45 x 365 #292

292/365 - WL

Typically, you are the goofball among us. There are zany antics, hilarious stories, and a variety of different dialects when you are in the room. But on occasion, you'll surprise us all with a directness and a strength of character that belies your prevalent easygoing temperament.

Books, Books, Books (Take Two)

Let's talk about the books I've recently read. There are lots, so hang on tight.

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne - This book was surprisingly good. I have to admit that I thought the premise sounded like a series of monotonous events, but no, it's really not!! The plot kept me entertained and curious as to how the narrator could possibly get himself out of the pickle he was in. There's some hoopla over mistranslations in this book, but I guess I wasn't reading carefully enough to notice any problems. I enjoyed it enough to add The Mysterious Island and In Search of Castaways to my Kindle wish list. (I will admit to having skimmed through some of the less titillating parts where he went on and on and on about the marine life. I can't help it. I don't really care about the classification of mollusks.)

Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton - I admit it. I wanted a new vampire series after having read all of Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse books. Several reviews suggested Hamilton's Anita Blake series and so I took them up on their suggestions. I don't think Anita and I are going to get along. She seems a bit airheaded and the series is a little too gritty for me. I'm probably not going to consider on this series, but I can see why others may enjoy it.

My Soul to Lose by Rachel Vincent - This book was free to download onto my Kindle, so I put it on. It's about a girl who gets put into a psychiatric unit because she...belongs in a psychiatric unit. I don't get it. Maybe you need to be sixteen to understand this book. I want my three hours back, Rachel Vincent!!

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - I guess my education is lacking because somehow I have missed these brilliant stories all my life. So smart. So interesting. Holmes is a freaking lunatic, but he's genius. Anyway, in case you can't tell, I loved this. I immediately downloaded The Hound of the Baskervilles (it's in the queue) and am going to do more research to read the entire Holmes oeuvre. If you like mysteries or clever riddles, you will love these books. The language is precise, Holmes and Watson are a grumpy couple, and Holmes is a crackhead. Lovely.

The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson - I wrote about the first book in this series, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo here. I liked the first book, but it took a LONG time for the story to develop. No such buildup here and I LOVED this book. I couldn't put it down. I was reading it when we were traveling and at one point, I made the boy take over driving, not because I was tired, but because I had to finish the chapter I was on. This book is better than the original, the characters are tighter, the story is more compelling (less international subterfuge/murder and more all around what the fuck is going on here), and the whole things kicks ass. The third and final books comes out later this year and I'm so excited. Go read it.

I read the first three books in the Charlaine Harris series about Lily Bard: Shakespeare's Landlord, Shakespeare's Champion, and Shakespeare's Christmas. As is well documented here, I adore Harris. I love the Sookie Stackhouse books, I adore the Harper Connelly series, and I suffered through Aurora Teagarden. But after reading Shakespeare's Christmas, I was quite finished with Lily Bard. She's a caricature of a character and I couldn't force myself to suspend disbelief that all this shit actually happened to her!! I mean, I buy that Sookie gets into messes (vampires, duh) and Harper has a weird, vaguely mystical skill. Even Roe has something compelling (dumpy librarian gets all the hot guys), but Lily? She's nothing. She's flat. She had a traumatic event and we're supposed to believe that this is how she reacts? No. I don't. So. Eh. Don't bother. I'm not going to continue with the series.

I started to read Vanish by Tom Pawlik (free download), but I couldn't read more than about three chapters because I was starting to get nervous it was secretly an Armageddon, end of the world, better convert to Christianity now book. So. Um. I don't know. Read it if you are okay with that kind of stuff?

I also started The Hunters by Jason Pinter because someone I respect very highly said that he liked Pinter books. I read about 15% of the book and just couldn't go on. It's too gritty, too real, too masculine for me. I like my books to be a bit more gentle.

The Crossroads Cafe by Deborah Smith - This was also a free download. It was fine. A good, classic romance novel. The writing was okay, the characters were relatively unmemorable, but the setting was fabulous.

I'm currently reading A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. It's classic young adult literature I somehow missed reading when I was growing up. I don't know how I missed it as it's one of the few books with a female lead that I didn't read, but I gotta say, I'm not loving it. I mean, it's fine, but the characters are so flat. L'Engle just keeps using the same words to describe them, which is violating all kinds of the show, don't tell rules of writing. I'm going to finish it because I feel like I ought to, but there you have it.

Books on the list to read:
The Time Machine by H. G. Wells
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving
The aforementioned Jules Verne books
Sherlock Holmes!!
The Magicians Lev Grossman, a book recommended to me by my friend, N

So, any suggestions? A lot of the classics are free to little cost, so if you have any ideas of books that are actually good (if anyone suggests A Separate Peace, just know that you'll get mocked), let me know. I was reading trashy chick lit for so long, it's been a real pleasure to get back to the basics of literature.

