I did my annual well woman exam in late July, got my birth control prescription renewed, and thought absolutely nothing about that appointment again.
That is, I didn't think about it again until I was driving to my mom's memorial and I got a phone call from the clinic saying that I had an abnormal Pap smear result. I pulled over, made an appointment to do a follow-up colposcopy, and diligently listened to the nurse who insisted that I not Google anything. Instead, I texted my SIL who is a doctor and Anne, who has a doctorate in nursing.
They reassured me and said that it was concerning, but a lot of people get abnormal Paps (and my HPV was negative), so don't worry about it until I had to worry about it.
So I put it in the back of my head and didn't worry about it until they tried to reschedule it.
The description they gave to me on the phone of the colposcopy was that they would use a microscope (see above) to look at my cervix and see if there were any irregular cells and if there were, they'd just biopsy them. No big deal. Not any worse than a regular pap smear.
Friends, I get to the appointment and they start talking about how I had "atypical glandular cells of undetermined significance (AGUS)" and they were worried it was endometrial cells, so I was going to get not just a colposcopy with a cervical biopsy, but also a fun endometrial biopsy. This was not what I had been told on the phone. They were not just going to biopsy the surface of my cervix, but they were going to go all the way up to my uterus.
Let me make things pretty clear to all of you. I have not had a child. I have not had an IUD. This procedure was the most invasive, painful procedure I have had done in my lady bits. I hesitate to tell you how much blood there was, but let it be known that they had to change the pad underneath me MULITPLE TIMES.
Dr. BB had offered to take me to this appointment. I read the description I had been given about the procedure and I took some ibuprofen and said I was good to go. I later regretted this decision. The drive home was a bad dream. I felt like absolute trash with cramps I have not experienced since I was a teenager without the benefit of hormonal birth control to keep my menstrual pain in check. I basically laid on the couch for several hours afterwards and prayed for sleep and/or the removal of my abdomen. (I was fine within a few hours of the procedure, so don't feel too bad for me.)
Then I had to wait for the results. I was not pleasant to be around during this waiting period.
And the results were good. Everything was normal and I just have to go back for a regular Pap in six months and maybe do regular Pap smears more often.
I have since talked to several women about this and it has been SHOCKING to me the number of women who have said that they also have had abnormal Pap results. SHOCKING. Why aren't we talking about this? Why aren't we telling other women about this?
I'll tell you why. I was embarrassed about this. I thought I had done something wrong. I thought my wild twenties were coming back to haunt me. I thought I had brought this on myself by not dealing with stress appropriately this year and leaving myself vulnerable to viruses. I thought I was to blame.
So I decided to write this here in case it helps someone else.
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*You know the reference, right?
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What is the most amount of pain you have ever been in? (My answer is definitely when I had my first kidney stone.)
That sounds so terrible! I'm glad you got through it and that all is well. I've had a colposcopy,and it was definitely easier than what you went through.
ReplyDeleteThe worst pain? I did go through unmedicated childbirth multiple times, but that's pain with a purpose, so although it hurt, the end was in sight. A car accident left me so stiff and bruised and with whiplash- that was worse. It took 3 weeks before I could move my neck much. I feel that was worse as it was all over and so drawn out.
They should never tell you not to Google something. That makes it sound worse, and why should we not have more information? Without Google, we would never have gotten a likely diagnosis for my daughter's condition. The doctors were clueless. Just be sensible about googling. Research is good!
PS - "...Everything is cool when you're part of a team?..." That movie?
Whiplash is crazy, isn't it? Neck pain is no joke because it impacts your whole body, although now that I think about it, any injury will impact your whole body, won't it?
DeleteShe did explain to me that Googling would probably lead me to worst case scenarios, but most of the time this is no big deal. I basically just verified that with my medical experts.
Yes, that's the song!
