It was a combination of things that led to this post. Nicole recently had a post called Tell Me Something Beautiful About You that was focused on our physical appearance. We all think our friends our beautiful, but when we look in the mirror, many of us are critical to our own selves in a way that would be considered downright cruel if we voiced it about someone else, so the focus is on self-love in what I see as a radical way through self-acceptance and appreciation.
I teach a Careers class - a one-credit class that is mostly taken by people who need one credit to graduate, but also has some underclasspeople in it. I focus on personality exploration (Stephany would appreciate that part), career exploration based on personality and interest, resume and cover letter writing, networking, and interviewing. Most students like it, although I had a guy last semester who complained nonstop throughout the semester and said it was busywork. *shrug* This semester I did something new and had them sign up for mock interviews with me via our Zoom equivalent. Historically I haven't done this because the interview module aligns with advising season, but this semester I just said, oh well, and have had wall to wall student meetings in April.
In this mock interview, I ask them a couple of softball questions, but then I throw in some tough ones to see what they do and how they react when they don't have an answered prepared. One of the questions is "what is your greatest professional achievement?" and the other is "what makes you unique?" and I realized in my last interview that I had no idea how I would answer those questions if presented to me.
In the spirit of self-exploration, love, and radical self-acceptance, here are my answers to some hard questions. I'll give three answers for each of them.
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| This has nothing to do with this post, but I took this photo when Dr. BB and I were at the Natural History Museum. I suspect that adorable creature has no self-esteem issues. |
What is beautiful about you?
1) The answer I gave on Nicole's post is: I love my ginormous nose. It comes from both sides of the family and it ties to me to all my beloved aunts, uncles, and cousins. In profile, I look just like my Uncle Kevin who is a great man among great men and it makes me giggle when I see a profile shot of myself and think “I am a miniature of a 60something man.”
2) My boobs. They're large and sometimes get in the way when I'm doing yoga, but they're shapely and my husband digs them.
3) My butt. It turns out that I basically do all my lower body through my glutes and that means I have tight ass. I like it.
What are the best decisions you've made in your life?
1) Marrying Dr. BB. Honestly, I can't imagine another man who would be as perfect for me as he is.
2) Leaving my hometown. I was at an introductory doctor's appointment a year or so back and my doctor was going over my family health history. She started talking to me and she asked, "so how come you don't smoke or do drugs, exercise, eat healthy, and don't have these conditions?" "I left."
3) Keeping my friendships even through the hard times. I have good friends from high school and college who I am still in regular contact and I never regret the time I've invested in those friendships.
What is your greatest professional achievement?
1) Leaving my volunteer position with a transition plan in place and without burning any bridges. I learned a lot of skills at that job and did a lot of things I would never have done otherwise, but I'm glad that part of my life is behind me.
2) I have recently started seeing results to some of my outreach at work. Last week I had two (TWO!) students call me because I had reached out to them in the past and ask for help right now. I know that seems trivial, but it's not. It shows that our model of forming relationships and reaching out to students who seem to be struggling is working and that I'm earning students' trust. Likewise, I had a faculty member call me yesterday and she didn't even say her name, she just started the phone call with "help" and I was able to get her what she needed within five minutes. It's working.
3) Friends, this is silly, but I was valedictorian of my high school class and a National Merit Finalist. I have feelings about some of this, but I also worked really hard for both of those things.
What makes you unique?
1) My obsession with hats.
2) My commitment to snail mail.
3) My knowledge of the complete oeuvres of Garth Brooks, Skid Row, and Bon Jovi.
What do you like about yourself?
1) If I say I'm going to do something, I do it.
2) I always dance as if no one is watching.
3) I try to think of others first.
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What do you like about yourself? Do you find these questions hard to answer?
I find answers very hard to come by. However, I would like to give you a virtual standing ovation for Valedictorian and National Merit finalist! Those take a lot of effort and dedication! Also props for being able to assist the faculty who cried out for help ( I've started a few requests that way myself).- mbmom11
ReplyDeleteI feel like I need to give props to the faculty member for reaching out for help, too! It took me no time at all and she could have been struggling for a long time to find what she needed. It's hard to ask for help sometimes.
Deletelove this! and I love the Zooms for students-- this is a great idea and will help them so much!
ReplyDeleteYES! I think it will help them. Video interviews are so common now and most of my students had never done one. I'm thinking about using Interview Prep next year, which allows students to record answers to interview questions. So we'd start with that and I'd give feedback and then move on to the "live" Zoom interviews. It's fun for me because I get to learn all about the students and they get to know me better, too.