45 x 365 #291

291/365 - KC

I truly adore you. You are patient, kind, and you gave me a chance that not many other people would have. But I wish you were better, I wish you were stronger, and I wish I didn't have to tiptoe around that truth so much.

45 x 365 #290

290/365 - RM

You have a polite fake smile that you give me every morning, as if I don't know what your true smile looks like. I see you interacting with others and being genuinely nice and funny. It does hurt me, but mostly I feel you're missing out.

An Inconvenient Truth

The girls in my class head to the bathroom down the east wing, so I veer to the west. The halls are deserted and my boots make that annoying squeaky sound as I walk and walk and walk. It's one of those huge suburban high schools with never ending hallways of blue lockers and the faintly metallic scent of teenager. I find the quiet disquieting. I imagine the sounds and sights of students rushing by to get to class on time, but when I shake myself, I realize that yes, indeed, I'm still stuck in this nightmare of a building after school hours with just a handful of students and a custodian. I finally find an open bathroom. I enter, imagining that I will be alone, as I regularly am.

My boots, big, clunky winter boots, are still squeaking. As I push the door open to the stall, I hear a sniffling.

I stop. I feel as if I am intruding. But...and here is what I think:

1) It's another eight miles to the next bathroom.
2) It's not like it's a private bathroom.
3) I can ignore her and she can ignore me.
4) Can I ignore someone clearly in distress?
5) I can't ignore this.
6) I've cried in many a public restroom - he broke up with me, the second pregnancy test was positive, and the bladder infection that hurt so much I didn't see how I could possibly make it home on the bus - to name just a few. I don't know if I would have wanted anyone calling attention to my sobbing, but maybe, just maybe it would have been better if someone had said something. I don't know. Maybe?

I complete what I'm there for. I wash my hands. The sniffling has turned in to all out sobbing.

I recognize a call for help.

Squeak, squeak as I move around the room. I have a roomful of students waiting for me. But do they need one more math problem more than Sobbing McSobbing does? Probably not.

"Are you okay?" I try to moderate my voice, but because I haven't spoken for so long, I just can't do it. My voice booms, ricocheting off the tiled walls.

Sobs.

I walk over to the closed stall door. "Can I help?" I can finally speak quieter now, more in line with the situation at hand.

She throws something out under the door, wrapped in toilet paper. I open it. Ah.

Yep. I've been there. A plus sign.

I was 18. I didn't know what to do. My boyfriend was useless. My parents were frightening. My friends were supportive in the way that friends you've just been through half a semester of college are.

She's not even 18. I don't know her. But I'm guessing she's a student at this here school and this is where she feels safest. I took a pregnancy test in the library of my university, so I guess it says what it does about all of us.

"Oh, sweetie." Suddenly I am an old woman. "Can I call someone for you?"

She still hasn't spoken to me.

Silence.

I sit down and put my hand under the stall door. She reaches for it, grabs it hard. Still crying.

I begin with my story. Unsafe sex. A missed period. Two tests. The end of it all. It was over ten years ago now and I remember it, that panicked feeling, like you're all alone in the world, like it was yesterday.

She clutches my hand over and over.

I have been in this bathroom for over fifteen minutes. My class. I have to get back to them. I know it shouldn't be in the forefront of my mind, but I am responsible for their safety.

I happen to have a card in my purse for Planned Parenthood. I pull it out. I write my phone number on it with my name and slip it under the stall.

"I'm sorry I can't stay here. Here are some numbers. Someone will help you. Please let someone help you."

I'm sorry it can't be me.

45 x 365 #289

289/365 - ME

You do your job, you do it well. But you have expressed to me that there's this other job you'd rather have. You're fully qualified for your dream job, but routine and stasis have set in. You're stuck. I hope you get out of your rut.

45 x 365 #288

288/365 - JD

It's with a smile and a laugh that you go through life. Imagine my surprise when I overheard you on the phone with your wedding photographer, demanding a refund. Your teacher voice was in full effect and suddenly I knew how you control your classroom.

Thoughts At Night

I am angry. I should be the one sleeping, not him. No, not angry. Envious. His breathing is calm, rhythmic. How come he can sleep and I can't?

The light leaking in from the blinds is that eerie orange of the streetlight. Orange. Orange. Orange. What a funny sounding word. I can see his arm and the profile of his face. He's lovely.

Best not stare too long. I'll wake him up. Turn over.

It's too hot now. Kick the blankets off.

