House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

My friend L suggested we read House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski for our book club. I knew as soon as I picked all 700+ pages up from the library that this had been a mistake. There were pages that looked this

and pages that looked like this

There were footnotes nested within footnotes. There were pages where you had to spin the book around to see what was going on. Every single reference to a house in this book was a different font colored blue. So there's like three or four stories going on in this book. I'll try to explain it, but if it sounds confusing, imagine reading it. 

A filmmaker makes a story about a haunted house. Let's call that the Navidson Record storyline. A man named Zampanò starts writing about the house, collecting evidence and interviews and creating a document about what went on in that house. Unfortunately, Zampanò dies and a young man named Johnny Truant picks up where he stopped by writing an introduction and notes. Meanwhile, there's an omniscient "editor" who occasionally makes comments on Johnny's notes.

And we slow watch the slow descent into madness of everyone - everyone at the house, Zampanò , and, maybe most noticeably, Johnny. 

There's a fair amount of disagreement about what this novel actually is. Is it just a book about a haunted house? Is it a psychological thriller? Is it about the danger of obsession? With its layer upon layer of unreliable narrator, is it just 700 pages saying that nothing is real? All houses are the same house and no house is safe? I don't know the answer.

Our book club discussion about this book was so good because there is no one interpretation. And we kept picking up different lines that we thought were clues. Not just one person actually carefully examined the copyright page looking for helpful hints. When's the last time you read a copyright page? 

Friends. It's fascinating. But I will say that I'm also super confused by it, which is the purpose, I think. I also think we should maybe look in on Mark Z. Danielewski and make sure he's doing okay. 

4/5 stars

Lines of note:

I'd been in the throes of looking for an apartment after a little difficulty with a landlord who woke up one morning convinced he was Charles de Gaulle. I was so stunned by this announcement that before I could think twice I'd already told him how in my humble estimation he did not at all resemble an airport though the thought of a 757 landing on him was not at all disagreeable. I was promptly evicted. (page xi)

This was the very first page of the book and I have to admit that this smartassness made me snort out loud. 

While in the past, live footage was limited to the aftermath - the oral histories given by survivors or photographs taken by pedestrians - these days the proliferation of affordable video cameras and tapes has created more of an opportunity for someone to record a plane wreck or bank robbery as it is actually taking place...

By now it is common knowledge that Flaherty recreated certain scenes in Nanook for the camera. Similar accusations have been made against shows like America's Funniest Home Videos. For the most part, professionals in the field do their best to police, or at least critique, the latest films, well aware that to lose the public's trust would mean the death rattle for an already besieged art form. (page 140)

Egads. This was published in 2000. Can you even imagine what it would be like now in the age of AI?

In 1990 in The New York Times, Andy Grundberg wrote: "In the future, readers of newspapers and magazines will probably view news pictures more as illustrations than as reportage, since they will be well aware that they can no longer distinguish between a genuine image and one that has been manipulated. Even if news photographers and editors resist the temptations of electronic manipulation, as they are likely to do, the credibility of all reproduced images will be diminished by a climate of reduced expectations. In short, photographs will not seem as real as they once did." (page 141)

Ahem. 

King: Symbols shmimbols. Sure they're important but...Well look at Ahab's whale. Now there's a great symbol. Some say it stands for god, meaning, and purpose. Others say it stands for purposelessness and the void. But what we sometimes forget is that Ahab's whale was also just a whale. (page 361)

Moby-Dick! I'm here for a Moby-Dick sighting in the wild!

Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. (page 527)

Sheesh. 

Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. (page 543)

I loved this little bit in which someone gets too detailed about language. In our house, we often talk about how words matter, how symbolism is sometimes the only thing that matters, and how nuanced you have to me at times to get your true meaning across. This paragraph tickled me. 

For those of you who are interested in my "process," it's basically just notes written on random pieces of paper, and Hannah's vet invoices. This book made me feel like a crazy person.