DeleteI LOVE LOVE LOVE this whole post. I love what you love about yourself and Engie, you personally inspired me to send more mail. I always sent Christmas cards, but because of you I send postcards and everyday cards and extra birthday cards. I love thinking about the little happiness it spreads. So thank you for spreading that happiness!
ReplyDeleteWithout going into huge details, I will say that after having my parents here for the weekend, I am really happy I didn't turn out to be a negative, bitter person. I mean, I have no reason to be. But neither do they. Anyway, that's all I will say about that.
I didn't know I was in the presence of a valedictorian and National Merit finalist (I don't know exactly what the latter is but it sounds VERY impressive!) Also well done you for leaving the small town.
I LOVE that I have inspired people to send out more mail. Let's spread mailbox joy!
DeleteHa ha. I should actually specify that I was a National Merit Scholar, which means I did really well on a standardized test (PSAT) my sophomore year of high school. I went to undergrad on a scholarship because of National Merit and less than 1% of folks who take the PSAT are Scholars. It was a pretty big deal. My high school had never had a Scholar before and I don't think they've had one since. The local high school where I live right now had two LAST YEAR. Crazy and impressive and I was so proud of those kids.
I would find it difficult to find the many responses that you have given. So, you are smart too, which is why you were valedictorian.
ReplyDeleteWell, I am smart, but I was valedictorian because I worked really hard. I'm not naturally good at school stuff.
DeleteThis morning I read a truly sad article on BBC about the rise of cosmetic surgery (and of course the many, many ways it goes wrong). One girl - who happens to share a name with my daughter, which did make it hit closer to home - had over 100 surgeries. I want people to feel confident in their bodies, but so often it involves fitting a mold. It's a HARD thing to break up with, and Nicole is one of the best champions I know of loving yourself as-is.
ReplyDeleteI'm fairly critical of my looks and my body, but I do think this is getting better as I age. Ironically. I was just looking at some pictures of my from like 5 years ago and I was like "But my arms were so toned and tiny compared to now - how did I think I was fat?" Perspective!
Right? I look at photos of me now from my wedding and I sure did not recognize how hot I was then. Oh, well. Let's all strive for accepting how hot we are now so we can model that for the next generation. Also, our worth shouldn't be tied up in how we look! I really wish I could change my mindset on that, so that's what I'm working on now. It doesn't matter how I look - it matters how I feel. But that's soooo hard to do.
DeleteWow, you were valedictorian??? I'm impressed! Anyway- great post. I do find these questions hard to answer! It's interesting because if you asked me "Do you like yourself?" I would say yes. But if you asked "WHAT do you like about yourself?" it's hard for me to come up with an answer. (That's weird, isn't it?) I love all your answers to these questions, especially the three things you like about yourself.
ReplyDeleteMy achievements in high school were impressive. LOL. But it was so long ago that it seems like all that happened to a different person, you know?
DeleteAnswering these questions was so hard. I need to be my own best friend and pump myself up, I think, like I would do for my friends.
I loved this post in so many ways, largely because I don't know you very well or have read you for a long time so I felt I got to know you better. (And I have to say, I was pretty impressed!) And I also loved it because it made me think. The questions are difficult to answer, at least some of them. I do like my nose and smile. (The rest of me could use a lot of work!) And I like that I have preserved many old friendships (as you have -- not so easy when we all spread out) and made new ones too. That means a lot.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to answer these questions, isn't it? I wonder if it's hard for men, too?
DeleteAs usual, it's a great subject, and the way you've broken it down is so characteristic of you which is one of the things I find unique about you - I can't quite articulate it (you probably could), but you make things so much more orderly and easy to think about.
ReplyDeleteI was my high school salutatorian (one down from valedictorian, who was my friend Rachelle, and this positioning is just so characteristic of our relationship I couldn't even be disappointed). Once I graduated university with top honours, I couldn't help but think that my school smarts didn't serve me that well in the real world at all. My biggest professional achievement is probably having a profession (well, job) at all. My anxiety and depression was so bad that I couldn't conceive of ever doing an interview trying to convince someone that they should hire me - I would have panic attacks just thinking about it.
I feel the same way about marrying my husband. I had really low self-esteem and things could have gone horribly wrong, and I feel very lucky. I also am glad about having my boobs for the most part, even though every time I see a picture of myself lately they look like if they got loose they could kill a family of six.
What a lovely thing to say - things are orderly and easy to think about! I'm going to ride high on that compliment for weeks.
