 |
| xkcd, of course: March 13, 2006 |
******************
Mid-week last week, my husband came home and talked about how he was leaving one university building for another and he held the door open for three corn-fed Midwestern college students (young women). You know the kind. Stick straight hair (one blonde, two brunette), wearing what looks like pajamas to us Olds, clearly upset about some assessment that had just taken place in their class. My husband reported they were swearing like sailors and using some words that he would never use unless it was a dire situation. He admits that he was clutching his pearls a little bit and was embarrassed at himself.
We were young college students once. We swore a lot. "Leave the college talk at college" was actually a common refrain when he would go to his parents' house on break.
But this was different, he told me.
******************
Cut to him reading the news over his morning tea later in the week and reading an article in Vox called "Why the **** does everyone swear all the ******* time?" and it talks about the shifts in swearing over time.
1) Medieval times: The worst curse words were those that invoked religious swearing (zounds = Christ's wounds and was BAD). Words surrounding sex and bodily excrements were normalized because there was no privacy and everyone was fucking in front of everyone, so, hey, not a big deal.
2) By the 15th century, privacy was more of a thing and bodily words became more taboo. By the Victorian era, people called underwear "unmentionables," but in a post-Enlightenment era, religious curses were not at all shocking.
3) People my age (40 and older) tend to think of cursing as mostly about sex and bodies. Fuck has slowly become less and less offensive, but still most people would probably not ask their boss "how the fuck was your weekend?" on Monday morning.
4) Young people (younger than 40) don't think that the curses having to deal with sex and bodies are all that bad. They are reclaiming the word cunt (which, I swear to you, I do not think I have ever said out loud and I am typing it here, but am very much embarrassed about it), using fuck with impunity, and shit isn't even in the top fifty of most offensive words.
(The article did not say this, but I think this has to do with the ubiquity of porn in society these days. But I'm an Old, so my hypothesis is based on nothing more than speculation.)
So what is offensive to these young whippersnappers? Slurs. Racial, ethnic, and religious slurs. I'm not going to type them here, but you know the words and phrases I'm talking about.
******************
Of course, there are people who never curse. Or maybe they'll happily say "cheese n rice" or "oh mylanta," but would never take the lord's name in vain or let out a swear. Those people are to be respected. I'm sure they're much more articulate than those of whose response when you (hypothetically) accidentally drop an entire bowl of popcorn on the floor is to say "damn it all," and their minds are probably a much kinder place.
But for those of you who do occasionally or more than occasionally curse, where do you fall in this spectrum? Are you an Old or a Young? Would you be taken aback if some young people started swearing in front of you? What about the c-word?
I have tried to edit myself on my blog because I know I have friends who read and do not curse, but IRL I have a filthy mouth, and I don't care if my kids cuss-- it's all about figuring out audience analysis-- a good skill for kids to learn.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a filthy mouth, but I do swear. My husband and I had an incident in which we both swore in front of one of our nieces and nephews and we had a swear jar for a year. It did make a difference in how much we would swear knowing we had to have cash for the swear jar.
DeleteIn my experience, kids who swear do it all the time regardless of audience. LOL. I was one of those kids.
mine do not! they know it's ok for me but not Ben, not ok at school, generally not ok with parents' friends, etc.
DeleteOh, it's kind of nice that you and Ben are on different sides of the equation so they can practice at home!
DeleteI was in catholic school girl K-12, and never swore... but Big A mentored my swearing journey and now I swear a lot. I'm not very creative, but I've normalized it in my speech for sure.
ReplyDeleteEngie, we should get thee to a performance of The Vagina Monologues... I think yelling "CUNT" along with an auditorium full of feminists is one of my top fave cunt moments.
I've been to a performance of the Vagina Monologues!! I have!! I am a card-carrying member of the Feminist Majority Foundation. I just can't bear to say the word cunt out loud.
