Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twenty-eighth day of the month is "Meaning."
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| The 2-lane bowling alley at the community center! It's so cool. |
I just wrote hundreds of words about my cat getting sick all over the house every day, but it was gross so I deleted it. You are welcome. If anyone wants to know about how I'm spending my time these days, just imagine me running lots of loads of laundry and scrubbing floors. Big Z has an ultrasound scheduled for next week (why so sick all the time, kitty?!), but in the meantime, we're just doing the best we can over here.
Speaking of best we can over here, I have to admit that I'm really struggling with my volunteer situation. I feel like I have done my best, but things have really fallen off the rails and I'm being blamed for a lot of things that are going wrong. I'm willing to shoulder some of the responsibility, but it's been defeating to get email after email with criticisms. My resignation doesn't go into effect until the end of the calendar year, but this is really impacting my mental and physical health and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to last it out. So right now I'm trying to figure out if this position is worth it to me.
I admit that I have very hard feelings about not having a job and not having this volunteer position. Like, what would I do with my days? But I also know that if I didn't have this hanging over my head, I would just find something else to fill in the area of my brain that is anxious over everything. Anyway, I don't see how I can get out of this position early, so I guess I'll just get used to dreading my email inbox.
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What's the least fun part of your life right now?
Hmmm. Without knowing the details, it seems like there are some pretty ungrateful people in this organization! I mean, you're VOLUNTEERING your time, and I can tell you take it seriously and are doing the very best you can. It doesn't seem like you deserve to get all these complaining emails. Could you quit this position now- I'm sure it would be a pain for them, but they would find a way to manage- and find a different place to volunteer for a while? It just doesn't seem like you should have to deal with this!
ReplyDeleteI don't know. I am committed to seeing it through to the end of the year. I felt better after I talked with one of the other board members and she was reassuring that everyone was recognizing the hard work I had put into the position. It's only a few more months. I can do it!
DeleteI'm really sorry you're going through this.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I feel bad complaining about it because I obviously put myself in this position, but I do appreciate your kind thoughts.
DeleteThis sounds terrible. I feel like I can relate because a challenging neighbourhood situation has DRAMATICALLY impacted my physical and mental health this year. It's really hard to carry on in the middle of a chronically stressful situation.
ReplyDeleteIs there a way were you could just quit? I know it's probably complicated, but it really does sound like the best thing for your health and you have to protect that first and foremost.
Sending such big hugs, Engie. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Also, wishing you all the best with Zelda. I'm sorry she's not feeling well and hope the ultrasound gets to the bottom of things quickly and there are easy solutions so she's back to 100% as quickly as possible <3
I think Zelda is really not feeling well. Poor thing. She's extra special cuddly and while I LOVE the kitty cuddles, I am worried about what's going on with her. Fingers crossed we get some answers next week.
DeleteOnce something makes it on to the "this is bad for my mental health list" it's time to go. This is a VOLUNTEER position. You're not obligated to stay until the end of your term, especially when there is nothing in it for you. Yes bowling lanes are nice but the organization isn't exactly brokering a deal for world peace or curing cancer, and I'm sure that there are other people around for them to treat terribly so they'll manage without you. If for some reason you want to stay, can you just take some time off from them? Like not answer the phone or look at their emails for a few days?
ReplyDeleteThe job thing really is temporary even though I know it feels like a hundred years. I'm always shocked at how many really excellent people that I've worked with that have been laid off in the past year. So as much as possible don't let it get you down.
On my dread list...I still hate my job and the "not for the blog" part of my life isn't going well - I've got an action item for that on the agenda toward the end of next week. Until then I'm in a pissy mood.
Ugh. I hate it when you can act on something that's bothering you until later. It just is like a dark cloud over everything until it's done. I hope whatever action you take next week eases your burden!
DeleteOh, I'm so sorry. First for the sick cat which is giving you an immediate problem, and second for your untenable volunteer position which is giving you overarching concerns that are providing constant stress. That's a lot. Too much, in fact.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Birchwood Pie, above, that as soon as something is making a significant deleterious impact on your mental health, that something has to change. Period. Either you have to change the way you react to it, or it has to cease being a part of your life. Which of those things is more likely to happen is up to you.
And aren't there other places where you could volunteer? A school, a church, a pet rescue, a food bank/pantry, a care home, the library?
I know you "only" have three more months, but you have to live those months day by day. I hate to think of you stressed and unhappy for that much longer.
I am thinking about my next volunteer gig. I think I'll still want to be around for the community center (I LOVE organizing the programs), but once I'm no longer in a leadership role, I think that's going to change my relationship with it so I'm reenergized by doing what I want to do. I might also find some way to volunteer for our local animal rescue, too. I just have to convince my husband that we are a GREAT foster home (only adults, one dog, one cat) and we should use that to the advantage of pets that needs someplace to stay until they find their forever homes.
DeleteOh Engie. I'm sorry things are rough with Zelda and with the volunteer position. I am furious at your community center for blaming you and criticizing you! What the eff. You are a VOLUNTEER, and if I have learned anything from reading your blog these last million years it is that you are a detail-oriented, caring, and conscientious person and I just CANNOT DEAL with the idea that you are being treated so poorly that your mental and physical health are suffering. Even IF you were being paid, that is untenable.
