Blatant Attempts to Justify My Existence

BB: Why are you stressed out?
NGS: Didn’t get any work done on my dissertation today.
BB: Why didn’t you get work done?
NGS: I’m stressed out.
BB: But why are you stressed?
NGS: Dissertation stuff.
BB: Ummm…

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NGS: (intently watching Laguna Beach on MTV)

Roommate: (walking in, sitting on the couch next to me) What are you watching?

NGS: Laguna Beach. Shut up. It’s great. They’re beautiful. They’re young.

Roommate: (staring at the tv, staring at me staring at the tv) What is this?

NGS: Look at how pretty they are. That’s Tessa. She’s friends with Rocky. Who is trying to be friends with Breanna again, although I don’t know why because Breanna is ugly and Tessa and Rocky are not. And Tessa likes Rocky’s boyfriend. But I don’t know how I feel about them dating when Alex is away at college. But why are Cameron (that’s him – the ugly one) and Cami popular? Some things are mysterious. And Chase. Tessa loves Chase. But Chase is going away. To be a rock star.

They’re so pretty. Look at that perfectly manicured hand. It must take a lot of time for them to look like that. But their problems - they are problems that I had in high school. Boys. Friends graduating. Boys. And, you know, the giant SUV getting a nick in it.

Roommate: Ummm…what?

NGS: It’s Laguna Beach. I only watch two trashy shows. This is one.

Roommate: Who is - ?

NGS: Ssshhhh….what is Alex saying to Rocky?

Roommate: (sighs and waits until commercial) Why do you do this?

NGS: I can’t watch Gilmore Girls or America’s Next Top Model. Since Top Chef isn’t nearly enough trash for me, I have substituted this show in for one of the others.

Roommate: Okay, I’m going to go away from you now, crazy person.

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Sprint Guy: Can I help you?
NGS: I dropped my phone into water.
Sprint Guy: Okay, so are you going to get a new one today?
NGS: Yes. My current phone will not stop vibrating once you put the battery in. If you turn it on, it vibrates and vibrates and won’t stop.
Sprint Guy: Can I see it?
NGS: Of course. (Hands him the toilet water phone. He didn’t ask what kind of water it had been dropped into.)
Sprint Guy: Okay, well, here are the models that meet….holy cow, you’re right!! It won’t stop. Hey guys (calls over two other salesmen), look at this phone!
NGS: I’m happy to know my trouble entertain the shop today.