There are things I notice that I let slide when things get tough in my life. I stop worrying about things like personal care (if I go too long without a haircut, take notice!), keeping on top of the mail, and household chores. So I took a photo of the dining room table this morning because it is an indication that things are going off the rails for me.
Our dining room table usually has four placemats and a notebook each of us keeps on the table. That's what belongs on the table. We occasionally put things on the table as a reminder to do something (pay a bill, reorder a prescription, etc.), but the idea is that those things get done within 24 hours and the item is removed from the dining room table because if no other room in the house is neat and tidy, the dining room is.
Well...
1. My heated vest - This has been sitting here for weeks. I need to take out the battery to store it for summer, put a reminder for me to recharge the battery in July on the calendar, wash the vest, and store all of it for the season. This seems like a lot of work, honestly.
2. This is the bag of merch I bought at my alma mater. I need to take off all the tags and wash everything (or, at the very least, put all the things in a laundry basket so they will get washed when we next do laundry).
3. Paperwork #1 - This is on my husband's side of the table. It's a warranty card or something that he needs to fill out and return. No action needed on my behalf.
4. Paperwork #2 - This is a card to remind my husband to buy something. I think there's a coupon or something on it. No action needed on my behalf.
5. Paperwork #3 - Mystifying paperwork about a class action lawsuit regarding our new car. I am not sure we are qualified for it and so we have spent about an hour between the two of us trying to decipher the language in this document. I think I'm just going to recycle it when I get home.
6. $40 - This was cash money we had to buy honey at the Farmers' Market last Saturday. The honey people weren't there, though, and we can't go to the Market this Saturday and now we're out of honey. I need to either call the honey people and go to their house to buy it or just buy honey at the grocery store.
7. Mail - A bloggy friend mailed me a note and I should write back. This involves finding the perfect card/stationery and hunting down an international stamp. This is FUN and I'm happy to do it, but it seems like a lot right now.
8. Library book - I need to write up a review for this book on my blog and take it back to the library.
9. Makeup - I have three items of makeup that I needed to reorder: foundation, eyelid primer, and primer. This should have been an easy chore, but my foundation is impossible to find. It's not available at Sephora or Ulta anymore and while it's on the Laura Mercier site, it's sold out in my shade and I'm starting to wonder if it's going to be discontinued. Meanwhile, I was uncomfortable making foundation decisions at the computer, so while I meant to complete this chore yesterday, I did not. I am not certain what I'm going to do about this. I did order primer last night, but the eyeshadow primer and foundation remain an issue.
10. REI discount coupons -I am going to buy some new cross trainers with one of the coupons. They expire next week, so I have some time to get to this.
11. Greeting card - I should have sent this out on Monday to get to the person in time, but is still sitting on my table. FFS. Why am I like this?
The truth is that I'm exhausted right now. I came home from work yesterday and took a nap. Then I went to bed at about 9. I just don't know what's wrong. I feel otherwise fine, but I am so tired. Excuse me for this pity party. I am FINE, I think. I am somewhat young, somewhat fit, and definitely privileged to just have one job and a partner to help with chores at home. But boy could I use 48 hours in bed.
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What's a chore you've been putting off? (Please tell me I'm not alone.)
Well, I could wager a guess why you're so tired: you're under immense stress and pressure with your family situation, you've had to travel for that and also for a funeral, you work full time and do all the things, you've been gone on the weekends when you probably recharge. So I think it's very understandable that you are going through a season where you're tired and are putting things off (and no, you're not alone, everyone puts off chores! I myself need to schedule a haircut and I don't want to - my stylist always straightens my hair and it looks so weird but then it's impossible to do things with, so for a whole day I don't feel like me).
ReplyDeleteAlso, what is eyelid primer? I must look this up.
I just wrote about eye primer in March! I used to use a kind and it was discontinued, so I've been using travel sizes to find a new one. So far I don't have one I love, but I have one that's fine. I use it mostly because all my eyeshadow will be in my crease within an hour of application if I don't use primer. https://ngradstudent.blogspot.com/2024/03/five-for-friday.html
DeleteOh, Engie, stress is exhausting! Your body is trying to protect you by going into a rest period. Things always fall by the wayside during times like this. Please don't get on your own case about it. You will come through it eventually.
