Showing posts sorted by relevance for query 359. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query 359. Sort by date Show all posts

Sunday, April 11, 2010

45 x 365 #359



359/365 - TJC

She told me her major was creative writing and I said, in my usual tactful way, “why don’t you get a real major?” But she is a writer, a fabulous writer. Her poems make my heart hurt and her stories make me scared and lonely.

OR

I would watch her play Final Fantasy Tactics until my eyes would fall heavy and drool would end up on her pillow. We would play pool (badly) and order Papa John’s garlic bread and drink Mountain Dew while listening to Garth Brooks and Billy Joel.

OR

She’s a slacker. She’d take an F in a class rather than ask an instructor to sign that paper. She earned a master’s degree but works a crappy job at a crappy clothing store. She’s also loyal, funny, smart, and one of my best friends.

OR

Hers is a dysfunctional family; she watches her siblings fall in and out of love. She doesn’t want to be like them, in oh so many ways, so she steals her heart, stays in her shell, and hides away so no man can hurt her.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

45 x 365 Wrap Up

  • When you start writing about people in 45 word bites, you start to think about them in 45 word bites. When you're talking to someone, you are likely to ponder what their most intriguing characteristic is and how you can describe them quickly. You also start to parse apart quickly whether or not your overall impression of people is positive or negative. Sometimes this means you stop giving people a chance. I think if I were to rewrite some of my synopses from the first hundred later on, I might have changed my outlook and tone regarding some of those individuals.
  • It's difficult to write about people you know really well in 45 words. There's too much to say and too many scenarios to play out to make the description pop just the way you want it to. It's also difficult to write about people you don't know really well. Then 45 words is just too many. There are only so many ways to say a person is boring.

  • Speaking of boring, hey, maybe I could use a thesaurus once in a while. I used the words always and never(68 times!) almost as many times as I used the word the (okay, fine, a lot more than 68). A word frequency of the words I used in my 45 x 365 pieces tells me that I should work on my vocabulary. According to WordCounter, if you take out all the common words in the English language from my posts, here's what I'm left with: never (68), you're (59), one (49), know (49), life (47), time (41), think (39), and other boring one syllable words. The only adjectives and nouns worth mentioning were laugh (34), kind (32), and friend (30). It's somewhat disconcerting to learn that the vast majority of my written words are small and useless.

  • The entire project was fun, but I'm glad it's over. Finding time to write them was more difficult than I initially presume it would be. Even if I only spent 7 or 8 minutes on each one, it still morphed into 7 or 8 minutes each day that I sometimes was angry I had to spend. Hence the occasionally skipping and naughtiness.

  • In the end, these short descriptions of people said a lot more about me than they did about the people I was writing about. That was an entirely unintended consequence. I thought it would help me write more descriptively, but in the end it served more of the purpose of me grouping people - past, present, future, adders or subtractors to my life, friend or foe, right or wrong. I had to cut through the frill and get to the heart of people in my life and acknowledge some strange grudges I should probably get over.

  • Since this is my record, I'll just say that I have many favorites among these. The mostly fall into three categories: people I love (184, 215, 217, 316, 359, and 361), people who taught me about the perils of aging (88 and 134), and people who I have ambivalence about (71, 277, and 327). I found a lot of these to be difficult to write - ambivalence makes for more challenging writing, but now that they are written, I love to read them and savor my opinions from that time in my life.

Friday, April 22, 2022

The Second Mrs. Hockaday by Susan Rivers

The Second Mrs. Hockaday is an epistolary novel told through letters and court documents. In it, Placidia is a young bride of a Confederate officer during the Civil War. When her husband returns from his time fighting and as a prisoner of war, he hears a rumor that Placidia had given birth to a baby and it had died while he was gone. What happened to her and what will happen to their marriage?

This book is based on true events that took place. I have very mixed feelings about this whole book.

On one hand, it's hard to read about a spoiled white southern lady relying entirely on black slave labor to survive, but still never truly acknowledges the inhumanity of slavery. On the other hand, it's a gripping mystery. I was drawn in almost immediately and I wanted answers and even as some answers rolled out slowly, there was still so much ambiguity that I was very satisfied with it as a mystery. 

