Rachel recently wrote an honest post about a handful of things that are not going well in her world. I fixated on how she has a complicated relationship with birthdays. I do, too! Mine is not the same complicated relationship as hers, though. I LOVE celebrating people's birthdays. I bring treats to work on my co-workers' birthdays. I celebrate my husband all day long. Part of this is because I LOVE finding and giving the perfect gifts. I also just want everybody to know how much they mean to me and it's easy to do on birthdays.
But my own birthday is regularly sort of forgotten. I *should* tell my husband what I want on my birthday and ask for him to make it happen. But, as I said in Rachel's comments, I don't think I should have to tell him and then he does nothing and then I'm sad. Oh, well. I suspect none of that is going to change.
What can I change?
How I celebrate YOU.
Do you want me to celebrate your birthday? I can do it in so many ways! I can do a whole shoutout here on my blog. I can quietly email or text you that I am thinking of you. I can send you SNAIL MAIL (if I'm being honest, I mostly want to send you snail mail). If you live within an hour drive of wherever I am on your birthday, we could go to lunch! I could color you a picture of a cat wearing a hat. I can do more than one of these things! Maybe you want something else? Tell me.
I have created a Google Form to ask you for your birthday and how you want to be celebrated. Fill it out and I'll put your birthday in my planner and you'll get the celebration you deserve! Even if your birthday is on a Tuesday, you can still be treated like the royalty we know you are.
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Do you have a complicated relationship with birthdays? Do you love a birthday party?
Rachel's birthday feelings resonated with me, too, and I love that you are doing something about it. (I have a birthday post in the works, but it is much more self-centered than this lovely celebratory idea.)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I feel this so deeply: "I *should* tell my husband what I want on my birthday and ask for him to make it happen. But, as I said in Rachel's comments, I don't think I should have to tell him and then he does nothing and then I'm sad."
Why does it feel so uncomfortable to want to be celebrated? I am struggling with even adding my name to your form. But I am going to, because I know it would bring both of us joy. But also, Engie, please send me YOUR BIRTHDAY because I would like to celebrate you as well. I know you are not asking for reciprocation, but I would be delighted to be able to wish you a happy birthday each year.
Yes, remind us of when your birthday is!!! I'm filling out your form (i want the picture of the cat wearing a hat, obviously.) I do like birthdays, but I don't like huge celebrations. (oh actually my husband's birthday is tomorrow- it always sneaks up on me because it's so soon after Christmas).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it makes me sad that anyone is sad on their birthday. Maybe we all need to fly to Wisconsin for a big surprise party on your next birthday, lol (wait. Wouldn't that actually be amazing???)
Okay, Engie, WORDS CAN NOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS IDEA/SENTIMENT. Please remind me (here or e-mail me) of your birthday!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy birthday's generally fly below the radar. I've had one big celebration in my life and it was during the pandemic and my husband and kids planned a whole day scavenger hunt. We couldn't interact with other people, but he had friends and family send video and voice clues and it took hours for me to go all over the place to find presents. It was SO MUCH FUN. Beyond that... birthday's weren't a big deal in my family of origin. I like to get my favourite dessert (an Unbaked Cherry Cheesecake) but sometimes I don't get any presents aside from a gift card from my bestie. I'm okay with it.
Such a good idea! I put in a request because my husband and I have the same birthday, so on MY birthday every year I have to plan SOMEONE ELSE'S birthday too.
ReplyDeleteMy birthday is a holiday (NYE) and it’s a pain to go out and if we have people over they want to stay until after midnight, while I want to be asleep in bed. It was great when I was in my 20s, it sucked as a kid because my mom was broke after my brother’s birthday and then Christmas. It can be complicated. However, I am very good about asking for what I want for my birthday. If what I want is to go to a museum and a nice lunch, I tell my husband and daughter, and we do that. If I want to go to a movie and a nice dinner, we do that. If I want a party, we do that. I almost never want a party, I’m sick of people by that time. I had one year when none of my family called me, and that really sucked. My mom told me she was thinking of me all day, but she wasn’t sure when I would be home and so she kept waiting to call, and then she fell asleep. My dad was busy doing date night with my step-mom. My siblings never really called back then. SO I FEEL YOU. But my husband and daughter do try to spoil me and make me feel special. I encourage you to speak up if there is a way to do so without getting too emotional. Heck, even if you do get emotional. But it could be casual…’hey, you know what I’d like for my birthday? X!’
ReplyDeleteCodex: I'm usually the organizer. Because things can sometimes not work out I started planning a back up where I treat myself. Works out well. Spouse knows what I want and I don't have the expectation of they should know.
ReplyDeleteWonderful idea.