1) I must brush my hair before I leave the house.
2) I must squeal when I see baby things - baby humans, baby dogs, baby cars, baby wombats.
3) I must cry at the endings of movies like Beaches and Titanic.
4) I must swoon when I walk into a shoe store. Oh, the leather scent. That's what heaven smells like, isn't it?
5) I love a man in a suit. Especially a clean-shaven, clean-smelling one with glasses on.
6) I listen to Bon Jovi, Meatloaf, Conway Twitty, and Blessid Union of Souls.
7) Sparkly things please me - including jewelry, clean windows, and sequins on dresses.
8) I will not answer questions about my weight; age; natural hair color; or when I will get married, finish my dissertation, or get a puppy.
9) I can not parallel park. Or park at all. Or drive with any dexterity.
10) I will clean your apartment when you are not looking.
These are things that need to be understood. Please don't question them. When I squeal at the pet store and cry while listening to "Hello Darlin,'" crash my truck inot the curb for the third time in a day, or sniff as we pass by DSW, you have to just deal with it and acknowledge that this is all normal because I have ovaries. My ovaries explain all of this.
Addition to #3: You will also cry at the end of The Notebook. Uncontrollablly. Randomly. You will look at your visiting friend and LAUGH because you are both crying.
ReplyDeleteDude, after reading this I've realized I'm in Gender Trouble
ReplyDelete1) I brush my hair every 2 weeks
2) I hate animals
4) I hate suits and penguins.
6) I like hardcore rap
7) I like dusty things
8) 135 pounds, almost 28, black, soon, never and never.
9) I'm an awesome driver.
10) I believe if you don't clean your apartment long enough, it self-cleanses
I had so forgotten about The Notebook!! It's true. We both cried and knew it was silly. Oh, and Hope Floats!!
ReplyDelete