ReplyDeleteYes, this will pass and someday I will have a weekend at home to catch up on all this. This must be true!!
DeleteYour table looks organized to me... And as Nicole and CCR say above, it's a lot, Engie--you know if a friend was going through all you are, you would tell them to take it easy.
ReplyDeleteI'm putting lots of home/personal stuff off, plus I'm behind on deadlines at work too, you're definitely not alone and definitely not at the bottom. <3
You are absolutely right that if this was a friend I'd tell her that these items will be there to do later. I just hate feeling so scattered, but I guess I have to treat myself like a friend and tell myself that it's all going to get done eventually.
DeleteWell, if it helps at all, I think your table looks amazing. Compared to mine, that is. But I get why it's stressing you out a little- those things are there because they demand further action, and that seems daunting right now. The situation with the heated vest is exactly what I would do- there are so many steps required, I don't have the energy, so it just sits there.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question... there are so many chores I'm putting off. Luckily, my sister is coming to visit next month, so I will be motivated to do some frantic cleaning and decluttering. Hmm, maybe I'll take some "before" and "after" photos- that will definitely make you feel better about your own life.
Oh, man. If someone were coming to stay in my house, I'd definitely have to wash that vest! That's a good idea - maybe I should pretend I have a visitor coming.
DeleteI think the level of clutter in your house depends on your level of comfort. I feel best with a clean table and without that, I feel like my entire life is in chaos. I have no qualms about messy totes under the bed!
I think it's so useful to know the warning signs of a tough mental state. Mine is losing focus and not being able to find the energy to complete anything at work - plus, a messy house. You have so much happening in your life right now, and being gone most weekends means you can't get your house together when you normally would. You're doing the best you can and that's all you can ask of yourself! That dining room table will get back to normal soon enough. <3
ReplyDeleteYes, you're 100% right, Stephany. I just don't have weekends to recharge and don't see one in the near future. I think I'll have to do some thinking about how to do some of that recharging during the week. Although we're entering my busy season at work starting next week, so what I think of as "tired" right now might get exponentially worse.
DeleteFriend. Friend, friend, friend. I just want to scoop you up in a giant hug, make you tea, send you to bed with a good book and let you sleep for a month of Sunday's.
ReplyDeleteLife feels hard because it is hard. I think we downplay the physical ramifications of stress. They are so real and tangible. You are under intense pressure right now and have many things happening which are completely outside the realm of control. Sad, hard things. This is inherently exhausting both mentally and physically. Also, you're driving a lot, your weekends have been full...and, again, with hard things. Not to mention all the routine maintenance of just staying alive as a human being on this planet which honestly feels like a full-time job, especially when external stressors are weighing us down.
I was literally reading a blog post last night where the blogger said FINE is a four-letter expletive and is basically code for being the opposite of fine. For me, at least, I think she's spot on. Whenever someone asks how I'm doing and I say "fine" it means I am very much not okay.
A chore I've been putting off. Talking to my doctor about my current mental health state (I've been fine but also NOT FINE). I had the call with her this morning and I was dreading it but now it's done and I have some action steps for getting myself out of the brain fog and sadness about things that I cannot control that legitimately suck.
Sending so much love.
Oh, I would accept a hug right now. I honestly feel like I'm just not doing the best thing in any aspect of my life at all.
DeleteBut everyone in the comments here is so reassuring. This will pass. I'm doing the best I can. I will have to think kind thoughts about myself.
Maya beat me to it: if your best friend were going through it like you have been, what would you tell her about all this? That table is not nearly as important as your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. HOWEVER, if its current state is CAUSING more problems, just pick one thing and do it asap. Perhaps crossing that one thing off your list will help either assuage your guilt or break the block of inertia.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand. The past two months have been...challenging for me. But look at you, still showing up here every day. I'm not even doing that over at my place. Talk about putting something off! (Even though I don't see it as a chore.) Hang in there, Engie. We've got your back.