Things I looked up:

nom de guerre (page xii) -  is a pseudonym or "war name" used to disguise a person's real identity, commonly adopted by soldiers, fighters, revolutionaries, or dissidents

deracinated (page xvi) - pulled up by the roots or separated from one's native culture, homeland, or social environment

rebellion on the 1973 Skylab mission (page xx, 137) - This is a bit of an urban legend. During this mission, there were a lot of rookies and they had tight schedules. This led to a period of time of roughly a day in which communications were limited (non-existent) with mission control. It wasn't really a mutiny - more of a miscommunication. Regardless, there was then a conversation with mission control that led to a rescheduled workload. 

Maginot Line (page xx) -  a massive system of advanced concrete and steel fortifications built by France along its border with Germany during the 1930s to prevent a direct invasion

Joel-Peter Witkin (page xxi) - an American photographer who lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico. His work often deals with themes such as death, corpses (and sometimes dismembered portions thereof), often featuring ornately decorated photographic models, including people with dwarfism, transgender and intersex persons, as well as people living with a range of physical features

Kirlian photography (page 3) - a high-voltage contact photography technique that captures luminous corona discharges around objects placed in a strong electric field

Ted Serios' thoughography (page 3) - Chicago bellhop known for his production of "thoughtographs" on Polaroid film. He claimed these were produced using psychic powers.

Alexander Gardner's photograph of the Union dead (page 3) - Gardner wrote poignant narratives to accompany his photographs, occasionally inventing stories to make his point. In his Sketch Book, Gardner used two photographs of these dead soldiers, identifying them first as Confederate and then as Union.

amaurotic (page 21) - n adjective that means relating to or affected by amaurosis, which is a partial or total loss of sight without any visible physical damage or injury to the eye

camera lucida (page 27) - an optical device used by artists and scientists to superimpose a ghost image of a real-world subject onto a drawing surface so it can be accurately traced

talaria (page 44) - manufactures high-performance, lightweight electric dirt bikes known for instant torque, quiet gear drives, and low-maintenance off-road maneuverability.

aphonia (page 58) - is the medical term for the total loss of voice, where a person cannot speak above a whisper or produce any voiced sound at all

footnote 75 (pages 64-67) - Looking this up is when I discovered that this book has its own subreddit. This footnote contains a list of over 700 names of visual artists. There is a debate in this subreddit about whether or not there is a code in this list. 

Khumbu Icefall (page 68) - a treacherous, constantly moving section of the Khumbu Glacier on Mount Everest, located between Base Camp (5,364 meters / 17,598 feet) and Camp 1 (5,900 meters / 19,357 feet)

serac (page 68) - a large block or column of glacial ice formed by intersecting crevasses on a moving glacier

Margaretha Geertruida Zelle (page 69) - , better known by her stage name Mata Hari, was a Dutch exotic dancer and courtesan executed by a French firing squad for spying during World War I. It literally never occurred to me that Mata Hari was a stage name, but OF COURSE IT WAS.

piton (page 81) -  a metal spike or peg driven into rock or ice cracks with a hammer to serve as an anchor or handhold during mountain climbing

anfractuosity (page 115) - the state of being full of twists, turns, windings, or intricate channels

atrabilious (page 122) - gloomy, melancholic, or persistently irritable

Nupart Jhunisdakazcriddle (page 125) - fictional author created by MZD for this insane novel 

footnote 182 (page 139-141) - list of documentary filmmakers

aporias (page 143) - an expression of real or feigned doubt, or a logical impasse and philosophical puzzle that defies resolution

Pink Dot (page 149) - a quick delivery prepared-to-order grocery store based on the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood, California

muntin (page 231) - narrow strip of wood, metal, or vinyl that divides a single window sash or door into a grid of smaller glass panes

postils (page 265) - collections of sermons or explanatory commentaries on scriptural readings arranged for the church year

gamboge (page 313) -  a deep, luminous golden-yellow gum-resin extracted from Garcinia trees native to Southeast Asia, particularly Cambodia

