At A Crossroad

I found myself today at a store we shall call, for the sake of convenience, M&H. I was there because shopping is cathartic and when you are overwhelmed by the world, the best place to go is the Mall of America on a Friday afternoon. Or perhaps it is not the best place to go for others, but as a devout shopper, I found it to be a great release.

So, I was at M&H. There is this HAT there. It is purple and sparkly and costs $4.90. This is the second time I have gone into this particularly store in two weeks and picked up the hat, squealed, and walked around holding it in my hands, content with the fact that I was going to buy this hat and wear it always. And for the second time in two weeks, I walked out of the store with nothing, not even that gorgeous purple hat that only costs $4.90. You're probably asking yourself, "Why? It's purple! It's sparkly! You need that hat!" Well, the truth is that the line at M&H was simply too long. I saw the line that reminded me of a line to board a roller coaster at Cedar Point, and I decided that of the two choices presented to me, I'd rather not hyperventilate than buy the purple hat.

Do not be alarmed, my friends. I was able to snag some goodies from clearanced items at other stores. Fall merchandise is on sale and I did well. But there is no purple hat.

On the way out of the mall, I passed by a store where they were selling caramel apples. The fellow there, a consummate salesperson, convinced me that Biker Boy would love me forever if I purchased a caramel apple for my wonderful boyfriend. I hemmed, I hawed, and then I paid four dollars for an apple covered in caramel. Try really hard not to think about how I could have made a caramel apple for under $1, and think about how sweet it was of me to think of my boyfriend instead of the purple hat!!

UPDATE: This is an email I ended up sending the caramel apple people:

"On November 10, I was at your store in the Mall of America around 4:30-5. A very nice young man convinced me to buy a caramel apple as a present for my boyfriend. He was very charming and convinced to me buy this apple because of its freshness. I bought the apple because my boyfriend has dietary restrictions that prevent him from eating a lot of foods, but caramel apples are usually safe. I was very sad, then, when I got home and peeled the paper off of the apple and noticed a powdery substance keeping the apple from sticking to the paper on the bottom. Because I didn't know what the substance was (flour? sugar?), I didn't know if it would be safe for my boyfriend to eat.

I would highly recommend that you make sure people know that this powdery substance exists before they purchase the product and what the substance is. Or, as an alternative, package the product in wax paper, so you don't have to use the powdery substance at all.

I'm sorry if this sounds really picky, but we ended up throwing away the apple and the entire situation could have been avoided if I had known about all the ingredients."

I can't believe I've become this person.