Duology of Domestic Violence or How I Accidentally Read Two Books with Similar Themes

 The Girl with the Louding Voice by Abi Dare is a book I had on my Kindle that I read before bed.  We are told the story of Adunni, a Nigerian teen.  Her mother dies and her father marries her in order to use the bride price to pay for the living expenses of the rest of the household.  Adunni's husband is abusive and she eventually runs away, but finds herself the victim of trafficking as she becomes an abused housemaid in a rich family's home.  

Told in a non-standard dialect of English, the novel is from Adunni's point of view. We hear her relentless goal of education, supporting herself, and getting away from abuse. We also hear how her optimism flags as more and more people who she meets take advantage of her.  It's a unique perspective, one I've certainly not read before.

It's also really hard to read.  The author studs the text with facts about Nigeria as if Adunni has read the facts in a book. The facts about the mistreatment of women and girls in the most populous country in Africa were absolutely devastating.  Despite this gloominess, the book was a joy to read.  Dare's writing pops off the page and I was always eager to get back to Adunni's life, even as I knew it would end up breaking my heart.

Meanwhile, the actual physical hardcover book I was reading downstairs was A Woman is No Man by Etaf Rum. This book is the story of intergenerational domestic violence in a Palestinian family that eventually moved to the United States.  If I thought The Girl with the Louding Voice was heartbreaking, this book was soul crushing.

Isra's parents marry her to a man from the United States when she is a young teenager.  Isra had watched her parents' abusive marriage and hopes for more in the States, but she soon learns that her husband's parents' marriage is just like her parents' marriage and it's not long before her own husband is beating her.  Isra bears four daughters to her husband and she feels shame for not being able to provide a son.  We then meet Deya, Isra's oldest daughter, as she is experiencing rebellions and we learn that Isra and her husband are no longer alive.

I have mixed feelings on this book. I found the passages about abuse to be powerful realistic and therefore very hard to read. I also think Rum is brave to expose issues of abuse in Muslim Arab families.  However, I also feel like representations of Muslims in the United States are few and far between and many are negative representations and I had hoped that this novel written by someone who is a Palestinian American herself would fight against those stereotypes. On the other hand, Rum is allowed to tell her stories however she wants without having to represent entire identities. Oh, it's complicated and it feels weird for a straight white cis lady to say anything about it.  

Much like The Girl with the Louding Voice, despite the incredibly heavy nature of this novel, I was riveted. I wanted to know how their lives were going to turn out. I found myself eagerly opening the book to read it, while still sighing heavily at the end of every chapter because domestic violence always escalates and I'm not sure why I ever thought it would be different in this book.  

If you are in the United States and are suffering from domestic violence, here are some resources to help. If you are outside the US, here are some resources that might be able to help you. If you know someone who is the victim of domestic violence, consider helping them create a safety or, if that's not possible, make sure that they know you are always there for them and don't let their abuser distance them from you. The most dangerous times for female victims of domestic violence are when they are pregnant and when they are trying to leave, so please, please, please, be careful out there.