Monday, October 13, 2025

CBBC Week One: The Joy Luck Club, Part I


Welcome to the first week of the Cool Bloggers Book Club (CBBC) where we will be discussing The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan! CBBC makes it sound like this is some exclusive club, but anyone can join, blogger or not. You're already cool if you're here. I'm happy you are here and making this journey with all of us. As always, the ground rules for CBBC are:

1) Don't apologize. Don't apologize for having a lot or a little to say in the comments. Don't apologize because you're not an expert on something. Don't apologize because you don't have a doctorate in English literature. Don't apologize if you fall behind or can't keep up. Have fun and say what you have to say. You and your thoughts are important.(If you need more information on this, see my post on Foster's How To Read Literature Like a Professor.)

2) Feel free to come back and respond to comments more than once! I love it when there's a dialogue in the comments.

3) Have fun reading, thinking about the book, and discussing it! Don't feel limited to my discussion prompts - talk about whatever you feel like talking about.

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Who is Amy Tam?

Amy Tan is an American author best known for writing her debut novel The Joy Luck Club, a 1989 book that was later adapted into a 1993 film. She is the second of three children born to Chinese immigrants John and Daisy Tan. Her father was an electrical engineer and Baptist minister who traveled to the United States, in order to escape the chaos of the Chinese Civil War. When she was fifteen, her father and older brother, Peter, both died of brain tumors within six months of each other.

Her mother Daisy subsequently moved Amy and her younger brother, John Jr, to Switzerland. During this period, Amy learned about her mother's previous marriage to another man in China, of their four children (a son who died as a toddler and three daughters). She also learned how her mother left those children in Shanghai, which is an integral part of the story of The Joy Luck Club

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What happened in these chapters?

In the first section, "Feathers From A Thousand Li Away," each chapter focuses on one of four women who make up the Joy Luck Club, a club formed in China under Japanese occupation that was revived when the women met again in San Francisco. 

The first chapter is told from the perspective of Jing-Mei Woo, whose late mother Suyuan Woo has recently died. Jing-Mei has taken the place of her mother in the Joy Luck Club and she recounts the story of how her mother Suyuan was forced to flee from her home in Kweilin and abandon her children. Suyuan later found out that her first husband died. After that she married June's father and immigrated to the United States where June was born. June learns from the other female members of the Joy Luck Club that her half-sisters are alive. They ask June to go to China and meet her sisters, and tell them about Suyuan's death.

The next three chapters finish the section with a childhood tale from each of the founding women in The Joy Luck Club. 

An-Mei Hsu's story relates how she was raised by her maternal grandmother. Her mother returns only to cut off "a piece of meat" from "the softest part of her arm" ("Scar") (!!) to cook a soup in hopes of healing An-Mei's grandmother, though An-Mei's grandmother still dies.

Lindo Jong explains how a matchmaker connected her with her future husband when she was an infant. This match led to a loveless marriage. Lindo was continually pressured by her mother-in-law's desire for Lindo to produce grandchildren , even though Lindo's husband was not holding up his end of the bargain to make that happen. Lindo lies in such a way as to annul her marriage and she emigrates to the United States.

Lastly, Ying-Ying St. Clair tells the story of how she fell into a lake on a family boat ride during the Moon Festival when she was four. She's a spoiled little girl with a hovering nanny, but she wants to play like the boys. After being rescued by a group of professional fisherpeople, she realizes that she is lost. The fisherpeople DROP HER OFF ONSHORE and Ying-Ying wanders into an outdoor performance featuring the Moon Lady, who is supposed to grant unspoken wishes. But when Ying-Ying approaches the Moon Lady after the play to wish to be returned to her family, she discovers the Moon Lady is played by a man. 

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Hat mentions (why hats?):

None.

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Things I looked up:

Second Sino-Japanese war ("The Joy Luck Club") - Suyuan flees China as a young woman when Japanese forces invade the city of Kweilin. This reflects actual historical events in the Second Sino-Japanese War, which was fought between 1937 and 1945. During the eight-year war (which overlapped with World War II), Japan aggressively attacked mainland China, hoping to expand the Japanese empire onto the Asian continent. Over twenty million Chinese citizens were killed or displaced during the ground invasions. Japan succeeded in capturing many major Chinese cities, including Shanghai and Nanjing, until it became involved in World War II in 1941, fighting against the United States and other Allied countries. Japan surrendered to Allied forces in 1945, after the United States dropped two atomic bombs on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, killing millions of Japanese citizens. As part of the surrender agreement, China regained all its seized land in 1946.

tl;dr - Imperial Japan invaded China, killing lots of innocent civilians in the process. (I felt a wave a familiarity when I realized Pachinko was a similar book about a Japanese invasion.)

