1) NPR had an article about eye fatigue for people who use screens a lot. I spent the morning trying to follow the advice in the article and realized it was a losing battle for me. I am not going to stop every 20 minutes to do 2 minute breaks for my eyes. I honestly would never get anything done. Also, my boss just walked by when I was doing this circle thing with my thumb and just raised her eyebrows and walked by with no comment. I don't know why I'm sharing this with you, but here we are.
2) A while back I asked all of you for some advice on what to buy my BIL for his investiture because he's being promoted to a judgeship. He's getting an Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. book, a candle with a sticker on it that says "Only Badass Motherfuckers Are Judges" (his wife said it would be okay), and I bought a really cool card from an Etsy seller. Unfortunately I won't be able to go to the investiture, but my spirit will be there.
3) Last week I asked if anyone had any questions for my husband for a fun post later on this spring. I'm still collecting questions! Feel free to fill out this form or you can email me any questions you might have. There's a form on the righthand sidebar of this very blog if you prefer to email me!
4) I am exhausted right now. Yesterday I was making granola, which is pretty straightforward. You dump things in a big bowl, mix them up, then put it all in the oven on a baking sheet for 45 minutes, stirring it every 15 minutes. I literally was falling asleep in those fifteen minute increments and waking up, very confused about what was going on, to the oven timer going off. I need multiple nights of a full eight hours of sleep, some time on the beach, and the ability to erase the mental load about household chores and when we need to buy more cat food.
Alas, that is not going to happen. So here I am telling you right now that I am going to be taking a break from a couple of things. One, I am going to stop doing Duolingo daily. My streak is almost 1500 days and I'm starting to get really resentful. I'm going to stop doing it and start consuming more media in Spanish.
5) I'm also going to be going blog lite for the next couple of weeks. I'm going to be in Michigan and I don't know what my schedule will be like. My mother is not responding to chemo well and she's having terrible complications even though she's on the lowest effective dose. I have been given the task of having the conversation about whether or not she wants to continue treatment*. Meanwhile, THREE of my aunt and uncles will also be there and that's a lot of people and I'm super stressed about this trip for so many reasons. I will be still be posting regular update posts, like my monthly reviews, a CBWC update, book reviews as I write them, and my 20th anniversary posts, but my daily writing and reading of other's blogs will likely be sporadic. I am allowing myself this as one fewer thing on my plate right now.
*No, my sister still isn't talking to me. My mother barely returns texts and I think it's because she's sleeping like 22 hours of the day. My sister and her husband are going on a vacation (and I want them to because caretakers need respite) and I will be in charge of my terminally ill mother, my sister's zillion pets, and my aunt and two uncles (the youngest of whom is 61) will be there, too. It's going to really be a worst case scenario for me.
So, if I'm pretty quiet over the next couple of weeks, please know that I will be back more fully after the first week or so of May.
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Do you do eye exercises? Do you have burning questions for my husband to answer? Would you like a candle calling you a badass motherfucker?
What an incredibly difficult situation. Cancer is terrible, chemo is terrible, and then everything else on top of it... it's not going to be easy for you. I hope pulling back on the blogging helps a little. We'll all be thinking about you and sending love.
ReplyDeleteI think your gifts are awesome- but when I first read it I thought it said 'Oliver Wendall Holmes Jr. COOKBOOK" and I thought "huh, that's odd!" Apparently I need to get a little more sleep as well.
I'll try to think of some questions for your husband.
Good luck, Engie!
I love the idea of an Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. Cookbook. Like his favorite recipes? The most made recipes the year he became a Supreme Court justice? So many ideas for what that would look like.
DeleteYou begin with eyes while I sit here looking at the screen with my eyes dry and scratchy. But I don't want to close and rest them after a night of sleep -- or at least some sleep.
ReplyDeleteI will never learn if those eye exercises work because I will never do them!
DeleteThat card is perfect and wonderful. Great job, Engie. You are a terrifically thoughtful gift-giver.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to know that you are going to practice a little SelfCare by cutting back where you can on your myriad obligations, whether self-imposed or not. I learned this Lesson far too late in my life, and it did cost me. I--and all of us, surely--will be thinking of you as you navigate such difficult times these next weeks. XO
I don't know how great I am about self-care, but an honest assessment of things led me to believe that I cannot do it all and some things had to give. Fingers crossed it a temporary situation.
DeleteBadass Motherfucker candles! Never given, always earned (well, in your BILs case he is being given the candle, but it's because he's earned it). I think that's an amazing celebration package for him.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of eye fatigue problems and I'll try anything once but...after trying the circle exercise I think I'll stick with looking away from my screen frequently and using tons of eye drops.
I'm sending all of the internet hugs your way with the family sitch <3 I know that it won't be easy, but it will be OK.
