45 x 365 #209

209/365 - GK

An exemplar of your generation with grown children coming and going from your house when all you want is to move on with your life, your new husband, and your job. You handle it all with aplomb and open arms, gritting your teeth the while.

45 x 365 #208

208/365 - AJ

Within hours of our first meeting, you had downed three quarters of a bottle of wine and were telling me all about your recent heartbreak. You are one of the warmest, most open people I've ever met. And you can make a mean pasta salad.


Unrelated Note: Oh, Heather Armstrong. You can make excuses all day long, but 3 loads of laundry a day is unnecessary. And have you never heard of a laundromat?

Babypalooza 2009

I'm warning. There is cuteness ahead. If you have ovaries, be warned that they may start aching after you see these children.

On the weekend of August 15 - 17, we went to Iowa. We went to a wedding and it was great fun, but then began the parade of babies. I was seriously looking forward to this. And the cuteness then exploded.

It began with our newest nephew, L. He has a kind of weird name, but it will grow on you eventually. He's a floppy 3-week old newborn here. Yeah. He's a baby. With a lot of hair. Possibly more hair at birth than I have now.


After the newborn, I needed a little more substance in my baby, so we went to visit our 10-month old nephew, A. His name is normal. His older sister was sleeping, so we really only got to see him. He's adorable AND he loves it if you eat his cheeks. He laughs and slobbers on you as he gives you an open mouth kiss. I love this about him.

Here we are practicing clapping. It is his new skill. Frankly, I could use the practice.


The next day we headed to Dubuque to see the fresh from the hospital twins. I didn't know quite what to expect from them. I mean, they were almost 3 months old at the time, but they were only two days past their due dates. O. is still hooked up to oxygen. So I just grabbed them and started doing what I do to all babies. I ate their cheeks and nuzzled their necks. They seemed to like that.

Here's us doing a reasonable job making sure they wouldn't sleep that night. Look how uncomfortable BB looks. Oh, well. He's doing his best to be the best uncle he knows how. (His glasses sliding down his face is not the best look, but he was scared to let go of the baby to push them back up. I think.) BB is holding our future godson, O. and I'm holding K. Those are some cute ass children.


Then we went home and were greeted by six pounds of sheer cuteness in the form of our adorable cat. Life is pretty good right now.

Dear Sports Illustrated

Dear Sports Illustrated,

Last week, my husband and I got our Sports Illustrated and there was no mention of the "Favre situation" as I have taken to calling it while my husband humors me. We assumed that the edition went to press before the awfulness transpired.

So I imagined that this week it would be a big freaking deal when our SI arrived. However, much to my amusement and delight, the cover is a shot of Usain Bolt and in the very top left corner, there's a number 4, split diagonally, each half in the colors of a different team, the Vikings and the Packers, and a red circle with a slash through it overlaying the 4. Around the circle, the text reads 100% Favre Free Issue.

I think it's a bold move that the number one sports magazine is failing to cover what is, at least around these parts, the biggest sports story of the week. Possibly the month. For me? Possibly the year. (Although the Michael Vick fiasco is a whole different rant.)

So. That's why we subscribe to Sports Illustrated here at this house. The writing is usually pretty good (ignore the dumb cover story last week that was like a million pages long and boring - could you all be sure not to repeat a story about three dudes no one's ever heard of again?) and your editorial staff takes stances. You definitely have a stance on doping in sports, you definitely had a take on the Vick situation, and you aren't afraid to say it, put in writing, defend your opinions and suggestions, and be bold.

I think some politicians could learn from your fine magazine about how to truthfully take a position and back it up. You don't skate around issues. You know that some people will be upset. The letters to the editor invariable reflect the differences in these views. But, guess what? That's awesome. I love that. Thanks for making us happy.

In Favre-Free Solidarity,

45 x 365 #207

207/365 - ML

I have a hard time figuring you out. An emergency room doctor who frequently takes weeks off to go climb mountains. A first time father who dotes on his wife, but never really listens to her. An extrovert who never really says anything of substance.

Unintentionally Long Post On Bicyles and Gear

So, I've been riding my bike a lot lately. But as I looked through the archives of this site, I noticed that I have not posted any pictures of my bike!! How do you guys even know what I'm talking about if you can't see my transportation love?

