The bride and groom have been very quiet about this wedding. We never even received a save the date and the invitation came with very limited information, but there was a link to a wedding website!
Okay, I thought this would have solved all my problems, but it absolutely has not.
Conundrum #1
Here's what it say about the dress code:
The bride will be wearing a wedding dress and the groom will wear a suit, but we'd love for you to wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and festive. Dresses, suits, and ties are all optional. If you prefer a bit of inspiration, think coast, garden, and sunshine. Plan to walk briefly on moderately uneven ground, grass, and dirt trail, and know that you'll be standing for the entirety of the ceremony.
We recommend bringing layers, as temperatures can range from the low 50s to high 70s during summer.
What does that mean I should wear?
I've googled the locations and literally cannot find the ceremony site, but I think it's literally a meadow. The place for the ceremony is a cute restaurant with a giant outdoor eating area. It sounds like we will be outdoors for all of it.
1) Dr. BB is probably going to wear a linen suit.
2)The ceremony is at 4pm and the dinner is from 6-9pm. Both will be held outdoors.
3) Should I just wear a regular cotton dress and bringing a cardigan or scarf?
4) Can I just wear my every day sandals? Because of my dicey leg, I am not great at heels on level surfaces, let alone uneven ground. Normal sandals doesn't seem very celebratory and wedding-y. I do not want to be hobbled, though. My bad leg sometimes does bad leg things.
Conundrum #2
The registry has six items on it and then a contribution to a honeymoon fund. I suspect the meager registry items were put there for elderly relatives who would complain about just handing over cash, but I fear that I AM an elderly non-relative who is cranky about just handing over cash.
Should I just suck it up and donate to the honeymoon fund (*sigh* *eyeroll* *unhappy face*) or be a jerk and purchase one of the registry items?
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Okay, sound away. What do I do here?
Wear a regular dress and bring a sweater. Be comfortable! I like the description given by the couple. Very realistic expectations seeing as they're getting married in a meadow!
ReplyDeleteWear shoes that work for your feet. (My daughters wore nice clean sneakers to their sisters wedding and no one cared. ) Esp if you are walking over a meadow.
Buy something from the registry. They'll use it. I'm not a fan of honeymoon funds - people should plan what they can afford. (grumpy old lady here. ) It's different if you want to give them money. For example, my other daughter got money for her marriage gifts because she was finishing up med school and would be moving and didn't want stuff. No one was required to give - only if they wanted to. She accepted good wishes happily as well.
This sounds like a lovely, easygoing wedding. Be yourself and have a good time!
Oh yes! I totally forgot this! Pairing a cute dress -- even a fancy dress -- with sneakers is all the rage. Every bar/bat mitzvah is full of sneakers and nary a heel. My (very stylish) friend even wore sneakers to her son's bar mitzvah.
DeleteThe dress code is the easy part! They said "whatever makes you feel comfortable and festive". To me that's a summer dress and comfy shoes. No matter what WEAR COMFY SHOES. We already covered this with Jenny's son's graduation, but no one is going to be looking at your feet.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the gift, my last choice would be the honeymoon fund, simply because it doesn't sit right with you. Snap up one of those six gifts! Or go off script and get them a "we're thinking of you but dude you're a grown up so pay for your own honeymoon" gift. Our wedding was "no gifts but if you want to do something nice here is the donation info for the cancer center that took care of Hubs's mama". People showed up to the ceremony with cards and little "I'm thinking of you" things: we got two bottles of champagne and a few wedding themed photo frames.
I'm excited for your trip!
I think that standing through the entire ceremony and walking on uneven ground calls for flat, comfortable shoes. Your everyday sandalls will be perfect! I hope you'll show us what you wear. It sounds like it'll be a fun wedding at a beautiful location.
ReplyDeleteOkay, absolutely wear your everyday sandals. You're going to be standing for the whole ceremony? You need to wear the practical shoes. Also it sounds like heels will be a nightmare on a dirt trail/ uneven ground. I'd wear a cotton sundress and then make sure to have some kind of wrap/ cardigan/ scarf for chilly weather. It sounds pretty casual and it feels like that will be a perfect outfit.
ReplyDeleteI would probably just pony up for the honeymoon fund, which I do not like personally, but hey, it makes things easy. I kind of hate that but I'd also probably want to leave the registry items for the elderly relatives. Then again, if you really hate it, just buy something from the registry. A gift is a gift!
Engie, this wedding dress code sounds MADE for you. You have a closet FULL of adorable dresses and scarves. Put your favorite two together and BAM, you are set! I 100% agree that wearing your everyday sandals is the way to go! This sounds so fun and I can't wait to see a photo of you in your cute dress and Dr. BB in his linen suit!
ReplyDeleteI, too, dislike honeymoon funds, even though I love giving and receiving cash. I don't know. There's something about giving A Thing, especially A Meaningful Thing, that feels so apt at weddings. Like not only are you giving a gift, but you're contributing something to their life together in a way that allows you to be part of that everyday. Not that I remember AT ALL who gave me every single item for my wedding, but the items I got -- even those not on my registry -- are things I feel so warm and sentimental about. The gifts represent that people who love us believed in me, my husband, and our union and wanted to be part of that commitment to our life together, and wow I am clearly attaching way too much emotional importance to this stuff oh my. What I am saying is, I understand the desire to give A Thing and I think they will appreciate and even treasure whatever you give them.
