Pandemic Update: How We Are and Are Not Progressing

Small Business Conundrums 

Since the beginning of the pandemic, there have been several local businesses I have continued to support because I can't imagine my community without them.  But recent events have caused me to question my support of two of these businesses and I guess I'm writing this here in the hopes that someone will either tell me that I'm doing the right thing or tell me what to do that would be right thing.

First, my yoga studio. I have paid for a monthly membership to my yoga studio since April 2020. This allows me unlimited classes every month, but let's be honest, it's a small studio and really only offers six to seven classes a week. I aimed for two a week and usually made this goal, but not always. Previous to March 2020, I would regularly take a class at the actual studio every week and I enjoyed those classes, but I'm one of the strange people who actually prefer the Zoom classes (in my home! no commute! no showering at strange places!) and have found that the online format has been a boon to my *snotty voice* yoga practice.

But a couple of weeks ago, the owner of the studio posted an anti-vax, anti-mask meme on her personal Facebook page (this page is where she posts all of her business-related content, too).  It was not her own writing, but still  I was shocked, appalled, and frankly disturbed that someone in the health and wellness industry would post such information.  It just seems dangerous and irresponsible.  I wrote a comment along the lines of "I'm disappointed that you posted this" and have since not been to a class or interacted with her online.  I am on the hook for a membership through the end of November (you have to purchase in three month intervals and I reupped at the beginning of this month), but I'm honestly contemplating just not going to any more classes and not signing up for anything from the studio ever again.  Is this an extreme reaction this situation?

Second, there's the dog groomer. We've taken Hannah the Dog to a local groomer since we got her because it's within walking distance our house and this groomer does all the things that Dr. BB and I don't want to do - trim her nails and empty her anal glands, to be highly specific - at a super reasonable price.  She knows Hannah and puts up with all our weird requests that include not feeding her anything and using only her prescription shampoo.  But this groomer with her wonderful accommodations for our weird dog and her incredibly reasonable prices comes with some challenges. I've never once gone there at the scheduled time.  The groomer has a chronic illness and frequently reschedules because she's not well or she overbooks on days when she can work and calls to ask us to come in earlier or later.  I would estimate that I've only ever gone there at the planned time once or twice in the two years that we've had the dog, going to the groomer every four to eight weeks.  The last time she cancelled, she never called to reschedule and to be honest, it's hard enough to plan my days around the dog's appointments without those appointments becoming moving targets, so I actually did some research and started looking at other groomers in our area.  

I took Hannah to another groomer (she really needed it) and the groomer hardly touched her nails and doesn't actually empty anal glands because apparently this is a serious issue of division among groomers (it's internal and groomers are "supposed to" only do external things, APPARENTLY).  Anyway, these are details. Do I continue to take Hannah to the unreliable groomer or do I keep on with my search through local groomers (there are three or four more I can still try based on a crowd-sourced Facebook recommendation list)?  Someone please tell me what to do.  

Workout Clothes: I Hate It

I need some new workout pants for cooler weather. I need some new sports bras, too.  I have twice in the last month had to put off a workout because I ran out of clean sports bras and rather than increase the number of times I do laundry (once a week is all I can take), I feel like adding two or three sports bras to my rotation will make life easier.  But, listen.  I hate spending money on exercise things. I feel like I should be able to buy some nice shoes and a nice yoga mat and everything else should be free tshirts and hand me down boxer shorts.  But it doesn't work like that. So I need to to spend time researching the best workout pants/bras for my needs AND then spend the money and this makes me bitter.

Okay, workout pant criteria. I want a full-length pant. Capris can suck a duck because they always cut off right at my scar on my bad leg and I hate it. I want a pocket for my phone and my keys. I want them to NOT ROLL ON MY WAIST. Some women swear leggings are comfortable and I'm utterly befuddled because NO THEY ARE NOT THEY ALWAYS ROLL and I'm irrationally angry about this. I have found some running SHORTS that do not roll, but all of my yoga pants and running pants DO ROLL and this is frustrating.  

