I went to Michigan last weekend. Back in December, when I was home for Christmas, my mother requested that I spend a random weekend in June with her and my sister at an event called "Birthday Bash" sponsored by a Michigan radio station. It's a free concert, held over two days. Did I mention this was sponsored by a country radio station? With Bucky Covington as a featured performer!! I agreed to this in December!! It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let me tell you. There were some seriously interesting fashion trends at this concert. And lots of large men. Fleshy men. With farmers tans. And beer bellies. And my mom and sister, I must admit, were enjoying the display of skin. I, on the other hand, really wanted to pass out belts, t-shirts that covered certain belly areas, and sunscreen. (And ladies. There's nothing less classy then wearing your shorts unzipped and unbuttoned. It makes it look like they are two sizes too small. Don't you want your man to have to imagine something?)
Oh, but the point of this. Bucky Covington was on American Idol during the fifth season (the same season as Kellie Pickler, Taylor Hicks, Elliott Yamin, and Chris Daughtry). If you are reading this and you don't recognize those names, I can't tell if I should be somewhat disgusted (wow! you really do live in a pop culture cave) or impressed (wow! you really do live in a pop culture cave). Although, just as a side note, today I was watching the Top 20 videos on VH-1 and the top song was called "Wait for You," and I kept thinking, this is a really boring song by a really normal looking guy. I mean, it's not painful to listen to, but it's not great. And then the name Elliott Yamin popped up and it was immediately clear to me what was going on. American Idol strikes again.
Anyway, back to the concert with the large men. For weeks, I have been telling my mom and sister just how bad Bucky Covington is. And Bucky proved me right. At one point during the concert, he forgot the words to the song he was singing. And this is not an Elvis-like, drug-induced, momentary forgetfulness. This is a complete idiot who should not be given a stage in which to perform in front of 60,000 people.
However, as soon as Covington's name was called, the crowd went insane. It was crazy. Bedlam. What I assume it was like when the Beatles hit the stage in 1965. Or NKOTB in 1989. And the local paper claimed that "the party didn't get started until Bucky took the stage."
But, I want to assure you, Bucky Covington was awful.
P.S.
Dear Little Girl in Front of NGS who was holding the Bucky Covington's #1 Fan, You're My American Idol Poster,
I was impressed that you used the correct "your/you're" in your poster.
I'm sorry that you heard me mocking Bucky Covington for his lack of singing ability and lack of stage presence. And I'm sorry that you got so overwhelmed by seeing Bucky Covington that you began to cry. And I'm sorry that your first big-time crush is someone with so little talent. My first crush was Sebastian Bach and now he's a chubby man, but I still listen fondly to my Skid Row albums and I hope that Bucky leaves you with many fine memories and songs you can listen to gleefully when you are in your late 20s and trying to convince your fiance that "I Will Remember You" would be a rockin' song for your first dance. I apologize for my inability to keep my laughter during Covington's cover of "Suspicious Minds" to myself. I apologize for making jokes about Elvis rolling over in his fake grave. I hope you are not scarred for life.
You are an adorable little girl. Good luck in your future music crushes. And try to consider the validity of Skid Row and Guns and Roses and potential obsessions.
Sincerely,
NGS
(Geez, I totally forgot to tell you that there actually were decent acts as this music festival. Jason Michael Carroll was impressive, as was a group called Bomshel, Dierks Bentley (although we didn't see his dog), Clint Black (not the best live, but hey, he's got a million songs), Emerson Drive, and Josh Turner. There were other acts, but those are the ones that I probably enjoyed the most. In case you are interested.)
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Please help!!
I broke the nozzle thing on my brand new bottle of hair mousse. I accidentally dropped it when I had slippery mousse filled hands. Now I have a full bottle, but I can't get the mousse out!! Please help!! How do I fix this?
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Professional Whining
Okay, I don't use this as a forum to whine about my roommates very often because, frankly, I really like most of my roommates and I really like having roommates. But after the last month, I want some whine time and I think that this is the best place to whine with abandon.
My roommate landlords left late last month for three weeks. The rules were simple. My downstairs roommate would feed the cats. My across the hall neighbor would mow the lawn once a week. And I would make sure nothing else went wrong.
My across the hall roommate is messy. He only cleans up his stuff in the common areas because the landlord roommate gets really pissy with him if he doesn't. But as soon as she's in another state, my across the hall roommate forgets all that she has taught him. He never takes out the trash. He never puts his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Hey, I'll unload the dishwasher, but can he at least put the dishes in it? He leaves the same pot on the stove every day, all day, to use to make pasta at night. He never washes the pot. He never gets the mail. Oh, wait. He did get the mail one day. But instead of bringing it inside and sorting it into the mail slots, he just throws in on the table for someone (me) to take care of.