Here's my bike. It's a Rocky Mountain RC-30. It's classified as a "city bike," but I use the term hybrid. Isn't he beautiful? (The correct answer is yes.)


When I first got my bike, I gave the boy all the money I budgeted and this what he got me:
1) Bike
2) Helmet
3) Lock
4) Water bottle cage and water bottle
5) Headlight and taillight
6) Pump for tires
7) Streamers

That was it. I have since added to this list, slowly but surely acquiring lots of gear I swore I would never need. First up, let's just discuss the above list. I need a lock because I commute and frequently lock my bike up outside. If you are solely riding for pleasure, you may not need a lock. I have a Kryptonite U-Lock. No one has ever messed with my bike. Water bottle and cage are pretty important for staying hydrated on even the shortest ride. The pump I could have honestly lived without. There is free air at a couple of places on my commute. BUT, the boy is crazy about tire pressure, so, there you have it. We have like five bicycle pumps in our household. Headlight and taillight are necessary for me since I commute, frequently at night. If you are only a daytime rider, don't worry about it. Streamers are entirely optional, but I was insistent. People think I'm friendly and smile at me because of my streamers. I always appreciate the extra smiles.

Helmets. There is a lot of debate about the effectiveness of helmets. If you hit a car that's going 40 miles per hour while you're going 10 miles an hour, the helmet is not going to help you. But at a low speed accident, it may be helpful. I figure it can't hurt, so I wear one. It's up to you. Just know that if I see you cycling without a helmet, I will probably assume you don't care about your brain. But that's just me.

Below is RC-30 modelling streamers, U-Lock, and headlight. My U-Lock does not fit directly under my top tube where most folks seem to put theirs because my bike is, errr, small. We put it on the side like that and it doesn't bother me or interfere with my pedal stroke. The placement of that lock caused some stress in our early relationship, but we worked it all out. Gotta think outside of the box.


I have since obtained a few key things:
1) New saddle
2) Rack
3) New grips
4) New stem
5) Gloves
6) Pannier (bag)
7) Bike shorts
8) Basket

The saddle came from my friend, N., whose cat I also have. I guess I take everything from her. To be honest, I didn't have a real problem with the original saddle, but the one I have on there is also fine. The saddle was never a major problem for me. I bought bike shorts because everyone said I needed them and I spent a small fortune on them, but I have only used them about twice this summer. I don't really need them. But, just because that wasn't a problem with my rear doesn't mean it's been smooth sailing with this cycling business. I have had TWO major problems.

Major problem #1: My wrists hurt like hell. Seriously, I'd ride for an hour and my wrists would be killing me. So that's why you'll note all the things we changed on poor RC in an attempt to fix the wrist issue - the new grips, the new stem, and the gloves. Originally, the boy told me that gloves were for sissies, but once I tried them, it made everything better, and I told him to fuck off. Okay, I didn't really tell him that, but all the mechanical changes we made - adjusting saddle height, changing the stem, changing the angle of the handlebars - did nothing. Gloves fixed it all.

Major problem #2: Carrying stuff on the bike. Originally, I just used a backpack. Eventually we started blaming this for the wrist issues from problem #1 (too much weight on my arms and wrists was what we thought). I also decided I should look more adult and stop wearing a backpack to school at this same time. So the backpack got donated to a worthy charity, but then I was stuck.

That's when the rack came on. The rack is heavy. It's also useless on it's own. It requires you to have a special bag to hook on it, or bungee cords, or a basket. I have used all of these things. The pannier bag I have is a giant pain in my ass. It's heavy, it's awkward carrying it up and down the stairs with my bike. But, most importantly, I couldn't fit all my crap in it. For my jobs, I frequently have three or four heavy books with me. I couldn't fit all my books in the pannier.

Then the boy found my basket!! I love my basket. It's an Axiom Faux Wicker Basket with Brackets. The brackets attach to my rack. I have put upwards of 25 pounds of books in the basket. I usually put all my books in a tote bag and then just toss the tote bag into the basket. This basket? Has made me want to commute more frequently just because of it's total adorableness.



Note: I don't have fenders on the bike. I hate fenders. They ruin the line of the bike. Plus I refuse to ride in the rain or snow because I'm a diva. So no fenders. But fenders are useful if you ride year round. I guess.

