Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a different theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the sixth day of the month is "Reflection."
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The son of one of my high school friends graduated from the same high school I did last week! I went to the open house and, as always, it was a bit surreal to go back to my hometown. Some things are the same - FRIENDS! Skate Estate is STILL open just like it was when I was in middle school and the cops still end up there every Saturday night because of fights in the parking lot - but so many things are different - I can't give directions anymore because the store names are all different and Matson's hardware is now a True Value instead of an Ace.
But you know what isn't different? How I can just sit down with my friends, friends who first met me in third, fifth, and seventh grades, and we can just pick up right where we left off! Such a lovely feeling and such a full weekend of shenanigans.
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| This is Kitty Boy Noodle. He's new to the family since I last visited. His tail is even more impressive than Zelda's, but if you tell Zelda I told you that, I'll never forgive you. |
Saturday night I arrived to my friend's house just as everyone was getting back from work and school. We ordered pizza and pestered another mutual friend via text until she also came over. We sat around and talked. I cuddled all their pets. Their kids are all getting older and have either graduated high school or will graduate next year, so there was lots of talk about future plans and empty nests and college costs and who has already had a colonoscopy. You know. The things.
Saturday morning, one of my friends and I went on a walk on the Rogue River on a nature trail near a dam. Then he went off to breakfast with his family and I went to get a car wash because my car was filthy. I took a shower and gathered up a crowd and headed off to the graduation party.
We signed the things, we ate the cake, we asked about future plans. I gave one of my friends a little lesson on preparing for social interactions. Then we practiced modeling his new social skills and we both laughed and laughed.
1. Brainstorm five topics ahead of time to start with. (What do you do for fun? Have you read a good book lately? Traveling someplace soon? Are you originally from this area? How do you know the host of the gathering?)
2. Start with one of the topics and listen to the responses. Ask follow up questions. Be curious!
3. Always get the conversation to turn around to something you want to actually talk about. (In my case, this is always pets and books. You figure out what you really want to know about other people.)
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There you have it. Socialization 101 for introverts.
But you know who I didn't need to prep to have conversations with? My actual friends.
Do you have idea prompts for what to talk about before you head into social encounters? If not, what's your secret?
That looks like a fun weekend with the friends back home! I usually go home for Christmas and we generally try to get together for a breakfast with my HS friends, but for the last few years for various reasons, we have not and I miss that!
ReplyDeleteI do not have prompts per se, but I definitely have topics! For example, sports and travel are usually good ones, and I don't mean talking about the Miami Heat and the Denver Nuggets, I mean talking about their last ski trip, or their kids soccer, and definitely travel is an easy one for me so that is the one I try to steer toward! If they don't like talking about those things, then I am a curious person and I will ask questions about whatever. We have one client who is a fisherman and I have even asked him where the good holes are (I guess that is technically sports though).
Ha! Kyria, we would be each be talking at cross purposes. I hate talking about sports (zzzzz) and travel (if I never had to leave my town, I could live happily). I'd definitely try to steer the conversation around to books about travel or sports with someone like you! LOL. Because I'd definitely want to talk about that instead.
DeleteNo problem! We can talk about books all day, but this is not something I normally start as a subject of small talk when I am in a big group (especially with people I don't know!)
DeleteInteresting! I like to start with books. It really gives me a vibe about what kind of person I'm talking to.
DeleteOld friends are the best kind-- I love your descriptions of such a fun weekend!
ReplyDeleteIt was awesome and I'm so excited that I get to do it again next weekend!
DeleteI don't know what to talk about at any time -- before, during or after. 😄
ReplyDeleteWell, now you know some practice topic ideas!
DeleteThis sounds really run- I don't keep in touch with any of my friends from high school! I know, that sounds kind of sad. I also haven't been back to the town where I grew up in... a long time. One of these years I'm going to get my sister to go with me.
ReplyDeleteIf you have kids, then that's ALWAYS a topic of conversation- people love to talk about their kids so it's an instant bonding experience. If you don't have kids, these conversations probably sound so boring (oh god- do I really have to hear about travel soccer AGAIN?). I agree that pets and books are good topics to fall back on, and I'll talk about running (or working out in general) as long as anyone wants to!
As someone without kids, I do dislike the talk of kid sports games, concerts, and the like. However, I am also not a jerk, so I try to move those conversations around to something I'd like to talk about related to kids (what books are you reading to your kids? what are they reading? do they have friends at school?).