Okay, fine. I got over the messiness. Okay, I didn't, but I was passive aggressive about it enough until I felt better.
One day I came home from Biker Boy's to find the front stairs ripped apart. I knew that the landlord roommates were going to have some work done on the stairs, but I was pretty sure they told the contractor to wait until they were back in the state. I call my landlord roommate and tell her that she has no front stairs. "Tell them to stop!" she wailed. "They've already done it." After a couple of hours of phone calls between me, her, and the contractor, the workers come and clean up and leave us with half a staircase. I call the across the hall roommate, "hey, was anyone working on the house this morning before you left for work?" "Oh, yeah, they were just getting started when I left." "Did you think that the landlord roommates would be cool with that?" "Oh, I didn't think about it." Obviously.
One day I came home at about 1 in the afternoon and couldn't find Emma, the little tiny girl cat. The big fat orange one was begging for food, being his usual obnoxious self, but Emma was MIA. I go around with the food container, shaking it, causing the poor orange cat to go into near convulsions of excitement over the unscheduled feeding time, hoping Emma would be enticed out of her hiding place. Eventually I hear a tiny, "mew...mew...mew..." from behind roommate across the hall's door. Emma had been locked in his room all day since my roommate had left for work at nine in the morning. I wrote a note to my roommate, making sure he knew that if there was any cat piss in his room, it was his fault and not Emma's.
I'm not even going to tell you the story about how he left the door open when he was told to keep it closed and the cat pissed all over everything and how I smelled like vinegar for two days.
Enter the start of this past week. It's been hot here in Minneapolis, folks. I think today is the sixth day in a row of above-90 temperatures. I can't take it. I'm a bit grumpy to begin with because of the weather and then Thursday happened.
Okay. I'm taking a deep breath as I write this.
I come home from work around 1 pm. I see the cats in the kitchen, I sing to them, dance a bit around them as a get a class of water, and as I head out to the living room, I see a strange man on the couch. "Who are you?" "I'm George, friend of roommate across the hall." I swivel my head dramatically. "Where's roommate across the hall?" "Oh, he went to work." "Ohhhh..."
Why wouldn't it occur to my roommate to call me and let me know there would be a strange man in my house before I came home and made a fool of myself singing to the cats?
Then, later on, roommate comes home and he and "George" (if that is indeed his real name) leave for lunch or something. Next thing I know there's another man in the living room. "Who are you?" "I'm Charlie, roommate across the hall's brother." This one I understand. "Oh, you're the new roommate." "Yep." But I still have a question. "How did you get in?" "Oh, roommate across the hall left the front door unlocked so I could get in." "He left the front door unlocked? And didn't tell me?"
Okay, after that, I lost track of the number of men who came into my house. Someone was getting married. So there were lots of men. I wanted to scream. Men. Charlie moving his stuff in. 90 degree temperatures. A drunken stupor outside my house on Thursday night involving a drunk bridegroom and a bottle of Scotch. By Saturday night, I was going to absolutely lose it.
But, here's the interesting part. The landlord roommates came home!!! I almost cried with relief when I saw them. And the kitchen was clean for the first time in three weeks.
There are still a million men in this house. But I have taken over control of the downstairs television. If they want to watch "Engaged and Underage" with me, fine. Otherwise, get out of the living room.
I am only living here for another month and a half. Biker Boy and I are moving in together. And while I have enjoyed living here, I can say that the next month and a half had better go by pretty damn quickly.
My roommate landlords left late last month for three weeks. The rules were simple. My downstairs roommate would feed the cats. My across the hall neighbor would mow the lawn once a week. And I would make sure nothing else went wrong.
My across the hall roommate is messy. He only cleans up his stuff in the common areas because the landlord roommate gets really pissy with him if he doesn't. But as soon as she's in another state, my across the hall roommate forgets all that she has taught him. He never takes out the trash. He never puts his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Hey, I'll unload the dishwasher, but can he at least put the dishes in it? He leaves the same pot on the stove every day, all day, to use to make pasta at night. He never washes the pot. He never gets the mail. Oh, wait. He did get the mail one day. But instead of bringing it inside and sorting it into the mail slots, he just throws in on the table for someone (me) to take care of.
Okay, fine. I got over the messiness. Okay, I didn't, but I was passive aggressive about it enough until I felt better.