Basic geography of China (where is Kweilin as related to Shanghai?) ("The Joy Luck Club")


Kuomintang ("The Joy Luck Club") - a Chinese political party that ruled mainland China from 1927 to 1949 prior to its relocation to Taiwan as a result of the Chinese Civil War

rules of mahjong ("The Joy Luck Club") - Ha ha ha. I'll link to the Wikipedia page. I got confused about three sentences in. I'm a simple lady who likes my games to be simple. 

The Moon Festival ("The Moon Lady") - This is a harvest festival. On this day, the Chinese believe that the moon is at its fullest and brightest, coinciding with the time of harvest in the middle of autumn. 

Mama's aunt...who still plucked her forehead bald ("The Moon Lady") - During the Middle Ages, a high forehead was deemed especially beautiful, and women and girls not naturally endowed with this characteristic plucked their foreheads (sometimes burning the follicles with hot pins to keep them from regrowing) to achieve the almost baby-like bald forehead.

So mama's aunt was still doing this in the 1900s? That seems...weird. 

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Lines of notes:

That is the way it is with a wound. The wound begins to close in on itself, to protect what is hurting so much. And once it is closed, you no longer see what is underneath, what started the pain. ("Scar")

This is how a daughter honors her mother. It is shou so deep it is in  your bones. The pain of the flesh is nothing. The pain you must forget. Because sometimes that is the only way to remember what is in your bones. You must peel off your skin, and that of your mother, and her mother before her. Until there is nothing. No scar, no skin, no flesh. ("Scar")

I watched as she took out a sharp, thin knife and began to slice open the fish bellies, pulling out the red slippery insides and throwing them over her shoulder into the lake. I saw her scrape off the fish scales, which flew into the air like shards of glass. And then there were two chickens that no longer gurgled after their heads were chopped off. And a big snapping turtle that stretched out its neck to bite a stick and - whuck! - off fell its head. And dark masses of thin freshwater eels, swimming furiously in a pot. Then the woman carried everything...("The Moon Lady")

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Questions to ponder:

1) Was anyone else sort of grossed out by this book? Eating human flesh? The bird abuse in "The Moon Lady" and that vivid description of preparing the food just above? I was not expecting to gag so much reading this book. 

2) I think we can already tell from the first chapter that a big theme of this book is going to be about difficult mother/daughter relationships. Do you have any predictions about what's going to happen? Is Jing-Mei going to meet her half-sisters? Will they accept her? I also suspect there will be a lot in here about identity (Chinese? American? Chinese-American?) and difficulties between multiple generations of immigrant families. 

3) I feel I have given short shrift to Lindo's chapter "The Red Candle." What does the candle represent? Do you think it was ethical for Lindo to essentially weasel out of her marriage by making up a symbolically rich dream that indicated bad outcomes for her in-laws or do you think it was a smart thing to do for her to save herself?

4) "See my sisters, tell them about my mother," I say, nodding. "What will I say? What can I tell them about my mother? I don't know anything. She was my mother." 

This is a paragraph from the first chapter. What is Jing-Mei trying to tell her aunties here? What do you think it's foreshadowing about what's to come? To what extent do you think it's true that daughters can never really know their mothers?

5) Does anyone else read these books and realize that your knowledge of world history is abysmal? 

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Homework for you: How are you reading this book? Paperback, ebook, audiobook? Where are you reading it? If you have a photo of your book (maybe in the cozy chair where you read!) you'd like to share with the rest of the group, send it in and I'll make a collage for next week.  Deadline for sending it in to make next week's post is 10/19 by noon central. dominique100 @ hotmail dot com

I'm listening to an audiobook and referencing a paper copy I got from the library. 


"The symbol on the book is for Tan. Penguin Drop Caps is a series of twenty-six hardcover editions of fine works of literature, each featuring on its cover a specially commissioned illustrated letter of the the alphabet by Jessica Hische." 

