20th Anniversary Countdown: Guest Post #20

In celebration of my blog's 20th anniversary, I've been having guest posters every week leading up to the big day. You may remember that a while back I asked all of you to submit questions you might have for my husband. I anonymized the questions, reordered them, and today you'll be getting answers to those very questions. Thanks to everyone who asked questions!

About a week ago, I spent approximately five minutes writing what I thought his answers might be, so those answers are in brackets after his responses. 

Without further ado, here is Dr. BB!

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Marriage 

1. What did you first notice about Engie? 

I could point to a lot of things that I love about Engie that would make me look really sweet and charming – her unassuming brilliance, the fact that she is the only person I’ve ever met who literally dances like no one is watching, etc. – but it took me a while to discover all of that. The honest answer? She was wearing a tight-ish t-shirt and some hip-hugging flared jeans and I didn’t stand a chance.  

[My response: That I was not Black. I think everyone thought I was going to be a Black woman until I showed up.]

[Note from NGS: Fourth of July, 2005 - We went to the fireworks downtown. One of the earliest photos of us together. You can read a very vague recounting of this outing on this very blog.]

2. What are your best and worst qualities as a husband? 

I’m midwestern, so “best” is tricky. Engie would say that I am funny, but this is not a universally agreed upon assessment! I think my best husband quality is that I am just really into Engie in a bunch of different ways. Those ways have changed and deepened throughout our relationship. I make a point of both paying attention to that dynamic and, hopefully, letting her know about it! 

[My response: Conscientious, supportive, funny.]

There is some competition for worst. I can be moody and sullen. I sometimes have conversations with myself in my head and assume that Engie has been involved in that process. The big one, though, is probably my extremely neurotic relationship with food. I can (and do!) rationalize this based on medical issues I have dealt with, but at the end of the day I am weird about food, and this causes a lot of inconvenience and missed opportunities for both of us.  

[My response: The food thing.]

3. What is one thing that you do better than Engie and one thing she does better than you? 

I think I am more intuitive than Engie, but this comes with the downside that if I do not grasp something reasonably quickly, I have a tendency to get frustrated and move on. This might be a partial explanation for why I am terrible at painting rooms. I start with the best intentions, but if I don’t nail it on the first go my instinct is to say, eh, fuck it. Engie, for her part, has a deep curiosity about things that translates into a lot more perseverance than I can usually muster. She will dig and sift and winnow until she has her head around something. This is probably also why she outperformed me on every standardized test that we have both taken. She’s not a perfectionist, per se, but she has a lot more patience with imperfection than I do. She is a hell of a room painter.  

[My response: He does better: Tetrising the dishwasher. I often just pile the dishes next to it and ask him to deal with it. I do better: Remember the things.]

[Note from NGS: Engagement photos in 2007. This isn't the best technical photo, but I love everything about it. If you want to see a few more, here are some links. Our photographer is still in business and if anyone in the Twin Cities wants a recommendation, he's got ours.]

4. What is your favorite thing about your wife? 

She is caring in a really genuine way. I know a lot of people who put on a good show about giving a damn, but at the end of the day it is just that – a show. For my part I tend to care quite a lot but keep it to myself, and I’m adept at hiding my not-caring. When Engie professes to care about something, she follows through on it. A great, if simple, example that she may have written about: Engie keeps in touch. She writes letters and notes, sends cards, makes time to text or call. She cares about the people in her life and she acts on that. On the flip side, she generally will not pretend to care when she does not. This can make her come off as brusque to some people, but those people should get to know her better. 

[My response:  I have no idea how to predict this answer.]

5. How do you feel about having a wife who blogs about her life? 

I love it! That said, I don’t read it. I think of it as a space that she has where she can reflect at length about what’s on her mind and connect with a community that means a lot to her. I made a conscious decision to absent myself from that space. Engie has mentioned the book club to me, and I think that is a great encapsulation of how I see the blog as a whole. It would be kinda weird for me to randomly drop in on an in-person book club. That’s how I feel about the blog. 

[My response: It’s really weird, but she likes it, so that’s okay.]

Work 

6. What kind of doctor are you? 

I have a Ph.D. in political science, specializing in political theory. What does that mean? Read on! 

[My response: Ph.D. – not the medical kind.]

7. Could you please tell me what political theory is in twenty words or less? 

Probably not, but I’m no quitter! Here goes: the study of political ideas and ideologies, how they have evolved over time, and how they influence politics today (19 – boom).  In a few more words, political theory differs from political philosophy be being marginally more practical. Political philosophers ask questions like, what is justice? Political theorists are more likely to ask, what are the features of a just political system? How have our answers to that question changed over time? How do our current institutions measure up to that ideal? 

[My response: Ha ha ha. I cannot.]

8. What is your area of research/ study/ teaching? 

My research is in the philosophy of social science. I’m interested in how we establish truth in the social sciences (political science, sociology, psychology, etc.) and how our paths to truth differ from those taken in the natural sciences (biology, chemistry, physics, etc.). It is arcane and uninteresting to most people! 

My teaching is more interesting, and much more broad. I’m the only political theorist at my university, so I teach the entire historical sequence in political thought, everything from ancient and medieval political thought through contemporary thinkers. Plato, Machiavelli, Locke, Nietzsche, Camus, Rawls – I do it all! I also offer occasional one-off courses on topics of contemporary interest, so things like democracy in dark times. 

[My response: He studies Big Ideas. (Look, I’ve never, NOT ONCE, taken a political theory class. Maybe I should audit one of his classes.)]

9. How did you become a political scientist? Were there any big moments of formation or clarity? 

I took a lot of detours in college. I started as a biomedical engineering major (!), hated it, and went searching. Eventually, after a number of false starts (including a brief period when I thought I was destined to be an underappreciated poet) I found my way to philosophy and theory classes. My clever idea was that I could tell my parents (who were understandably concerned about my prospects – I was writing poetry for god’s sake!) that I was studying political science with an eye toward law school, while actually indulging my interest in these more abstract pursuits. Along the way I had several amazing professors who steered my thinking more in the political theory direction rather than philosophy.  