I am so glad you are ok!! I have had an endometrial biopsy when I started bleeding after Minnie and it would not stop (January of 2022, my blog tells me), and the procedure was uncomfortable and inconvenient. Maybe because my uterus was used to things inside it? I did have a super weird and painful hysteroscopy, and my (male) doc was totally dismissive about pain during and after-- I had no meds/meds were not even part of the convo-- it sucked. My endometrial biopsy doc was a woman-- I wonder how much variance in OB care/pain breaks along provider gender lines? I am so glad everything was normal and that the tests/wait for results are behind you.
ReplyDeleteNo one was dismissive of my pain and there was a cervical block, but I was told that some ibuprofen would do it. Um. It did not.
DeleteThe sex of my doctor was another thing! I have never had a gynecological exam done by a man and this was a dude. It wasn't really a big deal, but I was NOT warned. There's a note in my chart about this and everything. Oh, well. It was fine and I'm fine, so I can't be too pissy about it.
Oh I am so glad you are okay!!! What a relief, but what a procedure. Engie, I had an abnormal pap back in 2014, so it was well before I knew you, and had a LEEP procedure on my cervix. That was bad enough so I can't imagine a uterine biopsy. All I remember really of the procedure was that the needle for freezing was absolutely terrible, and the kind nurse gave me a squishy thing shaped like and apple, and she said "here, hug the apple, it might help." But also? I did wonder if I was too slutty back in the day. I did! And I felt really scared about it as the cells were "precancerous" but since they were removed I was going to be "fine" and why am I using all these quotation marks? I don't know but I do know that particular feeling so you aren't alone. If it makes you feel better all these 11 years later I have never had another abnormal pap.
ReplyDeleteWorst pain? I didn't have meds for either one of my births, and also I had my varicose veins stripped in 2011 and that was absolutely awful.
(Lego movie, naturally!)
Oh also! I see Sarah's comment re: male doctor. My doctor (male) always had trouble finding my cervix when doing the smear, and then at the colposcopy clinic my initial checkup was with a male doctor, who ALSO couldn't find my cervix. IT IS THERE SIR, I ASSURE YOU. Then the doctor who did the procedure was female and when I shakily told her "everyone has trouble finding my cervix" she said "What? No. It's right here. Who can't find it?"
YES, NICOLE!! Why was I so promiscuous back then? Was it coming back to me now? Why do we always rush to blame ourselves when sometimes bad things happen that we have no control over?
DeleteHow can it be hard to find your cervix? It's right there! It's not like they're trying to find an ovary or something WAY up. I'm befuddled on your behalf.
I've had a few conversations about abnormal mammograms but in all my years I've only had one conversation about an abnormal pap. It was just a casual aside where the other person mentioned that she had abnormalities that were being monitored but it was no big deal. So yes we need to talk about this more.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you had to go through this and so happy that you got the all clear!
We need to talk about these things. Even though it was embarrassing to push publish on this post! I had a few friends who said the same thing to me - I had an abnormal Pap, but I don't remember how it was resolved. *sigh* I definitely WILL remember how this was resolved.
DeleteLEGO movie! We play that song a lot at our house.
ReplyDeleteThe combination of fear and pain is just the worst. I'm so glad you're okay, but so sad you had to go through all the anxiety and literal pain.
I would say the worst pain I've ever been in was when I got shots in my foot for plantar warts. They hurt SO much. You know I'm not a swearer, but I used some very salty language in front of the dermatologist doing the injections. He told me of everything he does, this is the absolute most painful thing. It hurt for weeks and then I had to go back and have those injection sites REINJECTED.
A close second was having my IUD put in (SO PAINFUL) and then when it got lost and they were rummaging around my lady parts looking for the string and couldn't find it. Oh my word. Cervical pain is horrible.
And third was likely breastfeeding. It hurt so bad and I didn't produce enough milk to do anything to nourish my kids.
So, thinking of this, two of the three are female specific and I do think we tend to endure way more pain then men and how does that seem fair???
OMG I'm glad you said breastfeeding! It's supposed to be so easy and natural, but for both my kids it felt like a million razor blades and I would just sit there crying through it. Eventually we switched to formula and my kids are both just fine and completely healthy. (My worst pain though was the unmedicated birth in which I broke my tailbone.)
DeleteFirst - a broken tailbone. OUCH.