Focus on the sounds. I hear the fridge turn on with a sudden start and then the loud purr of the motor stays on. There's a ping-ping-ping sound in the radiator. That's a car driving by on the cross street. I think they have the radio on to a country station. Is that the strain of Kenny Chesn- oh, it's already gone. There's a siren in the distance.

The fridge turns off. I can hear him breathe again. I can hear my own breathing. There's the woman next door. She sometimes gets drunk and sings her baby lullabies loudly in the middle of the night. I'm not familiar with this one. Something about safety and protection. I think she loves that baby and doesn't know what to do with it. I never see or hear a man over there. I wonder if she's all alone.

Breathe. If you focus on breathing, you can fall asleep.

Inhale one, two. Exhale one, two. Inhale one, two. Exhale one, two.

Tests. Copies. Syllabus. Friend. Baby. Job. Need wine for dinner. Film. Clothes. Moving. Boxes. That kid. The sidewalk. Neighbors. Car. Gas.

Stop. Stop thinking of everything. You're making your head spin. Stop. There's nothing better for you than sleep right now. Sleep. Breathe.

Inhale one, two. What's that noise? Are those keys? Is someone trying to get into our apartment? Is our door locked and dead bolted?

He's moving. Shit, you've woken him up. No, he's still asleep. Awww...he's grabbing your hand.

I think I'll just sit here and hold his hand and hope that sleep overcomes me.

Inhale one, two. Exhale one, two. Inhale one, two. Exhale one, two. Inhale one, two. Exhale one, two. Inhale one, two. Exhale one, two.

45 x 365 #287

287/365 - JG

You wore a tshirt with a weimaraner, sitting on a chair like a human, at least once a week. I would stare at it as you completed wonders at the chalkboard, wondering what childhood trauma caused you to think you should wear that in public.

45 x 365 #286

286/365 - KD

The tubby professor who cared too much about her vocation. Your excitement and eloquence in class were infectious, but also way easy to mock. "Lady, you are dur-ranged," they told you as you defended that big oak in your yard. There's some truth to that.

45 x 365 #285

285/365 - AS

Lumbering. I almost feel like I don't need forty four more words to describe you. Your steps, always oversized, could be heard long before you could be seen. I'm not sure why your footfalls were always dramatic, but my lasting impression is loud and clumsy.

Happy Songs

A list of songs that, if come on a radio, immediately make me crank it up and sing along, no matter what my mood is, who's in the car with me, or how silly singing the song makes me. Here they are, in no particular order.

"We Shall be Free" by Garth Brooks - I guess Brooks gets some flak for this song being preachy, but no flak from these quarters. This song makes me bounce in my seat.

"All Right" by Darius Rucker - So, he'll always be Hootie to me, but this "country" song, released by the former lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish, throws it down. Hootie's gonna have a hard time following up his freshman country album.

"Bubba Shot the Jukebox" by Mark Chestnutt - The lyrics go:
Reckless discharge of a gun
That's what the officers are claiming
Bubba hollered, "reckless, hell, I hit just where I was aiming."
Inevitably, I will laugh. Because it's improbably and hilarious.

"Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi - Do I even have to explain this? I even like the remixed, slower version found on the Cross Road CD. Tommy and Gina are truly my friends.

"Angel of the Morning" by Juice Newton - When BB and I were dating, I used to drive back and forth from his place to mine at all hours of the day (and night). For my birthday one year, he got me a best of Juice Newton CD and I would play this song on repeat, as loud as possible, to help keep me awake.

"If I Had a Hammer" by Peter, Paul, and Mary - Living in a house with five other adults made for some pretty raucous evenings. We were cleaning the shared living area one night and we found a mixed CD one of the roommates had made for another when they were dating in college. This song was on it and we all sang and danced to it, Cosby Show-style. Too fun.

"Downtown" by Petula Clark - My MIL sometimes sings this with me. It makes my husband roll his eyes at both of us.

"Love Will Find a Way" by Blessid Union of Souls - There's something about the sweet naivete of this song that makes me happy. I know that love doesn't always find a way, but damn it, maybe it should.

"Love Can Build a Bridge" by The Judds - Did you know that LeAnn Rimes sang this on Star Search and Ed McMahon later had the BALLS to say she picked a bad song and that's why she didn't win?! Fuck you, McMahon. This song? Kicks ass. (So does LeAnn Rimes.)

And I know that leaves you with only nine songs, but those are the only ones I can think of that are reliable. I'll edit the list as I see fit, I guess.

45 x 365 #284

284/365 - CS

In my mind you are still seventeen. You're still the same fit, cross country running, smarter than average, always pushing your glasses up your nose and your hair out of your face, could beat anyone in a spelling bee, girl you were thirteen years ago.