I would love it if someone gave me a candle like that. I have literally no idea where my BIL will be able to store it (obviously not at work and he had small kids at home), but when my SIL gave it a thumbs up, I just could not resist it!
DeleteEvery time someone says they have problems with X, I always think "that's the worst." Like, back problems? That's the worst! Broken leg? That's the worst! But eye problems? That might be the worst!
I totally get you wanting to take a break. You have a lot on your plate! My Dad is one of six and I see him often taking on things for his mother that the siblings don't help with and I am really, really hoping that is not going to be my role, although I feel that it is, as my brother, who is VERY kind, is not as practical/responsible as I am. So I told him that he gets to change diapers and I will make the decisions.
ReplyDeleteWe will miss you, but in the grand scheme of things, responding to blog comments is not very important and we will all be here when you get back. I would say have fun, but instead I will just say keep your head up!!!
It has been difficult. I don't know how my sister deals with this day in and day out, to be honest. But we all have to do what we all have to do, right?
DeleteOkay, I just did those eye exercises and it actually felt kind of nice, like when you do a downward dog after sitting for a while - I didn't realize those muscles needed stretching.
ReplyDeleteOh what a heavy load you have on you right now! No wonder you feel exhausted - not just physically, but also mentally. I hope the next few weeks are VERY BORING and that you are able to have the energy to take care of yourself while with your family. I'm always impressed - and glad - that you post as much as you do, and I'll miss your words, but also taking care of your people and yourself is so much more important.
Diane, I just learned that there are people who think downward dog feels good! It's always a struggle for me!!
DeleteOh Engie. I wish I could take all of this away. Every single last painful thing. Family and love and health and all the dynamics that make up the fabric of our lives can be so painful and messy and my heart literally aches for you right now. Sending internet hugs because I can't think of what else I can do from my end. (And I don't get the sense you're the praying kind, but you, your mother, and the challenging family dynamics are going into my prayer journal today. I will be praying).
ReplyDeleteThat card is brilliant. I know I don't tend to use strong language, but that candle is so brilliant I'd *almost* show it to my ultra-straight-laced Baptist parents. ALMOST. I'm not crazy. I hope he loves it.
Take care, my friend <3
The candle is so funny. I mean, I love that there's a seller who makes it because how many people are there who can possibly get it as a gift?!
DeleteThank you for your kind thoughts and prayers for me and my family. I appreciate knowing there are people out there rooting for us.
Those eye exercises sound really useful, but I could see how they might be a little awkward at work.
ReplyDeleteThe gifts you chose for your BIL are amazing, and I bet he will be delighted by them (and the card).
Life sounds really complicated and heavy right now, and I'm really glad you are able to lighten your commitments. Family situations can be so tangled and fraught and I understand that there are so many wildly conflicting feelings that go into them. I hope for the best possible outcome for all of you. Sending you love and strength as you navigate all the complexities. <3
I hope that my gift giving is appreciated. I mean, who wouldn't be flattered?
DeleteI would love a candle like that! Congratulations to your BIL! Family relationships can be such a mindfuck so I wish you all the patience and grace as you see them. You got this!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind thoughts. It does help to know there are people thinking of us.
DeleteI am sorry to hear about the reason for the trip to Michigan. I hope that the conversation goes ok. It is hard to be the person to tackle that conversation but I hope you can all come to a decision that everyone is at peace with. It's hard to go through the misery of chemo when it's not effective so it's making you feel horrible for naught.
ReplyDeleteI do not do eye exercises. I would not be able to do my job if I took that many breaks!
Right? I would never get any work done if I took that many breaks. Ridiculous!
DeleteYou are such a thoughtful gift-giver, Engie! That assemblage of celebratory gifts is truly awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things are so heavy right now (cancer, chemo, family, all of it) and I wish I could make it disappear or at least resolve in a way that is satisfactory to you... You will be in my my thoughts and I'm sending all the good luck and good energies I can muster. Much love to you.
I do some similar eye exercises, BTW! Not every 20 mins though...
DeleteI keep hoping that someday I can have a leisurely trip to Michigan and come see you. Someday!
DeleteWhat a difficult situation; I'm sorry. Of course you need to take some non-essential things off your plate who couldn't understand that in this situation?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your understanding, my friend. I hope it's very temporary.
DeleteMy heart goes out to you, and no wonder you're exhausted. I'm sending you all my best wishes. ❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you for your wishes. I'll take all I can get.
DeleteSo sorry to hear about your mom's health. I will be thinking of you and hoping the trip is better/more manageable than you anticipate. I'm not sure why your sister isn't speaking to you, but dang- that's rotten. (read between the lines: I have sisters. They are close - with each other. Enough said?)