If you didn't think that was enough of a thing, let me tell you about bras. I hate the ones with velcro.  I hate the ones with seams that rub against my upper arm. I hate the ones with seams that touch my fucking breasts (I'm hyperventilating thinking about this).  I need it to support my absolutely boring C-cup boobs when I do things like run, squat jumps, and jumping jacks. I have a really old stretched out sports bra that should have been thrown away years ago, but it's the only one I own that meets these criteria, although it's slowly becoming unable to do the basic requirement of supporting my boobs when the rest of my body is bouncing.  

Sunday: Not a Day of Rest

I slept in on Sunday and immediately regretted it because my to-do list was so long.  

1) Yoga video - Since I'm on a yoga studio strike, I've been slacking on yoga and I really need it.

2) Dog park - The dog needs to run and be free and play with other dogs and it's a gorgeous day.

3) Laundry - Standing Sunday chore.

4) Dumb work email reminding people to do things I asked them to do last Monday and Wednesday and now am sending on a fucking weekend because I need it for a meeting on Monday mid-morning

5) Vacuum/sweep floors  Standing Sunday chore.

6) Dog nails - We use a Dremel to trim the dog's nails, but she really doesn't like it, which is why we pay good money to our groomer to do it.  Unfortunately, the groomer we were trying out did a very bad job on her nails - I might argue she did absolutely NOTHING to her nails - so now we have to do it.  This involved one person shoveling kibble into her mouth (Dr. BB) while someone else went at her nails with a vengeance (me).  This took three sessions over the entire day and NO ONE was happy at the end of it and her nails were only SORT OF okay.

7) Text D/M/T/T - At some point, I just stopped reaching out to people who don't live with me and I need to stop that.

8) Update blog - I'm so behind.  I will never catch up and I guess that's okay since this space doesn't have to be a priority.  

9) Duolingo - Every day. I do it every day.

10) Get dinner started by five - Because I get to go to book club tonight (item #13), I need to start dinner super early so that I can have fed the dog, cat, and husband before I leave.

11) Sympathy card - Someone in book club's dog died and I need to write a sympathy card for their family and give to her at book club. 

12) Make cookies - For book club (item #13).

13) Go to book club - My reward for getting the rest of this fucking list done.

Overall

You guys, I'm losing my mind. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.  I'm so exhausted of policing where I think is safe or not.  I honestly don't care if I get Covid at this point - I'm vaccinated and most people who are vaccinated get mild symptoms - but I DO care if I pass it on to someone who is vulnerable or unvaccinated.  And I'm tired of part of the policing have to judge how seriously I think other people take their own mitigation strategies.  I'm so tired.

I want to go to a restaurant and eat in. I want to go to a work meeting without a mask on. I want to go see my mom and not worry about whether or not I'll catch something on the way there. I want to just do a weekend away with my husband without planning every little interaction we might have with someone. I don't want to panic anymore when my doorbell rings because the person on the other side isn't wearing a mask. I want to be able to hand out candy on Halloween. I want things to be normal again.  But I know that I can't live like that because it's not normal.  So we go on.  

Obligatory Thankful Post

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States.  We're at home, just me and Dr. BB with the dog and cat occasionally coming by to remind us that they exist.

I'm thankful for:

1) Our health:  It goes without saying that Dr. BB's health issues have always been front and center in our lives and 2020 has been no exception. We're both healthy and pleased to be able to do what it takes to remain so.

2) Our little family: I don't think I could have done all this social distancing and isolation with any one other than Dr. BB. We know each other well enough to know when to just leave the room and when to pester. I also don't think I could have survived without my thrice daily walks with the dog and occasional snugglefests on the couch with the cat.

3) Food and shelter: With so many people wondering how they are going to pay the rent or mortgage or how many meals they'll be able to eat today, I'm lucky to have a gorgeous house and to be able to afford all the food we need. I never take it for granted.

4) Flexible workplace: My boss has been super supportive and has allowed me to continue to work from home throughout this entire pandemic.  I feel grateful when I can walk my dog in the middle of the afternoon or run to the pharmacy on non-peak hours.

5) Meditation and yoga: Last year at this time, I was slowly losing control of my anxiety. I was having nightmares, the list making was uncontrollable, and I was counting, counting, counting.  I vowed in January to increase the number of yoga classes I took and it's made 2020 so much more pleasant for me in terms of my mental health, despite the stress and worry over the pandemic and the election.  

