Coup d'kitten

Hi all. My name is Zelda.  I am approximately four months old and absolutely adorable.  The adorableness is a distraction so my people won't know my true evil nature.  My people spoil me senseless, buy me lots of toys, and play with me all the time.  I, for my part, give love and cuddles to the girl person, especially when she's covered in my favorite fleece blanket (see above) and chase the boy person's legs all the time because he's usually kicking a ball for me to chase, so I say, hey, skip the middleman here, Imma gonna chase the legs.

As far as I can tell, my life is very difficult.  All the time, those people stuff me in a carrier and take me to this office with other animals and then these people in blue outfits poke things in me!  Also, they don't let me climb on the table, the entertainment center, or even go into the bedroom at all! What's a kitty to do?  I'm plotting an overthrow of the apartment so I can whatever I want to do.  And that girl person is always cleaning my ears, touching my feet, and brushing me. I find myself appalled at her audacity in touching me like that.  Someday I'm going to stuff my paws in her ears when she isn't paying attention.

I sleep a lot, but when I'm not sleeping, I'm totally looking for trouble.  I try to eat the houseplants, climb up everything, and bite things.  I'm teething right now, so I like to bite. I like biting my people best of all, but I'll bite just about anything - paper, plastic, wood, you know, whatever someone leaves handily about for me to bite.  I also like to dash out of our apartment and watch my people drop whatever they have in their hands to come chase me down the hall. It's so funny to watch people run - run for their lives.

My favorite sleeping place is on the female person.  The boy person is too sharp for me.  How come he doesn't have nice padding like the girl?  I will, of course, accept sleeping on the couch as a second place substitute, but I really like to be the only one on the couch at the time.  Sometimes I like to keep my people on their toes by sleeping in really weird places like the bathtub, but most of the time, I like to be sleeping on something soft.  Up next I'm devising plot to force them to allow me into the bedroom where there's a thing that looks really big and soft to sleep on.

I'm five pounds right now and I seem to be getting a little bit longer every day. I have really short legs and so I miss a lot of jumps which makes my people laugh like crazy and I think it's mean that they laugh at me, but I am getting longer and longer and pretty soon I'm going to be so big I take over and show those humans that Zelda is the one in charge in this house.  They'll learn, mark my words.  I won't be a little kitten forever.