Bestest Friend and I are doing a blog project. Each day we will write a blog post on a pre-determined theme chosen by a random noun generator. The theme for the twelfth day of the month is "Complaint."
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Dear World,
I am Hannah the Dog. My people are so mean. Yesterday the girl took me on a ride in the car. I thought I was going somewhere fun, like to see my friend Louis or to the dog park. Instead, she took me to get a bath at the dog wash. A bath! I hate water. I hate it. So what if I rolled in a dead carcass at the park? I LIKED the way I smelled, but the girl told me that I couldn't go inside the house smelling like death. Like death? It was glorious.
So I stood there in the bath shaking and whimpering and the girl did NOTHING to comfort me. She told me "if you do the rolling around in a dead thing crime, you do the time," but I don't know what she means. I mean, that dead thing smelled GOOD. Now I smell like this shampoo and it's just not as good. Okay, I mean, I guess the girl did try to comfort me by singing a story about two idiots named Tommy and Gina, but doesn't she know any other songs?!
Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, she dried me off. I HATE it when she dries me off. She drapes the towel over me and forces me to pose when she knows I'm angry. She's always wrapping towels around me when all I want to do is shake off the water so it gets all over her. She should pay the price for putting me through the indignity of this bath, right? Then we went home and the boy trimmed my nails and it was just a no good, terrible day.
Thank you for listening to how awful my people are.
Hannah the Dog
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To see what complaint Bestest Friend has, go see her at Too Legit to Quit.
The Dog Wash is one of the best inventions in the world. If I had a dog, I'd be on that like nobody's business. Sorry, Hannah.
ReplyDeleteThe dog wash is amazing! I don't know why ALL car washes don't have one.
DeleteHannah has every right to complain about this dreadful treatment.
ReplyDeleteI will let her know you're on her side.
DeleteOur dogs HATE getting a bath too, Hannah. 😂
ReplyDeleteDogs either love or hate water. It's good to know Hannah's not alone!
DeleteOh, poor Hannah! You and Maggie should form the "Nobody Knows How We Suffer" Club.
ReplyDeleteThey are So Neglected. Life Is Hard.
DeleteHahahaha! I don't feel sorry for Hannah at all, despite the pathetic expression.
ReplyDeleteHa! I do feel bad for her. Those eyes!
DeleteThis was the best post I've read all January from anyone! I bet Hannah thought every single one of these thoughts and I love that you translated for her.
ReplyDeleteAnd, as always - those eyes slay me. Look at those eyes!!! They - and Hannah as a whole - are gorgeous <3
Her eyes are amazing, aren't they? She certainly gets me to do whatever she wants.
DeleteMy husband and I have an inside joke about puppy dog eyes. If I'm making a special request - say: asking him to turn on the car for me on a cold day, or to heat up my microwaveable grain pouches for my feet...basically anything that relates to keeping me warm - I instinctively open my eyes reallllyy wide (and raise my voice), perhaps in an attempt to make myself look more adorable/pitiful. It's unconscious - and it WORKS!
Deleteoh hannah! i'm sorry, we all love you. <3
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely pass on this message to her.
DeleteHahahahahahaha! Yes, Hannah is cruelly mistreated. You can just tell by the expression on her face while she's in the dog wash. I mean, come on! What's a little dead carcass smell among friends?
ReplyDeletePoor Hannah. So abused!
DeleteOne of my dogs growing up was a Lhasa Apso and he had kind of an... odd temperament. lol. He was sweet, but rather ornery. And he HATED getting baths. We used to bathe him in our bathtub and he would yelp and howl and just look so pathetically miserable. Poor Gizmo. Haha. I hadn't thought of that in ages!! Thanks for the memory. :)
ReplyDeleteShe sure looks cute in her towel, at least!
My mom had a Lhasa apso. I do mean that mom had this dog because he loved her so much, but if any of us tried to so much as give her a hug, he would growl at us. He was NOT sweet to me. LOL. I don't remember if he liked baths or not - I'll have to ask my mom.
DeleteWe also had a collie named Gizmo at the same time as Dusty, so your comment was causing me some cognitive dissonance for a small period of time!
It's not me, this comment is from stepdog: "Girl, I feel ya. My daddy gave me a shower last week and took away my stink. It's not fair. Talk about a dog's life".
ReplyDeleteHannah definitely agrees that water is bad.
DeleteOh this was so hilarious. It's like NGS fan fiction. Hannah should write a novel.
ReplyDeleteHa! I'll let her know she has a new job request.
DeleteOh Hannah! Those puppy dog eyes are so convincing! You poor thing for having to take a bath!!
ReplyDeleteUh huh. Poor thing indeed!
DeleteYou and DD should be punished for the crimes against sweet, dead animal smelling Hannah!
ReplyDeleteHA. That poor girl. 😳😜
Yes, it's crimes against canines, for sure!
DeleteHahaha, that was hilarious. Poor Hannah... but yeah, I wouldn't have her come into the house smelling like death either.
ReplyDeleteThank you for coming to MY defense!
DeleteI am dying. You should write a children's book from Hannah's perspective. It would be awesome.
ReplyDelete