ReplyDeleteI died laughing at your boss walking by and giving you a raised eyebrow look when she spotted you doing thumb up arm circles. Oh gosh. That visual pops out like it belongs on an episode of the Office.
I don't do eye exercises, and don't plan to start. Shame on me, maybe? I don't think I've been reading long enough to ask your husband questions, but I'm interested to see what more seasoned readers will ask. And, yes. I would like a candle to share with the world that I am a badass mo-fo. Why not? I mean, I run a daycare and I have young, impressionable foster daughters, but I can keep it in a special place. ;) I think the gift idea for the judge-to-be is great.
I also do not know where my BIL will keep that candle. It's not office appropriate and he has small children, so I don't know. His wife said it was okay, though!
DeleteMy boss just walking by with the eyebrow raise was classic. She also caught me when I was staring down our hallway for an eye break. LOL. She must think I'm obsessed with eye health.
Oh Engie, I am so sorry for everything you're going through. You're amazing to go take care of your mother and let your sister take a break and how you've been treated, but I also know that this the kind of person that you are and that you would do anything for family and that your kind and caring. I hope you'll get through the next couple of weeks ok and that it maybe opens a door to your mother and sister that has been half-closed. I am thinking of you. <3
ReplyDeleteAlso, the gift for your BIL is awesome.
I hope that, at the very least, this will mean my sister will trust me to take care of my mother once in a while when my sister needs a break. We'll see if that proves to be true.
DeleteWishing you all the best as you deal with this difficult situation!!! Sounds so, so hard. Hugs to you. <3
ReplyDeleteThanks, my friend. This too shall pass and I'll be back to posting regular complaints and photos of my pets.
DeleteI like the eye exercise idea. I'll start doing it. My eye doc told me that to combat the negative impact of starring at a screen I should gaze out a window, find a point in the horizon as far away as possible and stare at it for 10 seconds, then look down at my feet for 10 seconds. Do this back and forth for a minute. It seems to have helped. I do it a few times a day.
ReplyDeleteYes! The staring away and down is helpful. I don't have a window in my office, though, so I have to get up and stare down the hall and it makes me laugh, sort of. It's a lot of office breaks, I'll tell you that much.
DeleteI am thinking of you. Maybe YOU need a badass motherfucker candle, too.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone who is properly adulting needs a badass motherfucker candle. ha!
DeleteOh, Engie, unfortunately, I understand what you're about to encounter. Sending you lots of love. Take care of yourself while you are taking care of your mom. We will be here for you. 😘
ReplyDeleteOh, I appreciate it, Kari. I know it's been so hard for you recently. I will take your love and make it grow.
DeleteFirst of all, I'm so sorry about your mom. These are really hard times for you, I'm sure and it doesn't sound like the dynamics make it any easier. If your Michigan visit takes you anywhere near Lansing and you need a break, let me know and we can meet-up. I'm a good listener and sometimes you just have to unload. (Sometimes you need to vent to someone who doesn't know the other players!) I just finished "Being Mortal" and the section about those hard conversations was what got to me most. We're of an age that these happen more and more often.
ReplyDeleteThe eye exercises look interesting but I haven't done them. I might give them a try but leaving the computer ever 20 minutes would probably be a massive fail for me. And I loved your gifts for your BIL. They are inspired!
All good wishes. You take care.
Jeanie! If I ever get a chance to take a leisurely trip to Michigan, I'll definitely check in with you and see if we can meet up. It's not in the cards for this trip, but someday!
DeleteI've been thinking about you lots, Engie, and I hope this trip to Michigan goes as well as something like this can go. It must be even harder to go through a stressful season like this with family strife. You're in my thoughts, friend, and I hope you have all of the support you need. <3
ReplyDeleteThanks, Stephany. I'll take all the thoughts I can.
DeleteYou need a vacation, but it doesn't sound like that will happen anytime soon. Sending positive vibes to you and your family; I hope you Mom can get some quality days, and not sick, just sleeping days.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, if someone gave me anything that said I was a Badass, I'd be pumped.
Eye strain is a real thing, but how can we combat that the way we conduct business and life these days?
Well, alas, the days are basically just being spent at the hospital, so that's a real bummer.
DeleteIt's SO TRUE that if anyone said I was a badass about anything, I would be SO COMPLIMENTED. I never even thought about that.
Engie, I'm so sorry that I am just seeing this now. I wish I could do something to lighten your load. One thing that really stood out to me about this post - and so many of your other posts - is how much you GIVE to others. You give gifts of candles and books and cards and snail mail. You give the gift of your time to Hannah and Zelda and Dr. BB. You're giving your time and support to your family at an unbelievably hard time. So I hope that you can feel the thoughts and prayers we are all (including me) giving to you right now. <3
ReplyDelete