Floyd Collins in the Kentucky Sand Cave in 1925 (page 334) - an American cave explorer who became trapped and died in what became Mammoth Cave National Park. On January 30, 1925, while working to enlarge a small passage in Sand Cave, Collins became trapped in a narrow crawlway 55 feet (17 m) below ground. The rescue operation to save him became a national media sensation and one of the first major news stories to be reported using the new technology of broadcast radio. After four days, during which rescuers were able to bring water and food to Collins, a rock collapse in the cave closed the entrance passageway, stranding him inside, except for voice contact, for another 10 days. Collins died of thirst and hunger, compounded by exposure through hypothermia after being isolated for a total of 14 days, three days before a rescue shaft reached his position. Collins's body was recovered two months later.

rebarbative (page 339) -  is an adjective that means repellent, unattractive, or causing irritation and annoyance

Lhotse Face (page 344) - a steep, 1,125-meter (3,690-foot) wall of glacial blue ice on the western flank of Lhotse that climbers must scale to reach the South Col on Mount Everest

semiotician (page 349) - an expert who studies how signs, symbols, and cultural codes create and communicate meaning

Artaud (page 361) - Antoine Maria Joseph Paul Artaud, better known as Antonin Artaud, was a French artist who worked across a variety of media. He is best known for his writings, as well as his work in the theatre and cinema

Kevin Carter's 1994 Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph of a vulture preying on a tiny Sudanese girl (page 368, FN 336) - The Vulture and the Little Girl, also known as The Struggling Girl, is a photograph by Kevin Carter which first appeared in The New York Times on March 26, 1993. It is a photograph of a frail famine-stricken boy, mistakenly believed to be a girl until 2011, who had collapsed in the foreground with a hooded vulture eyeing him from nearby. The child was reported to be attempting to reach a United Nations feeding center about a half mile away in Ayod, Sudan (now South Sudan), in March 1993, and allegedly survived the incident. The picture won the Pulitzer Prize for Feature Photography award in 1994. The photographer died by suicide four months after winning the prize.

(I'd put the photo here, but it's NSFL, if you know what I mean.)

Homer Simpson's brother Herbert (page 371) - It's his half-brother. He's voiced by Danny DeVito. You know, there's just a lot of Simpsons lore I just don't know. 

Gabriel Langfeldt (page 379) - a Norwegian psychiatrist whose research centered on schizophrenia and forensic medicine. He was involved as an expert during the trial against Hamsun (Nazi writer), and wrote a book about Quisling (Nazi collaborator).

The curse tree, the ghost of Miss Evelyn Byrd, Lady Ann Skipwith, ghost alley... (page 409)

    Curse tree: In Jamestown, local legend, carried forth by a caretaker named Sam Robinson, states that the tree grew between two lovers, Sarah Harrison and James Blair; it pushed their graves far apart, all at the behest of Sarah’s mother.  

    Evelyn Byrd: Evelyn Byrd was the elder daughter of of William Byrd II and his first wife Lucy Parke. When she was 18, Evelyn was sent to London and presented at court, and sometime thereafter, she fell in love with a Englishman, some say a Catholic. Her father, William Byrd II, disapproved of the match AND brought his daughter home to Virginia, where she died of a broken heart. Since her death, she has made a number of appearances around her family’s old plantation in Charles City County, often dressed in white. A gentle specter, she is reported to drift about in a quiet way without scaring anybody.

    Lady Ann Skipwith: Maybe she committed suicide after learning about her husband's infidelity? Maybe she died in childbirth? She's said to haunt Whythe House in Williamsburg. 

    ghost alley: "Ghost Alley" in Virginia is the local nickname for Matthews Lane at Fort Monroe National Monument in Hampton, a historic military site known for frequent sightings of a spectral "Lady in White"

bartizan (page 437) -  a small, overhanging turret that projects from the wall or corner of a medieval castle or fortification

goraks (page 466) - level 145 melee monsters in Old School RuneScape and RuneScape

ecdysiast (page 511) - formal or facetious term for a striptease performer or exotic dancer

Ohio bed (page 519) - I cannot figure this out. What is it? Like a crib? A toddler bed? 

