Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twenty-fifth day of the month is "Relationship."
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A while back, I wrote that I had been to Costco without my husband and it was a game changer for me. Kae wrote a comment that she and her husband rarely go to the store together because it seems like a waste of time for them both to go and she was happy to go to the store without him most of the time. So I'm going to talk about shopping because I have a very different philosophy about it and I bet your philosophy is different from either of ours.
We do go grocery shopping together every week. We like to go on Friday nights because the store is pretty empty then. If we can't go on Friday nights, that's a real bummer and it can throw off our entire schedule. We go to a big warehouse grocery store called Woodman's.
I. Why We Go Together
I'm picky about some stuff and my husband is picky about some stuff. I will not have anyone else choose my produce. I just won't. This is one reason why I do not think we will ever use a grocery delivery service. If I'm going to buy a bad cantaloupe, I want to know it's because I picked out a bad one. I write "breakfast fruit" on the grocery list because I know I need to buy fruit for breakfast, but I don't know what I'm going to buy until I get there and look around. If I sent my husband to the store with "breakfast fruit" on the list, he'd probably bring back apples in March and oranges in July. (Those would be bad times for those fruits, in terms of seasonality.)
My husband's food issues are much discussed here, but as a brief recap, he has celiac, an intolerance to many grains, including wheat, rye, and barley, and he has a metric ton of other mild allergies to foods. He also is just weird about packaging and sell by dates. His neuroticism about food makes it incredibly challenging to shop for him. As an example, we used to buy Busch's chickpeas, but there was a batch that was a tiny bit weird (there was a smell to them) about a year and a half ago. Since then, he will not buy any Busch product at all and we have switched to using a brand called S&W. However, the S&W brand is frequently beat up in transit from what I can tell and the cans often have dents. He will go through them making sure the dents aren't at any seams and I DON'T HAVE TIME TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL HIS DUMB ISSUES WITH CHICKPEAS. So he must go with me to the store so he can deal with his own eating disorder. I am not here to enable him.
Lastly, and I think this will make Kae roll her eyes, I like going with him. Going to the grocery store sucks and is boring and tedious and all the other people annoy me. He's funny and charming and sings Bon Jovi with me as we go down the aisles and sometimes, if one or both of us have had a busy week, it's the most time we will spend together in days. It's nice to punctuate the end of the week with this one thing we do together.
II. Why Woodman's
Our local grocery store is probably a fourth the size of Woodman's. The gluten-free aisle at our local grocery store really only has one granola option, but at Woodman's we have half a dozen. Woodman's is significantly cheaper, too. I recently ran to the local store for a three day run and the price was roughly equivalent to what we spend for six or seven days at Woodman's. We drive about twenty miles to get to this store and I don't see us changing our system any time soon.
III. My Dream Scenario
In an ideal world, I would love to be able to do most of our grocery shopping at a discount grocery purveyor like ALDI. However, I have been there once or twice and I just don't find the labelling clear enough about the gluten free status of what we consider basics, like cheese. I also feel this way about Trader Joe's, although it's been near a decade since I've been inside a TJ's, so that may have changed. TJ's has terrible parking lots, too, so that's a thing that deters me from going there.
In this ideal world, we would also have access to a co-op or bakery that does decent gluten free baked goods in a safe manner. When we lived in Minneapolis, we used to go to a co-op that had an okay GF bread that made amazing French toast. But most of the places here don't have GF specific kitchens and my husband's celiac is sensitive enough that the risk of cross-contamination is too great for us to trust those sources. So here we are.
Do you shop with your spouse? Why or why not?
The very first thing I thought of as I read this was "they have a date night!" Lol! It's true though. I go to the grocery store alone, and I probably will never use a curbside pickup because I like to choose my produce as well. I don't mind grocery shopping; I kind of get in the zone with it. I particularly like the music they play there particularly at this time of year when it's all holiday tunes. I didn't realize your husband had so many allergies. What a pain! The only thing we have here is my younger son is allergic to cranberries, which is very easy to dodge.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! We do it call it our "sexy Friday night date night," so you know exactly where we're coming from on it. Interesting that you don't mind it - I wish people in the store didn't aggravate me so much!
