Tattoos I Would Get (I'm Not Going to Get a Tattoo)

For literally the better part of two decades, I've had two ideas for tattoos that, if I were going to get a tattoo, I'd get. 

The first is the cover of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn with a two of hearts playing card being used as a bookmark. I want to play off the following cover. 

Does anyone remember the song "She Can't Be Really Gone" by Tim McGraw? There's a verse in the song that goes:

… Her book is lying on the bed
The two of hearts to mark her page
Now who could ever walk away at chapter twenty one
So she can't be really gone

In high school I had a friend named Kim who died in a car accident and they played this song at her funeral. There were tangible pieces of Kim all over the place. She wrote "Kim's brithday" (complete with that exact misspelling) on one of our teacher's desk calendars, there was a cartoon she drew for me hanging in my locker, and there was just a missing place in our lives. That's why the two of hearts playing card. 

So the tattoo would look like sort of like this, but not quite because I'm too cheap to actually pay for the AI generator:

I have an image in my head of the sort of watercolor-y nature of the image of Francie. 

Anyway, I'd obviously put this on my right thigh. 

The second tattoo idea is that I'd get a teeny tiny BGSU Falcon on my right outer ankle.

But, alas, I am too vain about what would happen to tattoos on aging skin, so I will not be getting a tattoo.

Do you have tattoos? What are they? If you don't, do you have ideas, regardless of if you'll ever actually get one or not?

TM and GBBO: Why Good Things Must End (I Guess)

Both Taskmaster (TM) and Great British Bake-Off  (GBBO) had their finals on Friday and I'm over here wondering what I'm going to do with my Fridays for the rest of my life.  

I'm going to try to remain spoiler-free, but who even knows what a spoiler is these days, so be aware.

The contestants on Taskmaster were wonderful this season.  

Photo credit.

1) Victoria Coren Mitchell (VCM) is so smart and was so unable to undo the impression that the Taskmaster had that she was incapable of everyday tasks that she was unfairly underscored throughout the entire season. Highlights of her season include basically solving a puzzle by herself while her teammate patiently allowed her to run roughshod over him and her learning how to ride a bike during a task. 

2) Morgana Robinson was just a bundle of hysterical chaos. From the first task when she called the Taskmaster's assistant a filthy name to the last task when she dressed up as a sex-crazed mermaid, it was impossible to take your eyes off of her.  

3) Guz Khan is absolutely hysterical and his ability to sell anything to the Taskmaster was pure genius - VCM should have learned something from Guz, but she never quite pulled it off.  At one point, Greg asked him if he had ever been in sales and he admitted he had and it was just the best.

4) Desiree Burch is an American woman and absolutely the star of the show as far as I was concerned. She was so very good at prize tasks, from her first prize task of a beautiful chaise lounge to the last one of a air dancer, she got full marks for the prize task in 6/10 episodes.  And let's not forget the time she ate sand or pounded a drink without closing her mouth in seven seconds.  Desiree was not someone I was familiar with before this show, but now I'm a huge fan.

5) Alan Davies just looked like he had so much fun during the whole show. Even when he was failing miserably at a task, he was just laughing and smiling. There was a really sweet moment when he was creating a scene with toys in a bathtub and Desiree offhandedly said "he must be a really good dad" and he just looked so chuffed. I enjoyed his whole vibe. He was VCM's partner in the task when she was solving a riddle and he had half the answer, but he was just so patient with her. I bet he IS a good dad.

But the tasks were a bit lackluster, to be honest. There weren't a lot of tasks in which the contestants could just do whatever they wanted.  Most of them were pretty set (watch Alex do a dance twice and then complete the dance, using these tools pop the balloon, get a chair into the tower room, etc.) and the thing that made them funny was that the contestants were funny.  Whatever. A not-great season of TM is better than most television, I think.

Photo credit

The Great British Bake Off had many highs and lows. The contestants were absolutely fabulous and so nice and kind and I loved it when they helped each other, particularly when the German guy would teach the young kids things. I have nothing negative to say about the contestants, particularly given that they were away from their families and friends for such an extended period of time.  It couldn't have bene easy to live in a baking bubble like that.

