistic about life, too, and you all know how that is in reality. 

He's roughly our age, single, and his family lives in California. He lives in a city about 20-25 minutes away. We used to regularly socialize with him, but since the pandemic, I don't think I've seen him once. He loves Hannah and Hannah loves him. 

In general, I'm quite concerned about his lack of social support. Dr. BB and I both sent emails (him volunteering for errand running, me volunteering Hannah as a therapy dog), but I'm pretty sure that's not enough. On one hand, I'm not really close to this guy. On the other hand, he is all alone. I want to help him, not just right now, but in the future.

The advice I see online is to basically just say, hey, I'm going to bring you groceries/dinner/my dog to pet on X day, but that seems really overstepping. How should I approach this? I don't even have this guy's phone number, although I'm pretty sure Dr. BB has it.  (Update: Dr. BB and I each sent him emails and he responded very positively about seeing Hannah and giving us his phone number, so I think we'll make it a priority to go visit him with the dog in tow. "All dogs are welcome in my home, especially Hannah" is the direct sentence, so I think we'll visit, let Hannah get pets, and then figure out what else we can do from there.)

So, I'll take any and all thoughts on what to do with a car on its last wheels, how to interpret songs on my Spotify list, and how to help out a sick friend. Also, I'll take any thoughts on how to make my brain stop cycling on these topics on an endless loop.  

When the Reckoning Comes by LaTanya McQueen

When the Reckoning Comes is LaTanya McQueen's debut novel.  Mira, Jesse, and Celine were best friends in a segregated town. They were all poor, but Celine's advantage was that she was white and Mira's advantage was that she was smart. After an incident left Jesse outcast in town, Mira went away to college and never returned until Celine invited her to her wedding. The wedding is to be held at a renovated plantation and the mood is somber and tense from the very beginning.

This is really a novel examining the haunting history that surrounds most of land in the United States (and elsewhere, really).  Sure, there's a gripping thriller happening, but just when you've settled into the creepiness of the tale, McQueen includes a flashback to what the lives were like of the slaves on the plantation where the contemporary action is taking place. Those flashbacks jolt you back into an awareness that not all is right.  

McQueen did such an excellent job of setting the mood. It was crazy that I felt dread from the first scene when Mira is just grading papers at her desk.  And that tension never let up. 

But the characters of Celine and Jesse were just not well-developed enough for me to give an enthusiastic endorsement of the novel. It's short, just over 200 pages, and I actually think that McQueen could have added more pages to build on the story and character aspects of the novel and it would have been an excellent book. As is, it's an exciting debut and I'm excited for what she does next. 3.5/5 stars

Lines of note:

What she'd tried to forget had always been there, this piece of her past, this history. Mira had tried, had spent a decade trying, but a person can't run away from who they are. Soon enough, what's been buried will rear itself again. (page 74)

I think this is so interesting. Our pasts shape us in ways that just can't be undone.

"Yet because of them you're having your wedding here. At a plantation, Celine"

"It hasn't been a plantation for over a hundred years, and it's not like my family owned slaves."

"What about its history? The suffering that built it. That's never forgotten. Isn't it always there?" (page 103)

This is the heart of it, isn't it? A good reminder that places like this should not be a place for celebratory occasions. 

"The building is still there but like a lot of things in town, there's only the ghost of what it was." (page 134)

When I drive through my hometown, the buildings just seem so sad and depleted. The population dwindles with each census and what was once a booming lumber town is now just a place people speed through to get somewhere else. 

Troubled Blood by Robert Galbraith

The Cuckoo's Calling
The Silkworm
Career of Evil
Lethal White

Troubled Blood by Robert Galbraith is the fifth book in the Cormoran Strike series. I like these books, have very mixed feelings about JK Rowling as a creator, and find myself in constant indecision about whether or not to continue reading these books.  This one is a definite mixed bag - some of the character development of Strike and Robin is really good, but the actual nuts and bolts of the crime reminded me of the dreaded book The Luminaries in that the zodiac material went over my head big time. This book is slightly different than previous Strike books because it's a cold case, not a current case. The thing is, Rowling is an excellent author and her style is exactly what I want in a book and I don't know what to do here with my issues with Rowling as a person.

