I have never been a person who drank alcohol. I am a rule follower, so I never drank until I was 21. Once I was 21, I had been the designated driver with drunk friends one too many times to think it was a good time, so essentially I've grown into a person who does not drink. We buy little one-cup bottles of wine when we make risotto and I use vodka to make vanilla and maple extract, so we cook with alcohol, but we don't drink it.
This has made living in Wisconsin a challenge. The drinking culture here is crazy. Obviously the drinking age is 21, but if someone is underage and they're with a parent or guardian, they can be served. This means you regularly walk into bars and a sixteen year old is drinking a beer with their lunch. People drink alcohol basically around the clock. Social settings are always filled with wine and beer. I struggle with this because I'm a person who just inherently doesn't like to be out of control and it disturbs me how much drinking is just part of every social engagement here.
(I will say that my book club is no exception. We regularly go through three or four bottles of wine during our time together. Most of the hosts will have a can of bubbly water for me and I appreciate the effort, but it's clear that everyone is wondering WTF is wrong with me at these meetings.)
Would you rather be at a dinner with someone who doesn't drink at all or is drinking too much? This came up on a forum I was reading recently and I was absolutely appalled that these two things were equivalents. But the cold truth is that it makes people incredibly uncomfortable to be drinking in a social setting if someone else is not drinking. It makes people even more uncomfortable if you don't have a reason.
No.
Taking medication?
No.
Recovering?
No.
Trying to get pregnant?
No.
Trying to lose weight?
No.
I'm not drinking because I never did and I don't see why I should start now. The negatives seem to outweigh the positives for me - chance of addiction, expensive, loss of control, lots of calories - and I get to choose what happens to my own body.
So those are the challenges.
The advantages are that I'm a very reliable designated driver. I'm a cheap date at the bar (I used to order a Diet Coke and now I pretty much stick to water). I don't struggle with sleep. I don't need a drink to unwind at the end of the day.
But I'm essentially a social outcast in my town.
What role does drinking alcohol play in your life? Do you have friend who don't drink? How are they treated?
I have really strong feelings that if someone isn't drinking that it is no one else's business and should not be commented on. There are a lot of reasons not to drink, and a lot of them are very personal. If someone wants to share their reasons, that's great, and if they don't, they should just be able to say "no thanks" to the drink and not get the second degree. I enjoy alcohol, but that doesn't mean that I want a drink every time that one is offered. I also don't need anyone else to drink with me to enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteAh, interesting post! I used to drink a lot, but now hardly ever do- sometimes a glass of wine with Sunday dinner, but in the last month I haven't even been doing that.
ReplyDeleteThis post raises some interesting questions. Why is it so uncomfortable if you're drinking and the person you're with isn't? (When I was drinking a lot, I definitely felt that way.) I've also noticed that people seem to be drinking more and more these days- we were at a restaurant recently with friends and we all had a beer. When it came time to order a second round I said I would start to feel tipsy if I had another one- they were surprised by that, and said they had each had a couple drinks before even coming out. I don't know- that's a lot of drinks! It seems like "social drinking" is getting out of control. Your story about going out in Wisconsin underlines that point.
This is also an interesting subject for me, because my son doesn't drink. He's very health-conscious and aware of what's going into his body. Now he's a freshman in college and I'm sure he's met with a lot of resistance to that (although his friends are thrilled to have a designated driver!) I hope he can stick to it- there's no reason for alcohol to be part of a happy life.
Btw I don't mean to come off as judgmental here- I've definitely enjoyed my fair share of booze, and will continue to, now and then. I just know a lot of people who seem to be struggling with it right now. And it shouldn't be something that drives people apart- I'm sorry you feel like a social outcast!
Interesting! I am not much of a drinker at all, never have been, though in recent years I'll put a little vanilla rum in a root beer, or caramel vodka in a coke--but not enough for it to taste boozy, just the little kick of flavor. I can't handle real amounts of booze; if I've put too much in, I take a sip and wheeze like I just drank some kind of chemical. (If you've seen the movie Howl's Moving Castle, it's basically the sound that the little dog Heen makes.) It amuses my mother no end.
ReplyDeleteI will say that I almost never have gotten grief for not drinking, which I appreciate, and sometimes having a designated driver is lauded. I do remember, and this was probably 30 years ago, a friend's boyfriend quizzing me about how could I know there was no alcohol I liked, and my reaction being, why would I try them all? I'm fine.
