Two hours of what?

In fifth grade we watched Bambi. It was supposed to be a treat. I was alseep on my desk, drooling, before twenty minutes were up. In high school, my parents actually let me leave the house one night to go to the movies with my friends without a chaperone. I was asleep before the opening credits to Jurassic Park were finished. This weekend, Biker Boy got The Ususal Suspects through Netflix and I was asleep by the end of the first robbery.

I am a hater. A hater of movies. Don't get me wrong, I love the extra time for sleep they provide me, but the actually watching of movies is a bit of a problem for me.

My theory is that I have a bit of ADD. If I'm not thinking about something (a class, a book, a game, whatever) or doing something (dishes, cleaning, workting out, whatever), my mind revolts and shuts down. Just staring blankly at a screen for two hours does not stretch my mind and I get antsy and bored and then I sleep. It does not help that all white men look the same to me. In The Usual Suspects, there were approximately eighty white male characters introduced in the first ten minutes. The only one I recognized was Kevin Spacey and the others all looked alike, so I gave up trying to figure out who was who.

It also doesn't help that a lot of movies are DARK. So dark. And what do you do when someone shuts off the lights? Well, after a little hanky panky, you fall alseep. That's what movies do to me, to! A little hanky panky and then sleep.

I have several friends who claim that they think a lot while watching movies and that they are good tools for analyzing social and political events and blah, blah, blah, things that movie people say. I don't think my friends are lying to me so much as they are ADDICTED TO MOVIE POPCORN.

Biker Boy does not subscribe to my theory. His theory is that I actually think TOO much about the movies. I'm so busy trying to figure out who's who and what's going on that I don't actually know what's going on. It's the not seeing the forest for the trees kind of thing. It's not adult ADD, it's adult stop being a grad student and trying to find all the asnwers all of the time.

The take home point is that you should never watch a movie with me. I'll get up to do the dishes in the middle of it, if I don't drool on your shoulder first.