This book won't be for everybody. There are descriptions of abuse, sexual and otherwise, animal abuse, and child abuse. There are descriptions about some of the degradations associated with slavery, including scenes of families being separated. Since it is told from the perspective of a Confederate sympathizer, it's awful blasé about some of the atrocities of the American Civil War. 

But it is an interesting case and situation. I was really riveting by the storytelling. I was fascinated by the old-timey rumor mill and I enjoyed the mystery aspect of the novel. I imagine I'll be thinking about this story for quite some time because something about it just struck the right chord with me.  

4.5/5 stars

Lines of note (I read this on my Kindle and the page numbers aren't synced, so I gave the Kindle locations):

Women like to think the worst of women more admired than they... (location 96)

I think this is a harsh reality. We do always compare ourselves to others and it's hard when you don't come out on top. Sometimes it's easier to criticize than admire.

Seeing how easily I can be physically overpowered has sapped a great deal of my fighting spirit. (location 1681)

The trauma of abuse has long-lasting consequences.

He showed me what a fine line divides love from misery. Sometimes, in fact, there's no line at all. (location 2676)

It's sad. One of my friends just closed on her divorce and she sways from emotion to emotion with regard to her former partner. 

Things I looked up:

Delaine (location 122, among others) - A kind of mixed cloth with cotton warp and wool in the weft. Originally a high quality women's wear dress material.

Pignut trees (location 355, among others) - A type of hickory tree.

Judas tree (location 359) - Cercis siliquastrum, commonly known as the Judas tree, is a small deciduous tree from Southern Europe and Western Asia which is noted for its prolific display of deep pink flowers in the spring.  

Jeremiad (location 1857) -  A long, mournful complaint or lamentation; a list of woes

Pertinacious (location 2579) - Holding firmly to an opinion or course of action

Syllabub (location 2723) - A sweet dish from Cornish cuisine, made by curdling sweet cream or milk with an acid like wine or cider.

Wednesday, January 29, 2025

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell (Part II of the review)

I listened to the audiobook, but I took page numbers are from this Archive edition. Part I of my review is here. 

The copy I borrowed from the library. It was too big to be comfortable to hold, but I loved the audiobook, so I'm happy that's the direction I went in. 

Lines of note:

“Oh, Pa,” cried Scarlett impatiently, “if I married him, I'd change all that!”
“Oh, you would, would you now?” said Gerald testily, shooting a sharp look at her. “Then it's little enough you arc knowing of any man living, let alone Ashley. No wife has ever changed a husband one whit, and don’t you be forgetting that..." (page 35)
Gerald might be the best character in the whole book. It's too bad he owned slaves or I would suggest he was actually a good man. 

The library was in semidarkness, for the blinds had been drawn against the sun. The dim room with towering walls completely filled with dark books depressed her. It was not the place which she would have chosen for a tryst such as she hoped this one would be. Large numbers of books always depressed her, as did people who liked to read large numbers of books. (page 113-114)
This is why I'm not friends with Scarlett. Books shouldn't depress you! They should give you life. Scarlett's lack of intellectual curiosity is one of the most interesting aspects of her personality. She's not even embarrassed about it. 

“I have always thought,” he said reflectively, “that the system of mourning, of immuring women in crepe for the rest of their lives and forbidding them normal enjoyment is just as barbarous as the Hindu suttee.”
“Settee?”
He laughed and she blushed for her ignorance. She hated people who used words unknown to her.
“In India, when a man dies he is burned, instead of buried, and his wife always climbs on the funeral pyre and is burned with him.”
“How dreadful! Why do they do it? Don’t the police do anything about it?"
“Of course not. A wife who didn’t burn herself would be a social outcast. All the worthy Hindu matrons would talk about her for not behaving as a well-bred lady should — precisely as those worthy matrons in the corner would talk about you, should you appear tonight in a red dress and lead a reel. Personally, I think suttee much more merciful than our charming Southern custom of burying widows alive!”
“How dare you say I’m buried alive!”
“How closely women clutch the very chains that bind them! You think the Hindu custom barbarous — but would you have had the courage to appear here tonight if the Confederacy hadn’t needed you?” (page 182-183)
Even though Scarlett knows she's ignorant, she doesn't actually do anything to rectify it. She just blames the other person. Crazy!