[My response: He wanted to study international relations, but his celiac diagnosis made that seem a bit too challenging, so he began to study theory instead.]

10. I have a sense of your political stances via Engie (oriented towards social and environmental justice). What would you say is a litmus-test question that could be used to gauge a political scientist's politics? 

The question would be different if I were talking to a political scientist versus the average politically interested person, in part because most political scientists I know are pretty savvy about dodging such questions. That said, I think a revealing question is to ask about the balance between liberty and equality in society. Most people who think a lot about politics acknowledge that liberty and equality are sometimes in tension. Their views on how the two are best balanced can be illuminating.  

[My response: He doesn’t think your politics should matter to a person in front of the classroom!]

[Note from NGS: Dr. BB is OVER taking photos by this time on our wedding day and I love how he's glaring. I just really really love this photo, even though my dress is bustled incorrectly and my makeup is a mess. Look at how hot my husband is!]

Hobbies 

11. What do you like to do when you are NOT researching/ teaching? 

I read a fair amount, though nowhere near as much as Engie. We do a lot of “parallel play” where we are with each other, each doing our own thing. Outside of that I am a pretty solitary creature, so I enjoy doing things that allow me to be alone for stretches of time: bike rides, solo golf rounds, listening to or playing music, that sort of thing. It’s how I regain my bearings after spending chunks of my work life in classrooms or meetings full of people –experiences I enjoy but find draining and a bit disorienting.  

[My response: Playing guitar, playing tennis/golf, watching The West Wing.]

12. What's your favorite movie, and why? 

Like Engie I don’t watch a ton of movies. I have a soft spot for ‘80s horror movies, oddly enough, and the best example in my book is Halloween. For the nerds out there – my people, in other words – I know that Halloween actually came out in 1978 and is technically not an ‘80s movie.  It feels like one, though, doesn’t it? Maybe because it does all of the things that ‘80s slasher movies do, but better. Tension, some humor, an eerie as hell soundtrack, a few well-placed jump scares…. I watch it every year and love it every time.  

[My response: I don’t know the answer to this. I should feel bad about that.]

A fairly representative example of a page from one of my editions of Truth and Method. It’s not clear form this picture, but there are three different ink colors here - black, blue, and violet - a different color for each time through the text. The damn book is almost 600 pages and every one of them looks like this. 

13. What is your favorite book? 

This is a tricky question since I both work with books and read them for pleasure. My favorite “work book” is called Truth and Method by the German philosopher Hans-Georg Gadamer. It has been hugely influential in how I think about a lot of things. My favorite book of poetry is Hart Crane’s White Buildings. My favorite novel I’ve read for pleasure is a moving target. Today I’ll say This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I first read it when I was 18, and it was a major case of “the right book at the right time.”  

[My response: The Idiot. I feel like I need to defend this answer - he has absolutely said The Idiot was his favorite book to me before!]

A ~25 year-old picture of me with a statue of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Three things that should be evident from this: 1.My appreciation for Fitzgerald is long-standing. 2. I’m not lying about the hairline thing (below). 3. There are good reasons why I rarely wear shorts. 

14. What is your favorite thing about Hannah? 

We sometimes joke that Hannah is me in dog form. She’s generally quiet, has weird food issues, is suspicious of strangers, fiercely protective of Engie, etc. She also has an undeniable goofy streak. The thing that I love the most about Hannah is how that side of her personality pops out unexpectedly and unreservedly. I will never know the uninhibited joy that Hannah expresses when she is tearing ass across an open field chasing something that only she can see.  

[My response: When she “woop woops” in her sleep.]

Hannah being a little nutter. I had to freeze-frame and zoom in on a video to get this - these outbursts are both fleeting and hilarious. 

15. What is your favorite quote? 

I’ll go with the opening stanza of Hart Crane’s “Repose of Rivers” from the aforementioned White Buildings: 

The willows carried a slow sound, 
A sarabande the wind mowed on the mead. 
I could never remember 
That seething, steady leveling of the marshes 
Till age had brought me to the sea. 

[My response: I don’t know how to answer this for myself, let alone him!]

16. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? 

G.K. Chesterton tells a great little parable in Orthodoxy (a book I probably would not recommend unless you are very Catholic or Catholic-curious) about an Englishman who gets a yacht and sets out to discover the world. He is a poor sailor, though, and, losing his way, ends up discovering… England. The thing is, he is enchanted by his discovery. He views his home country with fresh eyes and loves it. That’s how I feel about my home. If I could live anywhere in the world, it would be in the home I return to after travelling anywhere in the world. 

[My response: Huh. I’m interested in his answer to this.]

17. What is your favorite kind of hat? Do you wear hats? 

Do I wear hats? I’m a 40-something man who started losing his hair as a teenager. I wear hats. Lately I’m big on bucket hats. I used to think they looked a bit dorky, but I’m leaning into that these days. Baseball hats are a bit…sporty for me. Fedoras and the like are too extremely online. We live in northern climes, so stocking caps are a given 4-5 months out of the year. Bucket hats have a bit of personality, they’re functional in the sun, and they aren’t a default choice for dudebros – my mortal enemies.  

[My response: He wears hats a lot because he’s a balding man. Right now he’s on a bucket hat kick.]

A new addition to my bucket hat collection (to deal with the aforementioned hairline issue). Engie likes the puzzle pieces side; I favor the tropical birds.

18. What kind of music do you like or dislike? 

I really love music. Engie goes in for podcasts, I prefer music. I listen to jazz, soul, rock, R&B, country, pop, rap… pretty much any pop music recorded between the late 1930s and the turn of the century, or contemporary music in that vein. My home base is probably jangly power pop. I honestly cannot get into contemporary hip hop. I like the music that inspired hip hop, but to me the whole is less than the sum of its parts. 

[My response: Not the same music I do, that’s for sure!]