45 x 365 #283

283/365 - MB

A nerdy kid who somehow managed to obtain popularity. Ten years later, you were the alcoholic hothead who couldn't keep it together at the high school reunion and punched a stranger. That nerdy kid is still trapped inside, desperate to get out, desperate for freedom.

45 x 365 #282

282/365 - WM

I was always one step behind you; you were quick to grasp concepts. You spent hours with me, our heads bent over textbooks, explaining concepts like long division and centrifugal force, expecting nothing in return. I miss our give and take and detours in thought.

45 x 365 #281

281/365 - RR

On the surface, you are everything a redneck should be: chew spitting, pickup truck driving, NRA promoting. But then there's the other side: the adoring of the girlfriend, the careful grooming of the small dog, and the innocent, naive smile side. Which fits you best?

How I Spent My Money

I spent a lot of money today - most of it was grown up stuff like putting gas in the truck and doing maintenance on the truck - but some was a bit...less necessary.

#1: This delectable stretch velvet jacket from Ann Taylor. Originally priced at $175, it was marked on sale at $59.99 and then there was an additional 25% off!! And I snapped it up. It's awesome because it has that fabulous ribbon tie in the front OR you can put in these buttons that cleverly detach. I am in love with this jacket and may find myself wearing it every day.



Then, as if that was enough spending to do, I also purchased this awesome ruffle top from The Limited ($19.50 - no sale - I'm a sucker).



I am going to wear the ruffle shirt under the jacket of awesomeness, pair them with my delectable black skirt with a ribbon bottom, some boring black tights*, and my Cole Haan boots (see #11 in this post if you care about the boots) and rock out at becoming the coolest godparent ever at our niece and nephew's baptism on Sunday. I promise to post a picture of my awesome outfit. Okay, fine, pictures of the newly baptized babies.

*I wanted to wear some tights that are argyle with this ensemble, but BB vetoed it, claiming that with the velvet and the ruffles there was already a lot going on. So boring black tights it is. I may sneak in the argyle tights anyway and see if it too much when I try it on Sunday morning. Because, really, can socks ever be too much? Especially when you're only going to see about two inches of them between the skirt and the boots?

45 x 365 #280

280/365 - DM
It would be possible for you to pass someone on the street six times before they would acknowledge your person. Your appearance is so ordinary that you blend in to every gathering like a chameleon; I'm unaware you were there until you are long gone.

45 x 365 #279

279/365 - SA

I see you infrequently, but when I do, you're unrecognizable from the person you were before. Quiet or outgoing? Are you married to him or him? Happy or sad? I can't believe your basic structure is so mutable, so maybe I'm missing the core you.

The Lie of the Multitasker

I left a job before I began my ill-fated graduate school career and before I left, I interviewed folks to replace me. And as I sat down in the big boss's office, I told my soon to be former boss, "anyone who says they are good at multitasking is immediately out of contention for this job." He just stared at me.

People are no good at multitasking. When people list it as a strength, I call bullshit. You can not possibly concentrate on more than one thing and do each thing well.

The position I left was, in part, a crisis counseling position. When people called me in times of crisis, there was nothing more important than helping them. I couldn't listen to them, watch television, and fold laundry at the same time. I LISTENED. It was my only job.

And, frankly, I think that's true about everything I do. I don't simultaneously read, write my blog entries, and chat on the phone. I can't. And neither can anyone else. At least not well.

I can't drive and talk on my cell phone. I can't text while I'm teaching. I can't write a letter and dance concurrently.

Whatever you're working on should be your priority. End of story.

So the very next person I talk to who says they are a multitasker, this is your warning. I might kick you in the teeth.

45 x 365 #278

278/365 - DD

You advocate an important cause, a position you take seriously. But once in a while you let that seriousness fade, if only for a short time, like when you brought in a magazine from an animal rescue organization that featured your kitty on the cover.

Eating Out with Dietary Restrictions

When we had my sister- and brother-in-law over for the awesomeness that was the Holidazzle Parade, we thought it would be a great idea if we went to the parade and then went to grab a bite to eat. And, in a world where everything worked the way I wanted it to work, it would be just fine.

But, see, in case I haven't mentioned it approximately eighty million gazillion times, my husband has some pain in the ass dietary restrictions. When we eat at home, it's not a pain in the ass. We just deal with it in the menu planning and we know 1) the ingredients are all 100% safe, 2) the tools of our kitchen are 100% safe, and 3) there will be NO cross contamination of glutenous products in our kitchen. I keep a bread basket on top of the fridge for my mini bagels, I have my own peanut butter clearly marked with my name on it, and I have my own toaster. But when we eat out, it's a different story. Who the hell knows what's going on in the kitchen? You could have toast made on the same griddle as eggs and my husband will be sick for the next 36 hours.