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Upcoming CBBC schedule:

October 20: Part II - The Twenty-Six Malignant Gates
October 27: Part III - American Translation
November 3: Part IV - Queen Mother of the Western Skies
November 10: Wrap up!

39 comments:

  1. Anonymous10/13/2025

    Well I am behind already (my audiobook was JUST available this morning!) but I am not apologizing and I am going to be ready to discuss the next section. Looking forward to the discussion. Thanks so much for leading this group Engie! You come up with such thoughtful prompts and questions and I am sure this is a ton of work!

    (This is Suzanne.)

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    1. The audiobook goes by quickly! You'll catch up soon.

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  2. mbmom1110/13/2025

    I borrowed the book from the library and have to admit I read it in one day.
    In this section, I found I did not like these characters much, except Lindo. I thought she was clever to use the dream to free herself and help the serving girl. ( It's like in Fiddler on the Roof when Tevye makes up a dream to help his daughter out of a betrothal. ) Using the other person's superstitions against them but in a harmless way. The mom would be guppy to get a grandchild, serving maid has a husband, and the husband gets a bride and continues to be pampered by mom. Lindo goes off and gets a job. She didn't expose the husband's failings to the mom. I think it preserved her sense of honor by doing it this way.

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    1. mbmom1110/13/2025

      Happy , not guppy. Aurocorrect, why?

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    2. I'm so glad you fixed that typo because I thought "guppy" was new slang for happy and I felt really old for a hot minute.

      I thought Lindo was super clever. It's crazy because these women didn't have much formal education, but they were so smart in many ways!

      I wonder if Amy Tam was thinking about Fiddler on the Roof when she wrote this.

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  3. Okay. So many things in the first part of this book made me SAD. The immigrant experience- these people suffering in their own country and then coming here all full of hope, to find more cruelty and difficulties. The difficult mother-daughter relationships make me sad because I miss my own mother, and also have a challenging relationship with my daughter. The scene where Jing-Mei says she didn't know her mother, and the other women become alarmed by this- their fear that their own daughters don't know or understand them either. And, all the hardships the little girls endured in China, the harsh way they were raised, the stories they were told to scare them into being "good," the story of Lindo being left behind at the age of 12 with her future in-laws... it was just one sadness after another for me, to the point where I was thinking "WHO voted for this book??? Why did you want to make me so sad?" But then... I began to appreciate the inner strength of these women, how despite the hardships, they retained their sense of self. And the writing is beautiful, and I got totally engrossed in each story. So I'm glad we're reading this because I probably wouldn't have read it on my own.
    I have to admit I haven't gotten to the end of The Moon Lady yet, and yes I think the bird abuse might disturb me- I'm glad I got a heads up because I might have to skim that part.

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    1. I agree, Jenny. I am not sure if I'm happy this book was chosen. So far it's sad, there's a lot of mother-daughter drama that I'm not sure I'm in the right headspace for, and it's kind of gross.

      BUT! I also do think it's important to think about the immigrant experience, especially right now. So maybe it's the perfect book to have been chosen!

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  4. I'm trying not to bring too many modern and American sensibilities to the stories of the women in this book so that I don't judge. But wow! It's hard. I couldn't tell my children such harsh and scary stories to modify their behaviour. And I do have a healthy respect for customs and beliefs of other cultures, so the scene of An-Mei's mother adding a piece of her own flesh to the soup in hopes of curing her own mother didn't really gross me out; I found it profound and an affirmation of her respect and innate love for her mother. The whole story of a little 12-year old being left by her family to become basically another servant to her groom's family was heartbreaking. I think she devised a brilliant plan in which everyone Saved Face. (And I was thinking of Fiddler on the Roof, too, like mbmom11!)

    I have to say that I like the whole idea of a Joy Luck Club. During times like we're having right now, maybe we all need a club to just get together and be joyful and silly and capricious and light.

    Finally, I do think that relationships between mothers and daughters are difficult, especially if there is a son. That's my own experience, anyway. I wonder if there isn't a certain amount of envy, jealousy, or resentment on the part of the mothers (intended or not), and some sense of anger and feelings of blame on the part of the daughters. Is it genetic? science? purely psychological? I don't know.