DeleteThe c-word is so common in the UK, but I personally don't use it. Well, sometimes I do but in with a VERY select group of people. Swearing doesn't bother me generally, unless it's really loud or every other word. *shrug* I also have never cared if my kids swear but I taught them that there are audiences for everything, and maybe don't say "fuck" or "Jesus Christ" in front of their grandparents. You know? Time and place, etc. To me, I cared more if someone said "shut up" which is mean and I get my hackles up every time I hear someone say it. So what I'm saying is that my kids do swear, and it doesn't bother me, or if anyone else swears. Mind you, we were in a very fancy breakfast place on the weekend and the people next to us started having a very loud and heated conversation and I will admit I found THAT shocking, to hear "Why would I get married, so I can get FUCKING DIVORCED?" so loud so early in the morning in a public place.
ReplyDeleteMy swear of choice is "goddammit" which I say frequently if something goes wrong.
Yes, it's crazy how common it is in the UK. Does that carry over to Canada?
DeleteMy swear of choice is "for fuck's sake" and I have to admit I probably say it a few times a day, if under my breath if nothing else. "Bitchnuts" is a word I use much more frequently as a name I use at anything that is a mild inconvenience me. Oh, that guy didn't use his turn signal, so I missed my chance to turn at the light? Bitchnuts. A tree limb fell down and it's blocking our driveway and I have to get out and move it? Bitchnuts. The store is closed during hours it's posted as open? Bitchnuts.
I RARELY hear the c-word and didn't know it was a big deal in the UK. I would say, at least where I've lived in Canada (or the crowds I hang with?) it is very, very unusual to hear.
DeleteWe are old and the high point of my curse word use was in middle school. Hubs and I almost never curse unless we accidentally drop something heavy on our toe and break it and even then, maybe not. I think I've heard Jeremy curse fewer than 5 times in 25 years. Kids don't curse when they are with us, but I know they curse frequently in their friend circles. I don't care if other people curse around me, though I would be a little taken aback with the c word, but I can roll with it.
ReplyDeleteWow! I heard my husband curse five times before we left the house this morning! It's crazy how different people are!! I am exactly the way you are - taken aback by cunt, but I can deal. I'm not a million years old. Yet.
DeleteYES! I am here for this discussion. I used to work with a group of very nice ladies who were deeply offended by any swear words, and it had an influence on me. While I think and have said all of these words, my general policy is not to say them out loud with people that I don't know or write them on my blog. But especially for the blog, it's a bit limiting and artificial. Nicole wrote once about the hypocrisy of writing f*ck instead of just...writing fuck, and you know what? She's right.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for the C word, or "cu next Tuesday". Back in the day I used to be in a choir, which had rehearsals on Tuesday, and at the end of every rehearsal the director would cheerily yell out "See you next Tuesday!" I always found it hysterical but got humbled when I said something to my seat mate and she had never heard that joke before.
I do think it's interesting about swearing or not the blog. I'm sort of in the Nicole camp. I don't swear A LOT here, but I do swear some and I assume that anyone who's reading my blog is an adult and can deal with me occasionally dropping an f bomb. That being said, there are words and phrases I'd never use, including those racial and ethnic epithets. It's a fascinating world of language. (Also, I'm going to try to bring back zounds!)
DeleteI hate the c word. I swear in my head regularly, but not out loud that much (unless I'm angry). Not surprisingly, I do not take the Lord's name in vain and I do cringe when I hear others doing it (it makes me sad, not angry, though).
ReplyDeleteI find it very distracting when there is a lot of swearing in books and movies. A war movie? That deserves to have all sorts of f-words. A rom-com? Not so much.
Our daughter has asked about what ALL THE SWEAR WORDS mean and I am quick to define them because I want her to understand the what/how/why behind it all.
At the end of the day, to me, they are just words...aside from religious swearing (I don't, and will never, say Oh my God, for example and it always SHOCKS me when Christians I know say it).