“Money can't buy everything.”
"Someone must have told you that. You'd never think of such a platitude all by yourself. What can’t it buy?”
"Oh, well, I don’t know — not happiness or love, anyway.”
"Generally it can. And when it can’t, it can buy some of the most remarkable substitutes.” (page 193)
It certainly can buy you a level of comfort, that can't be denied. 

It was not often that she was alone like this and she did not like it. When she was alone she had to think and, these days, thoughts were not so pleasant. Like everyone else, she had fallen into the habit of thinking of the past, the dead. (page 335)
I sort of feel for Scarlett here. I also do not like to be left alone with my thoughts. 

"I’d back you against the Yankees any day.”
“I’m not sure that that’s a compliment,” she said uncertainly.
“It isn’t,” he answered. “When will you stop looking for compliments in men’s lightest utterances?” (page 336)
I snorted laughing at this line. Captain Butler is a rascal. 

Was Tara still standing? Or was Tara also gone with the wind which had swept through Georgia? (page 397) - A sighting of the book title in the text!!!

It was beyond her comprehension that anyone could love Suellen. Her sister seemed to her a monster of selfishness, of complaints and of what she could only described as pure cussedness. (page 485)
I felt this line in my soul. 

“Girls have to marry someone.”
“Indeed, they do not,” said Pitty, ruffling. "I never had to.” (page 561)
Ah, this was such an awkward scene. Pitty has to rely on the kindness of her family to survive in the world as an older person who never married. Scarlett and Melanie know this, but are too kind to say it to her. 

It had begun to dawn on him that this same sweet pretty little head was a “good head for figures.” In fact, a much better one than his own and the knowledge was disquieting. He was thunderstruck to discover that she could swiftly add a long column of figures in her head when he needed a pencil and paper for more than three figures. And fractions presented no difficulties to her at all. He felt there was something unbecoming about a woman understanding fractions and business matters and he believed that, should a woman be so unfortunate as to have such unladylike comprehension, she should pretend not to. Now he disliked talking business with her as much as he had enjoyed it before they were married. Then he had thought it all beyond her mental grasp and it had been pleasant to explain things to her. Now he saw that she understood entirely too well and he felt the usual masculine indignation at the duplicity of women. Added to it was the usual masculine disillusionment in discovering that a woman has a brain. (page 616)
Ah, well. It's 2025. Girls and women sometimes still have to hide their smarts, don't they?

“There’s more ways of killing a cat than choking him to death with butter,” giggled Melanie when the whiskered old man had thumped down the stairs. (page 917)
What is this idiom? Why are cats involved?

"...I’m sorry because you are such a fool you don’t know there can’t ever be happiness except when like mates like..." (page 939)
Big discussion in our house around this one. Should like mate like or do opposites attract? Or maybe it's both? Maybe we are most attracted to those who we shouldn't be with?

Pitty, who desired nothing except to live comfortably amid the love of her relatives, would have been very pleased, in this matter, to run with the hares and hunt with the hounds. But neither the hares nor the hounds would permit this. (page 953)
More idioms I've never heard!

He drew a short breath and said lightly but softly: "my dear, I don’t give a damn." (page 1035)
Famous line from the film!!!

Things I looked up: 

Battle of the Boyne (page 42) - took place in 1690 between the forces of the deposed King James II, and those of King William III who, with his wife Queen Mary II (his cousin and James's daughter), had acceded to the Crowns of England and Scotland in 1689. The battle was fought across the River Boyne close to the town of Drogheda in the Kingdom of Ireland, modern-day Republic of Ireland, and resulted in a victory for William. This turned the tide in James's failed attempt to regain the British crown and ultimately aided in ensuring the continued Protestant ascendancy in Ireland.

St. Simons Island (page 45) - an island off the Georgia coast known for its salt marshes and sandy stretches

Zouave (Chapter 9) - a class of light infantry regiments of the French Army serving between 1830 and 1962 and linked to French North Africa. The zouaves were among the most decorated units of the French Army. With the outbreak of the Civil War, many zouave units were raised on both sides. Louisiana, with its French culture and traditions raised the majority of Zouave units for the Confederacy. Zouave units, North and South, served with distinction at Antietam and throughout the Civil War. 

passementerie (page 232) - the art of making elaborate trimmings or edgings (in French, passements) of applied braid, gold or silver cord, embroidery, colored silk, or beads for clothing or furnishings

tumbrils (page 242) - an open cart that tilted backward to empty out its load, in particular one used to convey condemned prisoners to the guillotine during the French Revolution

Florida water (page 244) - an American version of an Eau de Cologne. Like European eau de colognes it is a citric scent, but shifts the emphasis towards sweet orange (rather than the bergamote orange, lemon and neroli of 4711) and adds spicy notes like clove. The name refers to the fabled Fountain of Youth, which is said to be located in Florida, as well as the "floral" nature of the scent.