I put the vest battery away and put a reminder on my calendar. I still need to wash the vest, but at least some of it is done. I threw away the legal paperwork. I wrote that book review. I ordered the makeup. I sent the card. I did most of it and feel good about that. It did feel good to just tackle SOMETHING and get it done.
DeleteJust a take from someone who lived a lot of heavy life in the past few years; you only have so much brain space and so much heart space and things - actual things, tasks, etc. - are going to pile up while your body and your mind process, recover from, or even hide from real life. (or, as I have often called it, "FFS real life, again?!")
ReplyDeleteMy approach to the things that pile up is to set a timer for 10 minutes most nights and whirlwind what I can; the most time-sensitive followed by what I can get done in the remaining time. Does that mean things remain? Oh yes. But, the bit I get through honors the part of me that needs to get through things and the rest that sits there (sometimes way too long) honors the part of me that is going through something, because I don't always recognize that myself.
I can't even tell you how many chores I am putting off. I'll start with an office with piles of mail, memories, and paperwork and a kitchen table covered in dance comp paraphernalia, summer clothes with tags on them, and an accidental double order of hiking shoes.
How does the mail pile up? This is a legitimate question. We don't honestly get that much mail - maybe one or two pieces a day that's something we need to deal with. So how come there are always random pieces of mail lying around my house?! Someone explain this mystery to me. I've never lost a sock in the dryer, but I have multiplying envelopes in my life.
DeleteIt's all good. Yes this stuff is sitting on your dinning room table, but none of it is terribly important. You have a pass from me to just do one thing OR just let it all be until you feel like tackling it.
ReplyDeleteI've been putting off 10,000 chores because I've been in low energy mode. The rest of the fam is obsessed with their big summer Boy Scout trip so they are absent minded about pitching in at best. It's fine.
It's fine. It's fine. I think that's going to have to be my motto going forward. It's FINE.
DeleteThat is a rather unique version of a todo list. I like it.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to let you use it as a list-making tool for you and your family. Only be prepared for you table to look like a garage sale on the regular.
DeleteOthers have already said it better than I can but let me give my +1 to all of their comments. You are dealing with heavy, sad, difficult things on top of everything else we have to do as adults. I think us Midwesterners can kind of be a bit overly stoic about things, or at least I can. But sometimes we need to say - what I am going through right now is very hard and it's going to impact my life. And thinking about how you would treat a friend is very helpful, too, because we so much kinder to our friends than we often are to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAlso our dining room table is a disaster. I would be embarrassed to take a picture of it... It has Paul's artwork and so much other stuff scattered about. I try to clean it off regularly but I need to figure out how to hand the art work he brought home from school so it's going to sit there while I ponder that. I don't want to frame them so if someon reads this and has a suggestion that won't damage the walls too badly I'm all ears.
We get SO. Much. Artwork. And most of it is shit. So I take a picture of it all, throw the images into icloud folder titles with kids' names. Keep 1-2 pieces per month, I'd say, and recycle the rest.
DeleteI had friends who had a frame for each kid above the table and the kids were allowed to display one piece at a time in the frame. Otherwise the art was photographed and then pitched. I think they saved all the artwork from the frames in a folder when the art was replaced by a newer one. ANYWAY. This frame dealio worked well for that family and now all their kids are grown and my friend lamented that he missed coloring book pages on his fridge now. We are, as human beings, never satisfied with our current life status.
DeleteI usually have zero attachment to kid art and will easily throw it away but I feel differently about some of the art in Paul's "end of year portfolio" that he brought home, like his self portrait. I think we will hang them on the walls of his bedroom and then replace them next year. They are such large drawings that framing them would be tough and I'd probably have to get a custom frame which I'm not willing to do since it's so expensive! But that frame approach does some perfect if the pieces of art were a standard 8 x 10 or 5 x 7 etc.
DeleteHa! I think these were just regular frames that were maybe a bit larger than 8 x 10. Some of the artwork fit in there, some was too small, etc. It wasn't perfect, but I thought it was fun. I do see how easily parents would get overwhelmed with art, though!