Hat mentions (why hats?):

black cowboy hats (page 12)

cowboy hat (page 13, 14)

Make no mistake about it: over here his kind enter a bar with a smile and leave with a barstool for a hat. (FN 90, page 83)

...equipped with Hi 8s, down parkas, hats, Gortex gloves, powerful halogen lamps...

ever present hat (page 144)

fella in the white hat (page 324)

wool hat (page 403)

hat tip to anarchy (page 466)

hard hats (page 505)

woolen hat (page 527)

Petitgas hat store (page 575)

Putting out his hat (page 579)

insiDe the hat (page 622 - capitalization intentional)

kettles hat hops (page 633)

hat (in the index, page 678)

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Who's in to ergodic literature like this? Do you know what an Ohio bed is? Do you think this would be a good book club selection? 

Wednesday! Wednesday!

Because I'm doing CBWC updates on Fridays, my usual excuse to give you updates in a Five by Friday post doesn't exist, so I'm taking today to give you some life updates.

1) Elisabeth posted a fun post about names (do you like your name? do you go by a nickname? your middle name?). While I was writing a novel in her comment section - boy, don't we all love to talk about our names? - I came to a somewhat disturbing conclusion.

I like my first name a lot. My middle name is boring, but I think it sounds great with my first name, so I'll allow it. But my last name. Oomph.

When I got married, I did not change my name. There are good reasons for this - professional, political, and social. Dr. BB and I took an afternoon off from work and went to the Hennepin County Courthouse to get our marriage license. We had to put the names we were going to use after the wedding on this form and I realized that we had not once talked about it. Dr. BB comes from a Catholic family. They go to church every week and take communion, but they aren't the types of Catholics who want mass to be in Latin or for women to wear chapel veils, right? 

I looked up at him in panic. "I'm not going to change my name." 

"I never thought you were."

And that, my friends, cemented that I was getting a good guy.

But now. My last name is the name of my father. The name of my father's family. And as my relationship with my family of origin gets more and more strained, I have this name. 

I still think the reasons for keeping my name are sound. But sometimes I wonder why I didn't take this fabulous man's (and his family's) name. This has been hard to think about. 

2) Speaking of his fabulous family, do you remember my nephew who I was helping with the ACT? Well, he took the test in April and his score improved, but he took it again in September and NOW HE HAS A 30. I'm just so chuffed and proud of him.

3) My friend Rob (he has no idea who I am) said in his 60 Songs That Explain the 90s: The 2000s podcast episode ostensibly about Lee Ann Womack's song "I Hope You Dance," but was really somehow about The Blues Brothers and Dolly Parton, that "Jolene" is the quintessential Dolly song. I mean, I don't know that I disagree, but then Dr. BB and I had a discussion about Dolly's top five.

"9 to 5"

"Jolene"

"Coat of Many Colors"

Now I have some thoughts. Personal favorites of mine include "Romeo," "Islands in the Stream," "The Grass is Blue," and "Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That," but I think there are some strong arguments for "Hard Candy Christmas," "I Will Always Love You," "Joshua," and "Rockin' Years." 

ANYWAY. What's your Top Five Dolly list?

4) It's my bi-annual insanity time at work in which priority registration is just around the corner and this is what my work calendar looks like. 

Don't worry. It doesn't usually look like this. But if I seem a bit distracted, you'll know why!  (I have a periodontist appointment this morning. I have had that time blocked off for six months.)

5) Gentle reminder that our read of Convenience Store Woman for CBBC starts on Monday! I can't wait to hear what you all think of the first half of the book. 

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Does anyone else have podcast host "friends"? What's in your Top Five Dolly songs? 

The Nightingales by Emil Wilson

Friends! Have I got a real find for you! When the Sarah's Bookshelves podcast had on an Amazon editor, I basically bookmarked every book she recommended because if it's good enough for Amazon masses, it's probably good enough for me. Look, I'm a basic literary bitch with a dash of dragons. When she talked about The Nightingales by Emil Wilson, I ordered it even though I'm not really a graphic novel kinda gal. 

This is a pseudo true tale. When Wilson, newly out to his parents, left for college, his father invited a co-worker to come live with his parents and sister, Lou. This man is ill with "gay cancer," but he and Lou develop a close relationship despite all their differences. This book blew me away. I laughed, I cried, and I thought really hard.