Anyway, after Holidazzle, we went to one of our old standbys - a place on the edge of downtown known for it's mashed potatoes and balcony. But, of course, it was closed for a private holiday party. Plan B: Go to Uptown to another favorite restaurant where we know that there's at least one safe meal for the boy. Only, it turns out that this restaurant no longer exists and there's a new one to replace it. Plan C: Go to the so-so gluten-free place in our neighborhood. Before we drive over there, we google it on BB's cell phone to find that it, too, has closed. Maybe because its clientele was so limited. Maybe because it was so-s0.

Plan D: My in laws get Jimmy Johns (we're all pretty hungry at this point) and BB and I go home and make something in our kitchen.

Here's the thing: it's awful to be THAT person at the restaurant. But it's more awful for my husband to get sick.

And each time we eat at a new place, I handle it wrongly. I take charge and make BB seem like a kid who can't handle it himself. I make BB uncomfortable by pointing out all the potential sources of contamination. I make BB mad by saying the wrong thing to the waitress. It's a marriage tester every damn time. So now I hate eating out and I avoid it at all costs. It's a little thing and I know we save so much money by eating at home, but if I ever come visit you? Just know that eating out? It's not all that's cracked up to be for us. We'd rather make something in your kitchen, I pinky swear.

So we don't eat out. We now have two places we are comfortable with eating in the Twin Cities. It's a big area, but we just can't do it. It's too hard and it makes my stomach churn just thinking about it.

So that's our Achilles heel. We have a strong marriage that should never be tested by entering a restaurant. I often wonder what is the weak point for other marriages. Laundry? Sex? Dishes? Carpool? And then I remember that ours is not so bad.

45 x 365 #277

277/365 - CS

You're honest to a fault, sometimes brutal in your analysis of the shortcomings of others. You're dismissive of others who aren't as quick as you to pick up on ideas and concepts. You're sarcastic and biting, almost instinctively. It's like looking into a mirror sometimes.

I'm Going to Stop Thinking About it Now

So, hi. My name is NGS and I shoplifted a bottle of super glue once. But let me back up.

Remember my Uncle Lenny and Aunt Debbie? The ones who took their nieces and nephews, including me, on a canoe trip and lost their keys in the river? The ones who took me camping for the first time? The ones I love more than life and want to be like? Well, they also took us to the beach once.

My cousin, J (I have to protect her identity) and I were teenagers (15? 16? 17?). Who knows? I am leaning towards the younger side of that because I had no money. No money. My parents shipped me off to Uncle Lenny and Aunt Debbie without so much a cent.

We were renting a lovely beach house on the Outer Banks. We were told, Jess and I, that we could share a room if it looked exactly the same when we left the house as when we entered the house. This detail is quite important. Because, I'm not kidding you, the first thing we did was pull out a dresser drawer to unpack and the dresser drawer fell apart in our arms.

We were so nervous we were going to get in trouble. Me because it's just the sort of thing that would send my father into a spiraling fit of rage and J because she had a history of behaving in less than a perfect way. So we pretended nothing was wrong, didn't let anyone into our room, and sneaked out that night, said we were "going for a walk," and walked right into a hardware store, and, with some carefully constructed plans, stole a bottle of super glue.

We went home and (after many tears and wrongly assembled wood strips) managed to glue the wood back together, put the drawer in the dresser, and then we lived out of our bags for the rest of the trip never so much as touching that damn dresser again. And I've never told a soul about our little adventure until just this moment.

I have stayed awake at night feeling so guilty over this story. I stole from a store. I'd send them money if I had any idea what the store was called. I lied to my aunt and uncle. I know (now) that they would have understood if we'd just told them what was going on. I know that lots of us did worse things than this when we were young, but this really has traumatized me. I was living a life of crime.

But I think I'm going to stop obsessing over this now. And focus on things I should feel bad about from now on.

45 x 365 #276

276/365 - EW

"Is she serious?" they whisper.
"I don't know. I can never tell with her."
"Is she mad?" The voices remain hushed, giving her the respect her witty and acerbic personality deserves.
"Let's hope we never find out."
They scurry away, never knowing it's never serious.

Nostalgic Literature

I was alone and scared most of my childhood. My parents were figures of authority, scary and emotionally unavailable. My sister was lost in her own fear. I remember that day that I realized letters formed words and words formed sentences so clearly. I was way too old for reading comprehension to be a new skill, but there you have it. The cat sits on the mat means a fuzzy four legged creature is on an item on the floor. Anne of Green Gables, Jo in Little Women, and Sara in The Little Princess were all characters that spoke to me then, strong girls who persevered through hard times. Their hard times were different than my hard times, but they made it. And so could I.

