Things I Learned On My Trip

1) Barns that are not red are an abomination. They should be outlawed.

2) The grocery store in Smalltown, Ohio has no polenta, flat leaf parsley, or any other items that start with the letter p.

3) When an almost two year old screams "you guys are mean" when getting buckled into his car seat, you will convulse with laughter.
3.5) The fact that you laughed at the poor child ensures that you are indeed mean.

4) This is not a fun way to wake up at 6:30 in the morning: "Mess," screamed by an almost 2 year old cringing in his crib in a failed attempt to avoid his own vomit.

5) Cloying means causing or tending to cause disgust or aversion through excess, not whatever weirdness my bestest friend thought it meant.

6) Big bottles of water are cheaper than small bottles of water at the gas station in Oberlin, Ohio.
6.5) These big bottles of water do not fit in the cupholders of a Dodge Neon.
6.75) You may be somewhat terrified that you will run into your ex-boyfriend who now teaches at Oberlin. You may scuttle about to avoid being in Oberlin longer than 2.2 milliseconds.

7) Sometimes ravioli is a code word for a delicious Mexican dish that will make you poop out your intestines for the next two days.

8) You can never talk about poop frequently enough. Or, frankly, go poop enough.

9) Teaching an almost 2 year old to say Go Falcons results in some interesting locutions. (Go Fuckins!!)

10) Young adult books about the supernatural are an acceptable genre for 30 year old women to be obsessed over.

11) United Airlines not only breaks guitars, but also fucks with my perfectly thought out travel plans. I have a difficult time being flexible, it turns out.

12) Best to wear appropriate footwear when your layover is in O'Hare. You're gonna have to run and then you'll miss your connection anyway. No matter how long you leave for that layover.

13) Little kid germs are evil.

14) BGSU rocks. And is beautiful.

15) There's nothing more frustrating than getting a voice mail on your cell phone detailing the itinerary changes to your delayed flight only two hours after you have already arrived at your destination four hours late.