Strange Times

 

Sometimes it's hard to believe that I used to wake up every morning, put on clothing meant to be seen by other people, and go to the office. It's even harder to believe that I would potentially also go to a store or two, maybe even tutor someone, or even go to a coffeeshop and sip an iced coffee while I worked.  It's even harder to believe that it was only eight months ago. Sometimes that eight months feels like a decade ago; sometimes it feels like two days ago.  

I'm actually relieved we don't have to have our yearly battle over where we're going for the holidays. We're going to stay right here and that's awesome.  I mean, it's not awesome why it's happening, but I've been saying for more than a decade that I'd like to spend the holidays at home. Woot woot. The next time I have to get in a car for longer than twenty minutes, things are going to be bad for me.

Does anyone else find it surprising how exhausting it is to do nothing and go nowhere?  I wake up in the morning ready to go back to bed and start getting to ready to go to bed as soon as dinner is over.  It's not like I'm doing more than I was doing in February - I am working out the same amount, walking the dog the same amount, doing the same amount of housework (with a smidge more cooking because I can make lunch at home!) - but I'm far more exhausted. I'm sure there's a reason for this - the trauma means I'm sleeping less well, so I'm actually getting less sleep?  I'm slightly depressed and/or anxious so the idea of a nap is ever more appealing?  the weather and the fact that the sun sets at four in the afternoon is responsible?  I don't know. I'm just exhausted, but not for any discernible reason. 

As of right now, here's what I'm willing to do:

1) Go to the grocery store/pharmacy/hardware store weekly while wearing a mask.

2) Go to get the CSA delivery biweekly while wearing a mask.

3) Pick up library books curbside while wearing a mask.

4) Go through the drive through to get a decaf americano while wearing a mask. I have cancelled orders when the people at the window weren't wearing masks.

5) Get curbside pickup of lunch at a local pub while wearing a mask.  Yes, I've only done that twice since March, but I'm willing to do it. I'm just too lazy to order food and pick it up when there's food at my house.

6) Playdates for Hannah with our friends B&H who live two blocks away and who have a dog named Gus. These are outside in their backyard and every human is wearing a mask.

Here's what I'm unwilling to do:

1) Go to bars, restaurants, or any place where people take off masks to eat or drink.

2) Get any personal grooming done - no hair cuts, no mani/pedis.

3) Go to any events outdoors with more than five people.

4) Obviously, go to indoor events.  None really.

Maybe someday this will all seem like a fake reality someone else lived.

2) Face to face book club.  This has put me a bit on the outs with a lot of my book clubbers, but I'm holding my ground.

Almost Every Day

We come to this park almost every day. It's a strange oasis in our neighborhood with pond, river, prairie, and forest areas. It's only 3.5 acres, but there's a lot packed into that small footprint.  There's a metal bridge, the kind where the metal has holes through it, that crosses the river to a forested island.  Poor Hannah is scared of the bridge because she can see her reflection in the water below, but yesterday she went halfway across before retreating. I want her to cross the bridge so I can let her off leash on the island and her progress has been slow, but steady.

We come to this park almost every day. Most days I let her off leash in the wide open grassy field so that she can burn off all her energy before we start serious training. She runs around, she sniffs, she jumps up and down like a canine deer in the tall prairie grasses.  Then I put her leash back on and we walk the trails where we practice not lunging or barking at people or other dogs and loose leash walking. She's not lunging or barking because she's mean, but because she wants attention. I want her learn that I'm the attention she needs.  

We come to this park almost every day. Today the sky was a clear blue with wispy clouds.  You can hear the birds, especially the ducks on the pond who quack and quack. You can hear the susurrus of the wind through the tall grasses, but you can also hear the bells toll for the changing of classes at the nearby junior high school. Even though the school is currently remote, you can hear the long blaring toll that makes you immediately worry you're going to be marked tardy.  The ground is almost always soft, winter excepted, because it's a wet, swampy area. Most of the year, there are mosquitoes constantly buzzing, but right now is the best time of year because the overnight frost has killed the mosquitoes, but it's not so cold that we can't walk and walk and walk.  