Honestly, as a non-Christian, I don't use "on my God" a lot, but it's interesting to me that my husband (raised Catholic, quite conflicted about it now) uses "God damn it" a lot. Honestly, God just isn't on my radar much, so it is not my first or second or third curse.
DeleteThey are just words, but words are important and they signal things about culture and reflect back at us what our concerns and priorities are. Words are symbolic of so much.
Oh and I should have clarified - I don't think racial/religious/sexual terms are neutral and "just words" - those MATTER big time. But to me things like shit and fuck and asshole etc are "just words" that don't have a negative moral association (though I was brought up in a household where they very much WOULD have had a negative moral association).
DeleteI probably swear more than I should around my kids, but mostly casually - Like I'll say "Pick your shit up," a lot, and "What the F-?" - (which, strangely I'm find saying, but find it hard to type.) And now that I hear my kids casually swearing - I'm sure because I do since my Husband doesn't swear - I go between thinking "I should ask the kids to clean up their language," and "No big deal." I did get pulled aside at pick up one day because the four year old called a toy "stupid" one day.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's all about nuance and context. I really hate aggressive, loud, angry swearing. But expressive/casual swearing, I think can be colourful.
I do not use the c-word because I have a very negative reaction to specifically female words being used pejoratively. Along those lines, I *really* don't like it when people say the word "douche" or "pussy" as if it's a bad/weak/negative thing.
Of course, I yell "Balls!" really loudly when I'm upset sometimes, so maybe that makes me a hypocrite?
Your point about nuance and context is well taken. Sure, I'll swear at home, but at work I don't. Although, I'm sort of lying because a student once said something to me about writing up a "bullshit explanation" and I responded "no, it's not bullshit, it's the truth and the person you're writing it for needs to know that" and since that's the only time I can remember swearing at work, it left an impression. ANYWAY.
DeleteIt's the tone in which it's used that matters, I think. It's different that those three young women were leaving class swearing like sailors. Presumably they weren't swearing like that in the classroom!
yes-- this is what I meant about audience analysis above
DeleteI swear a lot. Sometimes I feel like it gets too much, and then I rein it in, but I generally don't mind swearing as long as it's not AT someone - which is the rule we had for our kids once they were aware of it, as well as the 'know your audience' rule. I will be careful (ish) before I know someone well, but when we can swear together I feel like it puts our friendship on a different level. When I was in university I remember coming home and realizing I had just sworn six times in the same sentence. My parents are far from shrinking violets, but for a while I just substituted 'goodness' any time I felt like cursing, which they found hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI reserve the 'c' word for very particular situations and it still feels momentous. My daughter and her friends have reclaimed 'cunty' in very much a drag-race/camp fashion, and that doesn't bother me. Outside of the UK it always just feels to me like an ugly word that men have used to denigrate women, and I can't rid it of that association in my mind no matter how much I try.
Oh, the distinction about swearing at someone versus at the world is interesting. I think it's in the tone, right? I can definitely call my friends bitches in an affectionate tone!
DeleteI don't think I've ever said cunt out loud, to be honest. Here I am using it willy nilly on my blog, but I would NEVER IRL. Your daughter and her friends using it really backs up the argument made in the Vox article - the young ones are taking cunt back!
I swear, and I swear a LOT. I find it cleansing and therapeutic. That being said, like Diane, above, I don't use cunt or pussy because it's a specifically feminine pejorative that demonizes the female sex organ. I also don't use dick because it's a male pejorative for the same reason. But I also don't think of them as swear words, per se, just as inappropriate language.
ReplyDeleteI think of words like shit and damn as more Socially Acceptable Curse Words. They don't have the same shock value as fuck. And, for me, they don't have the same therapeutic effect as fuck. Maybe because when I say fuck, it has that nice fricative sound at the beginning and the plosive sound at the end (sorry, that was some Linguistics there).
Like your husband, I was raised Catholic--strictly, too. We weren't even allowed to say "crap" in our house. My father's major curse was Damn It To Hell. I'm no longer Catholic or any religion.
