Dreaming Out Loud

I like being married. I like my husband*. I like spending time with him. I trust him with my life. When I fill out insurance, medical, or other bureaucratic forms, I take a certain pride in checking the married box and writing his name down as my spouse.

So it pisses me off greatly that not everyone gets to enjoy the same rights and privileges that I enjoy because I happened to be lucky enough to fall in love with someone who is of the opposite gender.

I have friends, a wonderful lesbian couple, who adopted an adorable baby girl together. But they are limited in where they can live to states where they can both share custody of their child.

I have another friend who once told me that she sees herself being alone in her life, not because she is unlovable, but because she wants forever and she doesn't see how it can be forever without a marriage, a marriage she doesn't think will ever be legal.

I am not talking civil unions that still don't allow your partner to receive social security benefits if you happen to die. I am not talking civil unions that don't allow for federally mandated leave to care for your spouse. I am not talking civil unions that don't allow your partner to be listed as dependent on your medical insurances. I am not talking civil unions that aren't recognized if you accidentally cross state borders.

I am talking about marriage - a federally recognized vow of fidelity and financial entanglement.

Civil union is not an equivalent institution to marriage. Civil unions are state-level and there are many federal benefits to being married that don't come with a civil union - the right to FMLA leave, the right to file joint tax returns, the right to fucking cross a state border with your adopted child, and the right to spousal veterans benefits to name just a few.

There were joint rallies yesterday in our state capitol of St. Paul. Inside the capitol building, pro gay marriage activists held signs and chanted and outside anti gay marriage bigots held their own rallies. I am appalled that in this day and age, when we tell our children we will love them no matter what, when we tell our children (wrongly) that they can be anything they want when they grow up, we can't just allow for two people who are in love to take that vow and agree to pay the higher taxes (man, getting married did not do good things for me in terms of federal taxes). I honestly don't see the other side to this issue.

A threat to "traditional" marriage? How can allowing more people access to marriage be a threat?

It is mind boggling.







*Actually, I really like him. I think he's brilliant, hilarious, and quite handsome**, but it seems a bit coarse to brag about it all the time.

**He also has spectacularly bad taste in music, wears socks with sandals on occasion, and doesn't like bananas. It is a mystery how we stay together.