We come to this park almost every day. Most days we see a couple of people, maybe a dog or two. I try to keep Hannah in a sitting position when people walk by, giving her handful after handful of kibble, but sometimes people will want to talk.  "What's your dog's name?" "What kind of dog is she?" "How old is she?" "Can I pet her?" "How big is she going to get?" Hannah, 100% super, around three, yes, she's full grown.  

We come to this park almost every day. People tell me that the self-isolation and social distancing is wreaking havoc with their mental health and I can understand that. But between regular yoga and our excursions to the park, I have stayed pretty sane. I'm lucky that this park is just blocks from our house and I'm even luckier that I have a companion as adorable and good-natured as this one to go with me on mini-adventures daily.  I will never take for granted how lucky I am that I have access to fresh air, clean water, and space to roam, along with the physical abilities to enjoy those things.

Pandemic Update Volume One

I don't even know what to say right now.

The number of cases of covid-19 in the US has risen over three million.  The number of cases in my state have skyrocketed in the last two weeks.  And yet I'm seeing people going on vacations with their families, eating at restaurants, and living their lives as if none of this is happening.

Meanwhile, we're still engaging in only low-risk activities, haven't been into the office since March, and all of my Facebook post updates are about the flora and fauna in our backyard and whether or not the bells at the neighborhood church are working because that's all the updates I have. I live within a four-block radius of my house with the occasional outing to the grocery store and one memorable trip to get my teeth cleaned.

The university where my husband works is going full-throttle in the fall.  Face to face classes, students in dorms, the whole thing. He's going to have to go back.  I work at that same university, but my work can be done remotely.  

1) What if a student just plain refuses to wear a mask?  

2) What if someone, student or professor, gets sick during the semester?  Who is notified and how?  

3) How do professors tell students what the expectations are for their behavior prior to the first day of class?

4) Will the students maintain social distance? 

5) What's the process for knowing if the town where the school is located becomes a hot spot?  What will trigger the university to declare remote classes for the rest of the semester?

6) These are our concerns working with a population of students who are adults. How is any of this going to work with younger students?

Meanwhile, both my husband I, like everyone reading this I'm sure, are beaten down. We're fatigued all the time. We're on edge - is that tickle in my throat just allergies or is it this virus that we know virtually nothing about? Our motivation to do anything beyond the very basics of keep our jobs and feeding ourselves is gone.  

The dog is adorable and sweet and a giant pain in the ass. If there's not one thing wrong with her, there's another.  It's hard to sleep knowing that our precious puppy is in pain.  Even now that we have the pain under control, it's hard to see that she's still suffering. She can't jump anymore and I recently bought her a ramp because she can't get into the car.  The stress of worrying about Hannah and worrying about how vet trips will go is a constant thrum.

So, the raspberries in the backyard are bountiful this year.  The church bells are ringing again, but the clock is actually stopped at a little bit past seven o'clock. I'm bad at using calendars and time zones are super confusing to me.  Hannah is feeling a bit better after a rough couple of weeks.  

Five by Five by Five

For a brief period of time, I wrote up a Five by Five Friday roundup on this blog in which I'd write about five musings/things that happened to me that week. I stopped doing that because it was actually challenging to write five things every week.  Anyway, Life of a Doctor's Wife and Stephany Writes have been writing lists of five things: things I miss, some of the things I don’t miss, and some of the things I’m grateful for.  Because it's me, I'm also going to add some things I worry about.

Things I Miss

1. Teeth cleaning. I get my teeth cleaned every three months. My periodontist cancelled a regularly-scheduled cleaning very early in this mess in early March and my teeth feel gross, there's visible tartar, and I'm super embarrassed about the whole thing.  I swish, I floss, I proxybrush, I brush brush, but there's nothing like a deep cleaning for the spaces I just can't get to.

2. Taking my time at the grocery store. Going to the store feels like such a battle. I'm always trying to rush, so I'm not inconveniencing other people who also may want to look at the hummus selection.  This means that, despite my comprehensive list-making before arriving at the store, I frequently just forget things because I'm in a rush.  I miss just feeling like I can take twenty seconds at the end of the produce section to triple check that I'll have enough crunchy vegetables to get me through lunch.