19. If you had three wishes, what would they be? 

It’s a trap! I would use only one wish, and it would be for my remaining wishes to be transferred to someone who needs the wishes more and who would choose more wisely than me.  

[My response: My wishes for him are health, peace, and joy. I suspect those are not his own.]

20. If you had to pick a book for Engie’s book club, what book would you choose? 

Infinite Jest. Just kidding. Engie and I have very different tastes in books, so I would be tempted to pick one of the few books that I have recommended to her and that she professes to have enjoyed. I’ll mention two: A Canticle for Liebowitz by Walter M. Miller, Jr., and Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke.  

[My response: Great question. I can’t wait to see what he says!]

A Canticle for Leibowitz. Marginalia include my rough Latin translations for Engie’s benefit. The post-its include things she wanted to ask me about. This probably says a lot about us, but I’m not sure what.

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And that's a wrap on guest posts, friends. I hope you enjoyed them. I'll have our CBBC wrap-up for I Capture the Castle tomorrow and then I'll write some Top Twenty lists until the actual 20th anniversary. In the meantime, I hope you're having a great long weekend, American friends, and everyone else is enjoying just a regular old weekend.

Who else wants their partner to answer twenty questions on their blog?

What's something fun you've done this weekend?

Our Adventure!

We went to a place called Justin Trails for a night last weekend. We did this because I requested a getaway for my birthday and this was a place we could take Hannah with us that was within a couple of hours driving distance. We only did a night because a) we weren't sure how Hannah would do with it, b) I don't really like being anywhere besides my house, and c) do you think money grows on trees? Ha ha ha. That last one made me think I was my dad for a hot minute.

It's a cool place. You can choose from tent camping places to glamping to actual suites in real buildings with real bathrooms. Hopefully you all know me well enough to know we stayed in a suite in the renovated farm house.

Hannah did okay. She was not crazy about hearing people in the other suite when they were going up and down the stairs and she did a bit of barking. This is actually a bit problematic because I think it means she would be a nightmare in a hotel situation and this limits our ability to travel, even if we take her with us. She also wouldn't eat dinner that night, so that's another worry. Oh, well. Some dogs aren't meant to be on the road. Also, my boss suggested we get a prescription for a sleep aid for her from the vet for this type of situation and I hadn't even considered that.

The resort had llamas, goats, and lots of dogs roaming around.

They also had hundreds of acres of maintained trails. I think we saw approximately ten acres of those because we were pretty worried about poor Hannah overdoing it. Sometimes she forgets she's an older dog who has a dodgy back.

But it was so much fun because we left her off leash and once we were out of sight of the house, we never saw another human or canine. 

And we even tried to do a fun selfie with the dog, in the spirit of Birchie, although Hannah was not the most cooperative.

That vein in my forehead! Folks, this is what it looks like when I don't wear makeup. Also, Hannah was PISSED that we told her to stay when she could have been RUNNING AROUND.

Oh, AND I made Dr. BB drive twenty miles to a well-reviewed bakery where I purchased myself a tiramisu dessert cup AND and a turtle sweet dream. #noregrets

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Do you ever take your pet with you when you travel? How does that work for you? Do you find it easy to get a pet sitter or board your pet?

8.25 Relationship - Playlist Throwback

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twenty-fifth day of the month is "Relationship."

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Last month, I wrote about how we celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary on the twenty-fifth. This month, I'd like you all to see that my husband loves me enough to give me a primer on Radiohead.

In my obsession with the podcast 60 Songs That Explain the 90s, I listened to the episode on Radiohead's song "Creep" and admitted to my husband that Radiohead's back catalog is intimidating to me. 

(I honestly imagine it's the equivalent of someone staring at the discography of Dolly Parton or Garth Brooks and just sort of shrugging. Where would you even start?  I mean, the obvious answer is that you start with Garth's The Hits - although Garth's not on streaming services, so you'd have to buy it and that seems unlikely unless you are a true fan - and Parton's Playlist: The Very Best of Dolly Parton, but this is a serious digression.)

We had this discussion, I took off to walk the dog, and when I came home, this was sitting on the dining room table for me. 

He proceeded to explain to me the complicated system of dashes and asterisks and I feel like my husband just made me a mixed tape and I thought it was the most romantic gesture in the world. Be back as soon as I listen to all of these songs.

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Absolutely unnecessary evaluation of each song (I'm seriously worried about what this is going to do to my Spotify algorithm):

"Creep" - Every generation needs a stalking song, I guess. 

"Anyone Can Play Guitar" - I can 100% see why my husband loves this song. 

"My Iron Lung" - LOLOLOLOL forever at Radiohead. Poor band gets a hit single and then complains about how hard it is on them. This song is hilarious, but I don't think it's supposed to be? I do appreciate the potshots at grunge. It is a cleverly written song.

"Just" - My husband suggested I watch the video. I had no idea what the members of this band looked like, but now I know. And the video was interesting, although I was less impressed with the guitar in this tune.

"Paranoid Android" - Okay, I gave this one the old college try. Two-and-a-half minutes into a six-and-a-half-minute song and I wanted to tear my hair out. It was...noisy.

"Let Down" - This just sounds like noise to me. I can't understand what York is singing even though I'm reading the lyrics at the same time. Huh. The intro and bridge are very pleasant musical interludes.

"Everything in Its Right Place" - No. Just no.

"The National Anthem" - This is screechy. 

"I Might Be Wrong" - I like the album cover art. It's listenable, but barely.

Do you listen to Radiohead? What's your favorite album or song? 

5.25 Relationship - Light Bulb, Not a Balloon

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twenty-fifth day of the month is "Relationship."

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Above my desk in our home office is a print from the Twin Cities-based artist Adam Turman. It was a present from Dr. BB some years ago. Turman has a print called Track Stand available for purchase in his store that we have a tiny postcard-size print of that I also love. I like his style + Minneapolis-focus + cycling details.  Anyway, this print is amazing because it's fall! Purple! Striped hosiery! It's pretty perfect for me.

What is that little balloon note hanging from the print, you ask?

