Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the seventh day of the month is "Contact."
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As far as I'm concerned, the main reason to have pets is so that someone will cuddle with you. My husband is wonderful in so many ways, but he's a bit prickly. At Thanksgiving, his sister gave him a hug and I asked him when the last time a human was not me had touched him and he sort of laughed and said it was probably the phlebotomist when he had some bloodwork done in October. He touches me, of course, but he's not a cuddly, hold my hand, lay down next to me while we watch television sort of a person.
(So the interesting question is when was the last time someone not in your immediate family touched you? I gave two people hugs at a party I went to on New Year's Day.)
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| She would not look at me. Stubborn girl. |
But back to the pets. Zelda is quite cuddly these days. It's cold out and she knows that if she manages to get on my lap while I'm sitting or laying down, I will not move until she does. But from May through October, the cat does not want anything to do with me.
And Hannah? She is a scammer. When we first met her, she leaned up against Dr. BB's legs and sat on my feet and I was POSITIVE I was going to get a dog who would cuddle with me. I would curl up next to her on the floor and we could nap together. GUESS WHO DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU ARE ANYWHERE NEAR HER BED? SCAMMER. We call it the patented Hannah lean and she regularly does it when a) she meets someone new she likes, b) she's scared, c) she think she's going to get in trouble, or d) Dr. BB has chicken. But she is an independent sort and if I lay down next to her on the rug, she starts yawning (a sign of stress) and inching away from me.
So I enjoy my few months of the year with my cuddly kitten. She is, by far, the best part of winter.
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To see what Bestest Friend has to say about the theme of the day, visit her at Too Legit to Quit.
Well, I am a hugger and a very touchy-feely person. I just hugged our realtor yesterday (in my defense, he is an old friend and I've known him probably 15 years, but still. My husband went in for the handshake, I go in for the hug. I am literally the "bring it in" guy.) Obviously during the pandemic I did not hug people, and this was hard for a number of reasons: I am a hugger, and also, I learned that some people have only been tolerating my hugs and actually do not like to be hugged! Well, I guess it's good now that it is in the open. I try to only hug people who are receptive of this. I am also a "reach out and touch someone's arm while talking" person and I have had to really assess if this is appropriate in these late-pandemic days.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm a secret hugger. I'm always nervous to go in for a hug, but I always like it when I get to hug someone.
DeleteNo one touches my husband. It's really weird. We'll go out together and people will accidentally brush against me or we'll be in a crowd and I'll get pushed against someone, but this NEVER happens to him. It's like he has a force field around him and people just don't go into his bubble. It's weird. I bet you wouldn't even touch his arm - he just has a "no touch" vibe.
Our whole family is very physically demonstrative. My father's people are Croatian, and they are also very loud and emotional. I was raised to be quite open and talky and demonstrative. My husband, on the other hand, was raised by the typical WASP parents and was very quiet and buttoned-up about his emotions. When we first spent time in each other's homes, we both thought, "Why is everyone so mad at each other?" The priest that married us even called us The Clash Of Two Worlds. In time, our styles sort of melded into something more like the Croatians, but not as loud and dramatic.
ReplyDeleteMy cats are Velcro Pets and are always on me. Be careful what you wish for.
1) I had no idea the Croatian culture was touchy and vocal! Interesting.
Delete2) I hear you on the Velcro pet thing. I don't necessarily want them always on me, but just sometimes a cuddle here or there would be nice.
Oh I am full of envy thinking about your cuddly winter cat! I love Hannah's scammer ways. She is a smart dog, willing to be close when it benefits her. And trusting that you will attend to her signs of stress and leave her alone when she needs it.
ReplyDeleteI am very touchy with people I love, so I am always holding my husband's hand or leaning on him or asking him to scritch my back. And my kid is pretty snuggly too, although she is also always on the go, so she does these drive-by snuggles where I'll be sitting on the couch and she'll climb on my lap for a few minutes or I'll be standing up at the kitchen counter and she'll come give me a hug. But with strangers -- or even most friends -- I feel awkward about physical contact, hugs definitely but even handshakes. I really wish handshakes had died out with Covid like I thought they SURELY would, but they seem to have returned with a vengeance. I have a few friends who are huggers and so I prepare myself in advance (and generally do okay with it because we have been friends for so long), and a few friends who aren't huggers which I LOVE and then some friends who are huggers and I endure awkward feelings for a few seconds every time we get together.
WHY ARE HANDSHAKES STILL A THING? As someone who is interviewing for jobs right now, it's utterly repulsive. It's probably rude to shake someone's hand and then immediately reach into my bag for some Purell, but I'm approaching that. I had such high hopes that we'd just accept handshakes are terrible, but we have not.
DeleteI understand not wanting to be touched, but I never scam anyone about it. You've nailed Hannah's personality, the little sneak. I kind of like her attitude, not to mention she's cute. Probably gets away with a lot.
ReplyDeleteShe definitely gets away with things when she does the lean when she thinks she's in trouble. I mean, who would want to punish a dog who's leaning against you so sweetly?
DeleteOur grandson is almost 14, but he will still hug us. We visited friends for coffee this week. Sue gave goodbye hugs, John did not.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...most of my nieces and nephews have stopped hugging me. The oldest is 15 and the youngest is six. I wonder what that says about our relationships?!
DeleteI don't get the opportunity to hug people (besides Jon) often, but I am a hugger and like to be hugged back. :) Jon must be in the mood to cuddle (sometimes he is, sometimes he isn't), so a pet would be awesome for me... granted that the pet is a cuddler themselves LOL (I can't believe Hannah isn't! Thank God for Zelda! ;))
ReplyDeleteI can't believe how much cuddling with the cat is a part of my life. Ha! I highly recommend rescuing a cat and asking how much they like to cuddle before adopting one!