This is so fascinating to me. My family are big drinkers -- my dad collects wine and so there is ALWAYS wine. I like wine and beer and cocktails. But my husband (who also comes from a family of drinkers) doesn't drink much at all. Which is fine! I would much rather have a glass of wine than a bowl of ice cream, which some people find weird. But everyone has their preferences, right? What's the point in trying to force someone to enjoy something they aren't in the mood for? And reasons for not drinking can be SO personal! I cannot imagine asking someone if they are refusing wine because they are pregnant!?!?!?! Or honestly any of those questions! What an overstep!
ReplyDelete"I'm not drinking because I never did and I don't see why I should start now. The negatives seem to outweigh the positives for me - chance of addiction, expensive, loss of control, lots of calories - and I get to choose what happens to my own body."
ReplyDeleteYes to all of this.
Some of my choice is spiritual in nature (I don't have a problem with alcohol per se, but I do with drunkenness), but mostly I just don't like the taste. I find wine...gross. And I too think the downsides far outweigh any positives.
I agree with Jenny, too - social drinking is such a new craze. Everyone seems to drink...constantly now, and definitely a lot more among women (I don't think there is any different between men and women drinking but I DO think the female physiology can often make it harder to metabolize). I also feel like the whole "Mommy needs her wine" culture makes me feel uncomfortable. Let's just admit parenting is hard?!
I will say that I tend to have a mostly narrow social circle that also doesn't do much drinking; I sometimes do drink a bit in certain situations, but mostly either am at places that aren't serving alcohol or people know me well enough that I will forgo the alcoholic beverage.
Such an interesting post and I have thought A LOT about this topic.
This was such an interesting post. I did not know an underage drinker could drink with a parent in WI. I do not think that is the case in MN. I was a waitress for years in college and that was not permitted then so I don't think it is now. That is just crazy.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I would call myself a social drinker, meaning I have a glass or 2 of wine when we are with other people, but don't really drink besides that. And I would never question why someone isn't drinking. I feel like not drinking has become more common in recent years so I would have thought you wouldn't get so many comments! That is just unacceptable. I would much rather be around someone who is not drinking than around someone who is intoxicated. I feel like mocktails have risen in popularity lately so you can enjoy a treat of some sort while not having alcohol. Like I really enjoy shrubs that you can mix with tonic water. I used to get one that was made from beets and schezuan (sp?) peppers and it was so good!
I've had a lot of conversations with a coworker about drinking lately because our other coworker drinks SO MUCH! Like multiple cocktails every night. I would feel like crap if I did that. I am just not built to drink! I did have a glass of wine every night during my maternity leave as a way to kind of wind down at the end of long days, but I recognized that it wasn't a healthy habit to have a glass of wine every night. My husband tends to have 1-2 beers/week, if that. It's rare to have more than one beer. We both have alcoholism in our family history and especially on his side of the family so we are both mindful of that family history.
I was brought up evangelical, which, in my circles, meant that I didn't drink. I drink sometimes now, but I don't like it all that much. I did have some rum in the house (reason unimportant) and had a friend over last week who likes rum. He looked at me and said, you're going to have one too. I nodded although I hadn't intended to drink, but I could see that he wanted me to. It was fine. I actually like rum and coke from time to time.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the visit.
Girl, you and I are the same. Even though in Germany, you can drink bear when you're 16, I never liked the taste and so didn't get into it at all. Friends would sometimes challenge me, telling me that I just had to keep drinking and then I'd eventually like it, and I was like "WHY WOULD I DO THAT?"
ReplyDeleteI also was always the designated driver (and I loved being in control about when I wanted to leave a party) and my friends got used to it. They never made me feel weird about it.
I don't miss anything. I am like you: I'm a cheap date at the bar. I don't struggle with sleep. I don't need a drink to unwind at the end of the day.
I have on occasion had a margarita or a glass of Bailey's but it's not like I "need" it. I am perfectly content without it and I never get drunk of it anyway.
I am okay with whatever people want to think. I don't have a problem to be the "non-drinker" in a group. If that makes them uncomfortable, they should ask themselves why.
You do you, girl!
BEER. Not bear. Obvs.
DeleteI find it so interesting how people pressure other people to drink. I personally love wine, but I haven't been drinking at all this January, since I'm dealing with hot flashes, and I notice that wine exacerbates them. I also like a glass or two of wine but I do not like being drunk, at all. My husband is essentially a non-drinker; his father was a high-functioning alcoholic and he has a lot of bad memories associated with it. He occasionally has a drink, but it's maybe 3-5 drinks a year total. I'm sure you and he could commiserate about how people constantly pressure non-drinking people to drink. (Just have one!) (Why aren't you drinking?)
ReplyDeleteLike I said I haven't had wine since NYE and I thought I would miss my weekend glass but I don't really at all.