DeleteMy friend Nick was salutatorian and I graduate summa cum laude, but that's where my successes stopped, too. Ha! Just kidding. Mostly. I was really good at school and I liked it. I don't think I like the working world as much, to be honest. I sort of admire the people who do like work more than school.
Oh, and what Nicole said about the snail mail. I have been collecting pretty cards for years and have hardly used any. I love that we're doing this now.
ReplyDeleteI have started a snail mail movement!
DeleteIt's good to interview yourself like you did in this post. Great idea. Self-awareness is key for thriving. You find out what you think of yourself. Not surprised your students are vague about how to answer questions like these. I would have been at that age too.
ReplyDeleteAs for what I like about myself, something I've figured out along the way, I like that I pay attention. That skill has done me well professionally and personally.
Oh, paying attention is a useful skill. You really pick up on a lot that way. I'm generally too focused on what I'm doing to notice things around me. I could use this skill in my life.
DeleteWe both posted about Nicole's post today! I loved reading all the comments in her post.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think of "achievements" I always think of how I broke the county triple jump record when I was in grade 6, and then I think, "Did I peak then?" Because everything after that just seems so much harder and less special.
I think one thing I like about myself is how I'm generally unbothered by most things, though if I were to frame it a different way, I would term it reticence. By maybe radical self-acceptance is seeing both sides of ourselves and knowing they are equally valued. I wrote I post once about how sometimes the things we hate the most about ourselves is our greatest strength - it was prompted by my friend saying that she can never let go of things, and I realized that that's what made her good at her job - she could always remember all the details.
You absolutely did NOT peak in grade 6!! I like to think all of us have peaks ahead of us still.
DeleteOne of the things I hate the most about myself is that I don't really understand diplomacy. I'll try to be tactful, but it turns out I was super direct and borderline mean. BUT. It also means that I am known for being honest and direct (and I am) and that's come in handy in the past.
One of the hardest interview questions for me is always, "So, what do you do for fun?" Uh? Nothing is not a good answer. But I really don't have any hobbies or sports interests. So I usually fall back on reading. I guess I need to think on this and come up with a better answer.
ReplyDeleteIn an interview for work setting my answer for What do you like about yourself would be that I am a problem solver who gets things done consistently.
Oh! Fun! Well, I have that down. My hobbies are my dog, reading, and my blog. Each of those is enough for people to start asking questions. My dog is a mutt and we work on obedience training. I read all sorts of stuff, but a lot of fantasy/sci-fi and romance. My blog is about my life and I have a small, but loyal readership.
DeleteI actually think that if I was asked what I liked about myself in a professional setting, I'd use that same answer above, although I might switch #2 and #3. I get things done when I say I will!
Love this and love your tone too: somehow soft-spoken yet also unapologetic. I wish I could take your class.
ReplyDelete(P.S. I too was the valedictorian at my high school graduation.)
Valedictorians unite! It just seems so long ago...I was a different person then.
DeleteEngie, this post touched my heart so much. (And Nicole's post did too.) I think your students are very lucky to have such an awesome teacher as you. I think it's a powerful thing to practice radical self-love and acceptance. I also love snail mail and I think I'll send some out this week for no reason at all except to say hi! What do I like about myself? I'm kind and generous, and I love to be silly.
ReplyDeleteYes!! I think everyone should send a quick note in the mail this week! It would bring joy everywhere!
DeleteWas it easy for you to name the things you like about yourself or did you have to do some digging? I think that's an interesting aspect of this exercise.
Engie, I had to dig deep. I sat here stupefied for a long time before coming up with my answer.
DeleteI'm going to work on being my best friend. If I wouldn't say it to my best friend, I shouldn't say it myself, right?!
DeleteOh, I love the picture of the little creature! You're right - he has no self-esteem issues!
ReplyDeleteHe's so adorable and he knows it!
DeleteI love this! Let's play!!!
ReplyDelete- What is beautiful about me. Same as you, I love the features that I have in common with my ancestors. I look exactly like my great grandmother, but with my great grandfather's giant nose.
- Best decisions. Pursuing financial independence from a young age, even if I didn't know why. Buying a house as a singleton. Solo travel while my family is tied up with Boy Scouts.
- Professional Achievements. Clawing my way from a dead end admin job to a tech writing/tech support job. Changing careers, which included getting a master's degree and seeing if I just couldn't maybe pass the CPA exam. Figuring out that there is more to life than work, and having my career goal be not to have a job. Interviewing for jobs just because I could for between 2021-2024. Seriously interviews are like first dates - most are comically bad but every once in a while you get that spark.
- What makes me unique. I am me. Everyone else is taken. I like what I like. I watch old movies, and I have zany hobbies like visiting FLW houses, state Capitols, and meeting Cool Bloggers.
