9.14 Control - Seven Existential Questions

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the fourteenth day of the month is "Control."

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Before we get to the meat of this post, this is a reminder to my fellow ATGIB book club members! If you have not already sent me an email with a photo of your book, please do so! The deadline is Sunday 7/16 at 4:00pm (CST CDT - I stand corrected) to see your photo in the collage. If you send me a photo of this deadline, I can add it to later weeks. dominique100 at hotmail dot com

(Note: I just spent three minutes of my life trying to figure out if it was CDT or CST to tell you the deadline and I'm still not sure I got it right. I mean Central (US) time zone, but you figured that out, right? Even if I got it wrong?)

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A Grace Full Life recently wrote a post in which she answered seven existential questions (that are based on something, something, something - there are details, but I couldn't be bothered to understand the flow chart after Minnie Driver and Proust came up in the same sentence).  I also couldn't be bothered to come up with an original post idea today, so here we are. 4

Ally Bean answered these questions, too!

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1. When and where were you happiest?

My junior year of college. I had my shit together, graduation still seemed far off, I had friends, and I still had the self-confidence of someone who had not yet been to graduate school.

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What quality do you like the least about yourself?

My internal monologue is exhausting. I'm mean and snarky and as much as I try and work on increasing my positive and happy thoughts, I struggle. 

My SIL told me once that she realized in high school when she was at some awards ceremony for upperclassmen that she could potentially win all the superlative awards (you know - most popular, most friendly, most athletic, most likely to succeed, most likely to end up in jail, etc.) except for most kind and she vowed to work on that. And she succeeded. She's very positive and she has told me that every once in a while she slips back into snarky mode, but just a few days of focusing on the positive and she can turn things around.

Well, I've been working on this for years and as much as I try to control the direction of my thoughts, the snark is still my default, unfortunately. I want to be a nice, kind person, but I fear I am not. 

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What relationship - real or fictional - defines love for you?

Part of the reason that the previous answer is so detailed is because have you seen the way Hannah looks at me? She honestly thinks I'm a good person and I want to be as good a person as she thinks I am. Hannah's love for me is the epitome of true love. How did I get through most of my adult life without a dog?

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What would be your last meal?

Oh, who cares? I'd eat lasagna and ice cream and drink Diet Coke like it was going out of style. 

But, Hannah! Hannah, who can only eat gross dog food, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, chicken, eggs, and marshmallows (and she doesn't even like the marshmallows!).  For Hannah, I'd give her all the things for her last meal because it won't matter anymore. A steak, chocolate ice cream, and a fucking bone.  Poor Hannah.

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What person, place, or experience has most altered your life?

I have so many answers for this.

1. College was absolutely life-altering. I learned how to be independent, make my own choices, and deal with the consequences of those choices. Going away to college was the right choice for me.

2. Moving to Minneapolis changed the trajectory of my entire life. I met my husband there and met so many awesome people who are still my friends. 

3. Being with my mother-in-law when she was dying and being in the room with her when she died changed everything about how I see end of life care and mortality.

So, it's hard to say what the one and only one answer is here. My husband is the person who has most altered my life. Minneapolis is probably the place that altered it the most. My MIL's death is the experience that most altered it. But I don't know which one is the most of the most.

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What question would you most like answered?

What does it take to truly be happy?

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What in your life has grown out of personal disaster?

More than a decade ago, I broke my leg pretty badly. We'd been married a few years at this point, but it felt like we were still in the newlywed stage. We'd just moved to a small town and I hated it, but was trying to bloom where I was planted. I'd found some dribs and drabs of work, was volunteering, and oh, yeah, we had that tiny baby kitten!  

But me breaking my leg was an absolute disaster. I couldn't work. Dr. BB was struggling to stay afloat in his first teaching job. We had absolutely no friends or support system in that town. It was a mess.

Let me just tell you, though, that this experience really brought me and Dr. BB together as a solid couple. Before that time, we'd sort of still been living like people who were sort of roommates. We had his and her cupboards and frequently made different meals. We did our own laundry. Dr. BB did not know my preferred order of doing things in the shower. By the end of the first six months of my recovery, our relationship had shifted so that we were a UNIT. Us against whatever the world was going to throw at us. Pretty good outcome if you ask me. 

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Have you answered these seven questions?  Do you understand what Minnie Driver has to do with it?