I don't swear everywhere or in front of everyone. I think it's a matter of Common Human Courtesy. Would I want someone in a professional setting to use coarse language? No. Would I care if a table behind me in a restaurant were using profanity? No, unless they were shouting, and in that case it was about noise, not language. Do I swear in public? Not usually, unless I'm suddenly angered or upset. And yes, I do swear on the blog now and then, but not too often. I don't want it to take away from my writing or my general subject.
As other people have said, context is everything.
Yes, I think we're mostly in agreement about all of this, Nance. I swear, particularly at home. Damn and shit seem like relatively neutral words to me. I try to be respectful of people (not use religious oaths if I'm talking to someone who I know is religious, etc.), but I also try not to censor myself too much.
DeleteIt's been fun to read all these various opinions on swearing. Hopefully no one was immediately turned off from this post with the word cunt in the opening image!
I was surprised but intrigued, not remotely offended.
DeleteIt's so interesting how everyone is all over the place on this topic! I curse a lot, and a lot more in my head than out of it, so more than once I have surprised a friend who thought I didn't curse--ha! I do curse on my blog; I feel like if anyone doesn't like it, no worries, it won't hurt my feelings if they don't want to read that. I'm okay with not being for everyone: I'm not writing for everyone.
ReplyDeleteI probably use goddamnit and oh for fuck's sake the most, but will definitely say oh shit too. A few notes: I hate the c-word (don't even want to type it), I was not raised in any religion (so no taboos specifically there), and I was not encouraged to swear but not punished for it either. My mother practically stopped swearing permanently when I, at age 2 or 3, was mad at a friend and snapped, "Jesus, Nellie!" Mom was mortified, and even now, 50+ years later, she will say "shucks" or "oh sugar-bear" instead of shit most of the time.
It IS interesting how diverse the viewpoints are on this. But it makes sense, especially since, as was pointed out in the article, we're at a transition point in language use about cursing right now. Transition times are when we really learn what generation we are going to lean into, aren't they?
DeleteCursing doesn't offend me, I don't swear all the time but there are moments when a good "fuckity, fuck, fuck" is the only truthful thing to say. I knew about zounds, yet another piece of trivia learned because I majored in English Lit. And they say a liberal arts education is a waste!
ReplyDeleteHey, no one around me says a liberal arts education is a waste!! (I say as I sit in an office in a college of arts & sciences...)
DeleteNot too long ago, we were talking with good friends and somehow the etymology of the word "cunt" came up. Have your checked out the wikipedia article on it? Here's one quote from the beginning. " "Cunt" is often used as a disparaging and obscene term for a woman in the United States, an unpleasant or objectionable man or woman in the United Kingdom and Ireland, or a contemptible man in Australia and New Zealand.[1][2][3] In Australia and New Zealand, it can also be a neutral or positive term when used with a positive qualifier (e.g., "He's a good cunt").[4][5] The term has various derivative senses, including adjective and verb uses. "
ReplyDeleteIt's a fascinating article. (And pretty long for a wiki article!) As for me, it's not one I put in my vocabulary (though I regret to say that on rare and extremely provoked occasions, Rick has tossed it in and he hears about it!) When I was in college, I used to be very upset by extreme swearing -- I remember a girl I nicknamed "Foul Mouth Betty" because of her frequent use of "fuck" in all it's forms. That's come out of my mouth (also in various forms -- as an adjective, adverb and infinitive). I'm careful about where, though. I know there are those who are offended. If I swear, it's generally variations of the term "shit."
I don't get bent out of shape if I hear swearing but if it's constant or overdone by the same person, it seems to lose its impact. For me it's something that means "it's really.... fabulous, awful, scary..." This is a great thread. I've loved reading all the comments!
