Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write about a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twenty-seventh day of the month is "Priority."
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Do you wake up every morning with a list of things that you need to do? Do you wake up excited to do those things? Do you prioritize what needs to be done and how?
I'm just asking because I am starting to feel overwhelmed by the very few responsibilities I have every day and I can't tell if it's normal Tired of Adulting or Something You Should See a Doctor About. I feel so very anxious about sending emails and making phone calls and hitting send on job applications. I'm feeling discouraged because I've had interview after interview and I have no job to show for it. I don't even want to talk about my volunteer position and how much it makes me want to curl up in a ball. My mind is constantly racing with things to do and I can't shut it up.
But, like. This is what it's like to be an adult, right? I should just put on my Big Girl Pants and deal with it?
Tough love, folks. I need tough love.
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For me what you're describing is pretty much my normal. I'm usually a little anxious about reaching out to people, a little discouraged by how systems work [or don't work], and my mind is in planning/problem-solving mode all the time. Whether this is healthy, I dunno. I just know that's how I function as an adult.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think this is probably normal. I'm just grumpy about the job search. *sigh* On to better things tomorrow.
DeleteI am really sorry about the job hunt. That sounds so disheartening.
ReplyDeleteWhat you describe is very familiar to me. I constantly have a to-do list unrolling in my head, and sometimes I get so overwhelmed I have no idea where to start. Even when the things are mostly simple, like grocery shopping and cleaning and making appointments.
Here is my personal thought process. I have been putting on my Big Girl Pants and just dealing with the anxiety for years. But in that time, nothing has improved. Adulting is one thing; I am never going to NOT have grocery shopping and school/activity logistics and appointments to make and work assignments to complete. But the constant anxiety seems like something that I could at least try to address. This is one of the reasons I have decided to finally try therapy again. I feel ridiculous, in some ways, for pursuing therapy for Not Being Able to Deal with Stuff I Should Be Able to Deal With. But then again, I have tried to deal with the anxiety myself and it hasn't improved, so why not seek outside insight?
So I guess my tough love is: it sounds like you are having a hard time. Maybe it's time to see if someone can help make things easier?
So, I have to be completely honest here and admit that my experience with therapists has historically been terrible. I don't want to go too much into it here, but it has made me very hesitant to reach out to mental health professionals, despite the fact that I encourage other people to do so with reckless abandon. I think you're right that my level of anxiety isn't really normal, but I'm also dealing with a lot of stress, so I think about all a therapist could say to me is that I need to reduce my stress, which is true, but also...not exactly helpful. Anyway. That's why I'm mulling over whether or not seeking a mental health professional's help is going to be fruitful.
DeleteI've got a lot to say about this, mostly that it's not a big girl pants issue. Let's start with an internet hug, and then sorry, you'll have to make a few phone calls to get to the next step. Yes see a doc and tell them everything that you just told us - maybe you're fatigued because of mental health stuff but also the doc can check under the hood and see if there's anything physical. You know that I can't say enough about therapy. I think I did 5 sessions total - 3 paid for by EAP and 2 for a $40 copay - money well spent.
ReplyDeleteAnd then my opinions that nobody asked for:
-Phone calls and emails are a pain, I've got no answer except that they aren't as big a deal when the rest of your life is on track.
-JOB SEARCHING SUCKS AND THE LONGER YOU DO IT THE WORSE IT FEELS. Ask me how I know. On the positive side, you're getting interviews. This is very much a temporary problem.
-Oooh finally an easy one! If the volunteer gig makes you want to curl up into a ball...why are you doing it??????????? Get outta there!
So, the volunteer gig is hard to get out of. I think I'm going to resign my position at the end of the year and stay on as a volunteer, but not as a board member. But it's not as easy as that because I'm part of the executive committee, so I need to find someone else on the board to take that position. So far, no one wants to take it on. I want the organization to be successful, but I don't think I'm the person to help make that happen at this point in my life. *sigh*
DeleteWe're all just struggling along in our own way.
