Things Are Bad, but Maybe Better?

There is not good news on the job front, my friends. I was so excited about that job prospect, but last week (on my birthday!!), I saw that I had missed a call from the people who were checking my references and it turns out that they went with another candidate. I was devastated, spent most of the day crying, and ate all my feelings with a birthday dinner of sushi that felt a little bit like a consolation prize. 

So then there was an emergency meeting earlier today in which it turns out that (for all of the reasons I have been looking for a job) the organization that has been funding our program is going to pull our funding. There may be a month or two of winddown, but basically I will not have this job soon.

The silver lining is that now I can use my current co-workers as references without any reservations. It also means that I can let them know I'm job searching and at least one or two of them will be really good sources for leads. It also means that all the stress I've been holding about this job is basically gone because we know we're ending the program.

Dr. BB and I have also crunched the numbers and we can make it work if I don't have a job for a bit. I'm also more open to the idea of a part-time job than I was before all this went down. So that opens up some possibilities, as well. Also, and this is really crucial, when I'm not SO STRESSED about this dumb job, I think I'll be able to concentrate more on the job search and find something that suits my skills and my desires for paid employment. And maybe I'll laugh more. 

But I've been putting off writing about this here because I was so optimistic last week about that job and I felt like such an utter failure that the same day I posted about this job that I really wanted, they called me to tell me that I didn't get it. I couldn't even bear looking at my own page because all I could see was my hubris and sadness. It felt like the same emotional whiplash from November 8, 2016 to November 9, 2016. I want last Tuesday's post to disappear off the homepage, so I never have to be reminded of it. And the only way to get that to happen is to post more, I guess.  

(My husband and I have a debate about this. I tend to get really excited about things in advance, like for a trip or a concert or when the first snowflakes fall or whatever.  So, even if things don't turn out awesome, I still had that excitement of anticipation. My husband, on the other hand, stays pretty level in the leadup to things and then if they go well, he's pleasantly surprised, but never let down. I think he's missing out on a lot of joy, to be honest, but in situations like this, I think he's right to have the ability to moderate his emotions and I wish I could be like him.)

Anyway, this could be a good thing. I think it's going to be a good thing.  (But I've obviously been wrong about that before.)