Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Dear Kohl's

Dear Kohl's,

I'll admit that the last time we had an encounter, I couldn't take it. Your displays were crammed with clothes, making it impossible to browse, let alone take something down to try it on. Your aisles were packed with oddly placed endcaps and various jewelry kiosks just begging me to knock them over, and let's not even talk about the unkempt state of the clearance racks. I fled to the relative sanity of the TJMaxx down the hall.

The time before that hardly seems fair. I had just broken my hand and was trying desperately to find something long sleeved that would fit over it. I found something, a red sweater that ties in the front, and I wore it every day for those four weeks of recovery with my hand, and, I might add, many times since then. However, my memories of your store on this particular occasion are of people bumping into my hand, getting jostled around by someone moving a huge rack of clothing, and crying repeatedly because nothing would fit over the damn cast.

But today, today, I walked into your store with an open mind. Well, open-ish. I wanted dresses. Dresses I could wear all summer. Dresses I could wear bumming around the house, dresses I could wear to the store, dresses I could wear to work, and dresses that would make me comfortable. That's right. Each dress had to do all of these things.

And, man, was there a sale. It seemed like everything in the store was on sale. I don't think that's how it always is at your store because I've actually walked out before thinking you were crazy to be charging such high prices for the quality of your merchandise. But, today, today, my new favorite store, you had a SALE. And suddenly your prices seemed quite reasonable for a set of dresses I anticipate wearing day in and day out for the next four months. And the dresses! There were dresses all over the place. A-line dresses, and dresses with sleeves, and nice babydoll dresses without empire waists, because while I love me an empire waist, this girl does not want everyone to be raising eyebrows over her ever-expanding belly this summer. I loved me some of those dresses.

So for just over $100, I purchased four dresses, and two items of fashion jewelry (two sets of bracelets, rounding out my kitschy jewelry collection to satisfy me at this moment). And then your cashier gave me a $20 coupon I could use later this week. And I'll be back, Kohl's. To buy that dress I put aside, thinking that going over $100 as silly.

I guess I'm writing this letter to I ask forgiveness. For thinking evil thoughts of your cluttered store and spazzing fluorescent lighting. For not remembering how well the red sweater has served me and instead remembering your jam-packed shelves. For not appreciating the depths of your sales. For making fun of your silly commercials on the television. I apologize for all of this because your collection of dresses is better than any I have come across in quite some time. Thank you for your sale of awesomeness.

Yours in consumer solidarity,


  1. the only kohl's we have here is in Baton Rouge, so I have to make a trip up there one of these days. I hear great things about their dress selection, though. Can't wait to see what dresses you got because I'm on a dress ban until I wear all of the dresses I already have! LOL

  2. Did you just say 'expanding belly'?!

  3. Oh, geez. Misunderstanding city.

    I am gaining weight at an insane volume - I am emphatically NOT pregnant - never, not, no. That's all.


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