There are some criticisms of this book that it really shows how Rowling dislikes trans folks, aging folks, and people with disabilities. I do not read it that way, I really don't. There is a brief mention of a bad guy who dresses like a woman as a disguise, but that is not really about trans people at all. As for the rest of those criticisms, I guess I don't see it that way, either. She seems nervous about death, perhaps isn't excited about being a caretaker, and, in the end, the disabled people were kind of heroes, or at least partially responsible for helping solve the crime. I don't read into the book the hatred that other people do, but maybe that's because that hate isn't targeted at me.

Read my review of Lethal White if you want more of me gnashing my teeth about this topic of how to not be an asshole to the trans community while still reading novels written by a TERF. 

4/5 stars

Lines of note:
Her insistence on the smooth passing of counterfeit social coin from hand to hand, while uncomfortable truths were ignored and denied, wore him out. (page 14)
Don't we all know someone like this?

The truth was that his feelings contained nuances and complications that he preferred not to examine. (page 14)
Denial about our own emotions is a constant thing, isn't it?

Several barbed comments about the infrequency of Strike's visits had already dropped from his sister's lips during their week of enforced proximity. He'd bitten back all irritable retorts. His primary aim was to leave the house without rowing with anyone. (page 33)
When we do anything, from grocery shopping to visiting family, the number one household rule is not to murder anyone. 

It wasn't that he didn't appreciate people remembering: indeed, he tending to be far more touched when they did than he ever let show, but he had an innate dislike of scheduled celebration and forced joviality, and of all inane practices, having "Happy Birthday" sung to him was one of his least favorites. (page 198)
Does anyone really like to be sung to? What expression should you have on your face? What do you do with your hands?  Why is this a thing that happens?

...all made her want to clutch some kind of fig leaf to her threadbare dignity. (page 339)
Ha!

"People who insist on opening cans of worms, Anna," said Roy, "shouldn't complain when they get covered in slime." (page 424)
Ha ha!

Things I looked up:

St. Piran (page 3) - Patron saint of tin-miners and Cornwall, the latter of which is relevant in this context.

pocket don (page 6) - Oh. This took someone really explaining that pocket = small, diminutive, and don = similar to a mafia boss, as in bossing folks around. 

shufti (page 123) - A look or reconnoiter especially a quick one.

von Willebrand Disease (page 140) - A blood disorder in which the blood doesn't properly clot.

Jane Birkin (page 266) - English-French singer and actress. Incidentally, the Birkin bag is named after her.

The Other Side of Midnight (page 287) - 1973 novel written by Sidney Sheldon that was adapted into a movie in 1977. It's a thriller about a bad lady.

locum (page 288) - British term for somebody who who stands in temporarily for someone of the same profession, especially a cleric or a doctor. It's such a perfect word for the situation in the book!

rota (page 157) - Another British term for a list showing when each of a number of people has to do a job.

tuberose (page 160) - It's a plant. The smell is relevant in the book and I guess it smells like crème brulee! Who knew? 

Macmillian nurse (page 166) - Cancer care nurse specialists in the UK.

ormolu mantel clock (page 421) - Over the top gilt bronze clock. Ormulu is perhaps the most popular material employed by clock makers in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries.

Pallas Athena (page 421) - Pallas is an epithet sometimes given to Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom.

Asclepius (page 422) - A hero and god of medicine in ancient Greek religion and mythology.

jobsworth (page 426) - A person who uses the typically minor degree of authority of their job in a deliberately uncooperative way.

Fragile X syndrome (page 503) - A genetic condition that causes a range of development problems including learning disabilities and cognitive impairment.

fulsome (page 547) - complimentary or flattering to an excessive degree

bestridden (page 656) - Past participle of bestride (to have or put a leg on either side).  I swear I have never seen this before.

cheongsam (page 711)  - A straight, close-fitting silk dress with a high neck, short sleeves, and a slit skirt, worn traditionally by Chinese and Indonesian women. I had no idea that's what this dress is called.

The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune

I listened to the The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune and narrated by Daniel Henning when I ran out of podcast episodes and desperately needed to find something to listen to when I was walking the dog. I had heard good things about the book, it was available immediately with no waitlist, and I jumped in without doing any research.