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    1. All of the stories were so sad. Cutting off a piece of your arm and it didn't save anyone! Being in a forced marriage! Falling off a boat and your "rescuers" just abandoning you onshore! SO MUCH SADNESS. It is obviously a different time and maybe these were the norm back then, but isn't it crazy to think about how much norms have changed in just a century?

      My relationship with both of my parents was pretty fraught and there was no son involved. I think it's just all parental/child relationships are hard. We're all learning and muddling along, I guess.

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    2. I agree that the stories were sad. When people talk so fondly of The Good Old Days, I get frustrated. Really? I mean, in my case, my parents lived through the Depression. My father was drafted into WWII. My father's parents were immigrants, and their marriage was, I discovered, not a love match, and my dad's brother was not my grandpa's son. My grandmother played favourites very outwardly toward my uncle, and my dad did not have a great childhood because of it. My mom was one of 7 kids raised on a farm. They all worked hard and raised what they ate. But to hear her talk, it was all fun times. I know better (mainly because I'd get the straighter story from my aunt)! My parents' marriage was not acceptable to her parents, so she walked down the aisle by herself. I mean, I could go on and on and on.

      My parents muddled through a lot, I know, because they had kids as soon as they were married. And they made a lot of mistakes because they were young and they were really complete opposites and totally wrapped up in each other and the traditional roles. And they had 4 of us. They really had no clue.

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    3. Yeah, it doesn't seem to me like the good old days were that good. They certainly weren't for my parents who both grew up in rough families. When I hear my mom talk about how she missed school because she got burned and didn't have indoor plumbing until she was a teen, it doesn't make me think I missed much! Now, the 1990s were sheer perfection, right? No cell phones, the biggest political scandal was whether or not the president had sex with an intern (it depends on what your definition of is is!). I'd like to be in the '90s again.

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  5. There is something about the writing style that I find very soothing, even though she's describing horrific things (aka everyday life for the moms). I have a lot of catching up to do on world history! I've read bits and pieces of displacements in other novels (yes, novels, I never heard one word of this in my formal education), but had no idea of the scope. TWENTY MILLION PEOPLE.

    I was applauding when Lindo got out of her marriage. It was the perfect solution for everyone!

    I have no prediction about what is going to happen next, but I am along for the ride!

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    1. You're finding this SOOTHING? Wow. We are definitely opposites about that. I'm finding every store to be very stressful.

      I hear you on the TWENTY MILLION PEOPLE thing. Like...I know about the Holocaust which was "only" six million Jewish people. What was my history education anyway?

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  6. I'm listening to the audio version, but I think I need a physical copy to go along with it because the names/pronunciations were getting mixed up for me.

    Yes, my knowledge of history is embarrassing. I recall bits and pieces of High School world history, but it wasn't interesting and didn't stick with me.

    I was happy that Lindo was able to snake her way out of that bad marriage; the terrible family dynamics would have killed her spirit. Can you imagine having your husband chosen for you at two? And essentially, you were there to cook/clean and birth babies.

    So many lives lost in those wars; it's mind-boggling!

    I think Mother-Daughter relationships can be trying. There were years when I held a grudge against my own mom because of my treatment during my adolescent years, but thankfully, I forgave and got over that many years before she departed. Because of that, I was able to create a strong, caring bond with my girls, and there is no strife in our lives.
    Sadly, I have friends who were never able to get past those early years with their moms.
    It seems that Jing-Mei didn't know who her mother was, because her mom never shared anything. It's not June's fault! But finding out she has two half sisters? Wowza--what a bomb.

    The bird cruelty made me grimace too; ugh. Life can be so hard for so many humans and creatures.

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    1. I don't know if I ever had world history in high school. I should definitely have taken more history classes in college. I have regrets.

      I can't even imagine having my whole life dictated to me when I was a baby! I literally can't fathom it. But she's so clever to have figured a way out of it.

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  7. I was not grossed out, but I feel like a bit of an asshole that I didn't clue in to how the mother-daughter stuff would be a point in favour of me not voting for this book at this specific time of you running a book club. I apologize for that.
    I didn't necessarily find the characters likable, but I had sympathy for most of them. They were caught in circumstances beyond their control, and sometimes their ways of coping seemed cruel. I remember it as a huge lightbulb moment when I realized that it is probable that a lot of immigrant parents are strict to the point of cruelty with their children because they are terrified that their children will run afoul of the authorities if they don't behave perfectly.
    Mother-daughter relationships are so fraught for so many reasons. There can be so much shame and fear wrapped up in women's relationships with their daughters, leading to so much misunderstanding.
    And yes, god, any book dealing with history makes me realize how pitiful my knowledge of history is.