3. Going to book club. We have done a meeting over Zoom and we're going to do another this weekend, but it's just not the same. It's great, for sure, to see these people and know they're healthy and still making do, but there's nothing like hearing one of our book club people laugh (my friend Laura has a GREAT laugh) and contagiously laughing because she's laughing and even if you don't know why she's laughing, you just can't stop. That just doesn't happen on Zoom.

4. Food rewards.  We never have been bar or restaurant people because of my husband's dietary restrictions. I pack my lunch 95% of the time and if all the bars closed in the state, we'd be just fine. But I would occasionally reward myself for certain things. After a job interview, I'd go to the coffee shop and get a milk steamer with a shot of pure sugar syrup. After a week of consistent interviews, I'd let myself get a grilled cheese sandwich at the local sandwich place. If I had to sit through an interminable meeting at the student union, I'd get a fro-yo beforehand.  I don't know when I'll ever feel comfortable getting those things every again. (We haven't done carry out and I have not used a drive through and I honestly don't know when/if I'll do those things.)

5. Browsing.  I haven't been inside a non-grocery, hardware, or pharmacy store since March 10. I went to Fleet Farm and Pet Smart looking for a training tool for the dog. If I had known it was the last time I'd go to a store, I feel like I would have gone to Target and just looked around.  I'm not big on just looking around stores, but I do feel like it would be nice to have the option, you know?

Things I Don't Miss

1. Traveling.  We would go visit family, on average, one or two weekends a month. I honestly don't miss it. I love the family Zoom calls and the limited time with our families.  I feel guilty about it, but I don't miss the time in the car, the time we spent worrying we'd say something wrong and someone would take offense, and I don't miss people judging our life choices at every turn. 

2. Rushing.  Sometimes I had tight turnarounds with very little time for transitions, particularly on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  I do not miss how harried I felt during those days.

3. Buying gas.  We've only filled up our gas tanks once and they were only to about half a tank. While we've been spending money on groceries like crazy, money spent for car maintenance is very low.

4. The yoga studio. Our yoga instructors have been doing classes via Zoom and it's fantastic for me. I've always been motivated to exercise at home and having a deadline of when and where to do it, but still being able to basically just roll out of bed and doing a workout has been amazing for me. I honestly don't think I'll be comfortable going back to the yoga studio until there's a widely available vaccine, but the Zoom practices are perfect for me.

5. Air conditioning.  I was always cold at my workplace. Now I can put on as many layers as I want and have a blanket draped over me when I'm working and no one says a word.  

Things I'm Grateful For

1. Time.  I'm so grateful to have time to just sit and pet my kitty, do a jigsaw puzzle, redo a face mask pattern eight times before I get it right, or take the dog for a long walk.  I have time and it's so precious and I'm not rushing around and it's been a wonderful cleansing time for me.

2. Space. We have a four bedroom house for two of us. We have a relatively large backyard. We have open parks and green spaces.  It has been a definite boon for my mental health that there's always a place for me to go if I want to get away.  

3. Technology.  Where would we be without phones, the internet, or automobiles?  I don't have to miss my family because I honestly see them more now via Zoom than I did before the pandemic.  I can work from home because of the internet.  I am grateful this happened in 2020 instead of 1990.

4. My support system.  My husband has been absolutely delightful during this time. We've been preparing for this every summer for a decade now.  My friends are quick with phone calls and texts.  I just really feel like there's no reason for me to feel too down because I am surrounded, metaphorically, with love and support.

5. Zelda the Can and Hannah the Dog:  I don't know what people without pets are doing with themselves right now.

Things I Worry About

1. State politics. The Wisconsin Supreme Court declared the governor's safer at home order unconstitutional and the Tavern League immediately sent out notices to bars to open up.  I worry about our state and stupid people harming others without feeling any sense of guilt or wrongdoing.

2. National politics. Will Trump win reelection in 2020? If he does, what will I do?

3. The fate of higher education.  There's a lot of research that suggests 15-50% of colleges and universities will close in the next five years. What if mine is one? What will we do? The Wisconsin's system president proposed a plan to the Board of Regents that includes program closures and possible school closures. What if my husband's department closes?  What if? What if?

