Monday, August 22, 2016

In Case You're Hiring

Zelda Marie Gimbalsh Cat
zellybeaner@catmail.org -- Kitty Kondo in the Window -- Nowhere, Wisconsin 
Skills:
Extreme fuzziness
Lowering blood pressure in humans
Cuteness
Finding bugs
Sleeping in various locations, in various positions, for various lengths of time
Improving mental health of humans, especially girl human
Playing with my toys, especially my brown ball 
Loud, persistent yowling
Finding things on the floor that aren't supposed to be there
Helping humans sleep
Chasing my tail
Creepily staring at humans when they are not paying attention to me
Jumping high on to all types of surfaces
Accepting pets from humans
Prettiest girl in the whole world
Experience:
July 2011 - present - Five years of servitude to two humans, one male and one female, in satisfactory arrangement. I sit by my bowl and demand food and they provide it. I stand by them and paw their legs and they play with me. I jump on their laps and they stop what they are doing to pet me.  I bat their legs and they get up and engage in a mighty game of soccer with me. I am cute and they buy me toys. 
Education:
Kitten school: In July 2011, I stayed at the VHydes with some of my litter mates, some giant cats, and a dog.  Here I learned how to use the litter box, engage in spirited activity with  other creatures, and how not to kill small children.  It was a useful period of time.

Five years of on the job training.The humans I am indentured to still engage in some improper activities, such as brushing me, going into a room without me and closing the door, and putting this stuff on my shoulder blades, but I'm working on training them to be better humans. In the meantime, I cat better than anyone else I know.

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