One day I came home from Biker Boy's to find the front stairs ripped apart. I knew that the landlord roommates were going to have some work done on the stairs, but I was pretty sure they told the contractor to wait until they were back in the state. I call my landlord roommate and tell her that she has no front stairs. "Tell them to stop!" she wailed. "They've already done it." After a couple of hours of phone calls between me, her, and the contractor, the workers come and clean up and leave us with half a staircase. I call the across the hall roommate, "hey, was anyone working on the house this morning before you left for work?" "Oh, yeah, they were just getting started when I left." "Did you think that the landlord roommates would be cool with that?" "Oh, I didn't think about it." Obviously.
One day I came home at about 1 in the afternoon and couldn't find Emma, the little tiny girl cat. The big fat orange one was begging for food, being his usual obnoxious self, but Emma was MIA. I go around with the food container, shaking it, causing the poor orange cat to go into near convulsions of excitement over the unscheduled feeding time, hoping Emma would be enticed out of her hiding place. Eventually I hear a tiny, "mew...mew...mew..." from behind roommate across the hall's door. Emma had been locked in his room all day since my roommate had left for work at nine in the morning. I wrote a note to my roommate, making sure he knew that if there was any cat piss in his room, it was his fault and not Emma's.
I'm not even going to tell you the story about how he left the door open when he was told to keep it closed and the cat pissed all over everything and how I smelled like vinegar for two days.
Enter the start of this past week. It's been hot here in Minneapolis, folks. I think today is the sixth day in a row of above-90 temperatures. I can't take it. I'm a bit grumpy to begin with because of the weather and then Thursday happened.
Okay. I'm taking a deep breath as I write this.
I come home from work around 1 pm. I see the cats in the kitchen, I sing to them, dance a bit around them as a get a class of water, and as I head out to the living room, I see a strange man on the couch. "Who are you?" "I'm George, friend of roommate across the hall." I swivel my head dramatically. "Where's roommate across the hall?" "Oh, he went to work." "Ohhhh..."
Why wouldn't it occur to my roommate to call me and let me know there would be a strange man in my house before I came home and made a fool of myself singing to the cats?
Then, later on, roommate comes home and he and "George" (if that is indeed his real name) leave for lunch or something. Next thing I know there's another man in the living room. "Who are you?" "I'm Charlie, roommate across the hall's brother." This one I understand. "Oh, you're the new roommate." "Yep." But I still have a question. "How did you get in?" "Oh, roommate across the hall left the front door unlocked so I could get in." "He left the front door unlocked? And didn't tell me?"
Okay, after that, I lost track of the number of men who came into my house. Someone was getting married. So there were lots of men. I wanted to scream. Men. Charlie moving his stuff in. 90 degree temperatures. A drunken stupor outside my house on Thursday night involving a drunk bridegroom and a bottle of Scotch. By Saturday night, I was going to absolutely lose it.
But, here's the interesting part. The landlord roommates came home!!! I almost cried with relief when I saw them. And the kitchen was clean for the first time in three weeks.
There are still a million men in this house. But I have taken over control of the downstairs television. If they want to watch "Engaged and Underage" with me, fine. Otherwise, get out of the living room.
I am only living here for another month and a half. Biker Boy and I are moving in together. And while I have enjoyed living here, I can say that the next month and a half had better go by pretty damn quickly.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Videopalooza
Okay, last night, Biker Boy and I worked on a list of what I'm going to call iconic music videos. I tried, like a good social scientist, to come up with a list of criteria for what is iconic. It's not very good, but here's what I decided. 1) Must be the first to do whatever makes it important. We'll call this "revolutionary." 2) Song must be indelibly linked to the video. Which is to say, you honestly cannot hear the song without picturing the video in your head. We'll call this "picture perfect." 3) Must be copied in later music videos by other artists. Uh, we won't give this a cute name.
Here's the top 10-ish.
10) "Paradise City" by Guns and Roses, 1988 - Okay, well, I wanted to included a performance video and this one sprung to mind. Can't you just see Axl in his doorag (is that a word) making love to that mic stand? Just GN'R and the fans. Beautiful.
9) "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel, 1986 - You'll notice that there is no criteria that NGS actually enjoy the music on this list. Because I hate this song. It just sounds so heavy and over-synthesized. The stop action animation used in this video is really well known. Possibly the first animated music video? I'm no expert, but it certainly was played all the damn time. And can you hear those opening notes without wishing that the damn sledgehammer would just smash Gabriel already and end the song?
8) "Janie's Got a Gun" by Aerosmith, 1990 - I really wanted to put "The Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks on this list, but I realized that Garth's video is really just a reworking of Aerosmith's, so I have to give the bad boys from Boston their props. Aerosmith isn't known for hard-hitting issues, but the grittiness of the video and the story-telling of the video are definitely revolutionary and heavily copied by later videos (think Pearl Jam's "Jeremy").