DeleteI have the feeling I know the feeling. Sorry, this is happening to you. My dining room table currently looks very similar to yours (if not worse since everyone in the house seems to be dumping their belongings there when they enter) and I could really do with a nap most days I get home. For me it comes and goes. I don't have a real solution but just wanted to say: it's ok. You can always clean up when you feel better - it's not going anywhere.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that it's not going anywhere until I deal with it is the cause of the stress! If it would just magically disappear, my life would be so much easier. This is why I firmly believe every adult should have a part-time personal assistant!
DeleteYes, I agree with all the others, you've been through a lot and it's natural to be tired. Stress is so exhausting! I hope you can allow yourself the time you need to rest. ❤️
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the time for the rest. *sigh* Maybe in August...
DeleteI am glad you are listening to your body. You have a lot of stress and sadness going on and need that rest. <3 I have been putting off my part time job. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteOh, man, putting off work work is so stressful. Because you know that eventually it's going to come back and get you. I'm so sorry and hope you can get to it soon.
DeleteEngie, I am not surprised at all that you're tired... and rightfully so, with everything that is going on in your life right now. Give yourself some grace, and please don't measure anything by how tidy your dining table is because ... you haven't seen mine! LOL I think you deserve some rest and worry about these things on your table later... there's still plenty of space to sit down and eat, so I call this a win.
ReplyDeleteI think we should all post photos of our tables, fridges, and whatever is happening under our beds because I think it would reassure everyone that we are not alone in this madness.
DeleteDefinitely not alone! For me, in this season, it's not the table but a corner right next to the dining room table - where I have been piling up all the camping stuff. And it looks terrible but I know that soon it will all be packed away into my little Subaru and we will go camping. Once we return I will bring it all up into the attic until next time we go camping. Others already mentioned but cut yourself some thick slack, hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh, yes! A random pile of stuff for a project/experience/trip is so annoying. I mean, it's fun and you want to go camping and it's good to be prepared, but it's in the way!!!! Argh. I get it.
DeleteI dispair when surfaces are cluttered because I feel that a cluttered surface = a cluttered mind. However, I think it's actually the opposite, a cluttered mind makes a cluttered surface. And you have MORE THAN ENOUGH on your mind right now! Of course your table has things, you are under a lot of pressure. I am sure your table and mind will return right someday soon, but this is a season of a lot for you, so table projects will have to wait. I can totally relate to the feeling of "this is not right and I am not winning" when it comes to clutter, both physical and mental. I hope this season passes to a better one soon.
ReplyDeleteMy stuff this weekend has been canceled so I AM CLEANING OFF THE TABLE this weekend. It will be so!
DeleteYou can have a pity party any time you like! You need to take it easy, your body is telling you to slow down and perhaps put on blinders so you don't see the table. I know, easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the kitchen Island or mudroom counter is where I put stuff as a reminder and when it's piling up, it bugs me to no end.
Sometimes things stack up on our mail desk and I despair. Isn't it funny how every house has those spots where you pile things and it drives you mad?
DeleteI feel terrible I didn't read this before last weekend, because dude, I would have totally given you a hug. I'm not a hugger, but for you? I'd sacrifice. That said, I hope you have at least internalized a bit of what everyone said here. Your life has been completely bonkers for MONTHS. MONTHS. You made it through winter. You have been on the go nearly every weekend. You have supported friends who have gone through terrible things. You have been there for people. Of COURSE you're exhausted. I hope the complete mental break (figurative, although I guess it could also be literal) of HOTR helped. Also, you know, the ice cream. ;) Virtual hugs to you until we can make the Fort A meetup work. <3
ReplyDeleteIt's fine. I'm FINE. I have had a couple of low-key weekends (aside from whatever HOTR was) and I am feeling better and less overwhelmed. And the dining room table is in much better shape!
DeleteI feel so fatigued lately too. Its the universe maybe. I have to clean the windows. They have never been cleaned. We moved in after the apatmnet was newly build so the windows were more or less clean but after a year your start seeing residue from the saftey foil and dust and dirt just sticks with it. Now with more sun... But its so so many huge windows...serieously considering on spurling on a professional cleaner. Not sure yet.
ReplyDeleteAlso taxes. Sigh.
I hate cleaning windows. So I never do it. LOL.
Delete