And, hoo boy, this book is exactly the book for me. It's a fantasy story about found family, falling in love, and learning to love yourself.  There are legitimate criticisms of this book to make (it's predictable, the worldbuilding outside of the main setting is weak, there are lots of loose ends), but I'm going to put my hands over my ears and say "I can't hear you" repeatedly when you start talking about those criticisms because I loved every moment of this book. Linus Baker is a social worker who is tasked with doing an evaluation of an orphanage for magical students. Hijinks ensue, characters learn lessons, and Linus learns about how strong he really is. There's an adorable cat, a cantankerous neighbor, an evil boss, and a car ride on the salt from the ocean.

It was great and I will recommend it to everyone I know. I found this book to be everything I want from a book - characters with depth, optimistic, and a happily ever after that feels real. 5/5 stars

But.

There's been some pushback because Klune said in a podcast that he got the idea for this book from reading about the Sixties Scoop, a period of time in Canada from the 1950s through the 1980s in which indigenous children were forcibly removed from their families and placed in foster homes and were adopted by white families. Other children were placed in residential homes. It's a really traumatic part of First Nations history in Canada (I knew of the Sixties Scoop, but found Connie Walker's reporting in the podcast Missing and Murdered: Finding Cleo to be a true gem in clarifying exactly what the short- and long-term impacts of this policy were). The pushback seems to be that using trauma from the BIPOC experience is absolutely unacceptable and white people need to stop doing it.

But if I had not heard that Klune had said that the idea for this book came from reading about the Sixties Scoop, I would not have made the connection myself. I honestly just read the book as an indictment of the general foster care/group home situation for juveniles.  It's a fantastical world and if Klune had just kept his mouth shut about it, would anyone have made the connections?  

I really and truly loved every moment I spent with the book. Should I take back my approval?  Am I part of the problem of using BIPOC trauma for my own entertainment purposes? It feels gross just to type that sentence, but here we are.  

My husband, for the record, thinks the criticism is ridiculous and that anyone should be able to write about whatever they are inspired by. I tend to think that people are actually impacted by the harm should have a louder voice than I do, but at the same time, I worry that if I had not read this book because of these criticisms, I would have really missed out on a book that hit me in all the right places.

So, I'm asking you, dear readers, what my responsibility is here? Do I recommend it to other people? Do I lower my star rating because of this controversy? Should I do extensive research on every book I own before I start reading it to avoid thorny situations like this? 

There's a Camera in Your Pocket

Our local Facebook group basically covers four areas: people asking for recommendations when a simple Google search would be better; complaining about local politics, particularly the "wheel tax" and how we still have lots of potholes despite paying this tax; complaining about services at our local businesses and/or lamenting about how we need to bring businesses to town (although WHY any business would want to come to town when local residents are so antagonistic towards the already existing ones is anyone's guess); and posting about missing pets.

I mostly follow the page because of the lost pets.

But, dear readers, I want to say one thing. It is the year of Our Lord 2022 and if you don't have a well lit, in-focus photo of your pet that shows the following things, take out your phone and TAKE ONE. For heaven's sake.

1. The size of your animal. Don't show me a photo that is mostly a white room with your pet in the corner. How am I supposed to know if that dog is 15 pounds or 150?  

2. Your animal's body shape. Again, a photo of your dog laying down is not helpful to me since the chances are pretty good that if I do see them, they'll be running away. Is your pet trim? Stocky? Fuzzy? 

3. The age of your animal. The number of people who seem to think it's okay to post a picture of their pet when they were four months old (he's three now!) is insane. Your dog doesn't look like that anymore!

4. Any unusual markings. Does your missing cat have a heart-shaped patch on its back? SHOW US.  I recently saw a post with a dog laying down in the corner of a giant room and it said "has an unusual pattern of fur on its left side" with no further elaboration.  Don't even get me started on those absolutely adorable photos of your pet looking straight at the camera that makes their muzzles look ginormous, but tells you absolutely nothing about what else the dog looks like. WTF?

I know that I probably take more photos of my girls than the average person, what with having no children and nothing better to do with my days than follow them around like a puparazzo, but THERE IS A CAMERA ON YOUR PHONE. I'm not asking for professional photographs, but would it kill you to have just a few okayish photos of your pet? After one these posts with subpar photos came up recently, I joked with Dr. BB that I've taken a dozen photos in the last week of Hannah the Dog on my phone that I haven't deemed good enough, but that would serve as a missing dog photo just fine.  Argh.  

Here are a few of these mediocre photos.