DeleteI'm not usually into talking about sports, but I will happily engage someone in a conversation about working out, too! That was not really on anyone's mind this weekend, though. (I made a comment to a friend who gets off work at 5 and has to drive an hour home that by the time they worked out, made and ate dinner, it would be time for bed and everyone at the table snorted at me when I said worked out. Not a priority for them!)
We just got back from a long weekend away. It included a huge party (1000 people), and we didn't know anyone but the hosts. It was a wine release party, so we can always start with "Which wine are you trying?" and the inevitable "Where are you from?" and go from there.
ReplyDeleteLike Jenny, above, I don't keep in touch with anyone from high school. I had good friends in high school, but I was always really future- and goal-oriented. High school was something I had to get through to get to college; college was something I had to get through to become a teacher. It sounds cold and awful that way, I know. But I felt like I had somewhere I had to go.
I have four really good friends from high school and two from college. I don't know what I would do without them and I find it hard to imagine a life without old friends.
DeleteIf I had a life like yours without making friends in high school and college, I think I'd be friendless today because I think making friends as an adult is really hard! Without the HOURS and HOURS of downtime to devote to friendship you have as a young person, it's really hard to develop those close bonds.
I love that you have that connection with people you grew up with! That's awesome!
ReplyDeleteAnd that tail! What a floof!
That is such good advise for talking to people! I mostly do #2 and really get people talking. My secret is the same one you mentioned - ask people lots of questions about what they like to talk about. Sometimes people just talk about themselves forever, and sometimes they ask ME questions, which I really like. I am mostly the question-asker though. I actually have a draft bullet in my "random" post this week about how I am purposefully asking less questions (online) to make conversations shorter. People probably think I'm an a-hole but I am just trying to get more time back to myself.
It's interesting because I ask a lot of questions, too, but mostly it's because I want to steer the conversation in a way that's interesting to me! I AM genuinely interested and curious, but not always about the things other people want to talk about.
DeleteThe friend I was talking to, though, he works with elementary school aged children and honestly isn't really interested in adults! LOL. So I told him that he has to pretend to be interested!
I don't think anyone thinks you're a jerk because you're not asking questions! They probably don't even notice!!
I should try that! I usually just listen to all their stuff, but I like your idea.
DeleteHe'll def have to pretend LOL
Thanks for saying that <3
Glad you had a great time! Sounds like it was a really nice, comfortable, casual gathering. Seeing old friends is always a good time. My parents live super close to where I grew up, so when I'm back there visiting we often end up driving through/ past somewhere that was part of my "old stomping grounds". It always makes me rather nostalgic, honestly! I really loved so many things about my childhood that I get this longing to somehow go back. I love my life now, too, of course, but sometimes I wish we had a little time machine where we could just pop back in time for an hour or two every now and again just for fun. :)
ReplyDeleteI am usually pretty good with chit chat and am fine with asking lots of questions, etc. Usually I'm around other people with kids it seems, so asking about summer plans, how school's going, what things they've been up to, etc tends to easily occupy a conversation. And I find those all interesting topics as it's nice to sort of compare/contrast with things WE are up to. Sometimes people have fun ideas that I'd never even thought of! Besides you and one co-worker who is a self-proclaimed "recluse", I don't actually know of anyone else who never ever travels, so travel is usually a very safe conversation topic, too! I love to hear where people are going and though I do not usually bring up our own travels (I guess in fear of somehow coming across as like, braggy or something?) if someone asks me specifically about our trips (which people seem to often do), I will share about that, too.
Travel IS a good topic, though. Despite the fact that I don't like to travel, I've done quite a bit of it within the US, so I can usually hang in those conversations. I like it because it can be traveling within the state OR internationally and it mostly doesn't bring up controversial topics like politics, although international travel can get dicey.
DeleteEngie! That sounds like an absolutely wonderful weekend. How great to reconnect with old friends. I love the kind of friendships that just pick up where they left off. I have a few that are like that - we only see each other a few times a year, and we never have trouble just getting right into it! I think social media has definitely made things easier in terms of keeping in touch. I am in touch with most people I graduated high school with, for example, but I don't think of them as "getting together" friends.
ReplyDeleteAs for your question, I never think to prep for social interactions. I guess I just am...a talky kind of gal? I love knowing things about people so there is no end to questions/ conversation generally. Then again, as I've said before, I'd probably talk to a chair if it had a smiley face on it.
I am SO envious of people who don't need to prep! What an amazing skill to just go in and know it will all work out. I think I need you to be my winglady at a social engagement and show me how it's done!