ReplyDeleteIt just feels like the struggle is a bit worse these days.
DeleteHa, I like Birchwood's last point. My guess is you'll say you'd feel too guilty to quit the volunteer gig, but it IS an option.
ReplyDeleteI think NOT having a job can be stressful. When you have a job, you pretty much know what you're going to do every day and then do it. But you have to deal with the uncertainty, the interviews, the emails, wondering what's going to happen next... I think you shouldn't hesitate to seek out help. I know that's not exactly tough love! But this is a stressful period for you, and therapy really could help.
I think what's most stressful about not having a job is the constant rejection. I'm really starting to get down on myself. I'm a good employee, I swear! But right now I just feel like the constant nos are getting me down. But this IS temporary and I will shake this off and move on to better things.
DeleteI had to laugh at the idea of waking up excited to tackle all the to-dos. Is anyone? Ever? I never am, even when life is going fairly smoothly (unlike now). I very, very often have to tell myself: Just do one thing. It can be as simple as putting something back where it belongs, or as complex as one of those phone calls that you know will end up leading to even more phone calls. Just do one thing. Cross it off the list! (I have to have a written list or I forget stuff, but I get great satisfaction from crossing things off--to the point where if I do something that should have been on the list but wasn't, I will write it on the list for the sole purpose of crossing it off.) Then do one more thing.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, job searching sucks big-time, so it's no wonder that's making everything feel harder. Go easy on yourself for that.
I do force myself to get up every morning, walk the dog, shower, and get dressed. I'm trying to pretend that things are okay and hopefully they will be okay. Also, this comment encouraged me to send an email I was procrastinating on!
DeleteI don't even know where to start?!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'm sorry. This all sounds hard and exhausting.
Second, I can relate 100%.
I just had a call with my own doctor about my anxiety levels and it I felt silly and weak...and it was also 100% the right thing for me to do.
Adulting is hard and I do think many (most?) people are struggling but that doesn't mean that YOU need to struggle. People struggle because we have so much stigma around brain health. Just like we prioritize exercise and sleep and eating healthfully to care for our bodies, our emotions and brain need the same care.
And yes I wake up every morning with a long list of things to be done and NO I am rarely excited to do them. Great things happen and I live a very blessed and fortunate life, but day-to-day routines can really (really!) feel like a complete and utter slog.
Huh. The thing is that I feel like I USED to be excited to start my day. I was HAPPY to walk the dog and make my lunch and go to work. I looked forward to those things. Now I'm just going through the motions, but I feel like fake it til you make it is real!
DeleteI'm sorry the job hunt is so discouraging. What a slog.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I get excited that I have the *time* to do the things, but then I don't actually like doing the things. I really struggle with unstructured time.
I think both things can be true: it's standard adulting weariness AND it would help to see someone.
Just because something is normal, doesn't mean you can't get outside help/perspective.
In the meantime, I agree with ccr - just do one thing.
I am going to cross of one thing on my to-do list every day! Even if it means sending crappy emails!
DeleteEngie, I really think that maybe you are in a rough spot right now, and getting some professional help might be a good step. It can't hurt, in my opinion. Sometimes when things are discouraging and overwhelming, we all need a little help, and a therapist or doctor might be able to address some of that. I know that in the winter you have SAD, but to be honest, this sounds like it might be a bit of non-SAD depression. It would be worth it to look into, anyway. Sending a big hug and a Rexie tail wag.
ReplyDeleteAwwww...Rex tail wags will make anyone happy!
DeleteI haven't known you as long as the other people here, so I don't feel qualified to give you advice. I have really bad days and really good days. Things that didn't bother me before 2020 now bother me more. I also know that I am much more of an introvert than I used to be. I also believe that humans are far more annoying than they used to be. Why? Constantly on phones and social media. That is just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely seek help if you feel you aren't yourself. However, if this is a slump, you may need to re-evaluate and try something new. Sending you a big hug.