- What I like about myself. If I'm not sure if I can do something, I try it to find out so that there is no doubt either way. We all miss 100% of the shots that we don't take, so it makes sense to take as many shots as we can.
Was it hard for you to come up with these? I hesitate how long it took me to write this post because I was really struggling with three things for each entry!
DeleteI could use some of your confidence about trying new things. I mostly stick to what I already know how to do, but you're right that you'll never get things done if you don't try.
These are great questions. They were tough to answer.
ReplyDeleteWhat is beautiful about me: Probably my height - I hated being so tall growing up, but I've grown to appreciate it. Also my hair - it's naturally curly (the downside is it's terribly thin, so while I think it's beautiful - I wish it would stop disappearing).
I guess my biggest professional achievement is running my in home daycare. That doesn't necessarily feel 'professional' - maybe because it doesn't directly require my college degree. But, I've been at it for 10 years and it's been a great way to be home for my kids (and if I'm being honest my laundry) while also making an income. Maybe not professional, but definitely an achievement.
Unique about me: I tend to see the humor in situations (eventually) and can turn a regular event into an entertaining adventure. I'm a gifted story teller (in person, I use facial expressions and pauses, etc.)
Best decisions: Marrying Coach. He and I are on the same page on most things. We are really compatible, and share a similar parenting approach and we're both frugal. Plus he's tall and we have tall offspring, thus lots of basketball.
What I like about myself: I'm not afraid to speak up. I'm gonna stick up for someone or something and I don't back down easily. Like suing my school district when a coach retaliated against my son. He was wrong - and the school mishandled it big time. They messed with the wrong kid.
I didn't know you were valedictorian. Well done, you. That's a huge accomplishment - as is being a National Merit Finalist. Those are not small things. Congrats. I did fine in school, but I had to work hard. I wish I'd had a better idea of what career path I wanted to follow, because I think that would've impacted not only what I studied, but what I achieved in college.
They are hard to answer. I wonder if men would find them hard to answer of if it's a female thing!
DeleteI think having a daycare is very impressive. As soon as one child starts screaming or crying, I want to tear my hair out - I couldn't imagine dealing with that every day.
Wow, valedictorian AND a National Merit Finalist? The presence of greatness! That's amazing. I also concur with Nicole that you've started a snail mail movement. I bought my first book of stamps in YEARS in December because of you! I also just got some cute cat-themed postcards from Etsy to send out soon. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat is beautiful about you? On Nicole's post, I said my boobs and my hair! And my eyes. Everyone compliments me about my eyes!
What are the best decisions you've made in your life? Quitting my elementary education degree to get a journalism degree (imagine me as an elementary teacher, hahahahaha), adopting cats after my beloved Dutch died, and starting the job in 2013 that I'm still at today!
What is your greatest professional achievement? Becoming senior manager at my company felt like such a massive accomplishment!
What makes you unique? Maybe my humor/sarcasm? This was harder to answer than what makes me beautiful! Ahhh.
I am LOVING that the snail mail revolution is starting here.
DeleteThe question about what makes you unique stumps my students, too. It's so hard! I just keep telling them that they want to differentiate themselves from everyone else who is applying for the job, but that still is hard to answer!
I love everything about this post, Engie... Every thing you love about yourself and your kind curiosity about everyone else as well <3
ReplyDeleteThat's such a lovely compliment, Maya! Thank you.
DeleteIntrospection and self-reflection are hard. I like that I embrace change and, when I put my mind to something, always get it done. Failure simply is not an option for me.
ReplyDeleteHa! Failure is ALWAYS an option for me. I'm happy to try anything, but if it's not going well, I always leave myself an out.
DeleteAs a former high school teacher, I know how tough it is to be a National Merit Scholar. It's a rare thing and not silly in the least. AND valedictorian! You are one intelligent person with an incredible work ethic. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had the rewarding experience of former students turning to you for help. Nothing is more affirming. I hope that these are the things you remember when life starts getting to be a struggle. They're not the answer, but they remind you of all the great decisions you've made in the past.
I definitely have an email folder labeled "happy things" where I file things that will remind me of why I do my job when I have a bad day. We all need those, don't we?!
DeleteThis is nothing I can answer on the spot. I am not so confident – even though I am often perceived that way – to know it. The only thing I know for sure is that my eyes are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear that outreached program is coming to fruition. Must be very satisfying seeing results.
Also I love all you answers to the questions.
These are such hard questions, aren't they? I hope you're able to think on them and come up with satisfying answers.
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