DeleteAnd yes. Breastfeeding hurt so badly, especially with my first. I ended up with mastitis and it was a whole thing. Gah. And I just assumed I was the only person doing it "wrong" and having so many challenges, but then literally almost every woman I've talked to has gone through some challenge if they tried to breastfeed.
I had "insufficient glandular tissue" - the official diagnosis, which I only got AFTER I tried unsuccessfully to BF two babies.
REINJECTED!! The second time must have been nearly impossible to psych yourself up for! You know it's so painful and then you have to voluntarily go back. EGADS.
DeleteI have heard a lot of breastfeeding horror stories, so I'm sorry both of you had to go through this. A fed baby is a happy baby, right? Sheesh.
Back in July, I had to have an endometrial lining biopsy and it was SO painful. I don't know if it was my most painful thing ever, that may be recency bias, but wow was it bad. I'm so sorry you had to experience this as well, and even worse than what I went through. Oh, the joys of the female body.
ReplyDeleteIt's the same procedure, friend! The same thing! And it was bad. I'm so glad you said that. It makes me feel like less of a whiner.
DeleteNot a whiner at all! The pain was literally one tiny step from unbearable. I was just about to call a halt when she finished.
DeleteENGIE! What an ordeal. I'm SO GLAD everything is okay, but that sounds absolutely terrible. And, you must have been so worried. And this all was happening at the same time as your mom's passing??? Well- I'm glad this is over with and everything seems normal.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question- the most pain I've ever been in might be something similar to your story, actually. When my daughter was born, everything went great until the placenta was stuck. We realized later that it had never completely detached from my uterus, and without going into details, my midwife took some heroic measures to GET IT OUT. She did it, but it hurt so, so much- worse than childbirth itself. It was either that of call 911 (I had a homebirth) so I was grateful she saved me a trip to the hospital, but... ouch.
The timing could not have been worse, Jenny. If anyone saw a woman crying on the side of the road in Michigan in early August, that woman was probably me.
DeleteWhen they have to root around in your insides it is the worst. Egads. Right after you'd given birth! NOT OKAY. Why aren't our bodies designed better? With a zipper or something?
That is awful. At least someone should’ve told you to not drive yourself. And I agree about kidney stones. I spent one awful weekend some years ago
ReplyDeleteKidney stones are no joke! I have them regularly and I have to tell myself that it will eventually pass. But it's way worse for men because your urethra is so much longer.
DeleteOh my gosh. This sounds so incredibly awful. The pain of the procedure makes me cringe - and why didn't they give you more information so your husband could come with you? I'm outraged on your behalf. What a relief that everything is awesome. Phew. I'm so glad you got an all clear, and I'm happy that this is in the rearview mirror.
ReplyDeleteThe most pain I've been in - probably when I had something called an ileus after a D & C following a miscarriage. I worried they'd left a sponge inside of me or something. Essentially the issue was that my systems sort of never woke up after I was sedated, so my pipes were backed up because of this sleepy issue. I landed in the ER. It was awful.
I don't know why they didn't tell me I needed a ride home. If anyone has to have a colposcopy, get a ride! It's better to be safe than sorry, right?
DeleteGoing to the ER is never fun. *sigh*
I’ve been worried about you since you said you needed additional screening. I had one abnormal papsmear when I was a teen but they did not need to do any further testing and I’ve never had an abnormal one since then. I am so relieved that you were cleared after this screening! Phew!
ReplyDeleteI would say the recovery from my first c section was the most painful thing I have experienced. Or laboring to 9cm and then needing a c-section but that pain is a blur (I did not have an epidural as it wasn’t allowed due to me being on blood thinners). I think pain in your lady bit is particularly hard and it’s accompanied by a lot of blood typically.
I think I have a fairly high tolerance for pain which is good since I am in pain fairly often thanks to RA. :(
I could not believe how much blood there was it. It was EVERYWHERE! So terrible. I can only imagine what it's like in childbirth, to be honest with you.
