I am a person who shows love through gift giving. I do not show up to a party empty-handed. I buy things when I think of people and give them things. My love language is gift giving. However, sometimes I give gifts when gifts aren't warranted, according to my husband, and I want to know what you all think about my newest plight.
My current boss recruited me into my role. He started a center at our university and he won a federal grant and needed a program manager and he knew, because I went to book club with his wife, that I needed a new job. He hired me, mostly because I'm friendly, I guess, although it turns out that my skill set was approximately what he needed.
His wife and I are friends. We go to book club together, our dogs have regular play dates, and we did some Democratic Party volunteer work. They lived a block away and I regularly see her out and about. We used to do porch dates in early COVID safer-at-home times. When they moved into their house, I bought them a housewarming present. Last year, I got the two of them an ornament at Christmas.
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| Hannah the Dog playing with their dog, Gus the Boston Terrier in happier times. Hannah is obviously in her element. |
So when my boss called me a couple of months ago to tell me he and his wife were getting divorced, I was shocked and saddened. She is moving to Kansas today and yesterday I helped her pack her Jeep and hugged her and she cried and I cried and there was snot. I adore her and I'm sad she's leaving and I hope Kansas is good to her (or I will CUT YOU, Kansas).
My boss also quit his job and took a job with a firm in Boston. I mean, good for him, he's making about four times more than he was at our university. His last day is December 3, but he's really only working until Wednesday and then he's taking vacation days for the rest of the time. Because of the COVID numbers here, no one is really amped about getting together to do a send off for him, but I feel absolutely terrible about that. He's the one who created the center where we work, created the very team that is now pretending he's not leaving, and has been instrumental to the success of what we're doing. I feel like he's done everything he can to be a stand-up guy here and we're just leaving him hanging.
Is this an occasion where I get him a gift? A you've been a great boss, I'm going to miss working with you, thanks for giving me a chance gift? Or is that weird?
If yes, what is the appropriate gift to give him? When do I give it to him? Can I just drop it off on his porch like I did with the ornament last Christmas?
What would you do? Someone just tell me what to do and I swear I'll do it. I'm absolutely malleable that way.
Ha ha... I'm not sure I want that responsibility! But I'll give you my opinion for what it's worth. I think if you're trying to decide whether of not to give a gift, you should give it. Very unlikely you'll regret it, but you may look back and regret not giving him something. Exceptions to this rule would be if it's going to make the other person feel awkward because they didn't get you anything- but that won't happen in this case, because it's a going-away gift. "I'm leaving' gifts aren't really a thing.
ReplyDeleteSoooo... if you do decide to get him a gift I don't think it has to be anything earth-shattering. Something little that you know he likes, like wine of coffee. Or something more personal to him, like some nice pens if he never has a pen, etc. Something like that. But include a note saying everything you said in your third-to-last paragraph. I think that would be perfect!
Anyway, I'll be interested to hear what other people think, and hear what you decided to do.
I am terrible about coming up with gift ideas. It's also not my husband's strength so Christmas is going to be a bit of a struggle since my stepsons are too old for toys and up to date on electronics.
ReplyDeleteBUT since I struggle so much with gifts I really appreciate it when someone gets me something. I think that since you've given your boss gifts in the past AND you appreciated working with him that it wouldn't be out of line to get him something now if you want to (and also fine not to get him something if you don't want to). The porch drop also sounds totally fine. Lol you're on your own with what to get him but I'm sure that your instincts are right.
I would probably give him something too, though to be honest, I think he might appreciate a note saying what you said about him here even more than an actual gift! But yes, if you can think of an item he might enjoy having, to remind him of what good times he had and that he was appreciated, I think that sounds great. Even if it's just a gift card to something Boston-related (Dunkin Donuts? They really are all over greater Boston).
ReplyDeleteI have just stumbled upon this blog and I have no real idea of what you do. But the thing I thought when reading this is a) it is sad to leave and not get a send off if the person is appreciated b) I would probably give a gift in form of a letter saying thank you for all the things that you appreciate and learnt. Its amenaigfil gift, it doesn't take. up space when moving and you put some thought and effort in. But than, maybe it is too intimate for a boss-relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhat ever you decided all the best.
I think in this case, a go-away gift with a personal note is totally appropriate and not weird at all. I think wine or coffee (or even a giftcard for coffee) would be fine. It doesn't have to be anything super-personal, in fact, as he as your boss, maybe it shouldn't be (even though you were friends it his ex-wife).
ReplyDeleteI always think a small gift is a nice gesture and you can never go wrong with that.
I would definitely give a gift, a small gift and card would show your appreciation.
ReplyDelete