The boy does all the routine maintenance on my bike for me. He trues the wheels every season and changed all the cables and the chain earlier this season for me. He has also fixed every flat tire I've ever had. I have no idea how much all this maintenance costs, since it is the boy's job. That's probably mean, but we have so few gendered chores, I feel no guilt about this fact.

And that's that. It's probably more detail than anyone wanted to know, but I felt like I needed to document it somehow. Happy cycling!!

45 x 365 #206

206/365 - BM

The outside: A booming laugh, too tight sports coat, shiny visage, and classic comb over. The inside: A patient man with the ability to boil the complicated down to the simple without losing important complexity. A man to be admired, despite the desperately needed makeover.

45 x 365 #205

205/365 - EM

Sharp witted, but often shown up by your overly loud wife. I patiently wait for you to slip in a hilarious one liner at every dinner. I am rewarded each time as you mutter through the side of your mouth something only I will hear.

Introducing the Cat

Meet Dae. She's orange and ferocious and looks grumpy but really, really, really loves to cuddle. With my husband. Not so much with me. (Please don't judge the state of our carpet. We don't own a vacuum. We borrow one from our resident manager every week, but sometimes that's just not enough. Hi! That's my bike tire. Do I know how to frame a shot or what?)



We swore we wouldn't let her drink out of the bathroom faucet, but we each independently let her do it on the sly without letting the other human know it because we, the humans, were trying to suck up to her, the cat. Now she insists someone give her water out of the faucet all the time. We are helpless. Must do what cute kitty tells us to do.



She loves to plop down on the windowsill. (See how I wrote that? I don't know if I should use lay or lie so I just rewrote the sentence to avoid it entirely. But now I fessed up my ignorance and it would have just taken less time to look it up.) Again, how could anyone stop themselves from going over there and giving her a quick pat?



The following is the reason my husband has been less than productive over the last couple of weeks. The cat thinks he is bored when he's at his computer. She must be more entertaining than the bright box. And, of course, she is correct.



Don't worry, N. and M. Your cat is in safe hands with us. We will be documenting her every yawn by film if these first couple of weeks are any indication!!

45 x 365 #204

204/365 - JM

It's weird to associate a color with a person, but you are purple. Your fingernails, your wallet, even the ink in your pens are purple. As I think of you, this is the only thing I think of. It makes me kind of sad.

45 x 365 #203

203/365 - HL

We thought we should have a relationship. After all, we were related and lived merely twenty miles away from each other. But your fundamental Christian values and my hedonistic atheistic views created conflict and drama. Too bad, really, since we share a prominent facial feature.

Need to get it together (and talk about football)

I have turned into that person. You know the one who can't keep track of anything? The one who is constantly annoying her partner by asking if we have chicken stock in the house even though we bought chicken stock yesterday and, damn it, I should remember that? That person? That's me.

I ran out of checks. How did I not know I was running out of checks? This has resulted in having to make the boy write checks and take the money out of our savings account and when I get the checks, I will repay the savings account. But who does this? Where is my brain?

THEN, after the Great Check Debacle of 2009, I FORGOT totally about an appointment I had this afternoon. My student calls me at 1:32 and says, "uhhh...NGS...we were supposed to meet at 1:30." Oh, crap. I need to get it together.

Oh. Brett Favre is dressed as a Viking. The preseason game against Kansas City is being shown on television right now. My heart is hurting. Why is Brett Favre doing this? I'm expected to drop my long-standing resentment of Favre and welcome him with open arms? Well, I'm not gonna. I just refuse.

(Can I tell you how excited I was to hear that Michael Vick had signed with the Eagles? I was REALLY nervous that he was going to sign with the Lions and then I would have had to break up with my hometown team. I was preparing myself for some deep soul-searching and was happy that Detroit didn't bend to the popular opinion that they couldn't live without Vick. Because I am one of those people who think that the NFL has really let its fans down by allowing Vick to continue to play football. End of strange parenthetical rant.)

A Week Can Change It All

One week ago, an update on my life would look like this:
1) No job for fall semester.
2) Uncle in hospital on ventilator. May not make it.
3) No guarantee of funding for BB this semester.
4) Twins still in hospital.
5) Haven't talked to parents in a month.

