Final Chapters: How Famous Authors Died by Jim Bernhard

I almost didn't read Final Chapters: How Famous Authors Died by Jim Bernhard because the Goodreads average was so low (as of right now, it's a 3.46), but I'm so glad I read it.  This book is brilliant. Bernhard writes a short, one- to three-page review of each author's life and then a bit about how the author died, last words, burial, and legacy. The authors are in chronological order, starting with the ancients in the Classical Age all the way to the Moderns.

I thought the structure of the book was fabulous. It's one of those "why didn't I think of that idea?" sort of books. I knew a bit about most of the authors, but there were some, particularly in the Modern Era, who I had never heard of before. Most people die of the usual reasons - heart attacks, pneumonia, cancer, and the like - but there are some standouts that really make the book stick with you. Bernhard's tone, irreverent and snarky, provided much levity to a book that had the possibility of going into a much too dark place.  Overall, I thought it was brilliant.

Some highlights:
"Aeschylus had been warned by an oracle that he would be killed by a house falling on him: accordingly, he spent as much time as possible in the open, far from any edifices that might collapse. He was taking an ostensibly healthful stroll in the fresh sea air when what was said to be an eagle (most likely a vulture) dropped a turtle on his glistening bald head, which the not-so-eagle-eyed bird mistook for a rock." (2-3)

"In 1274, Pope Gregory X summoned [Thomas] Aquinas to take part in a council in Lyon on May 1, and in January he set out from Naples, a distance of some 600 miles, on foot and by donkey. Along the Appian Way, Thomas hit his head on a tree branch and was knocked off the donkey." (24)

"[Percy Bysshe] Shelley died in 1822, a month before he would have turned thirty, when his boat went down in a storm of the coast of Italy." (100)

A lot of the snotty Goodreads reviewers seemed to take umbrage at the selection of authors - not enough people of color, not enough women, etc. - and those may be fair criticisms, but it's not one I share. The western canon of classic texts is mostly made up of white men. This is a result of terrible worldwide effects of slavery, colonization, and sexism, but it is a reality, so the selection of authors seemed reasonable to me. Also, the book was meant to be an amusing (but educational) romp through history, not an encyclopedia of literature through the ages.

For the record, as far as I can tell, the absolute worst death was Evelyn Waugh, who had a heart attack while on the toilet, fell and gashed his head, and died. Did he die from the heart attack? From the bleeding head wound? Who knows? All I know is that I'm going to seriously freak out whenever I use the bathroom from here on out. I mean, how terrible a way to go is that?

Anyway. Read it! It's great!