So, Dr. BB left me a note one day when we were ships crossing in the night and I was so excited when I saw it, but found it was really just a list of things he needed me to do before he got home.  I texted him that I was disappointed it wasn't a love note. When he got home, he took this out of his bag and gave it to me. I thought it was both sweet and hilarious and have kept it ever since. 

Is there anything you keep that's silly and sweet?  

5.20 Message - Like a Penguin

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Every day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twentieth day of the month is "Message." I have decided that I'm going to write about the last photo message I sent via text.

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So, you know how when it's icy outside, you're supposed to take short, shuffle-y steps, keep your center of gravity over your feet, keep your knees loose, and keep your hands out of your pockets to help with balance. In short, you're supposed to walk like a penguin? 

So the last time I took Hannah to the dog park, this sign was posted on the gate to enter. I laughed and laughed and sent a picture to Dr. BB. 

What's the last photo message you sent? 

4.25 Relationship - Tiny Marriage Traditions (Mostly Parenthetical Tangents)

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twenty-fifth day of the month is "Relationship."

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Kaelyn recently had a post about how we're all basically just mediocre and that's great because not everyone needs to be or can be super successful and what is success anyway as long as we're kind and caring and vote for the best candidates? And it really resonated with me because I mostly just want to be the kind of person who is left alone to read my books, walk my dog, and talk to my husband about whether or not we have enough wrapping paper for the birthday presents we have to wrap. I don't want to be the person who is in charge and is super competent and makes plans and does everything.

And I sort of think that way about my marriage, too.

I adore my husband. I think he's definitely more than mediocre in intelligence, he's hard-working, he's patient, and he's creative in coming up with solutions to problems. He's also forgetful, a tiny bit reckless, resents authority figures in a way that makes me nervous that he has regular interactions with police officers,

(For a very small window of time, he was on a committee with the chief of the campus police. There was an email exchange in which the police chief shortened by husband's name with a different nickname than my husband uses, so my husband responded in kind by shortening the police chief's first name that he also doesn't use in the reply email. It was all passive aggressive and HILARIOUS. Because the police chief is a bit of a power-hungry tool.)

and has food preferences that drive me absolutely batty.

But we work well together, forgive each other's foibles, and are the same page about the big things, like how to care for the girls, finances, and how we spend time. But it's just an average marriage, right? We're not winning couple of the year for our great couple's trips, our system of communication, or posting great matching outfit posts on Instagram. We're just happy to be with one another and that makes it perfect for us, but we're not shaking up the world with some new form of marriage that will revolutionize the world.

It's February and I just checked that I have never written on this blog about our Valentine's Day tradition and how it came to be and how it represents the absolute mediocrity of who we are.

The year we were engaged, I was working three jobs and really was taxed beyond my mental ability. I sort of forgot it was Valentine's Day until I got home and somehow realized that I hadn't considered a gift or a card or anything for Dr. BB. Now, I sort of thought that anything that happened that year we were engaged would set the tone for the rest of relationship and I knew that February is depressing as hell for me and if we skipped celebrating Valentine's Day for the rest of our lives because I forgot in 2008, I would regret it. 

So after we ate dinner, I dug around in my crate of crafting supplies 

(My mom is a big crafter and is constantly disappointed that I don't really do many crafty things. She's occasionally impressed with my sewing projects, but generally my sister is the one who does the crafting. ANYWAY. Because of my mom's influence/gifts, I have a lot of paper, stickers, felt, punches, stamps, inkpads, colored pencils, markers, and just general crafting supplies. Don't get me started on the number of buttons and random beads I own. I store them all in a Budweiser crate that I also got from my mom for this purpose. Why Budweiser? No one knows.)

and found construction paper and a Sharpie and I sat down at the coffee table while we watched a DVD of Buffy and I made him a card.

And now every year on Valentine's Day, we sit at the table after dinner and make each other cards. One time we were traveling on Valentine's Day and I even brought some paper and markers with us (we borrowed a pair of scissors from the front desk - I am not even joking) and we made them in our hotel room. It's our tiny way of saying "this holiday is about love and I love you." 

Dr. BB's 2023 creation for me. Pretty minimalist, but hilarious.

Obviously, neither of us is a great artist, but the thought behind the cards and the time we spend together making them is always memorable. 

Two other tiny traditions in our house:

1) On our wedding anniversary, we always take a photo of the two of us. These photos vary in quality and whether or not I have brushed my hair, but if no other photo exists of the two of us in a given year, we'll always have our anniversary photo for the holiday card.

2) For Christmas, we open our presents before we travel anywhere else. Just the two of us (and Zelda who likes to play in the boxes and Hannah who LOVES to destroy the wrapping paper).  

Nothing super exciting or above average. But absolutely wonderful.

What's a tiny tradition in your house that you'll never give up?

2.30 Depression - Combatting Winter Blues

Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Every day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the thirtieth day of the month is "Depression."

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What are your go to activities for the end of the holiday season to fight off that post-celebration depression? 

Do you reflect on the year behind you? The ups and the downs? Creating lists of the things you've done?  

Do you anticipate the year ahead of you? Make goals? Plan trips? Start creating your planner pages?

Do you just relax after the last few weeks of busy? Do a jigsaw puzzle?  Spend endless hours on the couch with your sleeping cat? Read? 

Do you fill your hours with activities? Take your dog for endless hikes as she gets muddier and muddier? Taking down holiday decorations? Catching up on cleaning that has long been neglected? 

What do you do during this time of year?

It turned warm! Mid-50s. All the snow is melting and Hannah is a muddy mess. Can you even see the camouflaged dog?

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Random anecdote #1:

We do drawings to see which aunt and uncle will buy for each of our nieces and nephews. Among others, we got our super emotionally savvy eight-year-old girl. 

(Once she told me that I would look nice if I wasn't wearing tennis shoes. I rarely wear tennis shoes outside of actual exercise, but my leg was being bad that day. This girl KNEW it would hit me right where it hurt. She's super smart. And, also, I might be traumatized from this exchange with her.)