Today, one week later:
1) Oh, they were just kidding about my job. It's still there and they want me to teach.
2) Uncle home already. On oxygen, still, but doing okay.
3) BB is going to get funding, in addition to teaching a class at another local college.
4) Twins have been released, we have visited them, and they are freaking adorable*.
5) Talked to parents not once, but twice.

It's been a roller coaster and I don't really know what to say about all of this. Even a week ago, I was grateful for how well BB and I were handling all the stress. Every phone call seemed to bring bad news. But now everything is working out well and I don't have anything to bitch about and, well, I don't have anything to bitch about.

*I am not one of those "every baby is beautiful" people. I'm really not. I have been known to be brutally honest about the strange lookingness of some newborns.

Baby O is very cute and Baby K is beautiful. Seriously, she's gorgeous and should be doing Gerber commercials. We also saw our 3-week old nephew who is. . . cute in a different way. His cheeks are jowly and irresistible to someone who can't stop thinking about eating baby cheeks. Our 10-month old nephew is a smiley, happy guy who like it when you eat his cheeks and will kiss you as a payment.

It was Babypalooza this weekend and all the babies were gorgeous, but those twins? Those twins are the cutest fucking things I've ever seen. I'll post pictures if I ever get them developed. (Yes, I still use film. Shut up. Film rules.)

45 x 365 #202

202/365 - JL

You are, undoubtedly, the smartest person I have ever met. That does not mean you are not socially awkward, insecure, and downright mean sometimes, but it does mean that teasing you means one should always be prepared to defend themselves against diabolically clever backhanded insults.

45 x 365 #201

201/365 - GM

You're a great catch with a great job, a great dog, a great sense of humor, and a great love to give. So why you insist on sharing all that greatness with that evil woman who constantly breaks your heart is a mystery to me.

45 x 365 #200

200/365 - MC

Still mooching off your parents into your forties, living in their basement, eating all their food, not paying any rent. I don't have much respect for you, a person whos doesn't respect her own parents and whose money is blown on abusive boyfriends and weed.

To talk or not to talk

I haven't talked to either one of my parents in over a month. It wasn't conscious decision. It just sort of happened.

Two years ago neither of my parents called me on my birthday. My now husband, fiance at the time, had to console me as I sobbed on his shoulder, crying for a relationship that never was and never will be.

My birthday is on Sunday. I wonder if they will call.

I will be busy on Sunday. We are taking a trip to Iowa. There is much going on. A wedding on Saturday, the twins being discharged (yay!), a brand new nephew we haven't met yet, and an uncle in the hospital, an uncle we are not sure will live. All of this in two and a half days, one day that, quite coincidentally, is my birthday.

If my parents do call, it is quite possible I will not be able to answer the phone. If they do not call, though, I promise myself here and now that I will not cry again.

It is, after all, just another day. Another day of silence.

45 x 365 #199

199/365 - MC

A mistake made when you were young and foolish forever ruined your youth, vitality, and independence, leaving your body weakened and almost useless. Your self-esteem whittled down to nothing, you live a life of floating unbeing, as if you aren't sure if you're really here.

Things that keep me up at night

1) The end of political discourse in the United States. The health care reform town hall meetings where people are just shouting each other down without listening to their opponents is a symptom of this trend that is greatly disturbing to me. Reasonable people can have reasonable views that are different from your own. It upsets me that people can't just sit still for two minutes and listen to what those views might be. Sure, you may be able to refute each and every point the other people are making, but you have to be able to wait your damn turn.

You didn't see Lincoln and Douglas acting like Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly.

It's not personal, people, it's political. The end results of public policy are personal, that's for damn sure, but you don't attack people's character flaws when discussing politics - you should be listening, considering, and deciding on policy, not on character. Personally, I don't think I want to hang out with Trent Lott and have dinner with him, but he has some good policy ideas along with the bad. It's my job to sift through all his talk and figure out what is good. Not to bash him to pieces. (Or, as someone who had held my position right before I did when I worked for a non-profit in Washington, D. C. did, draw devil horns on his picture.)

2) The crumbling infrastructure of the United States. A couple of summers ago, after the deadly collapse of a bridge here in Minneapolis, NPR devoted a series to the topic of the advanced infrastructure. It really struck a chord with me.

I am convinced that our electrical grid is going to just give out one day and that a tainted water supply is how the terrorists are going to kill us all. It's an unpleasant thought. Hence, the staying awake.

