About My Mom

The things you should know about my mom is that she loved Dusty the Lhasa apso and Red the Pomeranian more she loved her daughters, watched television shows on aliens and Bigfoot on constant repeat, hated men, loved doing craft projects that ended up looking like a fifth grader had completed them, and had a stash of trashy romance novels under her bed the day she died.

 

In her defense, Red was an amazing dog. I loved him more than most people, too.

********************

One day I was having an allergic reaction to a medication and I had to leave high school early because the hives were freaking out everyone. My mom, sister, and I piled into the car and went to the doctor. They gave me antibiotics, told me not to take sulfa drugs ever again, and the three of us got ice cream and went shopping where we all bought new clothes and shoes, and we drove fast through the two-lane country roads lined with corn and wheat fields, windows down, screaming out the lyrics to "Pour Some Sugar on Me." 

********************

She used to say that you should always eat your dessert first because there might be a fire before dinner was finished and wouldn't it be a shame if you didn't get to eat dessert. 

********************

She worked for the post office for over thirty years. She sorted mail, learned to drive a forklift, and could tell you every zip code for every small town in Michigan, Illinois, and Indiana. It was fun to test her on road trips. Climax! 49034! Corydon! 47112!

********************

At my wedding, she insisted on wear a pink top that clashed with the red that was our wedding color. Oh, well. She carried around an ugly old black purse and in every wedding photo, she's holding on to that damn purse. It makes me laugh now. At my sister's wedding, I took my mom's purse and cell phone from her and held them hostage in my car. Everyone she knew was at the wedding, so no one would call her. And damned if I was going to let her have an ugly purse in every one of my sister's wedding photos. 

The strap!

NO ONE ELSE HAS A PURSE ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

********************

When she was a tween, her nightgown caught fire on a gas range when she was heating up water for tea. She had third-degree burns up and down the left side of her body. They grafted skin from her thighs for her upper arm and torso. She was heavily scarred and she was out of school for more than two years. 

********************

She had nine brothers and sisters. She was number nine. There are only four remaining siblings now. 

********************

She used to text me indecipherable words. The number of times I texted "I do not understand what you mean" is probably hundreds. The very last text she sent to me was "Rocket is he play with him steals his bones. And lets him have the big cat." The fuck, mom? (Translation: Rocket plays with Sy and steals his bones. He lets Sy sleep in the big cage. - Rocket and Sy are my sister's dogs.) 

********************

One time she signed a birthday card to me Love, Fran instead of Love, Mom and then she didn't call me on my birthday and I cried. After I got married, she never called me on my birthday. She said it was my husband's job. I don't know. It made me sad. 

********************

She worked nights and my father worked during the day. So he was the primary caretaker. Did she notice the bruises? The empty fridge? The fear in our eyes? 

********************

One time we went for a walk in a county park. I though the loop was .75 miles, but at about mile two, my mom was getting tired. I saw a road across a field and made my mom troop through the field to get to the road, found a church, and parked her at a bench by the church. I looked a map on my phone, realized our car was about three-quarters of a mile away via sidewalks and ran to the car and drove back to get her. She referred to it as "our little hiking adventure."

Not from the hiking adventure, but when we went to a mall and she suggested I buy bright pink lipstick, which I did, but then threw it away because I am not a bright pink lipstick lady. She asked me why I wasn't wearing it the next time she saw me.

********************

********************

********************

I remember Jenny writing once (on her blog? in a comment here?) that when her mom died, she had young children and she just kept doing the things that it takes when you have young children and then one day she woke up and her life was normal again. Like, different normal, of course. But she had to keep on waking up and tying the shoelaces and packing the lunches and whatever it is that you do with kids. And every morning I'm getting up and walking the dog and then I get home and I don't remember it. My day-to-day life has not changed much since I lived hundreds of miles away, but somehow the world seems different. And I feel different, but I can't put my finger on what exactly. But I'll keep waking up and living my life and someday it will be normal again.

Obviously our relationship was complicated, but I never doubted that she loved me and my sister with all her heart and she always did what she thought was best for us. I miss her random incomprehensible emails. I miss the jokes about how terrible men were and how I would have to defend them (ME!). My birthday just passed and I missed the card in the mailbox. But that's part of the process, right?

********************

********************

Thank you to everybody who has checked in with me in the last few weeks. The texts, the cards, the flowers, the books, the random board game someone sent with no name on it - it has all been very much appreciated. If I didn't send you a note thanking you, I have to admit that you probably won't get one because I have done a lousy job of keeping track. Just know that I did appreciate it and I have felt very much surrounded by love and support. 

********************

********************

I'm going to attempt to do my regular bloggy thing, but posts may be sporadic. But at some point, it will become normal again.