Jeb Stuart (page 267) - a Confederate army general and cavalry officer during the American Civil War

Portrait by George S. Cook, 1863 - The point in the book was his beard.

Nathan Bedford Forrest (page 267) - a 19th-century American slave trader active in the lower Mississippi River valley, a Confederate States Army general during the American Civil War, and the first Grand Wizard of the Reconstruction-era Ku Klux Klan, serving from 1867 to 1869

Another beard reference

A pagan hearing the lapping of the waters around Charon’s boat could not have felt more desolate. (page 276) - Ha ha. I heard this as Karen's boat and could not figure out what was happening. Obviously Charon was the ferryman of the underworld. It all made sense when I saw it written out. 

For even as Andersonville was a name that stank in the North, so was Rock Island one to bring terror to the heart of any Southerner who had relatives imprisoned there.(page 285-286) - I cannot tell if this is Mitchell's pro-South bias. It seems like the consensus is that there was overcrowding at the prison, but that Mitchell's claims were overblown about conditions and deaths. 

“Mr. Lincoln, the merciful and just, who cries large tears over Mrs. Bixby’s five boys, hasn’t any tears to shed about the thousands of Yankees dying at Andersonville,” said Rhett, his mouth twisting. “He doesn’t care if they all die. The order is out. No exchanges. (page 286) 

The Bixby letter is a brief, consoling message sent by President Abraham Lincoln in November 1864 to Lydia Parker Bixby, a widow living in Boston, Massachusetts, who was thought to have lost five sons in the Union Army during the American Civil War. Along with the Gettysburg Address and his second inaugural address, the letter has been praised as one of Lincoln's finest written works and is often reproduced in memorials, media, and print.

Lucullan banquet (page 294) - adj., (especially of food) extremely luxurious

Thermopylae (page 296) - The Battle of Thermopylae was fought over three days in 480 BC between the Achaemenid Persian Empire under Xerxes I and an alliance of Greek city-states led by Sparta under Leonidas I.  The Persian victory at Thermopylae allowed for Xerxes' passage into southern Greece, which expanded the Persian empire even further. Today the Battle of Thermopylae is celebrated as an example of heroic persistence against seemingly impossible odds

vermifuge (page 430) - a medicine used to destroy parasitic worms

Gorterdammerung (page 527)  - a collapse (as of a society or regime) marked by catastrophic violence and disorder

Hat mentions:

waving their hats (page 10-11)

 wide Panama hat (page 25, 261, 336, 378, 960)

“You keep yo’ shawl on yo’ shoulders w’en you is in de sun, an’ doan you go takin’ off yo’ hat w’en you is wahm,” she commanded...(page 78)

hat in hand (page 81, 381, 919, 931)

took off his hat with a sweep (page 84)

Today, dressed in dull black silk over unfashionably narrow hoops, she still looked as though in her habit, for the dress was as severely tailored as her riding costume and the small black hat with its long black plume perched over one warm, twinkling, brown eye was a replica of the battered old hat she used for hunting. (page 85)

They were a pretty, buxom quartette, so crammed into the carriage that their hoops and flounces overlapped and their parasols nudged and bumped together above their wide leghorn sun hats, crowned with roses and dangling with black velvet chin ribbons. All shades of red hair were represented beneath these hats, Hetty’s plain red hair, Camilla’s strawberry blonde, Randa’s coppery auburn and small Betsy’s carrot top.

