Midwestern Pride

FiveThirtyEight recently conducted a survey of self-identified midwesterners, asking them which states they consider to actually be in the midwest.  I have some pretty definite opinions on this matter, but reading the article made me think about all the traveling I've been doing in the midwest this year.  Here's what I have decided: we're not selling the midwest enough with our state slogans. Let's get more truthful ones.

Iowa
Current Slogan: Fields of opportunity
New Slogan: More than just cornfields. We have soybean fields, too!!

 Illinois
Current Slogan: Mile after magnificent mile (NOTE: What?  You see that slogan around Michigan Avenue, but otherwise, it's as if Illinois has no other identity than that of its favorite sons, Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama...)
New Slogan: Drive as fast as your car will go or we will run you off the road.

Indiana
Current Slogan: Honest-to-goodness, Indiana (NOTE: WTF, Indiana?  This is the best you have? Also, the only slogan I know is the above "Crossroads of America" which I've always interpreted as "drive across I-80 with your illegal drugs.")
New Slogan:  Noisome neighborhoods coming your way.

Ohio
Current Slogan: So much to discover
New Slogan:   A great place to live if you're not poor!

Michigan
Current Slogan: Great Lakes, Great Times (NOTE: I actually really like one)
New Slogan: We're not just Detroit.

Minnesota
Current Slogan: Explore Minnesota (NOTE: I actually like this one, too)
New Slogan: Cold? What cold?

Wisconsin
Current Slogan: Stay just a little bit longer
New Slogan: Welcome. Now just move over to the right-hand lane because all the slow drivers will stay 4 miles per hour below the speed limit in the passing lane