She had a conversation with her mom on the drive on Christmas morning. "I bet Aunt NGS will get me jewelry. I've never seen her without a bracelet on."

Cut to Christmas morning when she opens a craft kit, a book about gymnastics, and a bracelet. This damn sweet child knows me better than I know myself.

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Random anecdote #2:

Somehow Dr. BB stepped in poop and tracked it from our dining room, up the stairs, to the office. I was busy on a Zoom call, so I came to this as I soon as I saw him take out a flashlight and start examining our floor very closely. I asked him what was happening.

"I stepped in Zelda poop. It was on my slipper. I'm trying to find the original source."

Now, both of our girls are very good about their bathroom habits. Hannah's only accidents have been when she was sick. Zelda always uses her litter box, but she's very fuzzy and occasionally things will cling to her butt fur and we'll find it in places that are not her litter box. Anyway.

"Are you sure it was cat poop?" (I was thinking that perhaps it was a mouse or something else that might have crept into our house.)

"Well, it's either cat or human poop."

Cut to me staring at him with my mouth open. He'd blame ME before he even considered THE DOG?!

True love. True love, you guys. 

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To see what Bestest Friend wrote about the theme of the day, go visit her at Too Legit to Quit.

Our Morning Routine

Our morning routine is probably quite a bit simpler than other people's because we don't have children. What we do have is two needy pets who require a fair amount of work.  I think of my morning routine as essentially a two hour long process. 

6:30am - My alarm goes off. The cat starts yowling downstairs immediately.  I turn the alarm off and immediately turn on my Carex Day-Light therapy lamp. I suffer from SAD and got this lamp last year in the throes of the pandemic and it has greatly increased my enthusiasm for getting out of bed.  I lay in bed reading on my Kindle for 30 minutes under the lamp. I've recently been reading The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison, but it's taken me approximately forever to get through it, so I'm not even sure if I'll finish it by the time my ebook will be due back at the library. 

7:00am - Dr. BB and I stumble downstairs. I brush the cat with a FURminator.  She hates being brushed, so I usually try to get her neckline where she can't groom herself and her haunches, which she can get herself, but she usually doesn't, and she gets mats there if I don't brush her regularly. I honestly only brush her for thirty to sixty seconds, but if I skip even a day or two, she gets matted fur, so we don't skip days.

Meanwhile, Zelda the Cat is hungry and she's yowling at us to feed her still.

I open the gate to the mudroom and Hannah the Dog is released. She greets me, gets pets, greets Dr. BB, gets pets, and then chases after Zelda for her ritual morning kitty belly nuzzles.  Then Hannah comes back to the mudroom, where I close the gate and put her harness on. 

Waiting for me to put on her harness. She's a very patient girl.

I then take Hannah the Dog outside for a walk around the block.  (Note: I am still wearing whatever I wore to bed on these walks. At this point in the year, I'm wearing sweatpants, sweatshirt, and tennis shoes with my fall coat. I haven't brushed my hair. I have no fucks to give about what I look like when I go on this walk.)

She was very confused about getting her picture taken on a morning walk. I'm usually all business.

While Hannah and I are out walking, Dr. BB feeds Zelda, empties the dishwasher, and makes the humans tea.  

When Hannah and I get back, I put her in the mudroom and close the gate.  I then go to the kitchen where Dr. BB and I clean Zelda's chin. She has kitty acne and we have to clean her chin daily.  She likes this about as much as she likes being brushed, so now you know Zelda's true trauma is the first half hour we're downstairs in the morning.

I then train, feed, and medicate Hannah. She's a true joy in the morning and loves all of this.  

7:30am - I shower and get dressed.

7:45am - I make breakfast and eat it. Generally my breakfast is yogurt with granola, fruit of some sort, cranberry juice, the tea my husband made for me, and a handful of vitamins and supplements.

8:00am - At this point, I dry my hair if I washed it and brush my teeth. In days past, I would put on makeup, but I don't really wear it anymore since I rarely leave the house and when I do leave the house, I'm wearing a mask.

8:30am - Turn on my computer and get to work.  

What does your morning routine look like?  Does it involve a yowling cat?

Tuesday Randomocity: OCD Dog, Golfing, and Gifting

This post is brought to you by Tuesday randomocity, as inspired by Suzanne.

1. We've had a month to review our benefits, so, of course, we waited until the last minute to do so.  I got a super romantic text from my husband yesterday morning that said "benefits after work" as if we were planning a hot, sexy date.  Unfortunately, we instead just sat at the dining room table running numbers, looking up retirement accounts, and quizzing each other on the state of our respective health savings accounts.  If you want to know what it's like to be an adult, come check out our household in mid-October. (We actually both get the "single" plan for health and dental because it's cheaper than if we did a "family" plan. Couples without children really get screwed, but I guess that's the way of it. We're forever subsidizing children, which is as it should be, I suppose.)

2. Normally when I take Hannah the Dog for a walk in the afternoon, it's an easy process. The dog and cat hang out in the mudroom all morning together because there's lots of sun there and it's easy to forget we even have pets, but between 1-3pm, the dog will come and put her head on my knee and that's my cue that we have got to leave for a walk. Because the cat is typically still in the mudroom somewhere, the dog puts her snout in the cat's belly (which, as you can imagine, Zelda adores), we put on the dog's harness and my shoes, and we're off.

Yesterday, this sort of happened. Mid-afternoon, the dog put her head on my knee.  I wandered out to the mudroom, got the dog dressed, but then Hannah started wandering around the house, somewhat agitatedly.  You see, Zelda the Cat was NOT in the mudroom and Hannah had to complete the ritual belly nuzzling.  I called Hannah to my side and we searched the house until we found Zelda in the rocking chair.  Zelda's belly was properly slobbered on, Hannah was no longer freaking out, and we went on our walk.

How neurotic must I be that we now have created an absolutely OCD dog?  What have I done to her? She can't even enjoy a walk without completing all the necessary steps beforehand.  (I will not tell you about our bedtime routine, but it is similarly filled with steps that MUST BE DONE or bed will not happen.)