But Francie Nolan in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is the one character I still reach out to when times get tough, when feelings of despair wash over me, and I need comfort. She’s me. She’s hard-working, smart, and sometimes accidentally flighty. She wishes her parents paid more attention to her. She loves her siblings, but doesn’t really understand them anymore than they understand her. She's not perfect - she's far from perfect. She reads to escape, she writes to figure things out for herself, and she does what it takes to make life go on. Francie Nolan is my hero.

Francie Nolan makes A Tree Grows in Brooklyn my favorite book. Apparently the character is semi-autobiographical and if this is the case, I’m so sorry Betty Smith had such a rough life, but I’m so happy she wrote it down for me. It's a book that changed my life. It's a book I can never forget.

45 x 365 #275

276/365 - MM

You're always in a hurry to be somewhere else - another place, another conversation, another party. I don't know why you can't slow down and enjoy what you're doing at that exact moment, but it always makes the people (me) you're with feel inadequate and small.

My Favorite Time

It is the quiet time. Dinner has been eaten, dishes have been done, papers have been graded.

There's a lull in the activity of day to day life.

In a season where the temperatures are regularly above freezing, we might use this time to take a walk, go for a bike ride, or simply open the windows and read a little by the sunlight streaming through the windows. This season, the cold season, the walks are fewer. There is no sunlight any longer at this time of day, but most often during this time, lights are turned on and books are read.

Bedtime is near, with all the chores that come along with turning in for the night. The tooth brushing, the lunch making, the shutting down of all appliances, the locking of the doors and windows, the undressing, and sliding into cold sheets - these will come all too soon. But for now, at this time, there is no pressure.

Do not think of the work you have left undone that needs to get done first thing tomorrow. Do not think about the imminent winter storm. Do not think about the cards that need to get in the mail, the bills that need to be paid, or the oil change that is a thousand miles overdue. Instead, this time is for you. To listen to the quiet, to faithfully read that book that has forever changed your life, to be by yourself with your own thoughts for just these few moments.

This quiet time is my favorite time.

45 x 365 #274

274/365 - LS

You intimidate me. You know how to do it all (perfectly), you know all the (correct) answers, and you (happily) manage it all without flinching when people disagree and are (very) kind of mean to you. Your confidence simply scares the crap out of me.

45 x 365 #273

273/365 - BM

A tiny frame, so incredibly tiny. How could you carry a full eight pound baby inside you? Not three months after you gave birth, I saw you up there on stage, whirling around, dancing for everything you stood for, breathtaking beauty and jaw dropping grace.

45 x 365 #272

272/365 - PA

Your eyeglass frames are chunky and black, the lenses themselves so thick your eyes are magnified an unnatural size. Your hair is constantly mussed, sticking straight up in an unintentional Mohawk. Your only accessory is a heavy silver wallet chain, worn no matter the occasion.

Another Book Review: Aurora Teagarden Series

A promise is a promise, so here I am ready to deliver.

We all know and love the Sookie Stackhouse books written by Charlaine Harris. But let's talk about Harris's other series. First, there's the Harper Connelly series (woman can find dead people and tell how they died). I've read all four books in this series and enjoyed them in a mindless sort of way. Great bathtub reading.

But then there's the Aurora Teagarden Mystery series. Here's a rundown on each book.

Real Murders: Um, yeah. This is a boring book, plus there are like eighty million characters introduced in the span of the first three chapters and my little brain got confused. So. Yeah. I only read the second book in the series because I had purchased it at the same time as the first one. Not a great introduction of the main character or, frankly, to the setting or general theme of the series.

A Bone to Pick: Now here's where the series starts to pick up for me. A not so close friend (one of the approximately eighty zillion characters introducted in the previous book) of Roe's dies and leaves Roe a house. In the house, Roe finds a skull, and then fun and shenanigans follow. I started to like Roe with this book and, perhaps more importantly, started to wonder what else would happen in Lawrenceton.

Three Bedrooms, One Corpse: This book focuses on Roe's strange internal debate between a nice man and an evil man. I bet you'll never guess who she goes for. Whatever, I feel like slapping her throughout the entire book, the way you do whenever your friends make stupid decisions, but I guess it's real life. In book form, of course.

The Julius House: Now she's married to the evil man. Ergh. This whole marriage storyline bothers me immensely. However, I really, really, really enjoyed the mystery in this one and the resolution was fun. I think this is the book that solidified my reading the rest of the series. Before this book, I could take Roe or leave her. But with this book, I knew I'd keep reading the series forever.

Dead Over Heels: Oh, yeah. The evil husband. This comes up a lot in this book. Roe lets herself get pushed around some and I want to tell her to grow up. Man, this is a lot like real life.

A Fool and His Honey: I totally skipped this book. Downloading to the Kindle right now. This does explain why I was so completely confused by the beginning of the next book. Ha! Reading books out of order in a series does complicate matters.