DeleteI actually hugged someone yesterday! I had lunch with friends, some of whom I hadn't seen in months, and we went for the welcome back/happy new year hugs. I wouldn't say I usually initiate hugs, but even when they feel awkward, I like them if I like the person.
ReplyDeleteMaggie is a major lap cat, but she does NOT like to be picked up and cuddled. I miss having a cat who lets me do that without feeling like I am torturing them.
Yes, I think Zelda and Maggie are on the same page. I try to pick Zelda up at least once every two or three days (I call it animal husbandry and do it so that she fights less when I HAVE to pick her up, like to put her in her carrier or take her away from danger, like when she jumps on the stovetop!), but she does not care for it. She'll sit on my lap and even accept kisses on her head when she's there, but I can't just pick her up and expect her to cuddle with me! Are there even cats who will do that?
DeleteI've had a few who would let me. My last cat wasn't hugely fond of it, but he was a very laid-back guy and tolerated it pretty well. Whereas Maggie is clearly just waiting for the moment she can leap away.
DeleteScammer - haha!!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband is DEFINITELY a cuddler (more so than me). I have one child who loves to snuggle (has since infancy) and another who doesn't (again, since infancy). I have a few friends who are BIG time huggers, so I get hugged regularly by people outside my immediate family, but I'm always somewhat awkward about it, I'll admit. I'm not sure why - it just always feels weird. And I don't reach out to touch people on the arm...ever?! It's a hug or bust...but if other's - outside my immediate family; I love hugging my kids/husband - didn't initiate it, I'd rarely hug. Sigh.
Yeah, it's really crazy to me. We have a couple of friends who are single and I often wonder how often anyone touches them and if they miss human touch. I mean, if they're like my husband, they probably wouldn't care, but if it were me, it would be so hard. Do you like hugs from non-family members (besides the awkwardness)? Or do you like where you are in terms of physical contact?
DeleteThere's nothing better in the entire world than lying down on the couch for a nap with a cat cuddled up next to you! I have one very cuddly cat and one un-cuddly cat.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a hugger or much or a toucher either- but weirdly, that's what I do for my job all day. So it's not like I don't like touching people (I like it, at work) but I think it's my shyness that keeps me from hugging people in the rest of life. I RARELY initiate a hug.
Do you WANT to initiate hugs? I guess I'm just trying to figure out if I'm the weird one for wanting physical contact or if my husband is the weird one? I mean, I guess no one is weird, we're just who we are, but no physical contact would be so hard for me, but doesn't seem to bother other people! Interesting about one cuddly and one non-cuddly cat - I guess cats are just like humans in that everyone has a different level of acceptance of touch.
DeleteSo neither my husband or I are very "touchy" people. I think it stems from our families of origin. We are both of German descent and while I hate to generalize, it does seem common for those of German to descent to be a bit, well, standoffish? But I am very very cuddly with my children and am always hugging and kissing them and I love it when they want to snuggle. When we have our cat, we call her 'velcro kitty' because she is basically attached to Phil. She will lay on me if I am the only person around and sometimes she would choose me over Phil in the winter when I used a blanket - especially a heated blanket! The lack of physical touch was one of the hardest parts of being single. Because even though I am not a touchy person, I do think physical touch is essential for human beings. I have worked on becoming more of a hugger, though. I think after not being able to do that for years during the pandemic, it has converted me into liking hugging more.
ReplyDeleteI think there might be something to the cultural norms of people from a particular heritage. My husband's family is also primarily German and his family and brothers are not particularly demonstrative. It's interesting because I sort of wonder what their dynamics were like when they were little because as adults they do NOT hug! Awww...velcro kitties are the best. I could spend all day with a kitty on me!
DeleteI am not a touchy person but I don't mind a hug from my immediate and extended family. Plus we will often greet many of our friends with a hug when we go out. Our kids have a range of attitudes to hugging from being averse to accepting if you initiate to intiating a hug themselves. So there must be some personality aspect to it. The non-hugger is the most introverted and the hugger initiator is an extravert so that may play a part.
ReplyDeleteI'd be curious to know if hug-prone people are usually more extroverted or not. Some of the quiet aunts on my husband's side are the most prolific hug givers, so I'm not sure if it's related. It would be super interesting to know!
DeleteHannah got you with the ole' bait and switch! HA-she's still a doll.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is very touchy-feeling as are most of my people. I hug people daily.
Our new girl, Peanut loves to be ON TOP OF ME all the time. It's lovely, but can also make a menopausal woman hotter than she already is.
I love that Zelda warms up ON you.
The last non-family I hugged was my friend Bri when I left her house last weekend! I have a very hug-y family and friend group. I looooove giving my mom a long hug; it's one of my very favorite things in the world. My brother and my nephews will hug me when they leave a gathering. And all of my friends hug when we greet and leave each other. Maybe it's a millenial thing?!
ReplyDeleteMy cats are definitely snugglers on THEIR terms. They never want me to pick them up and snuggle them, although Ellie will sometimes let me do that if she's feeling particularly sweet. Lila loves cuddling when I'm in bed. She'll even let me pull her close to my side and lay my head next to hers, which is a feat! But Lila will NOT cuddle with me any other place, even on the couch. Sometimes she'll come sit next to me while I'm on the couch and ask for pets, but she won't snuggle in my lap. I want a lap cuddling cat!