"And looks a lot like Hetty, too,” said Camilla, and then disappeared shrieking amid a welter of skirts and pantalets and bobbing hats, as Hetty, who did have a long face, began pinching her. (page 88)

“That’s a fine woman,” said Gerald, putting on his hat and taking his place beside his own carriage. (page 91)

yellow hat with long cherry streamers (page 102)

"...But you, my dear Miss O’Hara, are a girl of rare spirit, very admirable spirit, and I take off my hat to you." (page 120)

The Munroe boys tore past waving their hats, and the Fontaines and Calverts went down the road yelling. (page 127)

His hat was gone...(page 205)

He walked out into the dim hall and picked up the hat he had dropped on the doorsill. (page 205)

his hat in his hand (page 231, 317)

Just at this moment, nothing mattered to her except that she looked utterly charming in the first pretty hat she had put on her head in two years. What she couldn’t do with this hat! (page 243)

In a moment the hat was back in its box. (page 243)

“And turn it into a fright like your other hats? No.” (page 243)

raised his hat (page 257)

laying down his hat and bag (page 262)

But she wanted to give him something more personal, something a wife could give a husband, a shirt, a pair of gauntlets, a hat.  Oh, yes, a hat by all means... But the only hats obtainable in Atlanta were crudely made wool hats, and they were tackier than the monkey-hat forage caps. (page 269)

When she thought of hats, she thought of Rhett Butler. He had so many hats, wide Panamas for summer, tall beavers for formal occasions, hunting hats, slouch hats of tan and black arid blue. (page 269)

She paused and thought it might be difficult to get the hat without some explanation. She simply could not tell Rhett she wanted it for Ashley. He would raise his brows in that nasty way he always had when she even mentioned Ashley’s name and, like as not, would refuse to give her the hat. (page 269)

wide felt hat (page 276)

dropped the hat (page 276)

retrieve his hat (page 277)

...his hat bravely pinned up on one side. (page 314)

He picked up his hat ...(page 342, 971)

tattered gray hat (page 359)

He gathered the reins again and put on his hat. (page 359)

The shadow seemed to take off a hat and a quiet voice came from the darkness. (page 371)

he removed his hat (page 378)

They were all ragged, so ragged that between officers and men there were no distinguishing insignia except here and there a torn hat brim pinned up with a wreathed “C.S.A.” (page 385)

Why hadn’t she brought her sun hat? (page 396)

without a hat  (page 397, 997)

He should come home on a prancing horse, dressed in fine clothes and shining boots, a plume in his hat. (page 502)

And what a cunning hat! Bonnets must be out of style, for this hat was only an absurd flat red velvet affair, perched on the top of the woman’s head like a stiffened pancake. The ribbons did not tie under the chin as bonnet ribbons tied but in the back under the massive bunch of curls which fell from the rear of the hat... (page 537)

pancake hat (page 544, 661)

fine fur hat (page 556)

tall hat (page 621) 

"...My horse is nearly dead — all the way up here at a dead run — and like a fool I went out of the house today a bat out of hell without a coat or hat or a cent of money..." (page 645)

battered straw hat (page 691)

beatin’ the horse with his hat (page 702)

Feet were stilled, hats were removed, hands folded and skirts rustled into quietness as Ashley stepped forward with Carreen’s worn Book of Devotions in his hand. (page 708)

...Mrs. Tarleton went toward the kitchen, throwing her hat carelessly on the sideboard and running her hands through her damp red hair. (page 714)

tipping their hats (page 756)

He rose suddenly and picked up his hat. (page 775)

"...Don’t tell anyone where you are going and if you’ve got a hat, bring it along to hide your face.”
“Ah ain’ got no hat.”
“Well, here’s a quarter. You buy a hat from one of those shanty darkies and meet me here.” (page 783)

carelessly dragging off his hat (page 783)

“You are a rare scoundrel!” she cried furiously to Johnnie as he stood at the wheel, his hat pushed back from his lowering brow.  (page 785)

black slouch hat (page 796)

He neither took off his hat nor spoke to the others in the room. (page 796)

He recognized her instantly and, taking off his hat, bowed, somewhat embarrassed. (page 799)

The eyes of the captain flickered quickly about the room, resting for an instant on each face, passing quickly from their faces to the table and the hat rack as though looking for signs of male occupancy. (page 799)

gloves and hat (page 839)

(If only Rhett had not been so silly and burned the false curls she bought to augment her knot of Indian-straight hair that peeked from the rear of these little hats!) (page 851)

...a high silk coachman’s hat with a brush, upon it. (page 851)

enormous leghorn hat (page 921)

swept off his hat (page 959)

brim of his hat (page 972)

"...For Heaven’s sake, Rhett, take those feathers out of your hat. You look a fool and you’ll be likely to wear them downtown without remembering to take them out.”
“No,” said Bonnie, picking up her father’s hat, defensively. (page 974)

tipping his hat (page 986)

black hat with a red plume in it (page 989)

**************

What do you think? Should like mate like or opposites attract?

