I recently read a comment on someone else's blog along the lines of "I'm over COVID and I'm not worried about monkeypox and my life is the same now as it had been before" and I was a bit dumbfounded. Because things are definitely not normal here. (I'm not particularly worried about monkeypox, to be fair.)
1) I'm still masking indoors. I am frequently the only person in a mask, but I still feel really gross about breathing in air particles filled with germs. I recently did an in-person interview and I wore a mask for the whole thing, despite only one other person (of the dozens I met) wearing one. I do wonder if that impacted their decision to not hire me, but I also think that if my mask wearing does make a negative impression, then the job wasn't a good fit for me.
We did interviews for a candidate to replace the Executive Director of the community center where I volunteer and one candidate wore a mask (as did I), but no one else on the committee wore a mask and the other members of the committee were pretty down on her for wearing one. I tried to suggest that there are good reasons for wearing a mask and limited myself to four:
b) She may have been exposed to someone who has tested positive in the last ten days
c) She may have regular contact with an infant (or someone else) who is not eligible for vaccination
d) She just doesn't want to get sick herself with a variety of gross things, including colds, flus, and COVID
2) I don't remember the last time I wasn't stressed out in an indoor public setting. I do not browse in stores, but I go in, get what I need, and get out. I don't hang around at the coffee shop, but I go in, make my order, get it, and leave. As soon as the door behind me closes, I can feel my heartrate increase, and I am a nervous Nellie. I cannot foresee myself ever going to a movie theater again, ever trying on clothes at a store, or even enjoying a simple stroll through Target while sipping a delicious coffee beverage.
At the family reunion over Labor Day, we stayed with my husband's father and his wife. But when we went to the house where all the activities were taking place, I stayed outdoors or in the garage that had all the doors open. After the weekend, at least ten people tested positive for COVID, including my husband's golf cart partner and his father and his father's wife, who we were staying with. AND THE BABY. So far, despite having spent considerable amounts of time with some of those particular people, Dr. BB and I have remained negative and we chalk it up to all the precautions we took.
But.
I am not nearly as excited about family get togethers as I was before this Labor Day. I don't like the idea that one of us is asymptomatic and we're giving COVID to our elderly relatives. I don't like the idea that the one infant who was too young to be vaccinated (and got passed around A LOT) was exposed and in the end, actually was infected. I don't like the idea that our cousin who has a terrible case of multiple sclerosis might be infected. I don't like it.
I also don't like the idea of never seeing family again because someone might get sick. What's the point of living like that? In the balance between mental and physical health, I think my husband and I are letting physical health win and I'm not sure if it's the right choice. On the other hand, the research is quite unclear about what exactly the repercussions would be for my husband if he did get COVID, based on his underlying conditions. It seems like some research says he'll have the same outcomes as other people without those conditions and other research suggests he'll have more severe symptoms and probably long-lasting symptoms. In the battle of the experts, who do we believe?
3) I do not think I will ever again be comfortable eating in restaurants. Like, ever again. The idea of being in an enclosed environment with people chewing and swallowing repulses me. So gross. We rarely ate out pre-COVID, but at this point I'm concerned it might impact my future career should I refuse business lunches or dinners.
I do leave my house, I assure you. But things are not normal here. I just thought you should know. Things are not like they were pre-March 2020 and I don't see how they can ever be.
Here's the thing: none of us can be sure that we've made the right choice with COVID precautions and the balance between physical and mental health. We've all picked the balance that makes sense to each of us. Based on everything that you know today about your husband and relatives' health, you've made the right decision for you.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about people who don't wear masks who have an issue with people who wear masks...yes it's real and it's not OK. It's exactly the same situation you wrote about before about people who drink alcohol having an issue with people who don't.
It's incredible what a wide range of reactions there are to the current situation, isn't it? I think I'm somewhere in the middle, but closer to your end than the "it's all over, nothing to worry about" end. I don't really care if anyone thinks I'm weird to wear a mask, and no one has said anything to me about it. But I have done some mild browsing in stores, and it's odd to me that it feels kind of normal. Like, it shouldn't? And yet it does. I don't know. Perhaps my brain is protecting me by going all head-in-the-sand there. I can't fault you for leaning toward the physical health, but the mental health is important too, and it's all so complicated. No wonder I'm tired all the time.
ReplyDeleteWe were extremely cautious for about 1.5 years but have really changed the way we are living life this summer. 3 out of 4 of us got covid, and if my husband didn't get it when 3 family members in his house did, 2 of which did not mask when they had it because they are too young, it seems like he just plain won't get it. But because I had it recently, I have not been stressing about covid. I did get it worse than anyone else I know, even though I had prophylactic antibody injections the month before. But I wasn't "dangerously" ill so the vaccines + monoclonal antibodies did their job. So I have had to weigh the risks of what we feel comfortable doing and we've decided to return to fairly normal behaviors, especially now that both of our kids are fully vaccinated and I was recently boosted. We don't eat in restaurants very often, but I do eat out with my book club once a month. It has been nice to take my kids to places like the zoo (which has some indoor exhibits), the library or gymnastics and to not stress about it. Paul is old enough to wear a mask but is not great at wearing one so I only make him wear one for doctor appointments. When the boys had covid, they were barely sick and did not seem to have long-lasting effects from covid, nor did I. So I think after having it and being ok after the fact, it's changed how I view risk-taking going forward. And it's been good for my mental health to not constantly go through the mental gymnastics of trying to figure out if we should do a certain activity.