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    1. I didn't know it would be so mother-daughter based, either, or I might not have picked it! Oh, well. You live and you learn and sometime your desire to avoid spoilers means you deal with things you don't plan on.

      Yes, I don't know that I *liked* these characters, but the stories are interesting and that's enough to make me keep reading. Not all people in this world are likeable and their stories can still be important.

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    2. I thought this too and felt like an asshole for not mentioning it when we brunched.

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    3. Oh, heavens, it's no one's fault but my own. I put it on the list of three without doing my research! Don't take this on yourself.

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  8. I'm listening to the audiobook and I like the narrator. The women's stories are quite upsetting, and I have found myself gasping several times at how much they went through. I had no idea, and my knowledge of Chinese history, and Chinese-American history is dismal. One thing that has irritated me is that I get so involved in a character's story, and BOOM, it's over, and we're on to the next one! I need closure!!
    I was delighted when Lindo figured out how to escape her unhappy marriage. I hope we'll get to find out what happens to her - and that it's something good! (I'm a little worried that it won't be something good.)

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    1. I agree, Michelle. I HATE it when the chapters flip among lots of characters. You never really get to know the characters. I'm already annoyed with it in this book and I can see it being the only thing I remember about this book when it's done.

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  9. My constant thought while reading this book is “FUCKING PATRIARCHY!” I mean, come on. It made me think of women I know. One friend who is one of 4 kids, a brother and 3 sisters. Guess who inherited everything? And no, he wasn’t even the oldest kid. Another friend who is the oldest of 3, with her brother being the youngest. Guess who got the Bar Mitzvah? My friend and her sister got their Bat Mitzvahs, but only AFTER he had his, because at least the parents eventually realized they were being jerks about it. I hate it.

    I found the superstition fascinating. Like how you would criticize your child so the evil spirits wouldn’t think they were valuable and take them from you.

    I love Lindo, how she found her own worth and power even before she married, and was able to keep a grasp on that and use the information she had to free herself from her bad marriage. I thought it was a win-win-win ending, and no one suffered (except maybe the matchmaker’s assistant who let the candle go out). Speaking of Lindo, her wedding was held on an auspicious day. I was married in a Hindu ceremony, and we were also married on an auspicious day, which was also a full moon. I don’t know if there were other reasons it was auspicious or not, just the full moon struck me. I don’t think the pundit looked up our astrology, though who knows, maybe?

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    1. It seems like, according to the comments, Lindo is the hero of the story so far. She was so smart! It's so interesting how people choose their wedding days. We chose a day we were both free and the venue was available. LOL. Not a lot of thought went into it. Is that horrifying to you?

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    2. LOL, no, I had nothing to do with it. I am listening to the book with a paper library copy, just like you. The narrator does some interesting voices. The matchmaker performing the wedding was hilarious.

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  10. I read the book when it first came out and liked it and am enjoying this reread. The mothers' stories are harsh because the time period was harsh. Options were few and in order to survive you had to fight for yourself. No one was going to save you and kindness from family wasn't guaranteed. I loved Lindo's story and how even before she married she recognized her own worth. I think that helped her endure the difficult marriage and mother-in-law and find a way out of it.

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    1. It's interesting that you say "No one was going to save you and kindness from family wasn't guaranteed." I tend to think it's like that here in the US. Sink or swim and you can't rely on anyone! It's interesting to think about it from various cultures.

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  11. I am really enjoying this book and I'm not grossed out. I think the writing is so beautiful that it can't gross me out. That description of the fish scales flying off, etc. That sentence made me pause when I was reading it. I have a copy of the book from the library, but in the interest of time -I've been listening to a lot of it on audiobook. I admit (not apologizing, but I thought I'd go back and read it since I wasn't tracking it when I listened and I have NOT gone back to read it. Shrug) that I think I zoned out a bit during the An-Mei story of the flesh in the soup part - I wasn't really following that story, but the one about Lindo - I was focused on that and I really loved how she resolved the situation and as a result helped the servant girl.

