Bestest Friend and I are in the middle of a blog project. Each day of
the month we will post a picture on a pre-determined theme and write a
little something about it. The theme for the twentieth day of each month is "Lessons."
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Hey, guess what I got in the mail today? A card from my mom for my birthday. Isn't that nice? It's an adorable card with a mischievous little kitty on the front. I bet that kitty drives her human companions crazy.
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Hey, guess what I got in the mail today? A card from my mom for my birthday. Isn't that nice? It's an adorable card with a mischievous little kitty on the front. I bet that kitty drives her human companions crazy.
But I don't want you to get too many warm and fuzzies, my friends. The inside of the card is not nearly as cute.
Not "Love, Mom" or even "Happy Birthday! Your Mother." No. She simply signed her name.
I can think of several reasons why she did this. Maybe she was sending out all of her mid-August birthday cards and mine was just part of the shuffle. Maybe she was distracted as she wrote it because she wanted to get it in the mail in time and just did it in a hurry. None of these explanations actually make me feel better, though - she couldn't be bothered to take two minutes of her time to jot down "I miss you and am looking forward to seeing you in October! Have the happiest of birthdays! Love, Mom" - and the idea that I am not worth her time or thoughts resonates inside of me. I'm not worthy. I'm not important. I'm not a good daughter. I'm not anything.
Lesson learned. You really can't count on anyone else to care about anything that's important to you. Seriously. There are TWO people on this planet who I think should actually care about my birthday (as opposed to being polite and saying "happy birthday" and then dismissing it from their brains) - me and the woman who went through two false labors and a dozen hours of real labor to give birth to me thirtysome years ago.
I vow right here and now that I will not put myself in this position again. I refuse to be disappointed by my family again. I have no expectations of them, although I understand that they have expectations of me that I will try valiantly to meet.
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To see what Bestest Friend wrote about the theme of the day, check out her blog, Too Legit to Quit.
I can think of several reasons why she did this. Maybe she was sending out all of her mid-August birthday cards and mine was just part of the shuffle. Maybe she was distracted as she wrote it because she wanted to get it in the mail in time and just did it in a hurry. None of these explanations actually make me feel better, though - she couldn't be bothered to take two minutes of her time to jot down "I miss you and am looking forward to seeing you in October! Have the happiest of birthdays! Love, Mom" - and the idea that I am not worth her time or thoughts resonates inside of me. I'm not worthy. I'm not important. I'm not a good daughter. I'm not anything.
Lesson learned. You really can't count on anyone else to care about anything that's important to you. Seriously. There are TWO people on this planet who I think should actually care about my birthday (as opposed to being polite and saying "happy birthday" and then dismissing it from their brains) - me and the woman who went through two false labors and a dozen hours of real labor to give birth to me thirtysome years ago.
I vow right here and now that I will not put myself in this position again. I refuse to be disappointed by my family again. I have no expectations of them, although I understand that they have expectations of me that I will try valiantly to meet.
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Expect nothing from others and seldom will you be disappointed by them. I view every decent interaction with mine a net win, mostly because my expectations are so very low. I think this holds true for most things in life. I am certainly more able to enjoy movies for which I have low expectations.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I'm so sorry. You know what, though? True family is the family you make yourself, and you've got BB and me and we love you as much as anyone's family does. So you still win.
ReplyDelete