Friday, December 09, 2022

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

Pachinko is Min Jin Lee's 2017 epic historical fiction novel centered around a Korean family who immigrates to Japan. This book was a National Book Award finalist and has been rolling around in my TBR list for quite some time.

This book is unrelentingly sad. It starts in a small fishing village in Korea where a fisherman and his wife have a son with a cleft lip named Hoonie. When Hoonie is in his 20s, Japan annexes Korea and Hoonie's life is a lot more stable than many other Koreans, so he's able to marry a young woman named Yangjin. They have a daughter named Sunja and Hoonie dotes on the daughter he never thought he'd have, but when he dies of tuberculosis when Sunja is thirteen, she does when any teenager would do and seeks attention from another father figure. She gets pregnant by a wealthy Japanese businessman.

Sunja refuses to tell her mother who the father of her child is, but a Christian minister who is traveling through Korea on his way to Osaka marries her. Oh, I just realized that if I keep telling you about all the trials and tribulations of the succeeding generations of the family this post will be 15,000 words long. Eventually the family immigrates to Japan where they are treated quite poorly and struggle to make ends meet and remain in safe housing with enough to eat because Koreans were discriminated against a lot in Japan, particularly in the context of WWII. I was unaware of a lot of this cultural backstory and found it super interesting and sort of parallel to how people with Japanese ancestry were treated here in the US in that same time period.

This book has a lot to say about discrimination, power, and social mobility. I myself was absolutely fascinated by the super quick changes from one generation to another in terms of literacy, education, and language. It can be that a grandparent and grandchild cannot really communicate because they speak entirely different languages and have entirely different cultural viewpoints, from religion to to the role of women in the world to the propriety of certain jobs to the importance of higher education. The book is centered on a family and the family dynamics were fascinating to watch, especially since we did a deep dive into each generation and could see where they were coming from, even as one generation clashed with another.

It was quite good and I think of it as a winter read because of its unrelenting bleakness. Even as things are getting better economically for the family, they're still essentially stateless and at the mercy of the Japanese government. They can't go back to Korea and many of them don't even speak Korea. They aren't eligible for many jobs in Japan, even if they can culturally "pass." I would recommend this book, but it's 500 pages of sad, so maybe don't read it if you're already in the winter doldrums. 

4/5 stars

Lines of note:

Her husband, the father of their six children, was as good as dead to her, though he was alive and living in her house several day a week in a drunk stupor. (page 142)

What a lot of information you can get from one sentence.

 Lately, Yangjin felt tired and impatient; small things bothered her. Aging was supposed to make you more patient, but in her case, she felt angrier. Sometimes, when a customer complained about the small size of the portions, she wanted to tell him off. Lately, what upset her most was her daughter's impossible silence. Yangjin wanted to shake her. (page 238)

It does seem like people who are aging go into anger or patience modes and there's no in between. 

Hansu never told him to  study, but rather to learn, and it occurred to Noa that there was a marked difference. Learning was like playing, not labor. (page 275)

Hidden truths about pedagogy.

Before she'd left the house, she hadn't even bothered to look in the mirror. She wasn't hideous or shameful to look at, but she had prematurely reached the stage in a woman's life when no one noticed her entering or leaving a room. (page 352)

I feel like I entered this stage of life as soon as I left my twenties. 

Noa had noticed her beautiful handwriting on the files even before he noticed her.  It was possible that he was in love with the way she wrote the number two - her parallel lines expressing a kind of free movement inside the invisible box that contained the ideograph's strokes. (page 357)

I took two semesters of Japanese in college. I remember how freeing it was to write the numbers and this line really sparked a memory within me of rewriting the numbers over and over again.


Over lunch, for thirty minutes a day, he reread Dickens, Trollope, or Goethe, and he remembered who he was inside. (page 359)

Nerds be nerds across place and time.

Etsuko Nagatomi loved all three of her children, but she did not love them all the same. Being a mother had taught her that this kind of emotional injustice was perhaps inevitable. (page 386)

Parenthood is one guilt trap after another from what I can tell.