1) On the dock. I don't love the lighting in this one - the shadows prevent you from seeing her colors really well. But this is serviceable - you can see how big she is, her giant ears, and that she's pretty slim.  It's not a photo I'd normally share with the world, but it would get the job done.

2) At the library. This isn't ideal because it cuts off her rear end, but you can still see her body shape here. Also, this is in front of the library and local people would be able to know how big she is because those silver sculptures are local landmarks of sorts. 

3) Hannah's got a stick. I would actually share this photo because I think it's cute when Hannah does dog-like things. She LOVES sticks, but will only play with them if you give them to her. She doesn't like to pick things off the ground, which is a perk since I'd rather she be cautious than put every piece of trash or other dog poop in her mouth, but if you hand her a stick, she gets super pumped. I think this photo is less ideal because you don't get the true scope of her ear size, but it would do in case of an emergency. (LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS WITH A STICK IN HER MOUTH. I am ridiculous.)

I mean, let's be real. I have dozens of photos I could use - why don't people have JUST ONE?

And, speaking of photos to use, I was recently listening to a podcast in which the host sort of wondered out loud if the picture that would be used in his obituary had already been taken. Like, if he died tomorrow, it's probably out there already, but if he dies twenty years from now, will they use one that will be taken in the next twenty years or just one from his younger years? It's a morbid thought, but now I can't stop thinking about it. If it comes up in the near future, I'd like one of the following as my obituary photo.

Also, I'll be dead, so what do I care? But I like that I'm basically holding Hannah down in both of these photos. Forget my husband, LOOK HOW MUCH I LOVED MY DOG.

I don't even know what the point of this post is. Do you ever think about what photo will be used in your obituary? Does your local Facebook page include rants about taxes and include abysmal photos of lost animals?  

Wake: The Hidden History of Women-Led Slave Revolts by Rebecca Hall, Illustrated by Hugo Martinez

On a recent Pop Culture Happy Hour, PCHH guest Joelle Monique recommended Wake: The Hidden History of Women-Led Slave Revolts by Rebecca Hall and illustrated Hugo Martinez on one of their regular What's Making Me Happy segments. 

I tend to shy away from books about slavery because I feel like the tendency is to get a bit inured to the pain in each of the stories, as they all sort of blend into one.  So I pick and choose carefully what to read and I was so impressed when I was reading and came across this that echoed those feelings so carefully.

Chapter 7, page 15

This book is a mishmash of genres because on one hand, it's the tale of women's participation in slave revolts, an untapped story.  On the other hand, it's also the story of the author's work process and research methods, so Hall herself is a character in the story. It's filled with beautiful illustrations from Martinez, including this amazing two-page spread of past and current New York City separated by water.  

Chapter 2, pages 10-11

There's just so much in this book. From stories of women who are tried for their role in slave revolts, but there's no documentation of what happened to them to stories of how enslaved women were placed on the deck with no irons (!) which is why slave revolts happened more frequently on ships with larger percentages of women to stories of how Hall herself was repeatedly kicked out of locations while trying to do research.

Things of Note:

Barracoon - The name for the cage/barracks that held enslaved people as they waited for transportation across the Atlantic. 

John Locke - Influential philosopher, whose thoughts were integral to the development of the philosophy that underpins the U.S. Constitution. Investor in one of the British Empire's largest organizations that profited because of slavery, the Royal Africa Company. Hall writes "a luminary of the Enlightenment and perhaps the central theorist of American democracy" (Chapter 7, page 9). This sparked a debate in my house as my husband, he who holds a doctorate in political theory, strongly suggests that this does not give enough credit to "Hume, Montesquieu, and the rest." I am not enough of an expert to say one way or another, but it was fun to rile up my husband.

Brookes diagram - This is a relatively famous diagram of a ship called the Brookes that illustrates how the enslaved folks were allocated space onboard.  I had seen this diagram before, but was unaware that it was based on a real ship and that it had a name. 

By Plymouth Chapter of the Society for Effecting the Abolition of the Slave Trade 

I think this book is beautifully done. It's just over two hundred pages long (the book doesn't have page numbers, which is why I've cited by chapter and page number), but because there are entire pages of illustrations, it's not a huge time intensive commitment. It's heavy subject matter, but it's also readable and fascinating. 

5/5 stars. Highly recommend for everyone.