$18

He was an old man. His white beard fell just below his chin, the lines around his eyes were deep, and as he paced back and forth on the curb, his limp was pronounced. Everyone else kept their eyes averted, looking anywhere but at him. He stopped walking and I read the sign he was holding: Please Share.

I liked it. It wasn't a lie; there was no request for funds to travel to see a dying relative, no plea for money for food or to buy clothes for a "new job", and no excuse for the panhandling, but a simple appeal. It's that time of year, right? Peace, love, and understanding.

I looked around. My brand new car, still less than 100 miles on it, my nice warm winter jacket, coming from a part-time job that pays me far more than I'm worth, and I was suddenly worried, ashamed, and disgusted. What kind of world allows the distribution of wealth to be so varied that I can sit there without a care in the world, while this man begs for coins in below freezing weather? Even if that man is not homeless, even if he has chosen to make it his full-time job, as many of our city's panhandler's do, even then, what kind of world is it that forces him to choose that as his job?

In my wallet, I had $18 - a $10 bill, a $5 bill, and 3 $1 bills. I had earmarked the $10 for a treat for myself on my next (hopefully last) trip to the Mall of America (a crepe and an Icee, if you must know specifics). The 3 $1 bills were for this type of situation exactly - people asking for money for the bus, Salvation Army bell ringers, and street people asking for money. The $5 is there because I like to have $5 in my pocket.

I took out my wallet and stared at the contents. I rolled down my window. The old man hobbled over to me. His eyes were cross-eyed and he smelled like liquor. I slowly closed my eyes and counted to three. I held out the $10 bill to him. Have a nice holiday, I said to him as I closed the window, the light changed to green, and I drove away.

I don't know what he'll do with that money and I guess I don't care. It didn't help to alleviate my guilt or shame. It didn't help to put me in the holiday spirit. I just hope it helped that guy make it through one more night.