Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the thirteenth day of the month is "Failure."
****************
On Tuesday, I went to that weird yoga dance class. There was more journaling this week! I dutifully filled it out according to the teacher's prompts, but I don't think I was doing exactly what she would have wanted me to do. Journal fail is what I think.
This is what I wrote:
Jaw so tight. What am I supposed to do with my tongue? So weird to think about connecting with the Earth when I am not on the ground floor of this building. So much worry that the structure will collapse on top of me. From the power of my thoughts? I need to stop watching videos about boats ships sinking and bridges and buildings collapsing.
Anyway, I'm starting to sort of like this class. I like dancing wildly and gesticulating like a crazy person. I like doing whatever yoga poses I want to. I like having a set time to do meditation so I'm not trying to figure out how to do it at home on my own. I do not care for the emotional "get in touch with your feelings, what color do you feel" stuff. but I can deal with that if I get to just jump around to "Splish Splash" for three minutes on a random Tuesday morning.
But I'm pretty sure the in-class journaling is not for me.
I've never heard of a yoga class like the one you attended. I had one teacher who had us do what she called a latte. We'd put our hands in the air and wiggle around like we were frothing milk. That was fun.
ReplyDeleteLatte!! Yes! That sounds like a fun move.
DeleteSplish Splash! How fun is that. Now, the journaling part - I'm pretty private (which may surprise you as I am often TMIing on my blog) and I would find journaling in a group setting very off-putting.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this is too personal a question, and if it is, disregard, but do you often think about structures collapsing on top of you? That seems like it would be very stressful if you do.
I DO think of structures collapsing. All the time. It's part of my anxiety spiral and I usually can control the thoughts and sort of push them away, but it's hard in meditation. This is a product of three things, really. I have a fear of heights, I was about half a mile away from the I-35W bridge in Minneapolis when it collapsed, and there was a sinkhole right in front of our apartment complex at the place where we lived before we moved here. The combo of all of these things makes me think I'm going to end up falling from a high place. It's not entirely irrational, but the probability is very low and I spend some time doing statistics in my head to get these thoughts out of my head.
DeleteAs I'm sure you can imagine, it's VERY pleasant to be in my brain.
Well, since you're starting to like the rest of the class, could you use the journaling time for something else? Like making a grocery list or jotting down blog post ideas? That's probably what I would do.
ReplyDeleteI'm such a rule follower that the idea of doing something else stresses me out! You are obviously someone who questions authority way more than I do!
DeleteOh no, this is taking me back to sophomore high school English where we had to keep a journal as part of the class. It was weird. Does the instructor read the journal or is it for your eyes only?
ReplyDeleteIt's for our eyes only and we take the paper home with us, but she often asks us to share and so I feel obligated to actually do it!
DeleteHa - I love this. It sounds like you are really finding value in the class, which sounds like a win!
ReplyDeleteYour "building collapsing" concern is so very relatable. While I don't often worry about structures collapsing on me (although maybe I will now), unless I am walking beneath scaffolding or something, I definitely worry that every bridge I cross will collapse. Or that I will suddenly forget how to drive and go sailing off the side of an overpass. I also have extreme anxiety in crowded situations -- concerts, movie theaters, etc -- that Something Awful will happen. Bombing, mass shooting, fire. Brains are fun.
Yes, I see we have the same anxiety triggers. How often I've thought about it would just take one driver having a sudden heart attack/seizure and everyone on the road would be in danger. Our brains are so creative!
DeleteI don't like journalling or writing prompts. I've tried so many times over the years, but it's a force fit for me. I write in my One Line A Day Journal but that's very matter-of-fact stuff and then I write tons for my blog...but outside of that, I don't incorporate journalling into my routines at all!
ReplyDeleteYes, we have the exact same journaling routines. I write in my blog and I write in my line-a-day journal (pictured above). Anything else seems really forced to me. Oh, well. I feel like my blog is a good enough replacement for what a lot of people journal about.
DeleteThis started a bit of an anxiety spiral for me when you, rightly, pointed out that it would be difficult to feel rooted to the earth if you're not on the ground floor. My fear of heights, closed spaces, traffic, sinkholes, and disaster and feeling very fueled :). I'm so sorry that you were near that bridge collapse--that sounds so traumatizing.
ReplyDeleteOh, no! I hope you don't start thinking about the fact that you're not on the ground floor when you're doing yoga now! It's something I've always thought about and I honestly just assumed everyone else did, too!
DeleteI usually do yoga on the first/ground floor, so I'm good :)!
DeleteI have that same 5 year journal! I'm on my second book of it and I love it so much that I bought three copies last year because they were on sale and I was so scared that levenger was going to stop making them.
ReplyDeleteIn class journaling wouldn't be for me either. I think I just want a small private corner with my thoughts.
Hm. Hm. I just looked and the journal is heavily slashed in price (from $55.50 to $35). Now I'm worried they're going to stop making them!
Deletehttps://www.levenger.com/collections/journals/products/5-year-journal?variant=43396629627029#
At the university I went to, one of the arts buildings was two immense blocky towers connected by a little bridge of hallway on the second story, so I would frequently have to pass under it. I would often think "I really hope the whole structure doesn't suddenly forget the laws of physics right now".
ReplyDeleteWhen I was at Minnesota, there were a lot of skyways. I worried about them when I was going through them in the sky portion and when I was walking under them! You're not alone.
DeleteThat has to be the weirdest yoga class ever. I'm glad you enjoy some aspects of it and dancing around like a crazy person is always a bonus!
ReplyDeleteIt's weird to dance like a crazy person in front of people you don't know well, though. :)
DeleteIn general I do not like journaling or don't feel drawn to it, unless I am going through something difficult and need a private place to process my emotions. So public journaling doesn't appeal to me! I would be so self conscious in this class, though, with the jumping around/dancing wildly and such!
ReplyDelete