Last Scene Alive: I was going to write that the beginning of this book confused the hell out of me, but now it becomes super clear that since I skipped a book, I am an idiot. On the bright side, we no longer have to deal with the evil husband and a sexy suitor from the past comes back. Tres exciting!! I liked this book. It had everything a girl could hope for in her cheesy novels.

Poppy Done to Death: This is, as of this writing, the final book in the series. I haven't read it yet. So, um, yeah, downloading. Until I wrote this post, I swear I thought I had read the entire series. Ha! I know nothing! The reviews on amazon are fair to middling, so I'm going to go ahead and read it!!

45 x 365 #271

271/365 - TJ

It's deceptive, really, your innocent looking big eyes and easy smile. But when cornered, when pushed to your limits, you can roll with the big boys in terms of sarcasm and vindictive planning. I wish you were my friend, but you're too busy being amazing.

Year In Review

I did this last year here, so I'm just redoing it. In case you cared.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Went on a girl's holiday with my Bestest Friend. Just the two of us, tackling a strange city and reading lots of maps.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I never make resolutions. Ha ha. I wrote that last year. But I do want to be more mindful of my health, just like everyone else. And I want to be better about maintaining contact with my family and friends.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Oh, geez. There were three babies born into the family this year. So, yeah.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Sadly, yes. My Aunt Jackie and Uncle Lenny both died. I have to admit that it was hard.

5. What countries did you visit? Hmmm. My passport went unstamped yet again this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? An academic job for my husband next academic school year.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 27, the day we got the phone call that my SIL was going to have the twins three months early. We were in Rochester with my other SIL and BIL and we kept getting terse text messages from family members. And when we heard they were born and alive...well, it was quite a day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Giving the cat back without crying too much.

9. What was your biggest failure? I haven't figured out the job thing yet. But I'm making progress.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No. Not once!!

11. What was the best thing you bought? These burp cloths from dodgeboysmom's Etsy shop. I got some for the twins and for our other nephew and then the parents loved them so much I went and got some more!! I got major props for those.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My Best Friend for some real personal progress she made in the last ten months.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The media's incessant reporting of Michael Jackson's death and apparent delusion that he was anything other than a mentally ill pederast.

14. Where did most of your money go? A casual glance at my most recent bank statement shows the biggest outlays going for rent, plane tickets for out of town funerals, groceries, and gasoline. I live life on the edge.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seeing my Bestest Friend so much over the summer. Possibly moving to Dayton (denied). Possibly moving to Nova Scotia (unlikely, but not impossible). Babies arriving. A cat showing up on our doorstep. Really, it turns out I'm very excitable.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? There are a few. A few we heard over and over again on our recent trip. "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. "Do I" by Luke Bryan. "Big Green Tractor" by Jason Aldean. "Alright" by Darius Rucker. "Chicken Fried" by the Zac Brown Band.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? fatter, oh, I don't really want to talk about it
c) richer or poorer? right around the same

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Spending time with my aunt and uncle when they were dying. Or at least calling them more regularly.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying about jobs.

20. How did you spend Christmas? At my in-laws' house.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? (Cue cheesy music.) I fall in love with my husband every day. He is my joy. Oh, and the cat. Did I mention that I love that damn cat?

22. What was your favorite TV program? So we were late to get on the Battlestar Gallactica bandwagon, but we have rented through the middle of the second season and it is getting good!! So yeah. And we're still kind of obsessed with Bones even though every episode is the same. We are like five year olds and repetition is good for us.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Ummm..will anyone stone me if I say President Obama? I just want him to act, damn it. Do something. Anything. Don't pussyfoot around. I'm starting to think of him as just another big talker and it's frustrating me. People wanted change - wasn't that message? But change is not a comin' anytime soon. But, ummmm, I guess that's why I'm not a political advisor.

24. What was the best book you read? I reread A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and Francie Nolan became my friend all over again. The young adult book Just Listen by Sarah Dessen is also one of my favorites. I just finished The Girl Who Played with Fire, the sequel to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and man, is that book fabulous. The first book had so much set up, it nearly did me in, but the payoff is great. I read it the last week of 2009, but finished it today, so does it count as a 2009 book?

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Great Big Sea. I love them.

26. What did you want and get? Okay, I've been waiting to write about this. My husband got me a Kindle for Christmas!! I love it so much I can hardly stand it. Pro: One little device can hold 1500 books!! Bookshelf space!! Pro: The screen is amazing. So clear. Pro: Built in dictionary. Pro: Weeks without charging! Pro: Amazon stores all your books on the site, so if you lose your Kindle or it breaks, you still have your books. Pro: No wireless connection needed. Pro: Books are cheaper than paper versions and many are free from the Kindle store!