But basically everything else about this season was terrible. I hate that "earning" a Hollywood handshake is equivalent to earning star baker or winning a technical. It seems that performance in the technical challenge is no longer evaluated in terms of who should go home (episode nine, *ahem*).  I'm not sure why they even bother with them if they're just going to ignore them in judging.

And then there is the problem of the hosts. I was recently watching an earlier season with Mel and Sue and those two were such geniuses at doing little gags that were a) funny b) food-related, and c) uplifted the bakers.  Maybe Sue grabs the spatula with something yummy on it and tells Mel how delicious it is as she's keeping it away from Mel, maybe Mel puts the bakes in her pocket because she wants to eat it later, or maybe they just stand and watch the bakers watch the cakes in the oven and ask the bakers what they are watching for.  

Noel and Matt don't seem to give a rat's ass about food. I've never seen either one of them "sample" a bake.  Maybe this is a COVID restriction, but they don't even ask about food, either. They ask the bakers to talk trash about bakers, predict things, and then do these never-ending bits and skits that seem to distract the bakers from what they're doing. They don't ask about technique or what they're doing or what their ideas are.  I have historically liked Noel Fielding (a Taskmaster alum, *natch*), but I found him quite nasty in the last two episodes of the season. I honestly left the season thinking that if they don't get new hosts, I might not watch the next season.  How can this be?! How can it go from appointment television to I can't watch these two fools be mean/distracting to the bakers so quickly?!  

So that's that. I am currently rewatching GBBO episodes of old with Mel, Sue, and Mary, but what will I watch when I'm done with that? Probably nothing, to be honest. I'll just read all the time.  Be prepared for more book reviews!

The Top of the Playlist

I listen to a lot of podcasts. I listen when I do household chores, walk the dog, cook, work, shower, exercise, and just about any time I might be left alone with my thoughts. This is probably unhealthy, but what are you going to do?  

In the last year, a lot of my historically favorite podcasts have fallen out of my favor for one reason or another. I'm actually quite picky about how people handle pandemic content - I want it to be acknowledged that there's a global pandemic, but I also don't want my entertainment to be dominated by it.  This is a fine line that is quite arbitrary, but it is what it is.  I lost patience with more than a few podcasts that I would have never said bad things about before.

But! There are a few standouts.  Without further ado, here are the podcasts that I do put to the top of my playlist every time they come out and listen to as soon as I possibly can, usually the day they come out.

1. Crime Writers On...

CWO drops on Mondays. It's honestly the best thing about Mondays. I like to download the episode right before I take the dog out first thing and listen to it as I get ready for the day.  This pod is a review podcast with four panelists and they review true crime pop culture that includes mostly podcasts, movies, and television. I love listening to people talk about true crime in a critical way.  I rarely agree with their assessments and they have a very strange sliding scale about ethics (hey, who cares if Brian Reed totally outed a dead guy as gay on S-Town?  pshaw, we won't hear any criticism of Dan Taberski who totally harassed Richard Simmons in Missing Richard Simmons! but heaven forbid anyone dare question Debra in Dirty John), BUT the panelists have great chemistry and I have found out about many a new podcast listening to this one.  

2. Let's Go To Court

Brandi and Kristin are long-term friends who each tell each other a tale of the court process every week.  It's also two friends just bullshitting about their lives from their illnesses to divorce to sick dogs.  It's always a hit for me. This pod drops on Wednesday, which is a day I typically go into the office, so when I'm all alone in the giant space that is my office, I listen to these two and it feels like I have friends around me.