ReplyDeleteI get wanting to stick it out for the next three months. If that's the right choice for you, that's the right choice. But if it is something that feels right to you, I might consider saying once, very clearly and firmly to whomever leads the charge, that you are staying to the end of the year but *only if* the way you are being treated changes immediately. Otherwise, you are outtie 5000. I recognize this is very easy for me, a person who doesn't know the situation and who is not IN the situation and does not feel your sense of loyalty/obligation, to say, and may not be quite as easy to execute. But know you have support if this is the way you want to go. (Or if you want to just quit full stop! I support that route wholeheartedly.)
The least fun part of my life seems to be Most Of It, to be honest. Moving into a new house hasn't gone the way I anticipated and I am stressed and overwhelmed and feeling guilty for not feeling grateful and appreciative of the new house.
So, the truth is that I lead the charge. I am the president of the board and if I quit, that's leaving a lot of people in the lurch. It's hard right now because the two staff members of our organization have just resigned, too, so there's a lot of pressure about how events will be covered and who's in charge. The bottom line is it's me in charge, but I'm not getting paid and it's taking hours and hours of my life. I think we have a good lead on a director and once he or she is hired, I may consider leaving before the end of the year, but I would feel really terrible about it.
DeleteI'm SO sorry that the move to the new house hasn't been as wonderful as you had hoped. I hope things get better ASAP!
Well. Eff. Arrrgh. That sucks. I understand better now a) the stress and b) the obligation. I still stand by Leaving Is Okay, but also I really, truly feel you on not wanting to leave all those people in the lurch. (Sounds like a really dysfunctional organization. I'm sorry.)
DeleteOh my goodness, how stressful on every front. Poor Zelda, it's awful to have a sick pet. And the volunteer position sounds dreadful. I am with Suzanne on this, if you want to stick it out, yes, great, but also, people can maybe not be shitty about something you are volunteering your time for? Like that sounds awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
ReplyDeletePoor Zelda indeed. She has been so pathetic recently. Fingers crossed the vet appointment next week gives us some answers.
DeleteSecond the people saying eff the people who are bitching at you over your volunteer position - like, no, that is not something people should get to do. And you walk your dog and exercise and read a lot, you'll be just fine without a mental-health-destroying unpaid job. I hope Zelda is okay!
ReplyDeleteMental health-destroying unpaid job! That's exactly what it is!
DeleteCool bowling alley, but not a cool volunteer thing.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteI had similar thoughts to Jenny. Like, wtf, you're a volunteer. But I see your comment that you talked to someone and feel a bit better about it. I hope they quit being dicks. And that Z feels better soon! :(
ReplyDeleteI think people are just frustrated with how it's all going down and they're taking it out on me because I'm the person next in the ladder of responsibility. *shrug* Sooner or later, it won't be my problem.
DeleteI hope Zelda is better soon. I can imagine the worry her sickness is causing you.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry about people being jerks when you're doing your best for the community... that's especially sucky. I can understand why you want to see it through, though. But still, please prioritize your self and your well being. <3
I think there's a solution to the volunteer issue and hopefully in another couple of weeks, this is all a bad memory.
DeleteUgh-- I am a far more selfish person than you and would just walk away. But, like Suzanne says above, I get that it probably is not that easy-- and it's your community. I just read Search by Michelle Huneven about a congregation's search for a new minister that might strike a chord for you right now (it's a novel and pretty funny).
ReplyDeleteI honestly think if I lived in even a slightly larger town, I would just walk away. I just worry that if I truly mess this up and just leave, I'll have a reputation in town that I wouldn't be able to outrun. I'll see through my obligatory period, but then I'm out of here!
DeleteSending healing thoughts to Zelda, I hope the vet finds something easy and inexpensive to fix.
ReplyDeleteI''ve read through all of your comments, so I see now why you haven't just up and left the volunteer gig. I hope you can find a way to reduce the stress, perhaps by giving an ultimatum. Good luck!
I hope Zelda's fix is easy, too! If it's something as simple as changing her food, I'd be delighted!
DeleteThe volunteer situation sounds awful and I am sorry you're blamed for things that aren't going right. I am glad you assessed the situation and decided to quit.
ReplyDeleteObviously, I don't know what is going on exactly, but I always feel that there is something wrong that when people who volunteer their free time are criticized for something that they do for free. I am not sure who's sending the criticism but unless it's people who also volunteer, they have no right to criticize. They need to get involved themselves if they think they can do things better.
It is the other people who volunteer who are criticizing. But none of them are standing up and taking control, so...they either deal with how I do it or not at all!
DeleteGosh, Engie, this sounds so awful and I'm sorry you're dealing with it AND feel like you cannot just quit. I totally understand not wanting to leave people in the lurch. At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it feels so far away.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sorry Zelda isn't feeling great! That is just ADDED stress to your plate. <3 Thinking healthy thoughts for Zelda!
Yes! The end of December can't come fast enough for me! It will all be over then, no matter what.
DeletePoor Zelda and poor you. I'm sorry you're going through this. Volunteering should be a joyous thing and not something that brings you into a bad space mentally. The least fun part of my life is just the daily chores that I'm sick of doing. (laundry, cleaning, cooking) BUT that being said, I'm lucky those are the only things annoying me currently. Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteUgh. Adulting is the worst, isn't it?
DeletePoor Zelda! I hope there isn't anything wrong with her but I also hope you figure out why she's puking excessively! Poor kitty!
ReplyDeleteI would not handle negative emails well as well. I really struggle with criticism. The end of the year probably seems VERY far off for you right now. For me it feels like it's coming in hot but work is nutso so that is making time fly especially fast.
I don't actually think the criticism is unfair, but I stepped up when no one else did and I sort of wonder what they're going to do when I leave!
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