DeleteI do both - solo and with my husband. He tends to be a spontaneous buyer, and so it always frustrates me when we get to the checkout and he has $30 of random things to try loaded into the cart (but he has found some real "treasures" this way)! Unnecessary (but delicious) caramelized onion chutney aside, it's a lot of fun to do this together and we 100% call it a date night/afternoon when we do grocery shop together. It's nice to be able to chat about meal ideas together, or to ask: hey can you remember if we need such-and-such.
ReplyDeleteI also will take my daughter with me too, and she is SUCH a big help. We can divide and conquer and I'll give her a list of things to get. She loves this and it's 100% helpful at this point (having to take a toddler along is awful; been there, done that).
I would call myself the gatekeeper of groceries (and I'm the one who maintains a list), but we shop frequently (3-4 times a week). I try to buy limited items at a time, so our tiny fridge doesn't get overfull and so we don't overbuy and lose things to spoilage. It helps that we shop at a tiny store in our town for 75% of our groceries so going frequently is easy as we pass by the store daily. We are also very, very fortunate to not have any allergies; we both have a few food sensitivities (to dairy), but that is SO easy to work around. I am truly sorry for what your husband has to endure, and I know it can take a lot of the joy out of eating/food prep for you, too.
Oh, I would not be happy if we had to go to the store multiple times a week! You're such a better person than I am! Yes, we frequently do divide and conquer at the store and it makes it go by so much faster. During the early pandemic, I was going by myself and it has been a noticeable shorter chore now that my husband is back in the mix.
DeleteI do almost all of the grocery shopping solo. Sue doesn’t like shopping, and I really don’t mind it. When she does tot along, she wanders about more touching this and that. While I like taking my time, I don’t steer very far off the track of my shopping list.
ReplyDeleteMy husband does not go off the list, either. He's very focused and mission-oriented at the store. Must be a guy thing!
Deletehaha, this whole thing made me giggle! No eye rolling here- it's cute that you guys shop together! And omg your husband's dietary issues...yikes! That must be really tough!! Sorry about that. I love your comment about not participating in the searching for undented cans though, HA! I would be the exact same. Sympathy for the real dietary issues, yes; enabling sort of random personal quirks, not so much. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think it makes sense in your case to do it as you do. We are just so busy, what with 2 full time jobs, and two very busy kids and activity schedules etc, that having us both double up on grocery shopping (a not super fun thing) feels like time we cannot do something else (more fun). And our free time is so limited as is. Maybe when we are empty nesters one day we will feel differently about this.
My husband would also be a very hard NO on Friday night grocery shopping as any sort of "date night". He would be like, ummm I worked my @$$ off all week and now on Friday you want me to go grocery shopping? Hell to the no. hahaha. His version of a Friday night involves something fun/relaxing and hopefully involving a cold beer. :)
We are big Woodman's fans too! I do like Aldi a lot, but I've taken to doing grocery shopping early on a weekday most weeks, and Aldi opens at 8. Or maybe it's even 9. Anyway, it's not open yet when I'm at Woodman's. When I used to have more weekdays off with my old schedule, I would hit up Aldi first, get everything I could (the non-brand important things, like...bananas), and then go to Woodman's for the rest. That's my ideal, but I haven't really been able to do that lately.
Ha ha. Going on Friday is when we're both available and there are the fewest people. If I have to go to the store on a weekend during the day, I feel like I have failed at life. I just want to interact with the fewest number of people who are potential vectors for germs, so Friday nights really work for us. I can see how your husband would say hell to the no on it, though. It's definitely not for everyone!