My husband dropped the c-word once at a wedding. The groom's mother was being *terrible* to the bride. I was the maid of honor, so I was doing my best to keep the groom's mother away from my friend. After my husband (he was my boyfriend then!) watched me navigate this situation for a couple of hours, he just blurted out "that woman's a cunt" and my jaw dropped open. I'd never heard him use it before! It's now a legendary story. (That couple has since divorce and I'm sure you're not surprised to learn that the MIL was a part of that breakup.)
DeleteI do think swear words should be used like seasoning in speaking/writing - don't dump them all in at once because then it's going to taste bad - but a sprinkling here or there can really make the dish.
I fucking love curse words and enjoy deploying them. HOWEVER, I am big on the know-your-audience thing, so the only person I regularly curse around is my husband. He, on the other hand, doesn't love cursing and doesn't curse a whole lot himself. My father dislikes cursing and always shared the opinion that there are a lot of better and more interesting words to use than a swear word, and I think swearing *can* be a lazy way to express oneself. Doesn't mean it isn't the BEST way to express oneself, sometimes, though.
ReplyDeleteMy kid knows many common curse words and their definitions, and we don't make her listen to music that has been sanitized (I am not opposed to radio edits, and honestly I don't really GET IT with all the pop songs that have curse words all over them, but whatevs), but my husband and I don't swear around her. Just last week, I did something... what was it... I can't even remember, but it felt AWFUL at the time, like dropping a bottle of olive oil on the floor or something, and I yelled "SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!" and my daughter overheard me and started crying and acting like it was the biggest betrayal in the universe that her MOTHER would use THE S WORD. So maybe I need to be a little less "goodness!" and "oh sugar!" around her???? I don't know. We tend to talk a lot about curse words, though, so I know she's interested in them -- like why is hell a bad word but used so often, why is Ariana Grande referring to her friends as bitches, etc.
There is definitely a nice hill to overcome in friendships, when you feel comfortable cursing in front of someone. I think I must give off some sort of holier-than-thou vibe, because people always seem surprised the first time I let off an f-bomb.
Things I abhor more than swear words: all the racial/prejudicial terms you mentioned, the r-word in particular; and things like "stupid" which in many contexts feels meaner and less specific than calling someone a fuck-head, for instance. I would prefer someone say what they mean by "stupid" -- careless, thoughtless, uninformed, etc. -- than call another person stupid. (I'm not saying "stupid" is never the most accurate word; it can simply feel overused in a kind of lazy way.)
The f-word is my favorite curse word. It's so versatile. I do not say the c-word, mainly because I don't like the way the word feels in my mouth? Also, I don't feel very confident saying it -- like it would sound like I'm a poser if I tried to use it. I have noticed an increase in the use of "cunty" in everyday slang, though, which is interesting.
I referred to a boy (let's call him Craig because THAT'S HIS REAL NAME) who rode my bus in middle/high school as a prick once in front of my father and my father lost his mind. This is a man who knew a lot of insensitive words for racial minorities and I had no idea why he was so upset about this one word. Craig WAS a prick (I'd bet big money HE STILL IS). So I think it's nice that you talk to her about definitions and why they are good/bad/inappropriate/appropriate words to use. I'm in my 40s now and still wonder why prick is such a bad word.
DeleteLike I said upthread, I think "for fuck's sake" and "bitchnuts" are my favored swears. I love that everyone has a default. When I get hurt, though, "shitshitshitshit" is generally the place I go. LOL. Just like you dropping the olive oil.
Craig is totally still a prick.
DeleteNot quite the same as swear words, but I remember my mom talking to me about why she disliked "it sucks" and "it blows" so much. I think it was a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE conversation but I still remember how it shifted my perspective on those very common slang words. There are a couple of slang words going around the fifth grade now that I had to look up because I was unfamiliar with them (am an Old), and I ended up talking to my kid about their (unsavory and/or culturally appropriative) origins and explaining to her why I prefer she leave them out of her speech. I love how language usage and meaning evolves over time, but sometimes those "old" associations hang around!