7) "Addicted to Love" by Robert Palmer, 1985 - Ummm, back to songs I don't like. This video has been copied and copied. Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like a Woman" and Beyonce's "Green Light" are tributes to Palmer. And remember that dream sequence from the television show Northern Exposure? You can't hear this song without seeing the lipstick and miniskirts, can you? And there was actual trickery in creating this video - green screens and whatnot. Good job, Palmer, for your great video to a crappy, crappy, crappy song.
6)a) "Losing My Religion" by REM, 1991 - This is totally Biker Boy's contribution. The super heavy saturation of religious imagery is somewhat revolutionary (well, there's "Like a Prayer" from Madonna, but Mag's is gonna get hers later in the list). And that's all I can say. REM, huh?
6)b) "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake, 1987 - Biker Boy picks REM and I pick Whitesnake. I think it says a lot about our musical oeuvres. I refuse to not include this video on this list, so I included a 6)b) because I hate REM. Anyway, I say "Tawny Kitaen" and you say "hot chick on the car in that video with those glam rock guys with long hair - who are those guys? not Great White? not Poison? Kiss? No? Who?" Right. Whitesnake. Hot chick flailing about on a car. Other videos may have shied away from overt sexuality until this point (it's 1987, people!), but Whitesnake ushered in an era of girls with no clothes on.
5) "Everything I Do (I Do it For You) by Bryan Adams, 1991 - Oh, my God. Okay, I couldn't decide on what movie video to put on the list. I ended up putting this one over "Crazy for You" by Madonna from the movie Vision Quest and "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston from The Bodyguard. And, really, I ended up choosing this because is there anything hotter than Bryan Adams AND Kevin Costner? I didn't think so. (Oh, and, I couldn't get this song out of my head last night after BB brought it up. There's nowhere unless you're there All the time all the way yeah. Imagine this followed up by some air guitar and you have some idea of how I spent my Sunday night.)
4) "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana, 1991 - Let's bring grunge in. Biker Boy may have mentioned "hot, skanky cheerleaders with tattoos." Nuff said.
3) "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak, 1991 - I'm cheating a bit here with the dates. I think the video was released in '91, but I don't care enough to check my facts. Okay, this is the hottest video ever and was the spur for this post in general. There's a part in the song where the folks in the background are singing something ...it's a bit of a mystery what it is. BB and I kept rewinding the song, trying to figure it out and I said, "I think they're saying summer-summer-summertime" because it's all about Chris Isaak and that model chick being naked on the beach. And wasn't that a fine video? It's impossible to hear this song and not picture Chris Isaak naked.
2) Michael Jackson trio
a) "Thriller", 1983 - Okay, monsters dancing around in choreography. I don't even know what to say. Michael, did you know you'd become a monster someday? Basically, this entire video changed what music videos meant and I can't really discuss its impact because the downfall of Michael Jackson makes me want to scream and yell and throw things, so we're just going to say, good job on this one, buddy. You showed other artists how to do it.
b) "Billie Jean," 1983 - Oh, it lights up when you step there!! Do it again! Of course you're not the father.
c) "Black or White," 1991 - This definitely wasn't as popular as "Thriller," but I think that the special effects are cooler. This is the start of Jackson's descent into small children and plastic surgery, but you still get some of the old Jackson style here.
1) Any video by Madonna, pre- "Justify My Love" - Okay, I admit it. In each of the above entries, I really wanted to write "but Madonna did it first." I didn't. But I could have. Hey, Chris Isaak, you want sexy? Talk to Madonna about "Justify My Love." There's "Material Girl." Ahhhh...you want to be Marilyn Monroe, don't you Madonna? There's "Like a Virgin." Hey, Whitesnake, you want a woman writhing about on something? How about Madonna in a wedding dress humping the stage? Hey, Aerosmith, you want hard-hitting issues? How about some "Papa Don't Preach?" Hey, Peter Gabriel? You want a decent song? Madonna's gonna come show you how it's done.
There you have it. I love Madonna. Please feel free to correct my mistakes and tell me how wrong I am. But Chris Isaak is hot in that video!!
Here's the top 10-ish.
10) "Paradise City" by Guns and Roses, 1988 - Okay, well, I wanted to included a performance video and this one sprung to mind. Can't you just see Axl in his doorag (is that a word) making love to that mic stand? Just GN'R and the fans. Beautiful.
9) "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel, 1986 - You'll notice that there is no criteria that NGS actually enjoy the music on this list. Because I hate this song. It just sounds so heavy and over-synthesized. The stop action animation used in this video is really well known. Possibly the first animated music video? I'm no expert, but it certainly was played all the damn time. And can you hear those opening notes without wishing that the damn sledgehammer would just smash Gabriel already and end the song?