3. My husband has, in the course of the last five months, become a stereotypical middle-aged man. He recently bought a robe. It's made of sweatshirt material and it's flannel lined and it's super warm and I'm not going to lie, I'm super envious of the thing, but it's as if he's turned into Paul Sinha from Taskmaster. Decidedly nerdy. (After I sent him the text about how we were going to be really romantic after work yesterday doing the benefits crap, he sent me a text that he would wear his robe for the full effect.)

If you haven't watched Taskmaster, this means nothing to you. Paul Sinha is hilarious, the show is hilarious, and you should go watch it right now.

Dr. BB has also taken up golfing.  Yes. Two or three times a week, he puts on real pants and a collared shirt and goes to do a round of golf or he goes to a driving range to "hit a bucket of balls," which sounds filthy, but I'm pretty sure is not. I don't know how this happened.  He has always had a bag of hand-me-down clubs from his dad and he would golf for family events, but suddenly he was buying new putters (?), foam golf balls, and a golf towel. I didn't even know a golf towel was a thing. I guess, as far as mid-life crises goes, this is an acceptable one, but where did it even come from? 

4. I have decided that I would like to be mostly done with holiday shopping by the end of October. I'm worried about supply chain issues and shipping delays and so, without further ado, let me tell you about gift giving.

A. Things I've recently added to my Amazon wishlist to make my own life easier. All of these are things that would really make my life easier, but that I will never spend my own money on.

Shampoo brush that is both economical and I have been convinced will rid me of oily hair.

A two-sided jigsaw puzzle. Imagine the hours of frustrating fun this could bring.

 New mittens for the dogwalking. Look, I got a very  nice pair of gloves last Christmas and promptly lost one of the gloves within two weeks, so I'm not sure I'm responsible enough for this gift, but I do really think it could make walking the dog more bearable.

Harney and Sons pumpkin spice tea because not being allowed caffeine sucks and I want a PSL just like everyone else, but must deny myself. I've heard this is a pretty good substitute.

This wobble cushion that apparently helps you do better at sitting at your desk - it improves posture and balance.  

New can opener. I've struggled with our can opener since I broke my thumb and it hasn't healed right. Wirecutter says this is the best one, so that's what's on my list. 

Cookie scoop. Does it even need to be said why I want this?

Folding travel yoga mat. I've decided that I'm going to leave my house in 2022 and I'd like to have a convenient way of doing yoga on the road.

Infinity earrings. On my wedding night, I somehow lost my favorite pair of earrings ever. I have been searching for a replacement pair ever since. More than a decade later, people. 

Rechargeable hand warmer. Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I already have one. I've had this second one on my list for more than one year, but I'd like a second one so that I can have one for each hand.  It gets cold walking the dog, yo.

Towel warmer because our downstairs bathroom is not insulated and it's super cold in there in the winter. There is NO WAY I'd pay this price, but I do think it would increase my quality of life greatly if someone else wanted to buy it for me.

The 99% Invisible City book because I am a Roman Mars fan.

B. Things I'm considering for other folks on my list. I try to avoid food and drink since those types of gifts are not appreciated in our house (so FRAUGHT when Dr. BB's co-workers give us homemade granola, you know what I mean?). Without a bottle of wine or homemade treats as an option, things get tough with gift giving sometimes.  Here are my preliminary thoughts.

Bombas socks.  I have traditionally been a fan of SmartWool and Darn Tough, but for boring reasons, I think I'm going to get lots of people Bombas socks this year.  I love socks and I don't care if these are stereotypical lame gifts.

Ceramic dog ring dish. I just think it's cute.

Hand cream set because who here isn't washing their hands a million times a day?

Washi tape set for my crafty friends. I don't actually know what one does with washi tape, but it seems really popular, doesn't it? 

Fineliner pens. I love school supplies, so I'm always up for a set of great pens. 

Colored mechanical pencils. They come in colors!  

Thermopop digital thermometer for the home cooks in your life. 

Heated apparel. This base layer would be nice for dog walks, winter outdoor sporting events, and cool evenings when you're holding book club outside.  Man, maybe this should be on MY list.

Nice journal for the writerly types in your life. This one comes in a lot of colors and types of paper, so it's pretty customizable. 

Neck and back massager. Now that I'm getting older, this is exactly the kind of thing I want.

Double oven glove. Do you ever watch the Great British Bake-Off and lust after their oven gloves? No more. You can have your own. Throw in some kitchen towels and you're all set. 

Customizable self-care kit.  A lot of these self-care kits are all about long, luxurious baths, but I think that presupposes a lot about the habits of your loved ones. I like that this kit can be customized for the receiver.

Obligatory Thankful Post

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States.  We're at home, just me and Dr. BB with the dog and cat occasionally coming by to remind us that they exist.

I'm thankful for:

1) Our health:  It goes without saying that Dr. BB's health issues have always been front and center in our lives and 2020 has been no exception. We're both healthy and pleased to be able to do what it takes to remain so.

2) Our little family: I don't think I could have done all this social distancing and isolation with any one other than Dr. BB. We know each other well enough to know when to just leave the room and when to pester. I also don't think I could have survived without my thrice daily walks with the dog and occasional snugglefests on the couch with the cat.

3) Food and shelter: With so many people wondering how they are going to pay the rent or mortgage or how many meals they'll be able to eat today, I'm lucky to have a gorgeous house and to be able to afford all the food we need. I never take it for granted.

4) Flexible workplace: My boss has been super supportive and has allowed me to continue to work from home throughout this entire pandemic.  I feel grateful when I can walk my dog in the middle of the afternoon or run to the pharmacy on non-peak hours.

5) Meditation and yoga: Last year at this time, I was slowly losing control of my anxiety. I was having nightmares, the list making was uncontrollable, and I was counting, counting, counting.  I vowed in January to increase the number of yoga classes I took and it's made 2020 so much more pleasant for me in terms of my mental health, despite the stress and worry over the pandemic and the election.  