3. Crimelines

Crimelines is hosted by a woman named Charlie, who, if I'm being honest, I don't care for. She has a passel of children and I have some strong feelings about how she parents (*ahem* I acknowledge that I am the childless judgmental asshole in this situation), but she is brilliant at research and putting out episodes about true crime cases I have not heard about before.  She also does all her chit chat in the first five minutes of her podcast, so if you don't want to hear about her kids, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.  One of the things Charlie does that is unique to her pod is that she has a regular series on Missing and Murdered Indigenous Woman and Girls (MMIWG). She shares some cultural background and then goes into cases that have generally received little to no media coverage.  

Another thing I like about this podcast is that her scripts run through the cases linearly and she doesn't veer off script.  Then at the end, she goes through theories about the case and adds what she thinks about the theories. It's just so organized and clear.  Very well done.  I look forward to her new episodes every week.

4. True Crime Bullshit

Josh Hallmark hosts True Crime Bullshit, which is a podcast based around the serial killer Israel Keyes. (He took a slight detour in season three in which he covered Kelly Cochran - you should definitely skip this season.) There are a number of problems with this podcast, the largest of which is that it's filled with endless clips of interviews with Keyes that are nearly inaudible. I despise this.  However, Hallmark is absolutely obsessed with the details of Israel Keyes, a famously slippery character who regularly paid cash for things, flew into airports and then drove hundreds/thousands of miles away to commit crimes, and just didn't have a lot of ties to the world around him.  I love his enthusiasm for research into Keyes and the level of detail he has is amazing.  

It's not a podcast for everyone. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing homework, but most of the time I'm just pleased that Hallmark found an outlet for his passions and feel lucky that I get to participate in that passion.

5. Taskmaster The Podcast

Taskmaster the Podcast is a review podcast of the brilliant panel show Taskmaster. It's hosted by Ed Gamble, a former contestant on Taskmaster and features weekly guests that include people on the current season, former guests, and superfans. It's interesting because Gamble sees the show from a completely different lens than I do. He's quite competitive and spends a great deal of time talking about the allocation of points and dissecting why the Taskmaster scored things the way he did.  Meanwhile, I think of the show the way former contestant Sarah Kendall thinks about it - it's a series of ridiculous tasks and it doesn't really matter how well you do or don't do, there's an arbitrary force in the world that's handing out awards (or not).  I also spend a lot of time marveling at Alex Horne's ingenuity in coming up with creative, funny, interesting tasks.

If you enjoy Taskmaster, this will be a podcast for you. I immediately download it to listen to after I watch the episode.  If you do not enjoy Taskmaster (what's wrong with you? are you heartless?) or have never watched an episode (what are you waiting for? go watch it now), then don't worry about this.   

6. The Bake Down

The Bake Down is a review podcast of the Great British Bake Off (GBBO). It features previous contestants Howard, Jane, and Dan. After I watch a new episode, I download the podcast episode immediately. I think Howard and Jane are (inter)national treasures.  I'm less keen on Dan because he sometimes gets snide and I like my GBBO content to be light and fluffy, but it's great to hear some behind-the-scenes tidbits and they answer questions about the logistics of filming.  

7. Pop Mom!

I am ride or die for Pop Mom! Pop culture critic John Teti and his mom Bonney discuss pop culture from tv to movies to videogames. There's also an update about Bonney's life in small town New Hampshire. I love the view into a solid relationship between an adult child and a parent. It's not about the reviews for me (although I did discover Taskmaster through Pop Mom!), but it's about the delightful relationship between the two hosts.  It goes to the top of my list every time, regardless of whether or not I've even heard of the pop culture product being discussed. 

8. Too Scary; Didn't Watch

Too Scary; Didn't Watch is a horror movie recap pod in which two friends are too scared to watch the movies so their brave friend watches them and then tells them all about it. Sometimes they have guests, but I actually mostly like it when it's just the three of them. This is a recent discovery for me, so I'm actually only about halfway through their archives, but when I don't really want to listen to anything on my list, I download one of these episodes. Much like with Let's Go To Court, we get to listen on friends as their lives change - divorces, cross-country moves, and new pets all make small appearances - and I get to listen to movies I would be too scared to watch!

Do you listen to podcasts? Which ones get moved directly to the top of your playlist?