DeleteWell... celiac is very challenging, so I don't blame your husband for being a little neurotic. I do almost all the shopping- my husband doesn't mind running out to the store if I give him a list, but he likes to throw things in spontaneously that make no sense. Like, yesterday we had a charcuterie board, so when he went to the store on Tuesday he took it upon himself to get crackers, even though I already had some. Well, you can never have too many crackers, but upon closer inspection, the ones he got weren't vegan- they had cheese in the ingredients. When I pointed that out, he said something like "Oh, I just saw "gluten free" and "sesame" so I thought they were vegan. What??? That makes no sense.... and on CLOSER inspection, they weren't even gluten free (not that we need that anyway.). The whole thing was baffling, and this is making me think that we SHOULD go to the store together, as he seems to need a little tutorial.
ReplyDeleteLOL at your husband. What does sesame have to do with any of it? I love people who are clueless about food labels - I remember a time in my own life when I didn't know what any of it meant and I'm honestly envious of people like that now. It must be great to now have to worry about any of it and just be able to eat what you want!
DeleteJon and I used to shop together before the pandemic hit - then it didn't seem to make sense to expose both of us to potential infection and so I started going by myself, because a) I actually enjoy grocery shopping and b) because I mostly stick to my list and can be very efficient (in and out asap), which seemed important during the pandemic. I do enjoy going as a couple though and we might do that again the future.
ReplyDeleteIt's so interesting how people feel about TJs... I do 90% of my shopping there, never had an issue with the parking lot and really like a lot of their products (including their produce, which might be due to being in CA close to agricultural production). I wish we had an Aldi (shopped there my whole life back in Germany and have had people RAVE about the prices here, but alas, Northern California has not gotten any stores yet - the closest ist 3 hours away and I am not making a day-trip out of it).
In the early pandemic, I did all the shopping to limit exposure to my husband. When he started coming with me again, it was a real game changer in terms of how much faster we could be and have fewer interactions with people because we can do self-check instead of going to a cashier.
DeleteSome people love TJs. I think because we make so much stuff from scratch and a lot of things that get recommended to me there are pre-prepared foods, I just don't see the appeal. The parking lot thing is real, though. I've never been to one with a large enough parking lot and there are carts hitting cars and cars going around blind corners and almost hitting pedestrians and it all stresses me out. Ha. Maybe I should give them another try, but the nearest one is an hour away, so I probably won't make too much of an effort.
In case it sways you to try again, I almost buy NO pre-prepared/-packaged food at TJs... but since your TJs is an hour away, I understand why you would go out of your way to shop there, when you can get produce/meat at the local grocer.
DeleteI cook mostly from scratch and still buy most of the basics at TJs, but it's literally a mile from my house. There are a few things they don't have, so I do have to go to another supermarket.
My husband hasn't had to go grocery shopping in 12 years since I retired. Believe me, we're both thrilled about that. He has no patience for other shoppers and their habits. I go once a week and only go to more than one place if it's for a terrific sale or specialty item.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I want to pick out my own stuff. Not quite as persnickety as your husband, but I don't have the challenge he does, either.
Yes, I think my husband would LOVE to never go to the grocery store again. He just doesn't like to deal with the crowds (which is why Friday nights are the time), but I'm not able to keep up with his weirdnesses.
DeleteBack when we were dating but before we lived together, the hubs and I used to do our weekly grocery shopping together. In general I hate the grocery store but having him along makes it fun. The only reason that we don't do it now is because he got more involved with scouts and I usually make our mid week trip during the scout meetings. Our grocery store dates now are very rare but fun when they happen.
ReplyDeleteI split my time between two local grocery stores that I hate equally, so it's always the one that I'm least mad at in the moment, supplemented by Costco and TJ's.
"It's always the one that I'm least mad at in the moment" - ha! I love your honesty. Why do you hate these stores? What are they doing to you?
DeleteI go to the grocery store almost every day. I work from home, and I like getting out and seeing people. I kid myself that I am being European, and buying everything fresh, but in reality, it's just that I like to get out, and I hate planning meals. During the week, I go on my lunch hour, so I go alone. On weekends, my husband cooks, and we go to the grocery store. Again, we generally just buy enough for the one day, and then go again the next day. Why are we so ridiculous? No idea. I do like going to the store with him, though. We understand each other's idiosyncrasies.
ReplyDeleteI would find going to the store every day absolutely exhausting. But if it works for you, that's great!