    I do think she will meet her half sisters. I have no idea what will happen.

    I was saddened by the part where she says she doesn't know her mother. I find that a touch relatable. I feel like my mom was busy raising her kids, and that we didn't learn as much about her as I now wish I had. She told us things, but I'm not sure how much they registered with me. If that makes sense? I think I'm more of an open book with my own children.

    My father is obsessed with history - mostly American history but he would be mind blown at how much world history escapes me. I guess those lessons in school didn't stick with me. For me, things that are taught through engaging stories and conversations are learned, but if I'm told to memorize stuff - well, it doesn't stick the same way.

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    1. Yeah, I think history is frequently told through the Great Man lens (wars, politics, world happenings) and I'm much more interested in individual stories, particularly of women and families. Sure, maybe there's a war, but I'd rather the story of how the family is getting along at the homefront than what's happening to the soldier son in the trenches. It's a reason why history never stuck with me and I've learned far more from historical fiction than any history textbook!

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  12. I am late to the party and woefully behind on so many things so my comment will be SHORT.
    I thought Lindo was brilliant.
    I felt so sorry for An-mei. What a sad life :(
    And I mostly didn't get the Moon Lady part.
    I'm enjoying it so far, though I always struggle when I read a book in chunks like this. I read all 4 chapters a week ago...and so I feel like it's hard for me to get continuity (since I usually read books from start to finish fairly quickly if they're fiction). I started taking a few little notes just to help stay on top of who is who and what they've had to endure!

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    1. I mean, I think I got the Moon Lady part. It shattered Ying-Ying's childlike naivete and fantasy, as did the clothes soaked in blood, the fall off the boat, and the "rescuers" abandoning her on the shore. The story is about a loss of innocence. It was also graphic and gross.

      I kind of like this type of book for book club because it does seem more like a series of interconnected short stories than one large story. Maybe that will change in the future, but I kind of like that I don't have to remember super specific details from one story to the next. I am finding that I'm having trouble keeping track of names!

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  13. I got a late start but caught up today. Interestingly, when I went to add the book to Goodreads, I discovered I read it in late 2019/early 2020. I only gave it 3 stars so will be curious to see how it strikes me this time around. I recently read ‘Homeseeking’ which is a multi-decades historical fiction novel that begins around 1944. I learned so much when I read that book so it’s pairing well with this one. I had a convo with Phil about this time in history since I knew so little. Somehow he knew quite a bit. I do not know how!!

    Now to your questions. I have the most to say about #4. I feel like I know a lot about my mom but I only know what she has told me about her life before me and what I observed as a child. My children only know me as a mom - they are not old enough for me to talk much about what I did before they were born. So how well you know your mom really depends on how long you knew her as an adult and how open she was. My sense is that there was quite a bit of privacy in immigrant families and there are some subjects they never wanted to discuss…

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    1. It's interesting to think about your last observation. Not all moms are open - some of that may be that it's an immigrant family, some may just be personality, though. What are all those characteristics that lead to this sort of thing?

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  14. "See my sisters, tell them about my mother," I say, nodding. "What will I say? What can I tell them about my mother? I don't know anything. She was my mother." THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW YOUR MOTHER, is what I think now that I know how much of myself I am IN ADDITION TO being my daughters' mother.

    I don't remember anything from the first time I read this book, and I definitely did not remember how perfectly written this book is-- what a treat to read!

    Red Candle was my favorite chapter so far-- not unethical at all because fuck that system, you know?

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    1. I think it's an interesting question. You can tell people stories about your mother, things she said and did, stories she told you, but you can't really ever KNOW someone else, can you? I mean, do you even really KNOW yourself? Or am I getting too deep about this?

      I don't know if I agree with everyone about how perfectly this book is written...I find it confusing and unclear in a lot of sections. Oh, well. I don't have to love it, right?

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  15. I'm reading, as well, and wow, this book is not at all what I expected. I'm curious about whether others saw the movie - I did not, and so I really went into this completely unaware of its structure or even its content. Anyway! This is NOT what I expected, to say the least. I am in the camp of "people who feel like a jerk for picking this book at this time in your life", Engie. I'm also in the camp of, "Wow, this book is kind of gross and also? do people really scare their kids with horrible stories?" So, let's just say I'm a bit rattled by the book so far. I'll see how it goes. And no, I did not answer any of your questions. Sorry. :\

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    1. No one should feel badly for voting for the book! I put it on the original list of three - it's all on me.