Plus, there are two Pomeranians who are major characters AND HAVE YOU EVER SEEN CUTER GRAPHIC NOVEL ART THAN THIS?

Pages 42-43

Look at this photo of everyone eating around the dinner table and the dogs! Can you see the dogs?

Pages 132-133

This book was heartbreaking. But the art was wonderful. And I loved how truly real the characters were.

Page 252

Also, I finished this book in about an hour at the dining room table. I started it after dinner, thinking I'd just read a few pages and the next thing I knew, it was time to walk the dog. I was riveted and just got lost in this world.

Two thumbs up. Perfection. No notes. Run to your library or bookstore to get this one. 5/5 stars

Things I looked up:

Sidney Sheldon (page 242) -  an American writer who was prominent in the 1940s and 50s, first working on Broadway plays, and then in motion pictures, notably writing the successful comedy The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer, which earned him an Oscar in 1948. He went on to work in television.

James Michener (page 242) - an American writer who wrote more than 40 books, most of which were long, fictional family sagas covering the lives of many generations, set in particular geographic locales and incorporating detailed history. He was also known for the meticulous research that went into his books

Hat mentions (why hats?):

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Has anyone read this? Do you think those two dogs are the cutest? Do you generally read graphic novels or graphic memoir? If you're not a graphic novel person, hear me out - you should start with this one and Wake. They're SO GOOD. 

The Amalfi Curse by Sarah Penner

My book club read The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner in 2021. I remember it being a book club in the COVID era where we met in someone's garage - hey, is this just a Midwestern thing where people have giant garages and people hang out in them? - and it got sort of mixed reviews, but I thought it was okay and I like how it made me think about how easy it has been to erase the lives and names of women in history. So I picked up The Amalfi Curse to fulfill the Pop Sugar Reading Challenge prompt about making me want to travel to Italy. It would have to be an amazing book to make me want to travel internationally, but I gave it the old college try. 

As in the other Penner novel I've read, there are two timelines here. In one timeline, we have women who live in the village of Positano and they protect their village with magic. 

They were streghe del mare—sea witches—with unparalleled power over the ocean. (location 136)

In another timeline we have a nautical archeologist named Haven who travels to Positano with two missions - to learn more about the numerous shipwrecks off its coast, but also to find gems that her father had discovered on his last dive. 

It's a bit historical mystery - Haven spends so much time in the archives! It's a bit magical realism. It's a bit romance. It's a bit backstabbing academia. 

It's also boring. Our historical sea witch is vaguely interesting, but Penner seems to want to spend more time with children and men and certainly not enough time on the ocean magic. And Haven? What a snoozefest. Penner neglected to give her a back story beyond having dead father - not even showing me how closer they were - so I don't understand her motivations or decision making. 

Maybe this would work for you, but it didn't for me. 2/5 stars

Things I looked up:

belemnite fossil (location 119) - the preserved internal skeleton of an extinct, squid-like marine creature (Belemnitida) that lived from the Late Triassic to the Late Cretaceous periods (roughly 201 to 66 million years ago)

Tyrrhenian Sea (location 1829) - part of the Mediterranean Sea off the western coast of Italy

millegrain (location 2759) - a jewelry-making technique that adds a continuous border of tiny, uniform metal beads along the edges of a setting, band, or gemstone bezel

tramontana (location 3372) - a cold, dry, strong northerly wind blowing across the Mediterranean and Italy

ubriaco (location 3548) - a traditional, firm cow's milk cheese from the Veneto region of Italy whose wheels are soaked in wine, grape must, or pomace. This sounds revolting. 

Aiutami (location 3597) - this means "help me" in Italian

Hat mentions (why hats?):

dark green hat (location 1370)

dressed in men’s attire, with their hair tucked up in hats (location 2124)

The brim of my hat mussed up his hair (location 2877)

Pulling the brim of my hat down (location 2933)

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Do you want to learn more about ocean magic? Do you want to go to Italy? 

CBWC October 2026: Week 1

It's Cool Bloggers Walking Club (CBWC) time! Hosted by Elisabeth, we're trying for ten minutes of intentional movement every day.

