Rachel recently wrote an honest post about a handful of things that are not going well in her world. I fixated on how she has a complicated relationship with birthdays. I do, too! Mine is not the same complicated relationship as hers, though. I LOVE celebrating people's birthdays. I bring treats to work on my co-workers' birthdays. I celebrate my husband all day long. Part of this is because I LOVE finding and giving the perfect gifts. I also just want everybody to know how much they mean to me and it's easy to do on birthdays.
But my own birthday is regularly sort of forgotten. I *should* tell my husband what I want on my birthday and ask for him to make it happen. But, as I said in Rachel's comments, I don't think I should have to tell him and then he does nothing and then I'm sad. Oh, well. I suspect none of that is going to change.
What can I change?
How I celebrate YOU.
Do you want me to celebrate your birthday? I can do it in so many ways! I can do a whole shoutout here on my blog. I can quietly email or text you that I am thinking of you. I can send you SNAIL MAIL (if I'm being honest, I mostly want to send you snail mail). If you live within an hour drive of wherever I am on your birthday, we could go to lunch! I could color you a picture of a cat wearing a hat. I can do more than one of these things! Maybe you want something else? Tell me.
I have created a Google Form to ask you for your birthday and how you want to be celebrated. Fill it out and I'll put your birthday in my planner and you'll get the celebration you deserve! Even if your birthday is on a Tuesday, you can still be treated like the royalty we know you are.
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Do you have a complicated relationship with birthdays? Do you love a birthday party?
Rachel's birthday feelings resonated with me, too, and I love that you are doing something about it. (I have a birthday post in the works, but it is much more self-centered than this lovely celebratory idea.)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I feel this so deeply: "I *should* tell my husband what I want on my birthday and ask for him to make it happen. But, as I said in Rachel's comments, I don't think I should have to tell him and then he does nothing and then I'm sad."
Why does it feel so uncomfortable to want to be celebrated? I am struggling with even adding my name to your form. But I am going to, because I know it would bring both of us joy. But also, Engie, please send me YOUR BIRTHDAY because I would like to celebrate you as well. I know you are not asking for reciprocation, but I would be delighted to be able to wish you a happy birthday each year.
Yes, remind us of when your birthday is!!! I'm filling out your form (i want the picture of the cat wearing a hat, obviously.) I do like birthdays, but I don't like huge celebrations. (oh actually my husband's birthday is tomorrow- it always sneaks up on me because it's so soon after Christmas).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it makes me sad that anyone is sad on their birthday. Maybe we all need to fly to Wisconsin for a big surprise party on your next birthday, lol (wait. Wouldn't that actually be amazing???)
Okay, Engie, WORDS CAN NOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS IDEA/SENTIMENT. Please remind me (here or e-mail me) of your birthday!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy birthday's generally fly below the radar. I've had one big celebration in my life and it was during the pandemic and my husband and kids planned a whole day scavenger hunt. We couldn't interact with other people, but he had friends and family send video and voice clues and it took hours for me to go all over the place to find presents. It was SO MUCH FUN. Beyond that... birthday's weren't a big deal in my family of origin. I like to get my favourite dessert (an Unbaked Cherry Cheesecake) but sometimes I don't get any presents aside from a gift card from my bestie. I'm okay with it.
Such a good idea! I put in a request because my husband and I have the same birthday, so on MY birthday every year I have to plan SOMEONE ELSE'S birthday too.
ReplyDeleteMy birthday is a holiday (NYE) and it’s a pain to go out and if we have people over they want to stay until after midnight, while I want to be asleep in bed. It was great when I was in my 20s, it sucked as a kid because my mom was broke after my brother’s birthday and then Christmas. It can be complicated. However, I am very good about asking for what I want for my birthday. If what I want is to go to a museum and a nice lunch, I tell my husband and daughter, and we do that. If I want to go to a movie and a nice dinner, we do that. If I want a party, we do that. I almost never want a party, I’m sick of people by that time. I had one year when none of my family called me, and that really sucked. My mom told me she was thinking of me all day, but she wasn’t sure when I would be home and so she kept waiting to call, and then she fell asleep. My dad was busy doing date night with my step-mom. My siblings never really called back then. SO I FEEL YOU. But my husband and daughter do try to spoil me and make me feel special. I encourage you to speak up if there is a way to do so without getting too emotional. Heck, even if you do get emotional. But it could be casual…’hey, you know what I’d like for my birthday? X!’
ReplyDeleteI know someone whose birthday is New Year's Day, and growing up she was pretty crabby about it, because her parents were always hung over on her birthday!
DeleteCodex: I'm usually the organizer. Because things can sometimes not work out I started planning a back up where I treat myself. Works out well. Spouse knows what I want and I don't have the expectation of they should know.
ReplyDeleteWonderful idea.
I don't think I would ever want anything big done, and heaven forbid a surprise party, but other than that, I do enjoy being celebrated on my birthday. (Or around that time: I have zero problem getting something a week later. It honestly is the thought that counts.) Not having a spouse does take that part out of the equation for me: I don't know how I would feel about not being at least wished happy birthday on the day. Someone whose blog I read has written about how her husband does nothing for her on Mother's Day, including when their children were small and needed guidance, because "you're not my mother," and my rage on her behalf was incandescent. I know that's not her birthday, but still. I bet he doesn't do much for her birthday, either.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I filled out the form, because I would love a card, or anything in the mail, for my birthday! Fewer and fewer people send physical cards these days, at least to me, and I do love getting them. I had an aunt who always, always sent cards late, and the year she died, I realized a week after my birthday that I was expecting her card to show up. This year I got two or three cards, not a lot. Though I still enjoyed getting them!
Oh, do tell him. Men are thick. Well, I am not too thick about those kinds of things but maybe about others. He will also feel better if he pleases you. We used to kiddingly have a birthday week or even month for Sue. It came from my joking about her birthday lasting a month because this person or that group would do something for her over a protracted period of time. When we moved away from her friends, I kind of did that for her for a few years.
ReplyDeleteI love other people’s birthdays but feel a little middle of the road about mine. I have no expectations so I am usually fine with how the day goes. This year i was very excited because there is a childcare night at our rec center and my birthday is on a Friday (2/6) so Phil and I had a date night planned. But tragically, a senior person at his firm died from an aneurysm last week and the funeral is at 4 pm on 2/6 (which makes sense as he worked at an asset mgmt company so the funeral would need to be after markets closed so the whole (small) company can go). But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t sad about our date night being canceled. But this year I planned my own low key party on Saturday. I will have a puzzle going on the dining room table and will have snacks and drinks. Not many can attend unfortunately but even if only 4-5 people show up, that’s more than I would have wanted. I put a firm ‘no gifts allowed’ note in the invite. I do not want gifts at all. I feel a sense of reciprocity if someone buys me a gift. We have what we refer to as a ‘gift neutral household’ meaning don’t buy us stuff and we won’t buy you stuff. If someone wanted to give me something, I would ask them to instead donate to a food pantry or other mutual aid organization. I am not trying to be all high and mighty but I am so particular and hard to shop for. If I want something, I buy it. Like I considered asking for an Owala water bottle for Christmas but I wanted to pick the color.
ReplyDeleteSo TLDR, I’m not very fun to celebrate. But I do LOVE snail mail!!