DeleteMy pain tolerance is pretty good, but I think I just talk about my pain more than other people. I am in chronic pain because of my bad leg (leads to back issues --> leads to neck issues) and I don't even think about how I have a level 3-4 pain just as a matter of course. When I have been on hardcore painkillers and that pain goes away, it's like I'm a brand new person! I can see how people become addicted.
I’ve been worried about you but not wanting to be intrusive, so thank you for this update. I am relieved that you are OK. OMG, that procedure sounds HORRIBLE and goodness, I hope I never have an abnormal PAP, how terrifying. My sister is a survivor of cervical cancer, so I am careful and make sure I get them, but ugh. That sounds truly, truly horrible.
ReplyDeleteWorst pains so far - unmediated child birth - I was too scared of that crazy big needle to get pain relief. At one point I changed my mind, and I would have taken that needle in my eye if it helped. It was too late. But as others have said, it was a natural pain (unlike what you went through) with a very clear and happy end.
Second would probably be when I had a wart burned off of my finger, right by the fingernail. I kept having it removed, and it kept coming back, so finally I had to do a double treatment, where as soon as it fell off, I had to go back and have the dermatologist burn it again deeper. I kept telling myself, “I’ve given birth, I can get through this” but it was not easy.
SHAME on them for not telling you what you were in for, and at least that you would need a ride home. I’m enraged on your behalf, and I hope you will write them a letter or phone them and tell them that.
Again, relieved that you are OK.
Ha! I think a lot of people who are scared of the needle change their mind with painful labor. You're not the only one who has told me that!
DeleteWart removal is becoming a trend in these comment sections. I had no idea it was so painful!
I had pitocin, which induces labor, and makes it come on hard and fast. So yeah, that needle would have been welcome relief. Regarding warts, I’ve had quite a few removed. They all hurt, but that that one next to my nail bed? HORRIBLE.
DeleteI have heard that kidneystones are the worst, I hope none of us ever have to deal with those again.
Oh Engie. What horrible timing and what a horrible procedure. And to go in unprepared??? Without your husband??? Or a ride home???? That is awful. I am so glad you are okay and that the results were normal. Like you, I have had an abnormal pap (twice, I think?) and felt ashamed because I thought it was my fault. Good lord, what a number our childhoods/society did on us. Both turned out fine, but a) I didn’t have to endure the procedure you did and b) it is a real shame that women don’t talk about it. It seems fairly common, based on even the sample size of your comment section.
ReplyDeleteThe worst pain I have ever experienced (and I did also experience pitocin-induced labor for a few hours… before noping out and getting an epidural) is a tie between an anal fissure and the cold test the periodontist did to determine that I needed a root canal. Both were excruciating to the point that I get severe anxiety if I contemplate going through either again. The labor pain was awful, but I don’t remember it the way I do the other pain. Maybe that’s because, as others said, it was pain in service of something rather than the pain of something going wrong.
That said, I think I have a very low tolerance for pain. So maybe other people would have a different experience.
(This is Suzanne.)
YES, SUZANNE. Why do we default to assuming this is our fault? Why? The world has done women wrong.
DeleteI think my biggest public service announcement is that if you do a colposcopy, you should take lots of painkillers and have a ride.
I see a periodontist every six months and now I'm sort of used to the agony of those appointments. But I've never had a cold test. That sounds bad!
Engie, I'm so sorry about all of this. I'd like to say that The Waiting Is The Hardest Part, but I've had a colposcopy, and that would be a big fat lie. It was when I was having my 19-day period that became menopause. I thought I would bleed to death.
ReplyDeleteI've had two kids by natural childbirth, and labour pains are at least worth it--there's a nice reward at the end, you know what I mean? I'll take those any time. The other? Not.
How the hell you drove home after that I cannot even imagine. You're a superhero. And I'm so glad you're okay at the end of it all.
My mom said something similar about menopause - she bled and bled and thought she was going to have to go the ER! Ekes! I do not want to go through that.
DeleteI mean, I was fine to drive home. I just felt a little fragile. Also - I have trouble giving blood and there was SO MUCH BLOOD. I kind of wonder if I'm more sensitive than the average person about blood loss. Like...I was faint and nauseated and could have used some orange juice. LOL.