Yeah, I'm squeamish with sex swears, too. I do say fuck, but not nearly as much as others. And certainly never it blows (although the teenager "this sucks" will come out involuntarily, particularly when I'm doing yardwork!). It's crazy to not know slang words that some students use with me - I hate having to look them up, but if I'm not in a schoolyard or on TikTok, I guess this is my life now!
DeleteCraig is obviously still a prick. (Hey, Craig, if you're reading this, are you still a prick?)
I don’t swear much. It’s funny, because no one in my family or my husband’s family swears much. Yet, it’s not like anyone proclaimed “we do not swear!” It’s just how we are. I’m all for swearing when something extreme happens, like a bull breaks down a fence. I’d say my most used swear word is crap. There’s a lot of crap on a ranch!
ReplyDeleteOh, ha! I don't even think crap is a swear word in my world!! It barely even has negative connotations. :) I love reading how everyone's measure of vulgarity is so different.
DeleteWell, my mom grew up in a small town in Wisconsin (Black Creek- bet you've never hear of it!) and her family was religious. So growing up we NEVER swore. Not only was swearing out of the question, but we weren't allowed to say 'Oh my God." (Not that our family was religious- it was just the way my mom was raised so she continued it on.) I think I even got in trouble once for saying "dang." As a result of all this repression, I rarely swear now. I do use the word "crap" (looking at MG's comment above) but anything stronger than that is reserved for really, REALLY bad things. I don't mind when other people swear, as long as it's not excessive. And the C word bothers me.
ReplyDeleteSo here's a thing going around my daughter's high school- people are using the N word. Not directly to a person, but I guess just saying it for shock value? I'm wondering if this is going on other places- it can't just be our school. For the record, my daughter is NOT in the group of people doing this, and she actually ended a friendship with someone over this issue. I'm very confused by this. Maybe I'm just behind the times? As far as I knew, it was still one of the words you never, ever said.
I think this is a controversial opinion, but I don't think the replacements for swears are better. If you say "dang," it's clear you mean "damn" and I actually think worse of you for not just saying what you mean. But! Maybe I'm just being uncharitable about it.
DeleteYeah, the use of the n-word is rampant. I suspect it has something to do with how rampant it is in popular culture, but I have no data to support my hypothesis.
I don't swear much, but the occasional f-bomb can provide some relief and satisfaction. Pervasive swearing isn't cool or effective.
ReplyDeleteExactly. Swearing can be a nice spice, but shouldn't be the main course.
DeleteI swore once when I was in 3rd grade and had my mouth washed out with soap and then never really got back into it, even though I read a lot of books with swears growing up... My sophomore year of college, I was in Acting II and had to do a scene where the character swore a lot and had such issues with it because I had a nervous smile every time I tried to get through it; the professor ended up having me stand in front of the room and swear for 5 minutes straight (I may have cried in the middle) until it lost its anxiety. During grad school, I worked at a Home Depot and everyone swore all the time (every. single. person.) which made it more normal for me. Now, as an Old, I usually only swear when I'm very angry (or in my head), but I have had to navigate this with my 10 year old: when she was 2 and whispering the f-word into the baby monitor because she learned it at daycare, when she was 5 and a boy with older siblings said a really gross sexual act to her the first day of school, and then in recent years as she wants to sing Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo songs with ALL the words... I don't think I have ever used the C-word, but I watch a lot of British tv and movies, so I've gotten more used to hearing it, if that makes sense?
ReplyDeleteOh, no! I can't imagine having to be the center of attention while swearing for an extended period of time! It makes me think of that scene in Mighty Ducks when they all hit pucks at the goalie. It sounds like it worked, but wow! Traumatic. LOL.