3) The plight of the state of Michigan. I watch as the economy, the populace, and the hopes of cities like Detroit, Flint, and Monroe deteriorate from afar. I have snapped at my husband more times than I like to count as he makes some thoughtless comment about the disastrous American auto industry.

I don't have the solutions. American car manufacturers have made mistakes, there's no doubt about it. But it is an abhorrent idea to just let these companies fail. The companies are not just the CEOs and executives who have perhaps been guilty of mismanagement. The companies are people who work in the factories, not only the factories that make the cars, but all the feeder industries, the people who work in the dealerships, the people who work in the warehouses. People I know, people I went to high school with, people who have specialized training in some arcane trade that is only applicable to making cars. People who are just like me.

As a native of Michigan, I feel conflicted over the entire situation. It wasn't wise for the state to put all their economic chickens in one basket, but it isn't wise to let these communities waste away to nothing, either.

4) Iraq. Afghanistan. Civilians dying. Soldiers returning with PTSD. There's a guy in one of my classes who is a veteran with a purple heart because he was hit with IEDs multiple times. He can't feel his left leg and he sometimes just falls over when walking. When my head hits the pillow, sometimes I just wonder what his life would have been like if he'd never been sent overseas.

5) More personally, a friend of mine from high school is going through a really rough time with her life, her marriage, and her family right now. I have an email from her in my inbox (I initiated contact with her after I heard from a friend who heard from a friend about her troubles) in which she poured out her soul, her pain, and her longing to just get it all fixed. The email is just sitting there in my inbox, waiting for a response.

I don't know what to say. I don't know how I can help.

I lie in bed and wait for the right words to come. What can I say to offer comfort? What is my responsibility? How can I be a good friend?

45 x 365 #198

198/365 - JB

A strong woman with strong views using strong language. You see the world in black and white and while I admire you, the shades of gray I see force me to take a step back and view the world as a realist, not an idealist.

45 x 365 #197

197/365 - LW

Hippie parents gave you an unconventional first name you always insisted be shortened to a more traditional diminutive. I always think of you when I read Harry Potter and Nymphadora Tonks insists people call her Tonks because her "fool of a mother"* named her Nymphadora.

*Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, page 49, in the awesome chapter "The Advance Guard." Go read it. Now.

45 x 365 #196

196/365 - JL

White person dreadlocks, black pants, and a steady stream of peace symbol adorned t-shirts. Passionate about the same issues I am, but your belief system is the exact opposite of mine. After an brief intense exchange of those views via email, we never spoke again.

Two Unrelated Things

1) Our friends N. and M. are moving to Geneva. So this officially means that we have no friends left in the Twin Cities. If anyone reading this actually lives in the greater metro area, hey, let me know. We need friends. Or I need advice on how to meet people. Whatever.

Anyway, so they are moving. It's a move for an indefinite period of time, but what my dear friends do know is that they won't be back until late December.

Enter me begging them, pleading with them, getting down on my knees in front of them, for the chance to foster their fluffy orange cat named Dae.

Today Dae was dropped off!!!! We have a cat!! For FOUR months!!! To say I am ecstatic is to put it in an underwhelming way. The boy has a few rules for me (including to "don't get too attached" - WTF?) but we have a cat!! A cat, by the by, that adores my husband. She has yet to sit in my lap today, but nearly every time the boy goes to sit at his computer, the cat climbs up. It's pretty adorable. Yay for Dae!!

2) Speaking of adorable, let's talk babies, shall we?

My SIL had a baby a couple of weeks ago. (Both mama and baby are doing fab, thanks for asking.) This means that the number of nieces and nephews we have has grown by 400% in the last year. Awesome. (So what that we only had 1 before? Now we have 5!)

Twins: The news on the twins is mixed. They were transferred back to Iowa City from the hospital in their hometown after it was discovered they both had problems with their eyes. Baby O had a surgery to repair a couple of hernias this morning. Here he is, looking handsome as ever (taken a few days ago). ROAR.


Baby K is finally free of any tubes!! Here is the first picture we have of her with nothing taped to her face!! She's not getting regular oxygen and she's feeding completely from the bottle or breast now. Go Baby K!