I come from a family where drinking doesn't really occur to anyone. I like wine, so I'm the exception (and one of my cousins). No one cares if we drink, we don't care if they don't. I think people who care if you are not drinking are probably worried that they are drinking too much, and want you to drink too...to show them that they are actually OK. Just a guess, I've never been to Wisconsin.
ReplyDeleteOh man, what an interesting post! I have a great built-in excuse for not drinking, which is that I am slightly allergic to *something* in alcohol and I sometimes break out in hives, get really flushed, and get dizzy - this is after just a few sips, sometimes! The catch is that I don't know WHEN I will react badly to alcohol, so sometimes I can drink and be fine, and other times I am not.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy a good fruity cider or cocktail now and then, but I could also never have an alcoholic beverage ever again and be just fine. I never keep alcohol in my house (like, I don't even have wine glasses!) because I just don't feel the need for it. When I have a bad day, I'm much more apt to reach for a Dr. Pepper or chocolate than alcohol.
My mom and stepdad are big beer drinkers (my stepdad WAY more than my mom; he can drink 12 cans in an afternoon!). My mom just enjoys trying local craft beers more than anything else. My brother and his wife, on the other hand, never drink alcohol. My brother tried it when he turned 21 and didn't like it, and doesn't drink at all. He always says he's weird for it, but like, WHY is that weird?
In my friend group, we very rarely drink when we go out. Someone might order a fancy cocktail if it's happy hour, but nobody thinks twice if I order water or soda. I'm really glad I don't have people looking at me weirdly if I order something non-alcoholic. It really shouldn't be that weird to not drink! It's a personal choice, and for some people, alcohol just doesn't taste that good! I don't really enjoy strong drinks. If I can really taste the alcohol, it turns me off.
What an interesting post! I can't believe that in Wisconsin, parents can order a drink for their teenager! Whaaaat.
Why don't you live in Madison? Seriously. I am a fellow non-drinker with 1-2 exceptions per year. I hate the drinking culture here although it's not like I go out a lot so...
ReplyDeleteI also waited til I was 21, never liked the taste of beer, and was completely turned off by the college drinking-and-partying culture of the late 1990s. (Yes, I'm that old.)
I drank much more regularly in my late 20s and early 30s but when I developed health problems I mostly stopped.
My 1-2 times/year are when I visit my parents. My mother loves wine. Loves. It. Has a glass most if not all nights. I will have a small glass of wine some evenings when I visit, and will also treat myself to champagne (one of the few drinks I enjoy!) while there, too. But it's not something I ever think about the other 362 days of the year!
Also? Asking someone why they are not drinking is like asking someone when they're due if you don't know they are pregnant. WHY??? Why do people do that?
Thanks for bringing this up - so interesting! And I still wish we could hang out. :)
Fellow light/no-drinking Madisonian!! SOLIDARITY
DeleteWe should start a club. ;)
DeleteClub bubbly water!
DeleteIs adding lemon/lime + no ice allowed for CBW? If so, I'm TOTALLY in.
DeleteI did not know that about Wisconsin (not really a shock) - especially the thing about underage people can get served if they're with their parents. Actually I would kind of like that one if it meant a 19 year old could have a glass of wine with their parents because I do think it's kind of weird that you can be a soldier but not drink at 18 in the U.S.
ReplyDeleteMy parents drank socially, and sometimes were drunk, but never to the point where I was embarrassed or felt unsafe. I drank in high school and university mostly because of anxiety, but not every week and not a crazy amount - my parents were never strict about not letting us drink, which took away the 'forbidden fruit' aspect.
I know it's true that people can be weird about people who don't drink, but I've been lucky about my friend groups. There is a fair amount of drinking, but we have friends in recovery and friends who just don't drink, and it's never been an issue. I've been drinking less and less since the effects of perimenopause have really exacerbated my depression and anxiety, and nobody cares. Same with book club - most of our members live close together and can walk or be driven to meetings, and I have to drive, so I never drink. I think only one person made a comment when I took a cab to our year-end meeting and had a drink.
That question about being at a table with someone who isn't drinking at all or someone who is drinking too much is extremely strange - how is that even a question?
I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable in your town, though - that really sucks.
My BIL and SIL came to visit and the only spots available when we went out to lunch were at a bar and I just shoved everyone at the bar and my SIL was SHOCKED that her then 7yo could just be sitting there. Apparently, that's weird? It DOES mean that if a 19yo were with their parents, they could drink at a bar. It's a weird place, Wisconsin is.
DeleteSOOOOOOOOOOOO much drinking heeeeeeeeeere. ESPECIALLY among moms of young kids-- it's wild.
ReplyDeleteRight? I think of my book club peeps as normal, but they drink SO MUCH. Or what I perceive as SO MUCH. And then they DRIVE HOME. It's shocking.
Delete