2) An acquaintance I know from a lifetime ago who I like, but I'm not really close to, recently sent me and a dozen other people a private message with information that she wanted us to know, but wasn't really comfortable making a public announcement on Facebook. It's not really a secret, but it's just something she wanted us to know. It's also something that was glaringly obvious from her posts and pictures. So now I'm stuck. Do I respond to this message? If I do, what do I say? Thanks but I already knew that? Oh, thanks for clarifying, I'll be sure not to be a dumbass about this topic from now on? Or do I just continue our Facebook relationship as it is?
3) I have a few friends who have really smart discussions about politics and religion on their walls. I also have some friends who are offensive and, in a few cases, present misleading and incorrect information. Here are my options as I see it.
A) Correct them or call them out on their jackassery. I have done this a couple of times - once I was cowed into silence by an armada of racist comments in support of Obama bashing and once I turned into a superior, overeducated jackass myself by going through an argument pointing out all the mistakes in logic and fact. So I either become shocked by vitriol directed at me or I become an asshole myself.
B) Remember the old "if you don't any anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" adage that my mama taught me and say nothing and ignore it. But this seems like tacit agreement to all they have to say and that goes against my stubborn nature.
C) Just hide the most obnoxious of the offenders from my view. Again, though, this seems like tacit agreement.
D) Private message them that I have a problem with X, Y, or Z. I have done this a few times. Once the person thought I was joking. Once the person told me I was being too sensitive (apparently homophobia is okay if there's a Bible quote to defend it). Once the person told me that my own life experiences meant I couldn't take a joke (apparently it's okay to joke about domestic violence). When it's private, it seems like it's easier to blow off my concerns.
E) Just delete my account and be happier with the whole world. Digging my head in the sand would be delightful sometimes. But I have to admit, I really like knowing what the girl I used to have sleepovers with in sixth grade is doing right now. I like remembering braiding her hair when I see a picture of her with her goofy looking husband and her little girl as she braids her little girl's hair. I like messaging my uncle when I'm going to be in the area to see if he can have lunch with me. I like talking trash about football/crap my husband watches on television/who has the cutest nephew with my friends and family.
Any advice for me on this? Any Facebook problems of your own?
My Facebook experience has been a million times better since I decided that Facebook is for family and close friends. I deleted a bunch of people and put many others on the Acquaintances list, then stopped posting to Acquaintances.
ReplyDeleteThis won't work for everyone, but it is what made me happier.
Ah Facebook. I have a few people who do the ignorant, aggressive, racist/sexist, Uber-Liberal or Uber-Conservative comments, too. And I feel the same way, like I should say something, but what and how to say it??
ReplyDeleteI've gone the "Hide them" route. As the saying goes, 'You can't fix stupid'. At least if I don't have to read it I won't get angry every time I read it.
Also, the hidden post on my page is regarding facebook relationships, if you want to read it I'll send you the link to the anonymous site I found.
Ah, Facebook. That wide-open can of worms.
ReplyDelete1) I do not, generally, accept FB requests from people I don't know. I never accept requests from people I don't like. I usually accept requests from people I've had positive interactions w/on a mutual friend's wall.
2) Unless her message was a request for advice or was soliciting a response, there is no need to respond.
3) I don't typically this happening but, on the rare occasion I have, I do try to state on the thread that racist/sexist/homophobic flaming is disrespectful and rude to the original poster. I have gone so far as to PM the OP. I have also gone so far as to unfriend a person who allowed the thread to continue w/o moderation.
I have also strongly considered deleting my account altogether but would miss a lot of my re-discovered old friends.
You know what? I think I'd probably delete anybody who looked like they were stirring up trouble. I also ignore people's requests when I don't know them personally. I get a lot of blogger requests, and it shows we have friends in common, but if I still don't know their names, I'm just not comfortable connecting that way.
ReplyDeleteOn this note, I really need to divide up my facebook people into lists! I totally know where you are coming from!
ReplyDeleteI accept requests from people I know and like, and that's about it. There's a girl I was not friends with in high school who has friend requested me no less than 10 times, and I keep ignoring them. I didn't like her then. I'm not interested in what she's doing now. Mean? Maybe. I'm ok with that.
ReplyDeleteI am also a huge fan of lists. I have a list of people who's updates I actually care about, and that's where my default news feed is set to. If someone posts something offensive, I usually give them a one time pass, because maybe they just didn't realize it. If it's repeated, I bump them from my list. I'm not going to lie, I like checking in on people now and again, so I don't want to delete them entirely. But I don't need to see every thing they post either.
UGH. I hate Facebook. I consider deleting my account almost daily.
ReplyDeleteBut... I almost never post anything on it. And I am ruthless about unfriending people who say ignorant or jackassy things.
The "silence is tacit agreement" thing is giving me pause, though. I guess, for me, if it were my brother or an actual close friend who was posting something racist/sexist/horrible... then I would feel obligated to bring it up (probably privately) to that person. If it was just an acquaintance, I would delete that person and forget about it. If someone believes something horrible, I doubt that I can change his mind via Facebook. But maybe that is my non-confrontational nature...
I am curious about the person to privately messaged you about something that was already obvious. I probably wouldn't respond... or maybe I'd give a very short non-committal response: "Great!" "Congrats!" "I'm so sorry." or whatever.