1) Elisabeth posted a fun post about names (do you like your name? do you go by a nickname? your middle name?). While I was writing a novel in her comment section - boy, don't we all love to talk about our names? - I came to a somewhat disturbing conclusion.
I like my first name a lot. My middle name is boring, but I think it sounds great with my first name, so I'll allow it. But my last name. Oomph.
When I got married, I did not change my name. There are good reasons for this - professional, political, and social. Dr. BB and I took an afternoon off from work and went to the Hennepin County Courthouse to get our marriage license. We had to put the names we were going to use after the wedding on this form and I realized that we had not once talked about it. Dr. BB comes from a Catholic family. They go to church every week and take communion, but they aren't the types of Catholics who want mass to be in Latin or for women to wear chapel veils, right?
I looked up at him in panic. "I'm not going to change my name."
"I never thought you were."
And that, my friends, cemented that I was getting a good guy.
But now. My last name is the name of my father. The name of my father's family. And as my relationship with my family of origin gets more and more strained, I have this name.
I still think the reasons for keeping my name are sound. But sometimes I wonder why I didn't take this fabulous man's (and his family's) name. This has been hard to think about.
2) Speaking of his fabulous family, do you remember my nephew who I was helping with the ACT? Well, he took the test in April and his score improved, but he took it again in September and NOW HE HAS A 30. I'm just so chuffed and proud of him.
3) My friend Rob (he has no idea who I am) said in his 60 Songs That Explain the 90s: The 2000s podcast episode ostensibly about Lee Ann Womack's song "I Hope You Dance," but was really somehow about The Blues Brothers and Dolly Parton, that "Jolene" is the quintessential Dolly song. I mean, I don't know that I disagree, but then Dr. BB and I had a discussion about Dolly's top five.
"9 to 5"
"Jolene"
"Coat of Many Colors"
Now I have some thoughts. Personal favorites of mine include "Romeo," "Islands in the Stream," "The Grass is Blue," and "Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That," but I think there are some strong arguments for "Hard Candy Christmas," "I Will Always Love You," "Joshua," and "Rockin' Years."
ANYWAY. What's your Top Five Dolly list?
4) It's my bi-annual insanity time at work in which priority registration is just around the corner and this is what my work calendar looks like.
Don't worry. It doesn't usually look like this. But if I seem a bit distracted, you'll know why! (I have a periodontist appointment this morning. I have had that time blocked off for six months.)
5) Gentle reminder that our read of Convenience Store Woman for CBBC starts on Monday! I can't wait to hear what you all think of the first half of the book.
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Does anyone else have podcast host "friends"? What's in your Top Five Dolly songs?
I dont have podcast friends, but I have my friend Jeff who sends packages for me. ( though my sister met him in person, and he was rather abrupt. )
ReplyDeleteI really like Here you Come Again and Coat of Many Colors by Dolly. I'm not fond of Jolene or Islands in the Stream, but I admit I've only listened to country music more as I've gotten older.
I didnt change my name when I married ; given how traditional I am it surprises people. I told my husband I wanted to keep my name, and all he asked was if it would cost money. Which it didn't, so he was happy with my choice. . (However, in the university universe, much more typical for a woman to keep her name. ) People call me by his last name sometimes ( because the kids have his name), but I don't mind. Legally and in my heart, I know I'm my last name.
Congratulations to your nephew! Those are great scores! Its nice to see someone put in some hard work and improve!
Yeah, I don't know why Here You Come Again doesn't hit me the same way it does with other people, but the beauty of the Dolly Parton oeuvre is that it is wide and vast and there's something for everyone.
DeleteIt was so exciting that he texted me about his scores, too. He could have kept them quiet like some teen boys do.
I did not change my name when I got married either and Rob never thought I would. It was a non-issue for us, but whoa, was it an issue for my mother. Crikey. She flipped out and gave me the gears about it for years and years. My MIL also used to address things to Mr and Mrs R Husbandslastname. It was a sore spot for the longest time. Now if someone calls me Mrs Husbandslastname I sometimes correct them and sometimes don't, depending on the circumstance.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to your nephew!
Top Dolly: I Will Always Love You, Here You Come Again, Islands in the Stream, 9 to 5.
You know what? My inlaws were absolutely GOLDEN about me keeping my name. It was my own mother and grandmother who insisted that we were Mr. and Mrs. HisLastName on every piece of correspondence or, worse, NGS HisLastName when it was just to me. Mom, YOU GAVE ME THE NAME I STILL HAVE. Eh. They're both gone now, so maybe I should get over this.
DeleteNicole, I'm glad I Will Always Love You speaks to you, but that song probably isn't even in my top twenty Dolly songs. Oh! That sounds like a fun project. Top twenty Dolly!
I went to the library yesterday and picked up Convenience Store Woman AND The Nightingales! And I read about 20 pages of Convenience Store woman- it's an easy, interesting read and it goes quickly. Speaking of podcast friends, Ariel from Books Unbound said she thinks Convenience Store Woman is one of the best books of the decade. We'll see about that! I'll be curious to see what people think of it.