DeleteI started swearing at university and have continued since then but how much and if varies on the context. I always avoid it with my husbands family and at church gatherings. With my family, around my parents I avoid most of the time. I get frequent eye raise from my two eldest who don't swear. I didn't swear around the kids until they were late teenage and figured they were hearing much worse at school. There are two main situations I usually use swear words. When I have done some something stupid or I can't get comething to work (technology usually) to let out my frustration. The other is to vent my stronger feelings about people behaving badly, this is usually towards public figures, politicians etc. Eg Putin, Trump. I mainly stick with the SH- and A-Hole but somtimes drop an F-bomb. The c word is a massive no-no from me, I wouldn't say it and I hate hearing it.
ReplyDeleteI try not call terrible people names because I feel like I've sunk to their level. I also try not to address how they look because that's not what makes them terrible. But I certainly think it a lot!!
DeleteI swear from time to time but I guess I am an "old" and I think it makes you sound a little rude and classless depending on the time and place. I don't really need to emphasize words by dropping an F bomb and would never use the C word and cannot even type it. However, I am a solid fan of the word dick, as I know and work with many of them. My kiwi workmate always says he is going to go and dick around after work and I can get on board with that too.
ReplyDeleteI am not against kids knowing the words and I know that they are used much more casually than they were when I was growing up but I do still believe that there is a time and a place for everything. I am definitely not a martyr but would be more likely to say "dang it" or "shoot" when the kids are around than I would say the real word and I think this stems from the fact that when I was growing up I would NEVER curse in front of my parents or elders. You just did not do that.
I try not to use dick for the same reason I don't use pussy or cunt. I don't want to make a person's sex the reason I insult them. But the word dick has such a great sound to it, doesn't it? Fuck and dick have those great starting consonants and that splosive at the end. Truly fabulous when you're upset.
DeleteI literally laughed out loud at #3 and am now super tempted to ask my boss how the fuck his weekend was come Monday.
ReplyDeleteI curse a lot more than I used to after marrying my might-as-well-have-been-a-sailor-with-that-mouth wife. At the same time, ever since moving to the Midwest, I've latched onto inoffensive phrases like "Jeez Louise."
I should try mixing and matching them more. "Jeez Louise, what a beautiful fucking plate of cheese curds! Ope; I'm going to eat every last one of those fuckers, don'tcha know!"
Yes, the reason that the xkcd cartoon is so funny is because of the combo of mixing and matching. It's so funny! I do say "Jeez Louise" with NO IRONY. Midwestern through and through, obviously.
DeleteWhat an interesting discussion! I am a sometimes-swearer. I try to be mindful of the time and place like most people do... my mom doesn't like swear words (and hates when we say things like "goddamn" or "Jesus Christ!" even more). I also don't swear when my nephews are around because my brother is sensitive to stuff like that, and I respect that. I do swear around my friends a lot and sometimes swear words will slip out around my mom, but she isn't as bothered by it as she used to be. My boss has used the f-word in front of me a time or two, and I've used it with other managers (but not my team), so it's not even uncommon in a work setting for me! I do NOT like the c-word and won't use it, and I don't like the way pussy is used as a pejorative so I don't use it. But I will use dick sometimes, so I guess I'm a hypocrite? IDK. I swear from time to time on my blog, but try not to do the same when commenting on other bloggers' posts, if I haven't seen them swear before.
ReplyDeleteI am super careful not to swear in other people's comment spaces. I did recently let out an F-bomb in Nicole's comments (although I don't remember why now), but I knew it would be okay there.
DeleteI also think this is a really interesting discussion. It seems like there's a lot of agreement that 1) you have to consider your audience when cursing and 2) the word cunt is still not okay with a lot of people. So fascinating! (Also, whenever my husband talks about something, I'm going to consider whether or not it would be a good blog post. Apparently he has his pulse on the finger of what people have burning thoughts about!)