Comfort! Everyday sandals and comfy dress. No one will be looking at you, so priority is comfort. Honeymoon fund for the win - in Asian cultures, cash is the only gift that is given in all important situations. I'm American of Asian descent, so I was uncomfortable with cash at first, but have transitioned to it completely for many, many gifts. Teachers, aides, teenagers and especially when they ask for it. It's easy to find, wastes no time for me and completely fungible. No one is not thrilled with the cash!
ReplyDeleteEchoing what others are saying, comfy shoes, casual dress, bring a sweater. As for giving $$$ to their honeymoon fund, I'd have no problem with that. Stuff is nice, but helping someone have a vacation experience seems cool to me.
ReplyDeleteYou got good advice from the women above (or will they be below). But I am a guy and only wish you well. 🤓
ReplyDeleteDonate to honeymoon fund. Wear a pretty summer dress with a layering piece (I have a really pretty coral Ann Taylor pashmina from back in the day when those were a thing if you want to borrow it-- it's really soft and warm but not hot (a good thing to take on a plane) I wear it as a spring/early fall scarf with a coat as a scarf but it is a shawl.) What about those darling Birks with the flower strap? Could be special for the wedding and then great everyday sandals: https://www.dsw.com/product/birkenstock-gizeh-sandal---womens/588972?activeColor=650&cm_mmc=CSE-_-GPS-_-G_Shopping_PMAX_Sandals-_-&cadevice=c&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21040035747&gbraid=0AAAAADRIb9Q3GmvgERItO3lEUv88DjGEo&gclid=Cj0KCQjwgvnCBhCqARIsADBLZoL86Mb3hLpuBT_sKiMjJRr1xr9E_AEuKKuQceMghp0g2faLg4tLOR8aAkalEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
ReplyDeleteWow, that is kind of vague. All I can say is- wear your comfortable sandals!!! They have made it clear that it's not necessarily a super dressy occasion. You don't want to hurt yourself.
ReplyDeleteI say you should buy something from the registry if that's your preference. If they didn't want those things, they shouldn't have provided a registry! This sounds like it will be fun- and you get to go to CA!
Santa Cruz is hippy dippy so if they are getting married there my thoughts would be that a cotton dress with sensible shoes and a sweater and maybe make it a thick one, because when the fog rolls in, 50 degrees feels cold, no matter if you are from WI or not! You will be fine, and probably not the most casual person there. I am going to nearly guarantee that you will have at least one man with a pony tail and cords at this wedding.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely the honeymoon fund. Or cash, who cares what other people think? Registries are to make people who feel uncomfortable giving cash something tangible to buy. BUT if you feel uncomfortable giving cash, by all means, give something from the registry. They can always return it and get cash! :)
Dress as fancy as want and wear comfy shoes, Engie!
ReplyDeleteIf it would make you miserable to not buy a thing, buy a thing. But it sounds like the couple really wants honeymoon funds, and if you feel like being magnanimous, you could pivot to thinking about how happy it would make them to receive cash. I'm all for experience gifts these days.
I echo the others - wear a summer dress, bring a cardigan for later. I always give cash for weddings (and gift a physical gift for a shower if they have one). I would probably just plug your nose and give cash/contribute to the honeymoon registry.
ReplyDeleteSummer dress, cardigan, and your comfy sandals - especially for uneven ground! For the gift... I think go for the registry if that is more in your gift-giving wheelhouse! It's there for a reason.
ReplyDeleteI think leaving the wedding attire open-ended like that means they aren't going to care too much about what their guests wear (unless one of them shows up in a Metallica t-shirt and holey jeans, though maybe not even then). I'd guess your options 3 and 4 will be perfectly fine.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'd get them a toaster.
Regular comfortable dress, sweater, regular sandals. Standing for the entirety of the ceremony seems punitive unless it's very short. Donate to the honeymoon fund and grumble about it - wanting experiences instead of stuff is fine, in my book, although I don't love giving just cash either. I hope it's fun - I am such a nervous traveler, but usually have a blast once I get there, and California sounds nice from what little I know.
ReplyDeleteI went to a wedding last August on the coast just a little south of the Santa Cruz area. It was outdoors and the ceremony was at 5:00 and it was very warm and sunny. But going into the evening with the reception, dinner and dancing it was COLD! like wear a puffy coat zipped up cold and I still wasn’t warm enough. So a pashmina or sweater may not be enough. Maybe have a warmer jacket stashed away just in case? And do you think you’re only seeing 6 items on their registry because everything else was already purchased and that’s all that’s left? I would buy something off the registry - they obviously will like it since they chose it.
ReplyDelete1st time commenting - Dulcie
I think you can wear one of your cute dresses and bring along either a warmish cardigan or linen blazer. As far as footwear, if you're going to be traversing longish grass and rough stones, I don't think sandals will be comfy or safe. Do you have a pair of flats or fun sneakers? I just think loose shoes might cause you to slip, and I wonder about bugs in the grass. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteAs far as a wedding gift, I always give cash. It's One Size Fits All, and I don't ever have to feel like I've wasted my time or money picking out a gift that might live on a shelf and eventually be in a garage sale or be donated (like the sterling silver casserole and tongs that I just last year donated to Goodwill that had been sitting in my basement, unused since I got them 40+ years ago).