DeleteI am 100% with you on produce. I don't want anyone else choosing it for me! And I am the same with fruit and veggies, and sometimes cheese. I just write "cheese." Also, since I do 99% of our grocery shopping, I will put on the list things that I know we NEED but don't need urgently, but my husband finds this confusing. (I finally made a category that is Need But Not Urgently or something; before that, would continually text me asking if we really needed olive oil, and if not, why was it on the list. Sigh.) Since my husband never has time to shop anymore, and my daughter hates it, I really do the lion's share of shopping alone. But I remember the days when we would go together every week! It was pleasant, although my husband did not sing Bon Jovi which would have really improved the experience.
ReplyDeleteOh, interesting about the "Not Urgent" list. I think that's just our Costco list. Like, we don't go to Costco all that often, so if we can get it there, let's try that first before we spend way more at the regular store. I've never thought about it, but that is how we have historically done it.
DeleteI am usually the one to do most of the grocery shopping. I can sometimes go before work and head back home to drop off the groceries, what is always easier since it's less busy at the store. I agree on the breakfast fruits. I always have to give very clear instructions if I send my husband to the store. But how am I supposed what looks good any given day? If we have not made dinner plans by the evening my husband will go to our grocery store around the corner to pick things up.
ReplyDeleteWe definitely do not grocery shop together, aside from when we were dating and would grab a few things while we were out and about. I used to do our grocery shopping until we had kids. Then Phil took it over because I said we either used Instantcart or he shopped. He opted to shop. Now I think he has the better end of the deal. I think shopping alone is easier than managing 2 kids. He is more frugal than me so he is particular about where he buys certain things. I have a gluten intolerance but he knows what to buy for me/knows to check labels. And I am not particular about anything besides that!
ReplyDeleteThe Husband and I grocery shop together on occasion when my parents are here to watch the kids. We joke that it's like date night. I'm with you - it can be a lot of fun. He is a very efficient shopper, though. I read all the labels before I put things in my cart and it drives him crazy.
ReplyDeleteDuring the pandemic, he started doing all the grocery shopping and it's pretty much been that way for two years, though I will go if I have time. Plus he works across the street from two grocery stores, so it makes sense to have him pick things up. We keep a shared grocery list and I'll update it and more times than not he'll come home with the right things. I have to learn to be more forgiving when he brings home the wrong things, though. Apparently I have a face I make as I unpack the groceries....
I... have never been to Woodmans. I just looked up the one near me and holy moley. I think I would be completely overwhelmed if the photos do it justice. I had no idea they were that huge! But, so many reviews mention the array of GF options, so I can see why it's the right choice for the 2 of you. And yay for not taking on dietary weirdnesses. I had a roommate who would *throw out the shared milk* the day it hit its "sell by" date. Never bothered to check it, or you know, find out that sell by did not = finish by this day or you will die. Sigh. :) I shop alone, obviously, and have my pattern in the store. Very efficient and list-focused, for the most part.
ReplyDeleteYou've never been to Woodman's?! It was literally the grocery store everybody recommended to us as soon as we said we were moving to Wisconsin! Your lack of going to Woodman's is SHOCKING to me.
DeleteMy husband also throws out the milk on the sell by date with no questions asked. I have no words for this. I hate to think of how much food waste we have in our house!
I know, I know. And I was just going to comment that I think I've earned my "Midwesterner" badge, because I engaged in conversation with someone I did not know at the service station last week. For 20 minutes! Unheard of in Philly and DC, where someone might be more likely to shoot you than engage in conversation with you. The other demerit in terms of my Wisconsin bona fides is that... I have never been to a game at Camp Randall. Never even tempted. (*hangs head*) Time to hand in my badge, I think... ;) Pics of Woodman's online scared the bejeezus out of me - it's HUGE!
DeleteHa! Well, I'm a Midwesterner who is not originally from Wisconsin, so I have no desire to ever go to a Wisconsin game at all. That would not make you have to hand in your badge! Woodman's is big, but it's not really scary - if you can handle Costco, you can handle Woodman's!
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