The Burgess Boys by Elizabeth Strout

 

Apparently I read The Burgess Boys by Elizabeth Strout in October 2013. I had some strong feelings about it at the time:

Let me be honest for a minute.  My life is not hard, in the sense that I know that rent will get paid, we will have food in the house, and that I have family who loves me and a cat who occasionally cuddles with me.  I am lucky and I am grateful for this.  But it is sometimes a challenge for me to get out of bed. It is all I can do to make breakfast, brush my teeth, and do SOMETHING with the day. I reward myself for doing minimal chores with reading.  And I want my reading to be entertaining. It doesn't have to be OMG hilarious or OMG happy ending all the time, but I want more than a slog through a dysfunctional family with little in the way of resolution or hope at the end.  I want my reading to be a reward and this kind of felt like a punishment.

Wow! I have no recollection of reading this book in the past, let alone writing such a scathing review.  I opened Goodreads to link to the book when I saw this review and I thought it was a mistake. But no mistake. I actually stand by the October 2013 review for the most part. It's a depressing book. There's no real resolution. It's certainly not an uplifting jaunt that will make 2020 seem better to you.

But, on the other hand, it seems so prescient in 2020. There's a theme in the Colleen Hoover book I wrote about last week, It Ends With Us, that's sort of "there aren't good and bad people - just people who sometimes do bad things" and this book is all about that.  No one in this book is perfect. They're just a family muddling through, sometimes doing okay and sometimes doing bad things. And I think that I'm much  more sympathetic about that than I was in 2013. Yes, some people are downright terrible at times, but aren't we all?  

Quotes:

1. Dust bunnies had been swept into the center of the living room, and the twilight that showed through the windows was indifferent, stark. The blank walls seemed to say wearily to Bob: Sorry. You thought this was a home. But it was just this, all long. (27%)

Whatever else you might say about Strout, she can set a tone like no one else. The melancholy seeping out of this passage is magical.

 2. The problem wasn't the city, which she hated, and which seemed slightly ridiculous, like a crowded state fair that went on for acres, the field poured with concrete, the rides underground instead of above it; it all seemed vaguely tawdry, the urine-smelling steps down to the subway, the litter skittering along the curbs, the smeared droppings of pigeons sliding down the statues, the gold-sprayed girl who stood in the park.  (80%)

I like this passage juxtaposed with the previous one because in the first passage Bob is talking about his sister Susan's house. In the second passage, Susan is describing how Bob's adopted home city makes her feel. I also like it because my first impression of NYC is always the overwhelming smell of urine and garbage everywhere.

3. A crazy parent, America was. Good and openhearted one way, dismissive and cruel in others. (86%)

Right.  If you have a bit of luck and do well, America will treat you right. If you are the least favored sibling, America is going to destroy you.

4.  Through the station window they saw the bus, like a friendly oversize caterpillar, pull into the lot. (97%)

In my general manner of marking all metaphors using animals, I noted this and thought it was unusual and super accurate.  

Things I'm Grateful For This Year

1. Being healthy and happy - We haven't had the best year in terms of injuries. I had a foot injury that has sidelined me for a bunch of the year and Dr. BB broke his collarbone.  My mental health has been a moving target, but that seems to have settled down a little bit. I'm pretty sure I passed a kidney stone last week and I spent a lot of time with a heating pad on my left kidney.  I'm grateful that right now, this holiday, we are all fine and healthy and together.

2. The introduction of Hannah the Dog into our little family - I can't even remember how we got through a day without our little mutt.  She's smart, brave, funny, kind, quiet, cuddly, and just everything I could ever want from a canine companion.

3. Zelda's increasing sassiness - After Zelda's bladder stone surgery, she was a hot mess. She still is, actually. Her incision just won't heal, so she's wearing this undignified cone most of the time. She sort of hates her life. But she also wasn't her kitty self for a long time. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't drink, and she sort of slept all the time and resented anyone who touched her. But she has recently turned a corner.  Her incision is still a mess, but she's back to meowing at us, demanding pets, and sort of mock-fighting the dog.  I'm so happy to have my baby girl back in fighting force, although I wish I didn't have to put that cone on her all the time.

4. The love and affection of our nieces and nephews - We got a postcard from one of our nieces the other day.  Her mom said she just wanted us to know that she loved us. Awww.

5.Having our holiday at home - Because Zelda is so sick and we didn't make arrangements ahead of time for someone to watch Hannah, we're actually STAYING HOME for this holiday. I can't even tell you how thrilling it is.  After years of fighting about splitting time, it didn't even really take much convincing for Dr. BB to just agree that staying home was right for us.  Woo hoo!

BONUS:
Eggnog shakes from McDonald's. They don't really taste like eggnog, but they are definitely a holidays-are-here kind of treat for me.

Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours!

Last Sunday

Sunday, July 21, 2019

Last night a storm came through and blew in a cool front. The temps are now in the low 80s instead of mid-90s to 100s.  The humidity is gone. There's a breeze. It's a beautiful morning.

Dr. BB decides that he's going to go for a bike ride. He has a new bike route he wants to try and his new yellow custom-made bike (from Sotherland at BicycleWise!) has been adjusted and he wants to try out the fit.  I decide that I'm going to take the dog out on a extra-long walk. 

This is what I'm dealing with.  Isn't she cute?  Look at those ears! That happy smile. That tongue that says "I'm so exhausted and hot and why can't we be home already?"!

I get Hannah home when I get a phone call from Ted that he's about 15 miles away and he crashed pretty hard so can I come get him. I ask him if he needs to go to the hospital (I would have recommended he call an ambulance and I meet him there), but he says "I'm not sure, but you'll need to get my bike."  He's worried about his bike, so I figure maybe he's got some cuts and bruises and I head out to get him.

Mistake #1: I have just been out on a long walk with the dog. I don't grab food or water for myself.
Mistake #2: The Elantra is in the driveway, so I just take it instead of messing with getting the new car out of the garage and doing to the car shuffle. This is a problem because the Elantra doesn't have the bike rack on it and it has a tiny backseat.
Mistake #3: I don't grab my Kindle or phone charger.

