In terms of parasocial relationships, I think the peak of my own is my pretend friendship with Dana Stevens, one of the panelists on the Culture Gabfest podcast from Slate. Dana (and let's be honest, I think of her by her first name) is a movie critic and while I don't usually care for movies, I love Dana's obsession with them. I love how she loves and hates wholeheartedly. I love her knowledge about the details of movies that go completely over my head. She's just a nerd about what she loves and I love that about her. Someone who has great enthusiasm for something is so exciting, even if it's not enthusiasm that I share.
Dana has been somewhat obsessed with the story about Alec Baldwin fatally shooting someone with what he says he thought was a prop gun. The first time she talked about it on the Culture Gabfest, you could tell it had sort of made her rethink her entire career based on the film industry. She's calmed down some, but you could tell based on her recommendation for this past week that she's still not over it. Multiple things went incorrectly on that film set and people died. Is her entertainment worth that? Is any product of an industry that puts output over the rights of human beings worth it? Should her work be supporting an industry like that?
It's a tough question. I've gone around this with authors who write books I love. The Mists of Avalon is a true masterpiece, I think, but Marion Zimmer Bradley has a troubled past. The less we speak of Orson Scott Card and his horrible racist, homophobic, anti-human rights campaigns is probably for the best, but Ender's Game and Speaker for the Dead are amazing novels. I've settled on the idea that I can only read books from questionable authors from the library, so I'm not directly contributing to their income, but I still do engage in the art.
It's troubling for me with fashion, too. I've written about this topic before, but buying clothing and home goods is so fraught for the likes of me. How do I know when I buy an article of clothing (or a piece of furniture, rug, pot, etc.) that the materials were sourced in an environmentally appropriate way and that the workers who made the product were treated humanely? How much research am I willing to do for every single item I purchase?
You want other examples where I debate myself to death? Well, when the Olympics came around over the summer, I was super torn. Do I watch? Do I not watch? On one hand, the athletes worked so hard and the constant shifting of start dates must have been so difficult for them. On the other hand, it was irresponsible to hold an event like that in the middle of a global pandemic. On one hand, my individual decision isn't going to matter in the grand scheme of Olympic planning or coverage. On the other hand, if lots of people like me decide to make the same boycott decision, it will make a difference.
We were driving to the grocery store once to buy eggs and we got behind a giant tractor-trailer filled with chickens pressed together in tiny cages. We could see their feathers flying off and hear them squawking. As we got to the egg aisle at the store, Dr. BB and I just looked at each other in absolute shame. What were we even doing? As I plunk down $6/dozen for free-range, organically fed chicken eggs to feed my dog, I wonder if I'm overreacting to life.
Because this is what it's like to live in the modern world, isn't it? We are forced into a series of impossible quandaries. How I spend my money directly influences other people, but my money is such a drop in the bucket compared to the global economy. How I spend my time also influences other people, but I'm not an important world leader. Who cares if I wear a mask to the grocery store when no one else in my community does? (You guys. The numbers in my county are the same as they were here last year at this time - pre-vaccines. It's terrible.)
I'm enough of an anxious person that each of these decisions can make me spiral. I will wait with something in my cart at Chewy for days, just trying to think of a more ethical way to obtain food for my dog. I will dilly-dally at the car wash, wondering if the environmental impact of both my car and the water I'm using to wash it is worth it to extend a nice looking finish on my car for another month. I am, as you can imagine, a joy to be around.
I feel like I'm basically just reiterating the premise of the last season of The Good Place. There's nothing new here, but the way that Dana keeps spiraling, talking about this terrible news story and the death on a movie set, has sort of set me to spiraling as well. I mean, if it's a good enough mental state for my best friend Dana, it's good enough for me, right?
It's so hard, isn't it? I feel you on this.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I don't know the answers either. I think you can only do your best, and know that there are some things beyond our control. But then... is that a cop-out? If everyone felt that way then nothing would ever change for the better.
ReplyDeleteSome people never think about these things, so it's good we have people like you to raise people's awareness. Not an easy roll for you, though.
Btw I was relieved that in my recent post about the Harry Potter books, no one brought up the ethical concerns over J.K. Rowling. I just can't believe she's not a good person- but my kids tell me otherwise. Sadness!
Oh my, you must be in my head. I have these kind of internal conversations all the time and wonder if what I do matters in the grand scheme of things... but my conscience definitely doesn't let me get away with NOT caring at all.
ReplyDeleteI think we can all just do our best to make small changes that will collectively - hopefully - have some sort of impact.
It is SO hard. Especially with art, I think -- I struggle with that a lot: should I be reading this/watching this/looking at this when the artist has done horrible things.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter and I were just talking this morning about cars. Where do they all GO? There are so many and more are being produced/sold all the time. And yet there I was, driving in a car that is fairly new, buying into the "must have the newest car" hype despite the fact that there must be piles and heaps of old cars crowding our planet. UGH.
Oh man, I feel this so much! I felt the same way about the Olympics. Do I really want to support something that a) shouldn't have ever happened because of the pandemic and b) really just leaves communities and towns destitute once the events are over? It was hard!
ReplyDeleteI feel this way about watching football, loving Harry Potter, eating meat, and everything I do in my daily life that contributes to COVID-19. It's hard to know what the absolute right thing is to do, the absolute right way to use my dollars to affect change. But I guess it's just about everything you're doing in this post: Thinking about it, taking the actions that you can, and trying to live your life in the most authentic way you can.
<3 You're doing great!
Piling on here... I feel this, as well. Everything I do. Driving (my almost 10 year old hybrid), food (packaging, organic vs. conventional, use a plastic bag in the produce dept or not, etc.), clothing (I am about 60/40 thrifted vs. Old Navy, which horrifies me... and yet, I can't find everything I need at a thrift shop!).
ReplyDeleteMy mantra? The one my parents drummed into my head from a very young age... "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without". I find that it helps to remember that. I also donate everything I possibly can. Not things that are broken or unusable, of course, but anything that might find second life in someone else's home. And those clothes from Old Navy? I wear them until they are either unwearable or something I donate. "Fast fashion", perhaps, but it can also last for 10+ years. I wear the evidence every week. I figure we do the best we can with what we know. And when we know better, we try to do better.