One more thing- I saw Nicole's comment and it made me think of it. Some people get SAD depression in the summer, too. Just something to think about. (I get it sometimes. Especially at the beginning of summer....long story)
If I get SAD during the summer, I'm literally going to give up! There's so much light and I'm outside so much! I hate to hear that it might be part of my problem.
DeleteUgh, I'm sorry. I suspect the frustration of the job hunt is insinuating itself into the rest of your psyche. The last time I was out of work, I made a concerted effort to limit my job search time and treat myself to a matinee, or a trip to a mid-week farmer's market, or a nap, or a nice walk somewhere. I would say volunteer, that got me outside of my head a bit, but it sounds like your volunteer experience isn't going well. Is it a depressing type of volunteering gig? Or do you just not like it? Maybe quit that one and find something else that you enjoy. I delivered meals on wheels, and listening to music on the car radio as I drove around, and seeing all of the happy old folks receive their food made me really happy. Of course, they are old and mostly poor, and often will die on you, so that part can be rough.
ReplyDelete"...often will die on you, so that part can be rough." That made me snort out loud! Yes, I can see how that would be rough.
DeleteI wouldn't mind staying in my volunteer role, but being in a little bit less of a leadership role. I'm just tired and I think I've made up my mind that I'm going to resign at the end of the year. It will take a lot of stress off my plate.
Engie, I'm so sorry, friend. You're so upbeat and do all the things and find joy in the every day stuff... all things you're supposed to be doing. So if the usual things aren't helping boost you over this hurdle, then it's time for a physical and some outside help. It sounds like you've already identified the job search and the volunteer gig as triggers. Do you think the community center gig would be useful to list on your resume and such?
ReplyDeleteIf a therapist would not work for you, would it be possible to grab Dr. BB or phone a friend for a nice long walk and vent? Sometimes that does it for me...
But also, perhaps give therapy another chance? Meds are possible. And also, you might come around to it (like the free form yoga journaling class!).
Wishing you clarity and happiness <3
I appreciate this post, Maya. I do hope this is just a temporary blip and soon all the things I do to help keep my mental health on track will be effective again.
DeleteI have a to-do list every day; usually it's stuff I don't want to do, but occasionally, it's things I want to do.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling you're out of sorts because the job situation is wearing on you. I understand and have much sympathy for you. I wish I knew how to cheer you up, keep you going and looking forward. Therapy, or just taking to someone out of your 'loop' could be of some help to put things in perspective. Maybe?
Sending you all the love and support!!
Thanks so much! I feel like I got bit whiny here this week. I'll bounce back next week to talk about my usual nonsense!
DeleteYou should absolutely get help from your dr if the anxiety from those things is affecting you so much! We all handle stuff like that differently, and we all handle things differently during different parts of our life too. I am in therapy now for stuff like this. I just felt so overwhelmed all the time. Therapy is helping <3
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you for being open and advocating for yourself!
I see everyone talking about how great therapy has been for them and I'm so grateful that it's an option for people these days! We all need help, right?
DeleteGo to the doc! I love my Effexor and in the past, I've used Lexapro. I'm generally anti-med (the first time I went on SSRIs in my mid-20s, it was like pulling teeth, months and months of suffering before I'd try it I was so stubborn, but now, I'm much better as seeing the spiral), but I really need it sometimes to get through it. I don't stay on them - only about a year or so until I feel like I can handle it on my own. Job hunting is the worst, just a hard hard thing to do. If you don't like the meds, you can just go off them. It's totally reversible at any time. Hugs hugs! Sending love <3
ReplyDeleteAlso, therapy (actually bibliotherapy - I read many self help books, but I have gone to 1:1 therapy which is....ok) helps me only when I'm even keeled and helps prevent me from going into another anxiety/depression. Once I'm in the deep hole, I find it very hard Big Girl Pants myself out if it, even though I try mightily.