Con: No cover. Con: Limited library. Con: Addictive.

There are some traditionalists out there who are all against e-readers for various ethical and moral reasons, but I say bring it on. My Kindle is awesome.

27. What did you want and not get? Honestly, I can think of nothing. I mean, it would be wonderful if my husband had a job in place for next year already, but we knew that was unlikely.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Up. Coraline. Zombieland. I don't know. Pick one of those.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to visit the twins in Dubuque. I was 30.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being able to keep the cat? (I kid, N. I kid. Kind of.)

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Terrifyingly gaudy socks?

32. What kept you sane? Weekends.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I think Nicole Kidman is hot.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? The treatment of sexual assault and domestic violence perpetrators in the media. In particular, I'm thinking about the Chris Brown case. He beats a woman black and blue and there are supporters saying that he's being unfairly judged. Tiger Woods is at the very least emotionally abusive and people are mad at his wife for forcing him to take a leave of absence from golf. Charlie Sheen hits his wife on Christmas and people says she's a liar because she recants. Why can't abusers be held accountable for their actions?

35. Who did you miss? I miss my Uncle Lenny.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Those little babies.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Don't wish time away. Every day is a valuable day.

Two Weeks in Five Snapshots

***************

There were twenty-two of us there, so to most people, it might have seemed like a lot. But compared to the hundred or so that had descended on the house the night before, it was calm and quiet. Sure, five of the twenty-two were three years old or younger, but it was small large group.

The tree filled the bay window, tinsel glittered off of every available bough. The bubble lights, those not tilted or cold, frothed happily. The scent of pine and cinnamon filled the space, but somehow never spread anywhere except that room. The three year old helped pass out the presents, the fourteen month old helped everyone open their presents, and the babies sat on their mamas' laps and watched with big eyes. There were screams of joy, hugs, and sweet kisses between those two that they thought we wouldn't notice. Paper was tossed carelessly aside as the fourteen month old grabbed the stuffed monkey intended for his baby cousin and put it into his mouth.

***************

The rain stopped, the weather cooled, and the snow started. And kept falling. And kept falling.

We shoveled the driveway, threw snowballs, and ran races in the snow. Eventually whittled down to a group of eleven, we found ourselves racing our sleds down the hill, and our nephew, all of five months old, got his first ever sled ride. The three year old grew tired, shrilly yelled, "my fingers are cold," and we all laughed, grabbed her, and wound our way back to the house for some hot cocoa with marshmallows.

***************

The Annual Get Together of my high school friends gets more raucous every year. The children get bigger, they are able to play by themselves more, and the parents get more relaxed. My friend C has a nine year old. Let's let that sink in for a minute. She has nine year old daughter. I have a plant and a slow cooker. I really can't compete.

There were more that the usual number of sad events this year for the group - divorces, deaths, job losses, and familial discord - and that made it difficult. It's hard to smile and laugh with someone whose husband has humiliated her and whose prospects for employment are slim. But laugh we did.

And later that night, after everyone else left, we sat with my friends N and S, played board games, ate chocolate covered cashews and fudge straight from my mother-in-law's kitchen, and gossiped about everyone who had just left.

***************

New Year's Eve. Marysville, Ohio. Four reasonably fun, well educated, and good looking people out for a good time. They head to the local Kmart, with all of six cars left in the parking lot, thinking perhaps it has closed early, as places are wont to do on "major holidays" in small conservative towns in the Midwest. Happily, the store was open, Valentine's Day displays were already set up, and Quelf was purchased.

As for the rest, Darth Vader was imitated, masks were made, cobras sculpted out of paper, Living in Sin was sung, and my husband belly danced and showed off an astonishing amount of belly button lint and an astonishing lack of body fat. Let it be so for I have spoken.

***************

Ten days, six states* later, we're in the home stretch. The end is finally, finally in sight. We're going to get home within thirty six hours. We pull off to a rest area in Indiana (or was it Illinois?). In our car, it is toasty. Outside, a strange cold front has moved through, and as we dash for the building, running and laughing, simultaneously holding hands and pushing each other away, I am made breathless by (okay, the running like hell in the cold without a coat) the knowledge that this was the reason I married him. Holidays with him. Rest stops in godforsaken lands with him. Whirlwind trips through the Midwest with him. Hours in the car bickering over music with him.

I am so happy to be home at long last.

***************

*Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Ohio

45 x 365 #270

270/365 - AG

Quiet and soft spoken, it was a surprise to me to learn that your extracurricular hobbies include visiting S&M clubs, hang gliding, and parachuting out of planes. Oh, wait, that is just my dream for you. You're lovely and sweet, but, sadly, predictable and boring.