ReplyDeleteI'm traveling this week for work so I will wear a mask on the airplane but I won't mask in the office. Masking is supported in our office but I get fatigued by wearing a mask all day and since I'm probably still in the clear on contracting covid. All that said, I do not think differently of anyone who masks, nor should others. It's a personal decision that everyone makes and it should be supported. I don't want to come across as thinking covid isn't a big deal, and now I wonder if I was the person who made that comment? Although I wouldn't say I am 'over covid' because it is always on my mind if my boys get the slightest sniffle. But I am glad tests are easy to come by so we always test them if they have even the slightest runny nose. That was the only symptom Paul had - he had the 'sniffles' - not even a full on runny nose!
Well... I think I'm pretty close to being back to "normal." I browse in stores, sit in Starbucks, and work as a massage therapist, all without wearing a mask. I've been vaccinated, I've had Covid, and the mask gives me a headache. BUT! I fully support anyone who still wants to mask. Because why risk getting sick if you don't have to? I get it. And you also don't know what other considerations people might have, like underlying conditions or elderly family members. Also- no one REALLY knows what the long-term effects of Covid are. I don't think I have any long-term effects from it, but I don't know for sure. So everyone has to make their own choices.
ReplyDeleteNo one should be shamed if they want to wear a mask, it's a personal/health choice.
ReplyDeleteWe've not been masked in a long time and we are living our lives as normal as we ever have. That being said, I do understand who this affects people very differently, and not just because of underlying health concerns. It has emotional scarred a lot of people, I get it. I hope you are able to find some joy when you do get out and visit with your family; I'm sure they miss you.
I think we all have to strike a balance between mental and physical health. It's different for everyone. I have friends who are pretty laissez-faire about Covid, and friends who are similar to you in that they will not travel or eat in a restaurant. It's all about finding what works for you and your family. In terms of masking, I don't think I'll ever fly without one again; pre-Covid I always got sick after flying and now the thought of all that recirculated air grosses me out. I don't always mask when I'm out and about, but if I'm in a crowded produce section, say, I will. Also, I will put on a mask out of respect to people who feel the same as you.
ReplyDeleteI think about pandemic choices all the time these days, and for us I know we are just doing the best we can. I do not think that I am "pre-Covid" normal, but I feel like this is just the new normal now. I still step off the sidewalk when passing people, for example.
While I don't mask very much these days (but I work from home and do almost all activities outside in open spaces), I think masks are still very much normalized in my part of Canada. I see them regularly, even on people just walking down the sidewalk.
ReplyDeleteI do wonder what "normal" will look like long-term? All medical locations (dentist, doctor etc) require a mask, but schools reopened for the first time without a mask mandate. There are a few kids wearing masks, but not many.
Like Nicole, it doesn't feel like "pre-COVID" to me (and maybe never will), but it is the closest step to normal we've had since it all started. I also realize (and was just thinking about this earlier today), that I can 100% still see the return of lockdowns and mask mandates where we live. Our province was very, very closed off during the pandemic. We couldn't even leave our county at various points, so I think they will be quick to reimplement restrictions as case number inevitably rise this fall?
The first thing I will say is that everyone has to do what feels right to them. If that's masking, great. If that's not masking, great. If that's never going to a movie theater or restaurant again, great. If they feel fine going to restaurants, movie theaters, shopping malls, etc, great. Nobody should be shamed for either choice.
ReplyDeleteI do feel like I have returned mostly back to my pre-March 2020 days. Things are different, of course, but I do not mask anymore. I go to restaurants and movie theaters and love a good stroll through Target with my coffee. I go to crowded places and I don't really have any fear about getting Covid. Maybe it's because I had it already or maybe it's because we know so much more about it now and I feel confident in the decisions I'm making for myself.
That's not to say I'm "over" Covid or think the pandemic is over. I know it's not, but I do think we're getting to a place where the strains are much less intense than previous iterations and we have more boosters/vaccines, even for really young kids!, to protect us.
When I go grocery shopping I wear a mask even though it is probably a pretty safe space because of size and airiness. Only a few of us do, however. I will occasionally visit a coffee shop or restaurant maskless although I feel somewhat nervous about it. I would be hesitant about any sort of large gathering at all, never mind in tight spaces.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I am also still extremely careful, I am the only one wearing masks in indoor situations (although I will admit that I have eaten out in restaurants more recently, somewhat out of necessity when I was on a work trip and there really was no other option). I think we need to continue to normalize mask-wearing and taking precautions. Nobody should be shamed for that. While it's not completely risk-free, I do believe that I haven't had Covid (as far as I know) because I continue to be extremely careful.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with everyone else - what is important is that you do what you need to do to feel comfortable living in the world today. No one should judge anyone for choices they make about masks, etc., and I'm sorry that you had to deal with others who clearly don't ascribe to that viewpoint. I'm pretty aligned with how San approaches things. Today, though, I chose not to mask in my 2nd class, with 3 students, all of whom were 10+ feet from me. I wasn't that comfortable doing so, though, so probably will mask again next week. Sigh. (I don't eat out frequently but may do so this weekend, and I do still mask everywhere else, like stores, etc.)
ReplyDeleteAll the feels. I am also still wearing a mask. Every time we see people we are testing – and I am sure we are mostly on our own here. I have been eating in restaurants every once inn a while but mainly outdoors. Not sure I will during the winter. While I understand that we do have to find some "normalized" way to live with covid (or any other pandemic that surely will hit us) I am however aware that things are and never will be like pre-covid. Everyone propagating that is just in denial. Or careless.
ReplyDeleteHope you find a way for you to participate in life and still cater to your needs. Its a tough one and I am struggling...