First, I am so glad that you are ok. Waiting is excruciating but so is what you went through. It is always SHOCKING to me that the amount of pain a procedure could cause (or the intensity) (or the additional procedures that might be done) are not part of the initial discussion so patients can plan accordingly. And, so often it is women who are not given the prep nor the pain management options they deserve, especially with gynecological needs. AND, you drove home. Good grief!
ReplyDeleteI once went through multiple dental and lip procedures without novocain because I convinced myself the novacain would hurt as much as the procedures (I was wrong). When I had my daughter, I had a failed epidural during a failed 4 day induction but had lost the ability to communicate so no one knew. But the worst pain I've been in was when out of the blue I had what we found out was an ovarian cyst twist and infection attack all my organs. Just screaming gross pain. I've never felt anything like it.
Oh, friend, I have exposed roots in my teeth, so I feel even the AIR they use when I'm getting my teeth cleaned. If they didn't numb me, I would be jumping out of the chair! I have no idea how anyone does any procedure without Novocain!
DeleteI have heard that ovarian torsion is SUPER painful. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. It's so hard when it's abdominal pain because it could be SO MANY THINGS when you're a woman. Diagnosing it can take so long. Anyway, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this and I hope you never have a lady bits issue ever again. You've had your fair share.
This was stressful to read, but I'm glad about the outcome. Sharing this with my daughter to help amplify your voice.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I really do think more women should be talking about this.
DeleteOh no, that sounds awful—and without a heads up that they were going to be doing it. This is such a coincidence because Tuesday night I was out and the topic of PAP smears came up both my friends had had abnormal PAP smears, so it's definitely common. I really hate the way doctors say this might be "uncomfortable" or you'll feel "a little pressure" when it hurts. Then I start to question myself—am I just being a wuss? The worst pain I've had was childbirth, but I have to agree with earlier commenters on the pain of breastfeeding. It's so good when your baby is burping up milk with your blood in it after a feed.
ReplyDeleteI mean, the "pinch" that they referred to for me was cramping that lasted for hours, so I did start to question if I was just not tolerating it well! But, no, I think it really did hurt a lot!
DeleteOkay, I've never heard about babies burping up blood and now I can't get it out of my head how uncomfortable that must be for mom AND baby!
Oh man - anything to do with my lady bits, I think, "yay medical technology, grateful that this is something that by gyn is looking out for," and then also, "This is so deeply unpleasant."
ReplyDeleteI think more and more that the body is strange and mysterious and resilient and fragile and really nothing that happens to our body is completely our own fault. When you have that many cells working together to do something as amazing as make a human being, things aren't ever going to be perfect.
I'm glad you don't have to worry about that Pap anymore. Sorry it took so much mental, emotional, and physical pain to get there.
Human bodies are poorly designed, that's is for sure!
DeleteGosh, I'm so sorry you went through this! I had to get a transvaginal ultrasound done earlier this year and I was worried my experience was going to be like yours - I thought it was going to be super painful. But actually, getting a regular PAP is more painful, lol.
ReplyDeleteI try to be really open and honest about my periods and lady parts because it isn't something that people talk about enough! We deal with a lot of stuff down there, and we shouldn't be scared or embarrassed to talk about it.
I haven't had an abnormal pap yet. The most pain I've been in? I truly don't know! I haven't had to get too many invasive medical tests done. It's probably breaking my ankle while on a hike and knowing I had to keep walking on my very tender foot. Not fun!
I've had many transvaginal ultrasounds done in my day (so many kidney stones!) and the worst part of it was how full my bladder was! I thought I was going to pee on the ultrasound tech!
DeleteWalking on a broken bone sounds HORRIBLE. Thumbs way down on that experience.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad the results were good in the end, but what a wild ride just to get the news.
ReplyDeleteThe worst pain I've ever experienced was pancreatitis. That had me doubled over in agony for hours. Only dilaudid finally knocked it back. Sweet, sweet dilaudid!
When they gave me morphine for my kidney stone, I saw immediately how people could get addicted to painkillers. The sweet release from pain!