4. My own anxiety.  What if I can never undo what the last two months have done to me psychologically? What if I can never bring myself to go to book club ever again, even when everyone else goes back? What if I never can go to a restaurant again? What if I never feel comfortable with anything social ever again?

5. My friends. My best friend's mom died yesterday.  I can't be there for her and it sucks.  I have another friend who is home alone all the time and she just sounds so depressed and down.  I don't know how to help her. I worry endlessly about them. What will they do? Are they coping?  What do they need?

An Honest Look at Life: Social Distancing

We try to keep to a schedule, honest. The alarm goes off every morning at seven and we ignore it until 7:30 to 8:15. I walk the dog while Dr. BB feeds the cat and then I train and feed the dog. We eat breakfast. And that's when things go awry.

Sometimes I shower right away. I'm so excited to shower. Sometimes I remember to put on sunscreen and makeup. I wear a scarf and pretend like I'm going somewhere.

Sometimes I just go straight to work in my pajamas. I'm not excited to shower. I barely have the motivation to brush my teeth, let alone accessorize. 

Some days we exercise in the morning. Some days I realize it's eight at night and I still haven't worked out.

Some days there are Zoom calls and meetings and Webinars and my mind goes round and round in circles. There's so much to do and so little time to do it in. Some days there is nothing on the calendar and I read a book on the couch until the sun goes down. 

Some days we are on the ball. Dinner goes in the crock pot and it's ready to go at 6 on the dot. Other days I realize that we are missing crucial ingredients for the recipe I had planned and we end up eating scrambled eggs and popcorn.

Some days there are things to look forward to.  There are Zoom calls with my friends. Sunday night I'm devoting the entire evening to my book club call and I literally don't even care if I'm the only one on the Zoom call.  The drive to daycare on Tuesdays is kind of exciting - I wouldn't say that I'm a big fan of driving normally, but because I'm doing so little of it, it's thrilling and when I get to go over 45 miles per hour, it's like I'm a newly licensed teenager all over again.

Some days there are things to not look forward to. Our university's chancellor talking in a campus-wide video-conference about furloughing faculty members and staff members. Days that had been planned travel days (I was going to get to see my mom!) are now just reminders of things we can't do.

The things that go on like clockwork:
The cat and dog are fed in the morning. The dog is trained before she eats breakfast.
I have a regularly scheduled Monday morning meeting.
The dog goes to daycare on Tuesdays.
The cat and dog get fed dinner. The dog is trained before she eats dinner.
The dog gets two long walks and one or two short walks every day.

And that's it. Every day the routine is different. I try to reach out to someone who doesn't live in my house every day via Facebook or text message or email or phone. I try, but sometimes I fail. Motivation to keep going waxes and wanes and it's never clear to me what my level is going to on any given day.

I still want to support our small businesses. Here are some small steps I have taken.

1) I am still paying for classes at our local yoga studio and (more importantly) taking the classes through Zoom so that the owner knows the demand is still here.

2) I bought $60 worth of honey from a local farmer. I usually buy the honey at the farmers' market, but I just called and picked it up at the farm itself, setting down the money under a flower pot. It felt vaguely like I was doing a drug deal.

3) I signed up for our yearly CSA.  I would do this anyway, but I signed up early and flooded my social media with reminders for other people to do it.  Good news! The CSA sold out. Bad news!  I didn't get in on time for a spring share.

4) I take the dog to daycare once a week, just like normal. I can do the whole transaction without any contact. I open the trunk of our car, Hannah zooms out and heads to the gate where the owner/operator is standing to let Hannah in.  Hannah goes without her collar or harness - just a naked dog. When I pick her up, I open the trunk, walk over to a coffee can, put in my $20, and the owner/operator opens the gate and Hannah jumps into the car.

5) I did a curbside order of birdseed from our local garden shop. (I was glad I did curbside because there were a TON of maskless people in that store and I almost had a panic attack at the thought of having to actually go inside.)

And we wait. We don't know what the future holds. Maybe it's too optimistic to assume that our yearly CSA will just be like normal. Maybe it's dumb to spend money on birdseed when our salaries are going to be cut by 10%. Maybe it's going to turn out that dogs can spread COVID-19 and I'm going to regret sending Hannah to daycare. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. 