I rush out, grab an ice pack, and get to Dr. BB. He's sitting at a pump at a gas station, holding his arm to his stomach.

"My collarbone is broken. I can feel it move."

"I can't drive you to the hospital with a broken collar bone. Call an ambulance."

He's on the phone doing this while I'm removing the front wheel from his bike, attempting to muscle the stupid thing into the backseat (he interrupts his phone call to tell me to be careful not to scratch the fork on the bike), grabbing his water bottle and helmet, and slowly panicking.

It seems that a combination of gravel and a pothole got him and he just went over. He's bleeding everywhere and the adrenaline is starting to wear off and he's in some degree of pain.

The ambulance gets there faster than it had any right to.  I take off, head back home where I do the following:
1) Get a charger for my phone, his and hers Kindles, and pants and sandals for Dr. BB.
2) Throw some extra treats in the dog's kennel.
3) Leave the backdoor unlocked (it's a small town!) in case I need to call someone to walk the dog for us.

Things I do not do.
1) Get Dr. BB a shirt.
2) Eat or drink anything.


I get to the hospital before Dr. BB.  By the time I get to see him in the ER, he's had some pain meds, and they send him off to x-ray. While we're waiting for the x-ray results, they start cleaning out his road rash.  X-rays come back. Yep. Broken collar bone.

Meanwhile, they're starting to talk about releasing him and having him call an orthopedic doctor later in the week.

I am starting to feel...not great. I realize that it's mid-afternoon and I need something to eat and drink like two hours ago. I get some tunnel vision, so I put my head between my legs and when I feel better, I tell Dr. BB that I'm going to head to a vending machine.

I walk out of his room and head to the nurses' station to ask where the vending machines are and then...

...I remember nothing. I literally just passed out. On the floor. Of the ER.

I wake up to find that I had been admitted to the ER.

Life's a fucking joke, people.

Don't forget to drink water, people. Dehydration can do you in.

Spoiling for a Fight

Our town had its holiday parade on chilly, chilly Saturday night. They were doing the staging in front of our house (the road was closed!) and I spent a good hour beforehand wandering around and watching people test music, lights, and sort through their candy. We met up with some friends and cheered and yelled and enjoyed the floats and horses, cows, goats, and dogs dressed up with lights. Our friends have a little one and it was fun to watch her get pumped for the candy thrown her way. It was great fun.

And then we went home.

We are going to be at Dr. BB's father's house for Thanksgiving.  Dr. BB's cousin is getting married on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, so it doesn't make sense for us to do otherwise.

But the Christmas holiday is looming. We haven't made a decision yet about where we will be. I desperately want to stay home with our cat. I know that is not actually an option, but if I'm 100% honest, and why shouldn't I be, that's what I want.

My sister sent me a text message with a pointed note that I haven't spent a Christmas in Michigan since I got married. My husband has sent me pointed messages that he wants to be there to support his father in the first Christmas since his mom died.  This is not a NEW topic of dispute about the holidays (this post is from FIVE YEARS AGO complaining about the same thing), but I honestly don't want to have it out again in an argument when I'm left crying at the end. I KNOW that I'm going to say something along the lines of we didn't go see my mom the first year after my dad died and it's wrong and it's mean and the circumstances are so different, but part of me is incredibly resentful of all of the time we've spent with his side of the family this year. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it, but damn it, I would like to see MY side of the family, too.

I think we might actually split of up for the holidays.

It's SO hard for Dr. BB to eat when we visit my family. The kitchens cannot be trusted, so he ends up eating yogurt and sandwiches with lunch meat the whole time we're there. This food thing is actually the main reason we so rarely go anywhere and I'm sympathetic about it, I really am. I just wish that it wasn't so hard.

I don't want to be away from the most important person in my life on Christmas. I really don't. But I also really don't want to have to deal with screaming children and emotionally volatile adults on Christmas either. So here we are. Deadlocked. Again.

I haven't even talked to him about it this year because I know what he's going to say. And I know what I'm going to say. The only thing I don't know is what we'll actually do.

It's Not Pink Anymore

I have lost the memory card that actually holds most of the "before" photos of the house, so this post is going to be super anticlimactic. I spent almost an hour looking for the card yesterday to no avail, so you're getting a before and after post with no before. C'est la vie, I guess.

Our guest room used to be pink. Not quite Pepto Bismol pink, but not lovely baby nursery pink, either. The other rooms in the house were tastefully painted when we moved in, so I was dumbfounded by this room and it quickly became a priority of mine to get it painted. No guest was ever going to come visit us when the room was pink!

So we went with this blue because it is in the same family as the other colors in the rest of the upstairs. I learned some things about my husband while painting this room. First off, he's a terrible painter. Second, he's not concerned about what a terrible painter he is. Lastly, I can't paint rooms with him.

So we did one coat and you could still see pink shining through and he was all "good enough," so I waited until he was at work one day and I was home alone and I did a second coat. And then, because I'm a lunatic/perfectionist, I went ahead and repainted the ceiling, too.  It's not perfect, but it's so much better than it used to be.

So our little guest room is actually looking like a grown up room now.

You can see in the above photo that the ceiling actually isn't straight across and has a slant to it on the one side. This caused us me a great deal of angst while painting.

My goal is to sew a quilt for this bed (white with blue, red, and yellow accents, I think), but in the meantime, it's got blankets on it that are just a smidge too small. Don't judge me.

I think it's possible those plants are going to die if I don't water them soon. Ha ha. No, they won't. They're invincible and I've forgotten to water them for months and months in the past. They'll bounce back.

 

Besides the bed, the only furniture in this room is a bookshelf that I assembled with TJC when she came to visit. It's kind of a small room, but guests can use the bookshelf as a place to put their belongings. TJC tells me we also need a trash can in the room. Anything else in a smallish room that is essential for guest rooms?

And that's it. I'll update this post with before photos if I ever find that memory card.