ReplyDeletei did change my name when I got married, and it was an easy decision. My old last name was super boring, my husband's name was much more interesting, my sister had already gotten married and changed her name, and I just didn't feel much allegiance to my old name. Overall I think it makes life easier, especially when you have kids. But to each his own! Either way works.
Oh, I have really influenced your reading this week!! I hope you love those books as much as I do! Ariel really can't talk about best books because she only reads like fifteen books a year and most of them are graphic novels. LOL. I admire her tenacity in maintaining a book podcast even though she almost never finishes reading a book.
DeleteI mean, I'm not going to change my name. But this is really the first time ever that I thought maybe I made the wrong choice and that was a bit surprising to me.
I planned to change my name when I got married but just haven't gotten around to it yet (three years later...). I definitely think it matters more to my husband than it does to me since he's brought it up a few times. At which point, I tell him that if he's willing to do the legwork and bring me whatever forms I need to sign and take on changing it in all of the places that will need to be changed (utilities, etc), I'd be happy to go along with that, at which point he drops it again for another year.
ReplyDeleteThe men say they will do the paperwork, they always do. But the truth is that THEY CAN'T do all the standing in line and things. My sister hyphenated and it's only halfway done because if her husband can't do it, it's not getting done. LOL.
DeleteI started reading Convenience Store Woman and just kept reading because I forgot where I was supposed to stop for the first week. I’m excited for book club!
ReplyDeleteI went through the while rigamarole of changing my name (actually hyphenating it) and fine, whatever, my Husband had no thoughts one way or the other, but one day I asked if he would ever change his name for me, and he said, “yes, in theory, but in practice it’s too much work.” I was really annoyed by that response.
My father was actually really upset that I changed my name. It’s not a thing people do in Taiwan.
Yay! I like that you just kept reading. I think there's a lot to talk about.
DeleteChanging names is so fraught. I'm sorry your father was upset. My father was upset that I didn't ask him to walk me down the aisle and that I didn't change my name (it is traditional, you know), so I was such a disappointment to him on my wedding day.
It was an easy decision to change my last name since (1) my maiden name is long, blah, and has a complicated spelling, (2) I wanted to join the clan, and (3) I liked his last name. What I would say is that it's true that your last name came from your father, but you own it just as much as he did. He's not around anymore so when people see the name they are more likely to associate it with you (a kind person who does awesome things) and not with him. On the flip side, you're allowed to take your husband's name after the fact, though the paperwork is a PITA and I know that it's not something that you want to do. Professionally it's not a big deal, the social and political stuff is.
ReplyDeleteUgh. There's no good answer for women re: last names. If you change it and get divorced, do you change it again? Blah. I am not into the paperwork, so I'm not going to change my name at this late date, that is for sure.
DeleteOof, your calendar looks intense! I have weeks like that sometimes and they suck. I don't like back-to-back-to-back-to-back meetings. When is a person supposed to use the bathroom?! There are days when I have 12-14 30 minute zooms and those are such exhausting days!
ReplyDeleteI changed my name when I got married but Phil had no say in that decision. He would have supported me keeping my name. I traded up in terms of ease of pronunciation/spelling. The first syllable of my maiden name was "Dot" so verbally giving my email address was super annoying because I'd say "lisa dot dot(the rest fo my last name) and sometimes they'd say "there are 2 dots in your email address?" I would change to period (lisa period dot(the rest of my name) and that still confused people. Plus several of the letters in my name was difficult to understand because they sounds like other letters. I could use the nato alphabet but my last name had 9 letters so it would get really long to be like "d like delta, o like oscar, t like tango, blah blah blah. So if someone asked for my email address, it seemed like they rarely got it right so I'd try to email them instead.
That's a long winded way of saying I did not like my last name. And I also do not care for my first name. I think it's so boring. My middle name is Anne. Boring, too! My dad named me off a feisty, confident lady from a soap opera he watched in the 80s (As the World Turns). I was the first kid he got to name on his own (I was the 4th child) so he felt a lot of pride about naming me. But I tried to change my name to Stephanie in the 3rd grade because I really disliked Lisa. I put it on all of my papers and would only answer to Stephanie. Now that I am a parent, I feel kind of bad about it because I would be sad if our boys did not like their names. That said, Will goes by Taco 95% of the time. But it's fitting! Paul was named after my dad and the deceased first child of my in-laws (we got her permission to use the name before he was born and she was very touched) so I would be especially sad if Paul didn't like his name. But so far he loves it and there are NO PAULS in his age group. I think he''s the only Paul at his school!
Apologies for the novel I wrote about my name...
Fortunately, most of my meetings don't take the full 30 minutes, but I do need to write them up, so I try to have 5-7 minutes to do that. I'll fall behind in documentation if I need to eat/use the restroom.
DeleteMy middle name is Ann. It's boring, but sounds okay with my first name, so that's okay.
You know what? Everyone wrote novels in Elisabeth's comments section, too. It's cool to hear people's stories about their names! My mother's middle name (Veronica) also came from a soap opera!