But the world keeps spinning, right?  And we have to make SOME plans for the future. So we solider on.

NGS on Lockdown, or, COVID-19 Prevention

A Day in the Life During Strange Times

7:00am - The alarm rings.

7:00 - 7:30am - I walk the dog around the block, train, and feed her while Dr. BB empties the dishwasher, makes tea, and feeds the cat.

7:30am - 8:00am - Shower and get dressed in clothes that I won't be embarrassed to show if a conference call suddenly happens.

8:00 - 8:30am - Check my email while I eat breakfast. I also allow myself to check social media and the news at this time.

8:30 - 10:30am - "Work"

10:30 - 11:30am - This depends, but most days we try to get some sort of workout in during this time period. It's also when we go to the store if we have to.

11:30am - 1:30pm - This is a bit variable. During this time, I take the dog for a walk (30 - 60 minutes), eat lunch, and goof off.

1:30 - 3:30pm - "Work"

3:30 - 5:30pm - Do something around the house. I reorganized the pantry on Sunday. I cleaned my desk off and wrote this blog post on Monday. I plan on doing some small sewing projects on Tuesday (sewing on buttons and tacking down the back of one of Dr. BB's ties that he may never wear again if we're social distancing for eighteen months).

5:30 - 7:00pm - Make and eat dinner. If dinner is quick and/or a crockpot thing, we might watch an episode of some comfort television (Buffy and Great British Bake-Off right now). At 6:00pm on the dot, we train and feed Hannah and then feed Zelda. If this begins any later than six, the cat might murder us.

7:00 - 8:00pm - Television time.

8:00 - 9:00pm - Walk the dog.

9:00 - 10:00pm - Get ready for bed, take out the cat's litter, brush pets' teeth.

10:00 - 10:15pm - Go to bed.  Read in bed for as long as it takes to pass out.

NOTE: I really do work most of the time I have "work" in quotes. It's just that everything I'm doing seems so far removed from actual reality...

Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner

Note: Right before our public library closed, I checked out four books. This is the first of the four and I don't know what I'm going to do for reading material once I've read them. I anticipate trying to get electronic copies from the library, but I also anticipate everyone else doing the same thing and the waits to be daunting. I might buy more from the Kindle store or actually pony up for a Scribd membership. I can't imagine social isolation without a steady stream of books, so while I understand and fully support our library's decision to close, it hurts my heart that the thing I will be relying on the most to get me through the next (months? year? more?) is not available.

Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner tells the story of Toby and Rachel Fleishman, a New York City couple with two kids and a troubled marriage. The kids are shuttling back and forth between their parents' apartments a few blocks away from each other. Toby is on dating apps and is having pseudo-anonymous sex and thinking about his newfound sex life when he's not taking care of his patients in his job as a doctor or his children in his job as a father. Meanwhile, Rachel suddenly drops the kids off at Toby's apartment and disappears, not answering her phone and seemingly never in her apartment.

This was a readable book. I thought Brodesser-Akner did a great job of really getting into the characters' minds. You could absolutely feel the anger, tension, and roiling emotions just emanating off the pages. I had a knot in my stomach the whole time I was reading this novel, just watching the marriage crumble, watching the children unravel, and watching mental health decline.  I thought the writing was transparent and effective.

The novel was a compelling critique of a certain class of New Yorkers, social climbing, and the race to the top.  Basically what this meant was that each one of these characters was kind of terrible. Tob was self-absorbed, horny, and thoughtless. Rachel was overly ambitious and neglectful of her husband and children. And the other characters were equally flawed. That made it challenging to want to hang out with them, but at the same time, it was riveting because none of us are perfect people. If you could see inside my head, it would not make me look good, either!

I don't love reading about divorces. It just makes me so sad because I think marriage has been a good deal for me.  But I also think that it's useful to think about what makes marriages fail. And my life is about as far removed from the Manhattan private school, yoga going, bagel eating life that was portrayed in this novel as it gets, but there are still lessons to be learned. Mainly, don't be a jerk to the ones you love.  Check in on them. Show them affection. Listen to them. 

Let's all take a moment to realize that this is going to be a long haul and if we don't love each other, this fictional novel will become our lives.