Thursday, October 1 - Hannah and I did our usual round of walks, including a half hour in the rain in the morning and a half hour in the rain after work. She was having a blast. I was...enjoying watching her have a blast. (I have to admit that I watched a video of someone training their dog to use the cue "look" to look at the camera and I probably should follow their example and train Hannah to actually look at me, but I just love how she looks in profile. I HONESTLY THINK SHE'S TOO CUTE FOR WORDS. ahem)

Friday, October 2 - Forty-five minutes in the (pitch black) morning and ten minutes around the (pitch black) block before bed.

Saturday, October 3 - Half hour walk with Dr. BB and Hannah after lunch. It is the first weekend for duck hunting season, so what that means is that there are gunshots all damn day and Hannah is NOT a fan.

Sunday, October 4 - More duck hunting this morning, so we did a quick 20 minute loop this morning, but we were out for almost an hour after lunch. We play a game where I pretend like I'm running to grab her and she runs away. Then I fall down dramatically on the ground and act like I'm dying and she runs over to jump all over me. We do this over and over again. Look, if you ever come to my town and see this happening, don't worry. We're both okay. Probably. 

Monday, October 5 - Hannah and I were out for about 45 minutes this morning. We also did a ten minute spin right before bed. 

Someone forgot to charge her LED collar, so she's just wandering around with an unnecessary necklace on this morning. 

Tuesday, October 6 - My best girl and I were out for about 35 minutes this morning. Her little doggy ears could pick up more than mine could and there must have been something scary out there because she was NOT HAVING IT. We did another half hour after work.

Wednesday, October 7 - We were out for almost an hour this morning. It was gorgeous out and we walked along the river. And then we did another quick ten minutes around the block before bed. 

Um. I literally walk out the door with the dog with no prep. I don't brush my hair. I don't put on makeup. I mean, no one can see us because it's dark, you know? 

Thursday, October 8 - Today we did forty-five minutes before the sun came up. I want everyone to know that while I whinge about how the sun isn't out, I cherish my walks with Hannah. Life is short and starting the day with a long meander with my best canine friends is one of the absolute best parts of my daily routine. She is getting older and slower and I know there will come a day when I won't have my best girl and so I will not take any of our walks for granted. Plus, I get to see things like this. (We also did about half hour after work and ten minutes before bed.)

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What's something cool you've seen on your CBWC walks? 

Wanderers (Wanderers #1) by Chuck Wendig

Sometimes you hear about an audiobook about a pandemic that is over 32 hours long and you get it immediately from the library, right? Well, that's how I picked up Wanderers by Chuck Wendig. 

A new affliction strikes a small number of Americans. They appear to be sleepwalking in a horde, going to an unknown destination. Nothing seems to hurt them, nothing, that is, except for if you try to stop them. These people are known as the flock and the friends and family who follow them are called shepherds. And there are scientists and people from the CDC trying to figure out what's going on with them.

Meanwhile, in Texas, some bats attack some people at a press conference and those people begin to get sick. 

And...a pandemic begins.

What is so amazing about this book is that it was published in 2019 and the talk of quarantines and social distancing and contact tracing and testing with a swab up your nose WAS SO PRESCIENT. 

But. Hm. It's not a perfect book. There's a lot about religion and I do understand that people would turn to religion in an apocalypse, but the ending of the book was very disappointing to me on this front. Also, there are some very sexually violent scenes that were deeply upsetting (to me - maybe you'd be fine!). It's also pretty blatant in its disregard for people with certain anti-science, pro-religion views. And that's fine! But it's also disturbing how quickly those same people become Nazis. I mean, maybe that's right. Maybe after the 2016 election, Wendig is right to make those connections crystal clear. But I like to think there are non-Nazis out there in the American South. But maybe I'm just sticking my head in the sand.

I liked this, but I didn't love it. Should you read it? I don't know. It's long. It's immersive. But in the end, I thought the first part of the book was far better than the second half and I will not be reading the sequel.  