DeleteThat sounds like a really wonderful weekend! I do not have any friends from high school besides my cousin who is a year younger than me. I just had an odd class and was a total misfit. But with only 28 people in your class, it's easy to be a misfit I guess! I don't see my cousin as much as I used to pre-kids but I got to spend some time with her at my grandma's 100th birthday party and we have the kind of friendship you described in this post - we can pick up where we left off.
ReplyDeleteI am an introvert but am fairly good at socializing as long as I don't feel too intimidated by the scene. For example, we used to have large holiday parties in Chicago for work and it was hard for me to walk up to people and introduce myself. All these little groups would form so you had to kind of walk up and join a group. My colleague who retired was an absolute pro at working a room and was extremely outgoing so I would tag along with him. But now that he's gone, I'm going to have to learn how to work a room. I've been doing that a bit on this trip to Chicago and in between meetings I've been going up to the sales floor to talk to people/hear what's going on/answer any questions they might have. It definitely pushes me out of my comfort zone but a lot of the sales people are fairly junior so they are likely intimidated by me - so keeping that in mind helps in a way.
I have a cousin like that, too! We actually grew up far apart (her in PA, me in MI) and only saw each other once every year or two. But we talk on the phone as adults a lot and see each other pretty regularly and it's like we're two peas in a pod. We're VERY different from each other in a lot of ways, but we're also really close. I'm so happy that you have a similar situation. The cousin relationship is kind of strange in that your family but not like brother/sister, but I treasure that relationship so much.
DeleteMy secret to preparing for social interactions is to panic and overthink without coming up with anything actually useful and then usually come off like an awkward weirdo. It's worked out okay so far (?)
ReplyDeleteI'm still close with a few high school friends, but until recently I've had no contact with anyone from elementary school. I've discovered that a girl I really liked lives close by though, and I would love to see her if it works out.
We have a social family weekend coming up that I am looking forward to, and then next weekend I get to bring my daughter home!
I think you are secretly social! If you don't prep, it means you think you can wing it! That's awesome and I'm a bit envious of your ability to do that!
DeleteWhat a wonderful weekend... ongoing friendships with people who have always known you and gotten you are so precious, and I'm so happy you have them. My high-school friends are lovely too and I'm looking forward to seeing them when I visit in August.
ReplyDeleteYes, I love visiting with them. Our core group has gotten smaller and smaller as the years go by, but I think the four of us will really be life-long friends. If we've made it through this, we can make it through everything! (One of these friends is an MSU alum and he is the one whose daughter is starting there in the fall. Isn't Michigan such a small world?!)
DeleteOmg, that cat! What a floofy little tail. I would spend all of my time petting it, hahaha.
ReplyDeleteI am terrible at conversation. Word retrieval is very difficult for me when I'm in social situations because of my social anxiety, so my mind just goes blank. I love being around talkative people who have no problem asking questions - it makes it a lot easier when I don't have to steer the convo!
I think the key is to figure out what will make the other person talk a lot. I find it's most challenging with teenagers - I just don't know what button to push for kids these days. My usuals, like tv, music, and books, just don't work. WHAT DO YOUNG PEOPLE TALK ABOUT?
DeleteAwww, I love this. Isn't it amazing to connect with old friends and you can just pick up where you left off? :)
ReplyDeleteI do not have prompts as conversation starters in my back pocket. Maybe I should put a few of them there. Food for thought.
Hey, if conversation comes naturally to you, don't use my system. You don't need it!
DeleteThis made me so happy for you, and kind of sad for me. I had a great group of friends in HS. We were kind of the island of misfit toys? A bunch of band nerds + other nerds who didn't fit in any of the (many, many) cliques in our school. We had the best time - but haven't kept in touch as a group over the years. I talk to some of them periodically but I am HORRIBLE about letting people know when I am visiting my parents. You are a much better friend than I, clearly!
ReplyDeleteMy only goal in conversations is to get the other person talking about themselves. So I'm like you - lots of questions, but I don't have specific go-to topics. That's pro-level, right there. ;)
I will admit that it makes me sad that our high school group has dwindled in size a bit. It used to be a bit larger and there are two people in particular who I miss dearly who just don't come to our things anymore. I've even stopped inviting them, but maybe I should make sure they're included in the threads so they know they WOULD be welcome if they wanted.
DeleteI just really like spending time with them and the other brunette in the photo is my oldest friend. I've known her since third grade and she still calls me by my childhood nickname. It's a connection I really don't want to lose, so I prioritize it. If it's not important to you or you would prefer to spend your precious vacation time with your family, then that's what you do! You do you!