I generally do not swear. I think it is kind of crass but I recognize that I may be in the minority on this view. But someone will know I am really upset if I do cuss because it happens so infrequently. But I do mostly view it as a "you do you" sort of thing. If that is how a person communicates, then you do you. I do NOT like it when people cuss around my children, though, because I do not want them swearing at school and teaching other kids "bad words." We are pretty sure that Taco was saying the f work for awhile but we just ignored it and it stopped happening. Paul is also known for saying "dammit!" but I try not to respond and eventually they will figure out that it's not cool to say that word and stop using it.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's an interesting parenting strategy of just ignoring it and hoping it will go away. Does that work?
DeleteI do curse sometimes. But I'd say I am not the worst. I don't like the b* word being used. And I usually don't say things like fuck you unless i am like really really mad. I sometimes try to tone it down because it bother me myself. And I try to not use that kind of language when I am around my niece and nephew or my godchildren. Which doesn't mean it doesn't slip.
ReplyDeleteI try not to swear in front of anyone younger than 21 or older than 65. LOL. Seems like a fair thing to do to respect other people.
DeleteI love this post. I don't use the C word, but that first meme made me laugh so hard.
ReplyDeleteI do cuss. I had this discussion with someone recently. When my kids were little, I stopped cussing one hundred percent; when they were finishing high school, I once again became a sailor.
KIDDING. I never cuss in public, or in front of my elders or children. I save it mostly for my husband and my grown children these days, behind closed doors.
There is occasional cursing at my job, so I'm not limited to just my household. But I do recognize that it does not make me sound good if I'm cursing on a regular basis. It's an interesting, fine line to walk, I think. Do you girls use the c word? They're younger - maybe they're part of the movement trying to take it back?
DeleteNope. They wouldn't use the C word; it's pretty much crossing the cussing line if you ask me! As a matter of fact, Linds has a fairly clean mouth, but Lolo was ruined in the Police Academy. ;)
DeleteSo interesting! I would love to know about the age/geographical distribution of some of this information. Who swears when and how - seems like there's room for some academic work on this topic.
DeleteThis - along with my inability to read an open-door romance novel - has confirmed that I am, in fact, a prude. And/or more conservative in some areas than I realized. I don't really swear - only when I am alone, and only in, shall we say, extreme circumstances (e.g., my neighbors playing music, loudly, at midnight). Part of this is my upbringing - one parent who will say "shit", periodically, and another who does not swear at all. Another part is the fact that I worked and still work in settings where swearing is most definitely not okay (e.g., children's hospitals and clinics, now at the University). I developed a repertoire of substitute words (e.g., "freaking", "stinks", "for the love of Pete" [poor Pete, he is much maligned...]).
ReplyDeleteWhat's interesting, when comparing to your approach, is that I do use the term "suck", and I honestly have never thought about the origins or context of that word. Hm. I may have to rethink that one. More often than not, I say "stink", but occasionally, I shift. I would never, ever use the "c" word, and I honestly haven't heard my students say it. However, they do have a code of conduct so I think that swearing is, essentially, prohibited in the school and clinical settings.
Thanks, as always, for making me think. :)
My husband calls me a prude because of how I dress. I'm so concerned about dresses being too short or showing too much cleavage. It's funny what we choose to be prudish about and what we don't! (I'll say that there's far more cursing in my office at a university than there ever was when I worked in retail, so I'm not sure that a university setting really matters.)
DeleteI sometimes say suck and then it sounds like Teenage Me and I try to refrain. LOL. Cursing is so personal, so if you like to use it, go right on ahead!
This is an interesting questions especially for someone whose first language is not English... I will occasionally drop the "f-word" in a sentence and I remember people being surprised to hear me use it. I am not sure if they thought I don't swear at all or if it was just unusual for them to hear me swear in English... I have definitely a repertoire of German swear words that I use (mostly in my head)... and then I also have a few substitutes (like Anne)... like "stinks" and 'freaking").
ReplyDeleteOh, I never really thought about it for people who speak multiple languages. It makes sense to me that you'd swear more in your first language (even if you don't vocalize it much!). Interesting point.
Delete