They're both big babies now (over seven pounds each) and look like infants instead of alien life forms. Unfortunately, Baby O still needs to be on oxygen pretty regularly and Baby K is not digesting food as well as they'd like. They both still need regular workups to deal with their eye issues, and of course, they need to followup with Baby O after his surgery today.

HOWEVER, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The babies were born on May 27 and have been in the hospital their entire lives. Their official due date STILL isn't for another week! But the doctors are cautiously optimistic that the twins will be able to go home soon. Maybe even by the end of this week!

Their parents are so happy and I am delighted that this weekend we will be visiting them (either in the hospital or at home) and I am going to read them the books I have all wrapped up for them. Go babies!! It really is amazing what they can do with the little babies in this day and age. Let's keep our fingers crossed that all continues to go well with them.

45 x 365 #195

195/365 - MA

You look like a lioness with those wide green eyes and that wild hair. You're tough like a lioness, too, always questioning the status quo and agitating for change. You head an organization worthier than most others and your leadership is a sight to behold.

45 x 364 #194

194/365 - UJ

Your weight has always been an issue and as your son was growing up, you monitored every morsel he put into his mouth, trying so hard to prevent him from suffering from the malady of obesity. Unfortunately for you, this gesture created resentment, not appreciation.

45 x 365 #193

193/365 - RH

Is it wrong to say that all I can think to say is that you are a man? A man's man? A hunting, fishing, dog in the cab of the pickup truck kind of man? There's nothing wrong with that, but there's no substance there either.

And a pin drop was heard

We've all gotten those phone calls. The phone call from your cousin telling you your aunt has died. The phone call from your sister-in-law, telling you that the babies have come early and are in the NICU. The phone call from your mom, telling you that your sister was in an accident and you need to come home right now. The phone calls that change it all.

Rarely are you the person who initiates those phone calls.

Yesterday someone left me an innocuous sounding voice mail. Today I returned the phone call. And the voice on the other end started crying as soon as I told them who I was. I took the news stoically, I thought. I signed a contract, but you're not going to fulfill the terms? Okay. Thanks for calling. I hung up the phone. I opened my mouth to tell my husband, but the words just wouldn't come out.

I thought I had a job to get us through what time we had left here in Minneapolis. Now I don't. That phone call? It changed everything. For all of you who have asked, no, I guess I haven't officially dropped out of grad school. But guess what? I haven't written a word of my dissertation in over six months and I haven't exchanged email with any one in my department in way longer than that. I am wandering aimlessly through life without a career direction and it fucking sucks. It hurts my pride. It hurts my feelings. It just hurts.

We're misers with relatively little in the way of outgoing expenses and we have plenty in savings to make it through this hurdle. I will cobble together enough from my part-time jobs to pay the bills and eat in the style in which we are accustomed. We won't be doing any travel and I'll have to curb my impulse to buy everything at Baby Gap, but we'll get by.

This is temporary. I know. Please don't tell me that. I know it will get better. I am cautiously optimistic that people will want to hire me. The boy goes on the academic job market this year and I know he is an excellent candidate and he will do great. But this second? Right now? I hate this.

My life is fabulous in every way right now. Except for the job part.

Earlier this summer my husband told me that he didn't want grad school to ruin my emotional state. It is far too late for that. I am a failure. I am no good at what I want to be good at. I have failed and the residue of that failure haunts every fucking thing I do. Every resume I send out includes an explanation for the way too many years I spent to earn that failure. Every job interview includes a discussion about why I just couldn't make it work. I hate that I can't escape it. I hate that I am still connected, that I can't just sever the relationship, that my name is still listed as "leave of absence" instead of just taken off the list forever.

I love my husband. I love our life together. I love that soon I will have a cat sitting on my lap as I type these posts, no matter how temporary that cat will be in my life. I swear to you, despite the anger and frustration in this post, I am happy.

But I wish I could be happier.

45 x 365 #192

192/365 - SH

Friday nights before football games, you'd feed us fish sticks, corral us into your car, and walk us to the field. We'd never see you again until the end, but we'd hear your voice, hoarse from those years of smoking, yelling excitedly throughout the game.

45 x 365 #191

191/365 - MK

A doting grandmother unable to see through your rose colored spectacles to the truth that each of your grandchildren is a spoiled brat in need of some immediate discipline. With every tantrum you ignore, every smart ass comment you smile at, you exacerbate the problem.