3.5/5 stars

Lines of note:

"That is how science and medicine are practiced best, though. We are best when we admit our ignorance up front and then attempt to fill the darkness of not knowing with the light of information and knowledge." (Chapter 9)

I highlighted this as clunky dialogue, but the literal next line was a character calling out this character for being too poetic. It felt like real awareness on the part of the author. 

"It's like I've got a hole inside of my mind and inside that hole is a voice -  sometimes it's loud, sometimes it's quiet, but it's always, always there. That voice tells me that I'm not good enough and the world is going to hell and nothing matters. I'll never be a famous artist, the coral reef is bleached and dead...and it doesn't matter anyway because global warming is going to boil us or bake us, but that only happens if North Korea doesn't drop a bomb in our lap first. Or maybe a plane will crash on my head. Or maybe the ground will swallow me up or maybe I'll get cancer and it will eat me up." (Chapter 14)

Okay, real talk. This was a character explaining to another character why she needed medication for her depression. And, like, isn't this everyone's internal monologue? There is a reason I'm always listening to podcasts or audiobooks - it's an attempt to drown this out. IS THIS NOT NORMAL? 

Anger ran through Shana. People were supposed to have answers. Experts were supposed to know shit. And they didn't know anything. (Chapter 15)

And now we have RFK Jr. 

...Benji knew they would call it a civil war, although in it, civility was lost. (Chapter 59)

Egads. 

Life looked normal at a distance, even though when you looked close, you could see the panic and the chaos setting it. (Chapter 63)

Do you remember this from the early days of the pandemic? Surface level things were sort of normal, but they really weren't?

Is a book only real its printed or is it real the moment its written in a word processing program? Are one's thoughts only real once they leave the mind? Are they real once expressed in an electronic mail or across social media? Or do they only become real once they manifest in a way that has an effect - a tree falling in the forest with someone to hear? Perhaps all of everything is a simulation. (Chapter 68)

I spent too long pondering this. 

Things I looked up:

QEPD (Chapter 64) - the Spanish abbreviation for "que en paz descanse," which translates to "rest in peace" (R.I.P.) in English

dour (Chapter 65) - I looked this up because I thought the narrator pronounced it incorrectly, but it turns out I'm the one who's been pronouncing it incorrectly. 

Lloyd Alexander books (The Prydain Chronicles) (Chapter 65 and 77) - Lloyd Alexander was an American author of more than 40 books, primarily fantasy novels for children and young adults. Over his seven-decade career, Alexander wrote 48 books, and his work has been translated into 20 languages.

Hat mentions (why hats?):

camo hat (Chapter 21 x2, Interlude between Parts II and III)

baseball hat (Interlude between Parts II and III)

John Deere hat (Chapter 26)

Kubota trucker hat (Chapter 42)

all hat and no cattle (Chapter 72) -   All hat and no cattle is a saying that means someone is all talk and no action. It describes a person who tries to look rich or important but lacks real substance. 

cowboy hat (Chapter 79)

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Okay, who's in for a 32 hour audiobook about a pandemic? 

2026 Goals, Q3 Update

It's the most fabulous time of the quarter in which I update you on how well or how poorly my 2026 quarterly goals are going. And I do mean poorly. I am STRUGGLING over here. 

Q1 update
Q2 update

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At least one trip with Dr. BB and Hannah 
You know what? I don't think this is going to happen.

 

At least two trips with friends 

August: I went to Indy with TJC to see Garth!

At least two trips to Michigan to visit my high school friends 

Ooops. I don't even have a plan. I should have a plan. 

Go to a fitness class I've never gone to before

July: I went to a Pilates class as part of my town's Book Fair. 

Make homemade ice cream

July: I made some vanilla ice cream and took it to my book club. 

Become a regular reader of at least five new blogs in 2026

July: I added one blog, but deleted a blog off my blogroll that seems to be inactive. 

August: No progress. 

September: No progress. I'm sort of hoping NaBloPoMo will introduce me to new blogs in November. 

Leave an average of five blog comments on other blogs every day 

July: 20/30 days - I am not so good at this. 

August - 15/31 days - Egads.