      I mean, of course people scare their kids with horrible stories? Your parents didn't? I mean, I know my childhood wasn't ideal, but didn't everyone get told about strangers taking them or their permanent record or how they wouldn't get fed if they didn't do X? The horrible stories didn't even come across my radar as weird.

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  16. Even though I've read this book before, I think I realized this time around that the daughters are the same generation as my mother and the mothers are the same generation as my grandmother. I think when I originally read the book, I thought of the daughters as closer to my own age. It does make me think of the daughters very differently, though, because it means that they grew up in the 1940s/1950s and are adults in the 1960s/1970s, which is very different vibe for me than thinking of the present day sections being set in the 1980s, like when I was growing up, which is what I had originally thought. I think the Asian American experience was very different in the 60s and 70s than it was in the 80s and 90s.

    I didn't think that An-mei's mom literally sliced her flesh into the soup. I think in my head, since the stories of the older generation are being told to their daughters when they are little, everything is heightened and exaggerated, told in a very coarse way to make them more vivid and memorable, almost like a folktale. But also - I think there is something to how we remember details viscerally, how the gross and the corporeal things we encounter stick in our minds and are unforgettable. Which I guess is to say, I didn't find the details gross, but rather just ... detailed.
    Okay, so the thing that struck me about the red candle story is that my aunt married into a family also named Huang, and despite being a doctor with her own career, she became essentially a slave to that family's matriarch, subject to the whims of her mother in law. My aunt would do her shifts at the clinic and still have to cook and clean and do everything for her mother in law. She had no control over her own money. She wasn't allowed to talk to her own family. The house was not even put in her name. Oh and she raised four children. Plus her two nephews and nieces, after her mother in law took them away from their mother, my aunt's sister in law. It was wild. So anyhow - if my aunt had devised any kind of plan to get out of that marriage, I would have cheered her on, so I'm delighted for Lindo.
    The line about Jing Mei not knowing her own mother - I think this will be an interesting line to think about as we read the book because even though these are stories about mothers and daughters, I don't think there is always a clear line from each mother's story to her daughter's story. They don't seem a connected as I want them to be. And I think that's it, too, right? People are not linear - do the stories that my mother tells about her childhood elucidate who she is today? Or do they point out how far she is from the child she was?

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    1. I mean, my reading was that she actually sliced her own flesh. I can't tell which of our interpretations is correct, which is something of a beef I have with this book that I am VERY MUCH NOT ENJOYING. Ha. I see what you're saying that this is more of a cautionary tale and not an actual recounting of true events, but the other ones seem true? So why wouldn't this one be true? Or are you suggesting the other ones were more cautionary tales, too? I guess I can see that about Lindo and Ying-Ying's stories, too.

      Another reason I am not loving this book is because the stories do seem disconnected. Now that I'm reading next week's part, I'm also struggling with which of the younger generation's stories go with which mother. I know people say this is a well-written book, but I'm mostly befuddled by it.

      It's crazy that you have a similar family tale! I wonder if all of these stories are representative of a number of women. *sigh* I sort of hope not!

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  17. I've been trying to participate and I did read the books but I struggled. A lot with this book.

    1) I wasn't grossed out. I didn't even know they were talking about eating human flesh. I guess I was not really listening.

    2) I think it's a nice glimpse into these family dynamics of immigrated families. The pull form the old, keeping a heritage and at the same time adapting to your new environment. And that can cause tension between generations.

    3) Again I missed that. There was a red candle. Arghhh

    4) I think it is somehow true. Or at least mothers (in most cases) are always there. Like a white noise so it is hard to pin point specific things. I realized that when my sister as I did a book for my parents for each of their 60th birthday. Each of us had 20 memories to donate. And we all really struggled with moms. They usually were stuff like we always went grocery shopping, she helped with home work etc. while dads were elaborated vacations, milestone happenings. That really gave us pause.

    5) Mhm... I think my world history knowledge isn't too bad but most definitely I can learn so much more. I knew a little what was going on here.

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