8) "Janie's Got a Gun" by Aerosmith, 1990 - I really wanted to put "The Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks on this list, but I realized that Garth's video is really just a reworking of Aerosmith's, so I have to give the bad boys from Boston their props. Aerosmith isn't known for hard-hitting issues, but the grittiness of the video and the story-telling of the video are definitely revolutionary and heavily copied by later videos (think Pearl Jam's "Jeremy").
7) "Addicted to Love" by Robert Palmer, 1985 - Ummm, back to songs I don't like. This video has been copied and copied. Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like a Woman" and Beyonce's "Green Light" are tributes to Palmer. And remember that dream sequence from the television show Northern Exposure? You can't hear this song without seeing the lipstick and miniskirts, can you? And there was actual trickery in creating this video - green screens and whatnot. Good job, Palmer, for your great video to a crappy, crappy, crappy song.
6)a) "Losing My Religion" by REM, 1991 - This is totally Biker Boy's contribution. The super heavy saturation of religious imagery is somewhat revolutionary (well, there's "Like a Prayer" from Madonna, but Mag's is gonna get hers later in the list). And that's all I can say. REM, huh?
6)b) "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake, 1987 - Biker Boy picks REM and I pick Whitesnake. I think it says a lot about our musical oeuvres. I refuse to not include this video on this list, so I included a 6)b) because I hate REM. Anyway, I say "Tawny Kitaen" and you say "hot chick on the car in that video with those glam rock guys with long hair - who are those guys? not Great White? not Poison? Kiss? No? Who?" Right. Whitesnake. Hot chick flailing about on a car. Other videos may have shied away from overt sexuality until this point (it's 1987, people!), but Whitesnake ushered in an era of girls with no clothes on.
5) "Everything I Do (I Do it For You) by Bryan Adams, 1991 - Oh, my God. Okay, I couldn't decide on what movie video to put on the list. I ended up putting this one over "Crazy for You" by Madonna from the movie Vision Quest and "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston from The Bodyguard. And, really, I ended up choosing this because is there anything hotter than Bryan Adams AND Kevin Costner? I didn't think so. (Oh, and, I couldn't get this song out of my head last night after BB brought it up. There's nowhere unless you're there All the time all the way yeah. Imagine this followed up by some air guitar and you have some idea of how I spent my Sunday night.)
4) "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana, 1991 - Let's bring grunge in. Biker Boy may have mentioned "hot, skanky cheerleaders with tattoos." Nuff said.
3) "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak, 1991 - I'm cheating a bit here with the dates. I think the video was released in '91, but I don't care enough to check my facts. Okay, this is the hottest video ever and was the spur for this post in general. There's a part in the song where the folks in the background are singing something ...it's a bit of a mystery what it is. BB and I kept rewinding the song, trying to figure it out and I said, "I think they're saying summer-summer-summertime" because it's all about Chris Isaak and that model chick being naked on the beach. And wasn't that a fine video? It's impossible to hear this song and not picture Chris Isaak naked.
2) Michael Jackson trio
a) "Thriller", 1983 - Okay, monsters dancing around in choreography. I don't even know what to say. Michael, did you know you'd become a monster someday? Basically, this entire video changed what music videos meant and I can't really discuss its impact because the downfall of Michael Jackson makes me want to scream and yell and throw things, so we're just going to say, good job on this one, buddy. You showed other artists how to do it.
b) "Billie Jean," 1983 - Oh, it lights up when you step there!! Do it again! Of course you're not the father.
c) "Black or White," 1991 - This definitely wasn't as popular as "Thriller," but I think that the special effects are cooler. This is the start of Jackson's descent into small children and plastic surgery, but you still get some of the old Jackson style here.
1) Any video by Madonna, pre- "Justify My Love" - Okay, I admit it. In each of the above entries, I really wanted to write "but Madonna did it first." I didn't. But I could have. Hey, Chris Isaak, you want sexy? Talk to Madonna about "Justify My Love." There's "Material Girl." Ahhhh...you want to be Marilyn Monroe, don't you Madonna? There's "Like a Virgin." Hey, Whitesnake, you want a woman writhing about on something? How about Madonna in a wedding dress humping the stage? Hey, Aerosmith, you want hard-hitting issues? How about some "Papa Don't Preach?" Hey, Peter Gabriel? You want a decent song? Madonna's gonna come show you how it's done.
There you have it. I love Madonna. Please feel free to correct my mistakes and tell me how wrong I am. But Chris Isaak is hot in that video!!
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