September - 15/30 days 

Send at least five postcards every month

July: I sent five cards to graduating seniors on my caseload, a high school graduation card to a friend's daughter, three birthday cards, one just because card, a bill, and one package. No postcards, but I felt good about my mail this month. 

August: I sent two giveaway packages, tiny books to five bloggers, a thank you note, a birthday card, a sympathy card, and some stickers to a friend. This feels like the spirit of the goal. 

September: My records indicate I literally sent not a single piece of mail in September. Zero. This might be an all-time low. (In October I've already sent a card, so I'm already doing better this month.)

Track how many people come to yoga at the student union during lunchtime

July: We met seven times - twice it was just me, four times there were two people, and once there were three people. 

August: We met pretty irregularly (there are issues with the room) - 4, 3, 3, 1, 2. 

September: Also a pretty irregular schedule, but things are more normal in October. 2, 2, 4, 5, 4. 

Use a new journal to track goals, plan out the year, and take time to notice things I'm grateful for 

July: Yes! It's fun to do a line of gratitude daily.

August: It really is fun. 

September: Still keeping on, even though sometimes it's hard. I could use the planning ahead more often, but I'm trying. 

Take a good photo every week and print them out once a quarter and add these photos to the journal. 

July: Done. I had so many photos to choose from!

August: Yes!

September: I have them ordered and just need to pick them up. 

Take photo of five places at least once a month 

July: Whoops. I did 3/5. LOL. I'll have to get back to it in August. 

August: 4/5 - Not too shabby. Ha. 

September: 5/5 - I ended strongly. 

September! I got them all!

Pay myself and charity first 

Honestly, who did January NGS think she was?

Reread 

July: I relistened to Dungeon Crawler Carl. 

August: Nope. 

September: I listened to Assassin's Apprentice. Still so good!

Do a buddy read

August: Sarah and I read Cleanup on Aisle Five!

Gratitude practice

July: Every day!

August: Still doing it!

September: Yes!

Be consistent in working out (at least 80% of days of 30 days of intentional movement) 

July: 24/31 (77.4%) days of 30 minutes or more

August: 20/31 (64.5%) days of 30 minutes or more

September: 20/30 (66.7%) days of 30 minutes or more

Spend 750 hours outside

July: 56 hours, 29 minutes

August: 38 hours, 25 minutes

September: 45 hours, 16 minutes

Get on the same page as my husband about home repairs, investments, and a will 

July: LOL. 

August: We talked about a will. For about thirty seconds. 

September: I...am a bad adult. 

Do two more iterations of CBBC on my blog 

Nothing in this quarter, but will run one starting in October. 

Date night with Dr. BB every month 

July: We went to a Fourth of July parade. We went to a fundraiser at our local community center and to book trivia. 

August: I do not know that we did this. 

September: Why are we so bad at this? 

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Just July goals:

Repot two of my office plants - I immediately forgot about this goal as soon as I typed it. 

Text at least one person a day (other than my husband) - I 100% did this! I loved this goal. I texted people who I normally wouldn't just because I was thinking about them. 

Clean out the photo gallery on my phone (rollover goal) - I've done nothing! It's worse now than ever. 

Finish journal project through 2021 (rollover goal) - Done. 

Take a photo a day and post it on the old bloggo - I mean, mixed results. Most days anyway. 

Just August goals:

Repot two of my office plants (rollover goal): Obviously not. 

Finish journal project through the first six months of 2022: I did this! I'm actually all the way through November, so I only have one more month of the entire year to go. 

Clean out the photo gallery on my phone (rollover goal): I have only added to the problem. 

Make plans to see my high school friends in Michigan before the end of the year: These plans are not made. 

Just September goals:

Repot two of my office plants (rollover goal): Those poor plants are still neglected.

Finish 2022 and 2023 of journal project: I DID IT!

Clean out the photo gallery on my phone (rollover goal): Um. I did go through some of my photo gallery on my phone while I was on endless planes. I'm down to about 1600 photos, which is down from close to 4000. So that's something, although it's still too unwieldy. 

Make plans to see my high school friends in Michigan before the end of the year: I did not do this. 

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Who else is limping to the end of the year with their goals?