Tuesday, March 26, 2024

10 Things That Never Happened (Material World #1) by Alexis Hall

Alexis Hall is the reigning royal of queer romance. I read Boyfriend Material in 2020 and loved it, but there wasn't any other Hall in my library collection. I recently rechecked and there are quite a few Hall books now available via ebook, so I downloaded 10 Things That I Never Wanted and dove in.

Samwise (he goes by Sam) has a terrible boss, Jonathan. But after a workplace accident leaves Jonathan believing Sam has amnesia, Sam is suddenly living at Jonathan's huge house. Jonathan is a jerk. Sam's always calling him out on it. What do you think is going to happen here?

Interesting characters: Sam is great. Jonathan is a jerk. If you like your love interest to be a jerk, maybe you'll like Jonathan. I still don't understand WHY Jonathan is a jerk. He has a great family, has had a pretty successful career, and seems conventionally attractive. Sure, his family didn't have a ton of money when he was growing up, but whose did? Maybe because I didn't understand his motivations, I just couldn't get on board with him.

Believable conflict: Sure, nice people typically don't immediately fall in love with jerks, right?

Emotional tension: The amnesia storyline was cheesy and Hall was really counting on that to make us wonder what was going to happen when Jonathan finally learned the truth. I mean, if that's your deal, sure.

Happily ever after: Eh. I mean, sure. Sam seems like he's in a good place. But now he's dating a jerk. 

Sam is so great. He's a wonderful character. But I don't think I can recommend this book. 3/5 stars

Lines of note:

Because there’s something about fast food chicken places that mean you have to have a corn on the cob, just like you have to have candy canes at Christmas. (location 566)

Are there a lot of fast food chicken places that serve corn on the cob? Is this a UK-specific thing about fast food chicken places? Or is it common in the US, too?  KFC just has whole kernel corn, right? Not on the cob? Tell me, gurus of fast food chicken!!

I’m sure there is, somewhere in the world, a man who drives a BMW and is not a bellend but I’ve not met him. (location 857)

I like that BMW drivers are detested around the world.

When I first brought him [Sam's cat, Gollum] home, he was so traumatised he lived behind the washing machine for three days. (location 1281)

When I was young, our first cat was Penny the Cat, a mean tuxedoed lady who had been so abused before she lived with us that she spent weeks (months?) hiding behind the toilet - the only bathroom in the house - and hissing at me when I had to use it. I was not a fan of Penny the Cat. (Do you want to see a photo of Penny?  Go to this post on Elisabeth's site where I guest posted.)

There’s woodpeckers here, apparently, and Dartford warblers. Not that I’d know a Dartford warbler if I fell over one while it was warbling its distinctive warble of I’m from Dartford. (location 1352)

Dartford warblers are small birds with tails longer than other warblers. Also, very cute.


I don’t want make too many assumptions, because everyone’s family is different, but if I’d suggested to my mam and dad that we get new Christmas decorations, they’d have taken it about as well as if I’d suggested we eat Santa Claus. (location 2451)

Eat Santa Claus!! I snorted.

Tonight, though, he’s actually talking about a group of people with a shared goal, of which I am a part. Even if the goal in question is to fit a twenty-foot Christmas tree into a ten-foot room like we’re on Taskmaster. (location 2884)

A Taskmaster sighting in the wild!! If you still haven't watched Taskmaster, what are you waiting for?! Start here

“How many eggs?” asks Uncle Johnny. 
“Two,” I say. From the look of him it’s the lowest answer he’ll accept. 
“Do him three,” Wendy insists. “He’s a growing boy.”
“I’m not sure I am,” I tell her. (location 4757)

The scenes with Jonathan's family are delightful.  

Thing I looked up:

melomakarona (location 3459) - Greek honey cookies traditionally served around Christmastime

Hat mentions (why hats?):

I pull a bit ahead later on with a purple glass fig that has much more of a genital vibe than I’d personally want on a family holiday, and he counters with a tiny fluffy guinea pig in a Santa hat that I actually think looks quite sweet. (location 3266)

And he pulls out the little guinea pig in the Santa hat. (location 4516)

The then just sort of hangs there between us like a guinea pig in a Santa hat. (location 5561)

2 comments:

  1. Well, i would say two redeeming features of this book would be that it takes place in England, and around Christmas. Other than that I don't think I'd like it!

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    1. Sam is a redeeming feature. He's great, honestly. I want him to get a better partner. Let's pretend that in the future he meets someone else and breaks up with Jonathan, shall we?

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