DeleteI'm so glad that everything turned out OK! Yes, it's so important to talk about these things. I luckily didn't ever have that issue, but I had fibroids and chose to have a hysterectomy. It was an excellent decision, but the recovery certainly was painful. The worst part was they fill up the abdomen with gas, and then there's nowhere for it to go, so it sits there painfully until the body absorbs it - which takes way too long! Even so, I have never regretted my decision.
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to wish that part of the treatment for these scary medical issues was emotional/mental health support. Every time something like this happens, it's like the doctors seem shocked that I'd get so upset about it.
I had issues with gas pain post-colonoscopy, so I obviously would have been a GIANT baby if they had filled up my entire abdomen! What a terrible way to have to do things.
DeleteHey, this is good news! Women's health is so important - and can be so stressful! Contrary to popular perception, I've learned that it IS possible to fall between the cracks of health care systems in Europe and then it is difficult to get scheduled in for checks or to get to the country with the system where it is possible to be checked when one is due. I'm so glad to hear that the system worked reasonably well for you and that everything is OK. Have a good weekend!
ReplyDeleteps. OMG I love that song :-)
DeleteI mean, it did move pretty quickly. I got an appointment for a follow-up with a few weeks. I don't have complaints about that. I just felt really lied to about what it would be like!
DeleteFirst of all, I’m so glad you’re okay. Second, I have to say—I love The Lego Movie. I’ve watched it so many times over the years, and it’s easily in my top 10. So of course, I found myself singing that song while reading about your experience. 💜
ReplyDeleteAs for pain, the worst for me has probably been migraine-related. But I had one procedure at my gynecologist’s office because of my fibroid issues.They took a biopsy right there in the office without numbing me, and it was honestly some of the worst pain I’ve ever felt in that area.
I feel TERRIBLE for people with chronic pain - I don't know how you do it. Ugh!
DeleteI'm so glad that all is well. The waiting is horrid---it's so hard to NOT google everything, but also that can just add to the worry.
ReplyDeleteI've had children. I've had cesareans. I've had a hysterectomy. THIS in-office PROCEDURE IS THE MOST PAINFUL. Granted, it's quick, but I've had it twice, and I can attest that I'd rather have all my bits removed than ever do it again. (Ok, all bits are gone, so it won't happen anyway!) ~Suz
I am so glad to hear that I am not underestimating how much pain this was. I sometimes feel like I don't have a good gauge, but this was terrible!
DeleteUGHGHGGHGHGHGH. A lot of stuff about how women's pain is medically undertreated and disregarded has been coming up in my timeline lately, and this just reinforces that. I had a breast biopsy last year and it hurt, but the care i received was so careful and compassionate - this does not seem to be the norm.
ReplyDeleteChildbirth is the worst pain for me so far - being stalled in transition with hours of contractions - which seems so cliche, I wish it was something else.
I do know numerous women who have had abnormal PAP results, and it should be talked about more. I like how she told you not to Google. As far as being slutty in your twenties, I regret that I was not MORE slutty, so don't regret it, just don't.
We saw the Lego movie when a rainy day scuppered our plans - all of our friend group adults and kids. Hugely enjoyable. I love the Lego Batman movie possibly even more.
I think the doctor and the nurse who did the procedure were very kind, but that doesn't help that much when it hurts like that, does it?
DeleteI guess we all just regret our 20s, no matter how we did them!
Oh my gosh this sounds so so horrible. I am sorry you had to endure this. I can only slightly imagine. But I am glad that in the end all was fine. And I think it is very brave of you to share. I agree we should be more open about this. I am rather open about it IRL specially towards males but not online. Not sure why.
ReplyDeleteI once had regular appointment and I was bleeding afterwards. I also thought I did something wrong and asked my best friend. She said this is not ok and I should switch doctors – which I did.
You had just a regular annual checkup and you were bleeding? How did that even happen? I need more details!!
DeleteGIRL, first of all. I am so glad everything is ok.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, I am so sorry for the procedure. Ugh. That sounds absolutely abhorrent. But I think in the end, the good news was worth it (I hope)