There were three really good weeks. I finally had a job. My volunteer position was finished. There were some stressors in my life, but I really felt like I was in control and things were going well. I signed up for a sewing class. I started considering vacations for the summer. I was looking at training classes for the dog. Things were great.
But things are not great anymore. My mom recently got sick. Things are currently looking okay for her medically, but there are complications. As some of you may remember, my mom lives in a tiny home on my sister's property. (For more on this/to refresh your memory, see this post.) The other thing is that my mom is a hoarder. She has been for my whole life and there's nothing that going to stop a woman in her sixties from changing her ways. I get this. But when my sister said, "mom's sick and I need you to help me clean out her house," I knew it had gotten bad.
This is what I found.
By the end of the weekend, I had taken dozens of giant totes out of the house, had a huge blowout with my sister, cried buckets of tears, and honestly had only spent two hours with my mom. My sister, who as you may remember from the previous post about tiny home living, has a tendency to hold grudges, and as she kicked me out of her house and told me to never come back there again, I knew that I was straight fucked. Sure enough, she wouldn't let me see my mom to say goodbye.
 |
| The cabin is actually quite beautiful and I swear to you that a single person should be able to live here comfortably. |
But look at the work that I had done before I was banished.
******************
So, no, my friends. I am not all right. My mom is quite sick, I don't know if the home health care workers will allow her to live like this, and my sister won't let me see my mom. When I texted my mom, she basically told me to go home and let my sister cool down. My mom is super angry with me for taking away all her stuff (it's a hoarder thing - I get it).
And I am trying to compartmentalize and do what I have to do at work and at home, but I am unable to sleep, am crying at the drop of a hat, my mom is not responding to my texts anymore, my sister has blocked me on her phone, and the only one who is talking to me at all is my brother-in-law, who I'm ready to canonize at this point because he should not be in the middle of all of this.
*****************
For those of you with any doubt about where all this is going to go, I will be doing an incredibly deep cleaning of my house ASAP (the totes under the bed WILL be organized) and numbing my feelings with vinegar and lots of trash bags.
*****************
I think this is the last of this I will talk about in any great depth. It's personal, painful, and putting it here in my safe space feels like a betrayal of what I use this blog for. So, for the next while, just know that I'll be writing book reviews, running CBBC, talking about my cat and dog, but there's more under the surface than it may seem.
I'm not going to allow comments on this post because any kindness from all of you might cause me to collapse into a pile of weeping mush. This too shall pass and I will be back to my regular programming discussing walks about town and complaining about how the sun hasn't come out in a week.