DeleteInteresting. I've heard mixed things about coming off SSRIs, which is one of my biggest hesitations about medications. There can be some terrible side effects and long-lasting impacts that I'm not entirely sure would increase my quality of life.
DeleteSome people do have a hard time coming off SSRIs, I know. With the Lexapro, I do a step down gradually over a few months. If I do it too quickly, it's not great, but not terrible either. The Effexor has such a short half life in the body (about a day), that I think that the step down will be much faster. With both, I was at the lowest or 2nd lowest dose. I know many, many people who feel better on them and have taken them for years and decades and never come off of them, but I like the vacation from the drugs.
DeleteTo me, yes, this definitely sounds worthy of a doctor visit and further investigation. From what you describe, this sounds to be a much greater level of anxiety than "normal" (whatever that means..).
ReplyDeleteAdulting can be a drag, for sure, but to answer the questions you posed in the beginning of your post: Yes, I wake up every single day of my life with an enormous list of things I have to do. Do I feel "excited"? Maybe not "excited" exactly, but I also don't feel a sense of dread or hate or anything, either. I view it all as part of life, part of raising a family, etc. and I guess I'm not sure exactly what else we'd all do all day if we never had things to "take care of", lol. I generally feel happy overall to take productive steps toward accomplishing various different things, though of course some tasks are always going to be more annoying than others.
Wishing you the best!! I can commiserate with the stress of a volunteer role. After ~4 years now, I will not be returning to my lead Volunteer Coordinator role for my son's swim team in the fall. I'm glad I did it, but I did my time and it's time to be done now. With full time work and all the kids' stuff, it was just tipping the scales for me to "unattainable". Especially with E starting high school, I want to be more available for events or things related to that. High school will go fast! I want to try to soak up this time, not be up to my eyeballs in volunteering right now.
A bad volunteering gig is the worst. I'm proud of some of the work I've done there, but I really do feel like it's time for me to move on. I don't have the excuse of having a child starting high school, but I just feel like the role would be better suited for someone else!
DeleteI think being unemployed/job searching must be the most anxiety-inducing situation and I don't envy you. I think it's normal to "float" a little through the very few responsibilities that you have when you are not working....
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is just the uncertainty of the job situation and I'll snap back to my regular self when I get a job!
DeleteI'm sorry, Engie. I have been wondering how the job hunt has been going. I've been lightly applying myself and haven't gotten a SINGLE request for an interview, so that is discouraging for me. It must be even worse to have been job hunting for SO LONG and seeing no fruits from your labor. It's tough out there for sure.
ReplyDeleteI can see from your responses to other comments that you're hesitant about anxiety meds and therapy. I can say for myself that Lexapro has changed my life so much. All of those emotions you mention in this post are things I was feeling daily before I got on Lexapro. I don't think you should worry TOO much about what it's like to wean off the drug - your doctor will put you on a very strict weaning schedule if that's what you want.
Therapy can definitely be hit or miss, and I'm really sorry you've had bad experiences with it. If you're not interested in talk therapy, maybe seek out books on the subject? I don't know how much they will help you, but they have been very useful for me.
Sending hugs! You are doing your best and I'm glad you wrote this post to let us help you in whatever way we can. <3
I appreciate all the kind responses to this post. I really was expecting all you to just tell me to suck it up and it feels quite kind and generous that everyone is validating my feelings that maaaaybe something is off.
DeleteI think maybe trying therapy is not a bad idea? Because even if you stop doing what you are currently doing, you will still have to get up every day and do stuff, and what if that stuff starts to feel bad too, you know?
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry the job search is such a slog, the volunteer gig is so draining, and that life just seems like it's too much recently. I'm not going to say you should get therapy - I really think only you can make that decision. I will say I sympathize. Life has kind of sucked for me this summer, too, and while I'm trying to bring in sparks and bits of light (like yesterday!) it's still more struggle than smile. (Also the adulting. GAH.)
ReplyDelete